Big Salmon Lake i remember the make-up running down your face

U GET ALL THE WORDZ

His words were beginning to make her feel ill. Not for any disgust at hearing them, but at the guilt that twisted inside of her gut for knowing how he felt and crushing his hope anyway. Finley felt evil and cruel, and it made her sick.

Because she'd wanted him to feel that way for her. Fin had forgotten herself, had forgotten to be careful. Forgotten how dangerous the game she played truly was, for it always ended in bitter grief. She was not cut out for love--she took too little care of it, paid too little attention. She was too fickle and too reckless to be trusted, and yet there she was, destroying someone because she'd carelessly forgotten not to let him fall too far, knowing the consequences in store for them both.

She felt her heart being pulled in two at his declaration that he needed to know that he wasn't in this alone. Fin allowed herself to look sadly at his face, his eyes plunging the knife even further into her stomach. Of course it flowed both ways, of course it did. But that was too dangerous for them both. Fin was a fighter of grizzlies and mountain lions. She could never have survived her battles without knowing her limits and knowing the dangers. She tested her opponents for weaknesses she could exploit, and she knew her own and how to keep them well hidden. So too did she approach this situation. She knew the danger, and she knew her limits. Love was well beyond them. Love was the danger. And Fin never put herself in danger without reasonable confidence that she would escape without a scratch.

"Finn, I..." Fin replied slowly, stumbling, then swallowing hard the lump in her throat that formed. She cared for Finn, deeply. Far deeper than she'd cared for anyone in a long time. But it still was not enough. She'd thought it would be. She'd truly wanted it to be. But now, once she had it, she realized how foolish and thoughtless she'd been. She'd gotten carried away by the romance, forgetting all about everything that came with it. A life of loving him was not the life that she wanted. It came with too much pressure and too much risk, none of which Finley was at all ready for, nor could she imagine ever being ready for.

"I care about you... A lot," she continued, feeling the tears stinging her eyes, "But I don't want all of this, the whole.. let's be together forever.. thing. I don't do that sort of thing. I don't do the whole.. 'love' thing. I just..." Fin paused, the struggle to find the right words so very difficult for her. Finally, she sighed and shook her head. "You might want me, but you'd never really have me, not all of me, not in the way that you want..." she said, rather wishing she'd just told him 'no' and sent him on his way. It would've been a lot easier than talking about all of these... feelings.

Timing really was everything. And this time, it just wasn't time.