Wapun Meadow through it all

When he gained her attention he was immediately taken aback, the accusatory tone like a slap to the face. When she took a step forward he took a step back, confused and uncertain; what had he done now? Why could he never manage to reach her? Especially now, especially with Indra absent before them, he wanted nothing more than to reach for her; perhaps it was selfishly driven, seeking to comfort her so that he could also comfort himself. Despite everything, despite everything they’d gone through, not a day had gone by when he hadn’t considered Indra a friend—at times, perhaps his only friend, too, as he ruined himself more and more each day.

Maybe that was why Laurel’s words were such a harsh blow. Maybe that was the reasoning for the hurt he felt, mentally and physically, when accused of being the cause of her demise.

“I didn’t—I—” How could she think that? How could she think he’d done this? He retreated another step, head low and ears pulled back. He didn’t do this, he wasn’t the cause for her death—was he? Wasn’t this what always happened, though? He cared for someone and then they died. It had happened before—multiple times—who was to say this wasn’t the result of it happening again? “No…” he uttered, shaking his head but refusing to look at her. “I didn’t do… this… I—I cared about her, I would never—never hurt her.” Not like this. Never like this. This was awful. This wasn’t something he was capable of. Xan wasn’t a killer, he never had been. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t even fathom it.

“Indra is why I was back—Indra—Indra—” Finding the words were difficult, stumbling repeatedly, still trying to process what happened. Indra wasn’t there anymore, she would never be around again. “Indra told me to fix things and this… no—no. I didn’t do this, I…” He loved her, in his own way. Much like a brother loves his sister, he cared for her as deeply, even if it was only one-sided. She helped him when no one else would or could, she drove him to keep trying—she deserved better than this end.