Blacktail Deer Plateau i'm pulling down stars just to make you glow

it's not stupid. saarthal blinked, a strange lump settling in the back of her throat as the words register in her mind, mallaidh's voice echoing over and over again like a broken but beautiful record on repeat, something she wouldn't mind hearing forever. "if you k-" her voice caught in her throat and she glanced away, copper eyes searching the night sky, its familiarity quietly reassuring her. "if you knew me, know me - you wouldn't think that," saarthal managed a soft smile, edged with a weary sort of pain and turned back to mallaidh, "i'm the last thing anyone would call a hero." it was almost derisive, the way she said it.
 
"i've fucked up a lot too," she said honestly, quietly maintaining eye contact. "hell, i've pretty much fucked up everything i've ever touched. every relationship - not even romantic ones, just, every single connection i've ever had, i've fucked it up. they're all gone, probably all hate me now. i can't do anything properly, i mess everything up. dude, i even messed up my own existence, i -" saarthal broke off, throat closing around the words. she couldn't say it. not yet. not now. just - can't. "look, if anyone's gonna fuck this up first, i guarantee it will be me. but i want to try. with you. mallaidh. i like you a lot, and i'll probably, very likely, fuck up, and maybe you'll fuck up,  and we'll fuck up together and it'll be fine, i don't know, but i'm willing to try. i want to know you - even just friends first, if you want, maybe, whatever, and then, i don't know, as something more, whatever happens, i just-, yeah. "