Redhawk Caldera Forever pretend in our shelters we don’t fall

She was sprawled across a heaping mound of ice nestled between two towering evergreens somewhere in the heart of the caldera, quietly licking allegorical wounds that would never heal so long as she kept licking them. As it was, there was nothing physically wrong with her — she’d escaped Charon’s goading gestures and the unleashing of his hounds, and by all accounts might have considered herself lucky — but there was something deep inside that felt damaged, somehow. It was a sickening sensation that had been cultivating for longer than she cared to consider, and while she couldn’t yet bring herself to analyze its significance, she also couldn’t seem to task her once elfin heart with anything further than wallowing.

They had settled the firebirds into the rendezvous site, and everyone seemed to be happier there. Although the caverns had provided ample shelter when it was necessary, Elwood, for one, preferred the freedom of the gently sloping hills. There was one puppy that had been in the periphery of his thoughts, both literally and figuratively, and that was the ragamuffin that Eljay had rescued. In the weeks since her arrival, Raven and Eljay had both tended to her, and she appeared to be improving. But he was still unsure of her and her origins.

He was thinking about her as he meandered, lost in his own thoughts. He stopped short when he smelled Sassafras and became aware of her presence. She was a wolf that had been a Redhawk for some time, but always seemed to keep herself at arm's length -- Elwood couldn't say he knew her well. He peered down at her and smiled. "You okay?"

A small lump formed in her throat as Elwood discovered her and asked the thing she’d dreaded being asked. If only she’d taken off with the pretense of scouting… if only she’d been able to stomach the idea.

There was simply no hiding in plain sight. She felt his gaze and wanted to make up a lie and throw a bright smile over the distant frown she’d donned, but his candid yellow eyes and the posing of his direct question made her falter. “D’you ever…” she started, but stopped herself and blinked. She looked away before she looked back up to his gentle concern, feeling both ashamed and abashed that she was about to spill her guts in front of him.

“So many things have happened, I just… Well it’s sort of piled up, and I didn’t know it was there all the time, piling on like that.” She scrunched her brow as if the feeling was an unpleasant smell that would pass in a moment’s time, but the moment didn’t end.

He waited patiently as Sassafras gathered her thoughts, dropping to his haunches on the ice alongside her. His ears cupped toward her and while he found himself anticipating the spring thaw -- the ground beneath his hindquarters was cold! -- he paid attention to her words and found himself smiling in wry agreement.

"I know how you feel," Elwood admitted, his shoulders sagging slightly as the words left his mouth. It was never-ending, it seemed: after Fox's death, he had been thrust into Alphaship and had taken over as a surrogate parent for the firebirds. On top of that, there had been the terrible weather, the cave-in, and the loss of not just one, but two of the puppies. Now they were caring for Airi; and in the meantime, Liffey had chosen this opportunity to grow up and start defying her parents.

It was exhausting.

"What's bothering you, specifically?" he asked gently.

A wave of gratitude and sympathy returned washed over her as he empathized with what she said. She wanted to rattle off everything in precise chronological order, but much of it was old news, and it wasn’t really what he was asking. She missed Peregrine and she missed Fox, and she was guilt-ridden for being away while the rest of them had been there to grieve. Specifically, though? She didn’t know. She simply trusted her gut would translate her feelings and she began to speak.
 
“I did something stupid. Maybe twice,” she admitted tentatively, not so much feeling afraid that Elwood might want to reprimand her for her choice of actions as she was of diminishing his opinion of her as a pack mate, or even as an individual. He was the rock of the Caldera and she had nothing if not positively brimming respect for him. A strong presence like Peregrine had been, yet altogether different.
 
“I also went to look for Shrike,” she added, and if he wanted to know whether she’d had any success, her eyes told him she hadn’t. Even though she’d had mixed feelings at the time, not finding Shrike had certainly put a damper on things. Not once had he sought her out in all the time that had passed, to top it off, but she supposed it was the way things were meant to be if he belonged to another pack.

Elwood's brows raised when Sassafras admitted that she had done something "stupid" -- not once, but twice. He held off on commenting, though, waiting until she continued. At the mention of Shrike, he nodded gently. He assumed that the former Redhawk was still living with Neverwinter Forest, but couldn't be sure; it had been some time since he had seen him. While he didn't know much about Sassafras, it was apparent that she and Shrike were somewhat close.

"You didn't find him?" he asked, before gently pressing for more information regarding her first confession. "And what happened? I'm sure it couldn't have been that stupid," he added with a reassuring smile.

She answered him with a simple and somber shake of her head. She hadn’t really had a chance to find Shrike…
 
“Remember when I sort of told you and Finley about taking a chunk out of the Moonspear wolf after he said Perry... could drop dead?” she paused to visibly wince as she squeaked out the last bit, but those had been the exact words of the encounter. Sassafras always seemed to choke on a lump in her throat whenever she thought about Charon’s extremely coincidental foreshadowing. “I can’t seem to go anywhere anymore without running into him, and he basically had a pack of his daughters with him this time. Either my diplomacy skills are really shitty or he was looking for a fight all along.”

Gosh, I'm sorry for this delay! D:

He nodded, remembering the instance that Sassafras spoke of. Charon's grudge against Peregrine and Moonspear would have been funny if his threat hadn't preceded Peregrine's death so ominously. While Elwood himself did not have a personal problem with Charon, he certainly wouldn't be overly polite if he ever ran into him in the wilds.

But when Sassafras continued, adding that she had had yet another negative encounter with the opposing Alpha, his frown deepened. "Sounds like he's trying to stir up trouble," he commented darkly. "Where did you see him this time?" he asked, wondering just how close Charon had been to Redhawk Caldera.

No worries at all! ♥

 
Elwood’s frown caused her to shrink just a little, and she regretted having to bring her dramatic situation home with her. Piling on, exactly as she had said it, was not something she had set out to do.
 
“In the glen, while I was looking for Shrike,” she murmured, nosing in the direction she meant even though she was certain he would know the place. “He accused me of overstepping my bounds and being too close to Moonspear, although I think it might have been to put on a show for his daughters. I’m not sure if I was in any real danger, but I didn’t want to take any more risks.”
 
“He knows you and Finley are leading us, now,” she added with a quiver of her dark ears, hoping he wouldn’t think she was trying to stir up trouble for them. At least Charon seemed to have a neutral opinion of the Caldera after receiving the information, sans his opinion on herself and whichever firebirds he’d been referring to in his onslaught of insulting remarks.

While he didn't necessarily like what he was hearing about Charon, Elwood didn't want Sassafras to think that he was upset with her. He had noticed the slight hunch of her shoulders only a moment ago. But his previous neutrality towards Charon was fading, being replaced by ire simply because he had bullied Sassafras more than once.

"There are no rules saying that Firefly Glen belongs to Moonspear," he said. Then, in a gentler voice, he added, "Don't let him stop you from exploring. I hope he doesn't cause any more trouble for you -- and if he does, you let me know." As for Charon's awareness of the caldera's shift in leadership, he gave a small shrug. "If he has a problem, he knows where to find me." He certainly didn't want to fuel the fire of whatever animosity existed between Moonspear and Redhawk Caldera, but he would stand up for his packmates and family if it became a requisite.

No rules was an easy thing to believe for a more competent creature, and it was easy when the numbers weren’t stacked against you. Still, she appreciated his sentiment, and if she was less afraid of her shadow she might have been bolstered by the authority behind his words as he said them. Somewhere along the way she’d lost her brazen sense of self, and she wondered if it wasn’t all these things that toiled in her mind. She was not the same wolf that had entered the Teekon Wilds.
 
“I don’t want to cause more problems for us,” she intoned candidly, yet insecurely. Her eyes moved to the ground more than once. “If it helps, he didn’t seem to react in any particular way when I told him it was you and Finley. He seems to carry enormous grudges over the smallest fault, so I’m sure he would have given something away otherwise.”
 
A pause passed as she furrowed her brow and seemed to sum up her courage, for which she had not previously suspected would have been needed. “D’you think you could teach me a little more about defending myself sometime? I’ve meant to ask Fin, too, but it always seems like the wrong time.”

Elwood hummed thoughtfully, nodding as Sassafras mused aloud on Charon's behavior. Although he had been unpleasant to her on multiple occasions, it seemed as though he wouldn't actively come looking for trouble. Sassafras had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time twice, and Charon had taken advantage of that fact. Either way, Elwood would keep an eye out for the Moonspear Alpha and any trouble with the mountainous pack, and knew that Sassafras would too.

She then asked about sparring practice, and he nodded his head. While he was a guardian by trade, he didn't often put his skills to use. He could benefit from a training session himself. "Sure, either one of us would be happy to help," he replied. "In fact, if you have some free time now, we could go over some of the basics." His offer was open-ended; if she wanted to do it another time, he would be happy to oblige.

Elwood was more and more a cool operator in Sassafras’s eyes, with such an understanding character that she couldn’t feel intimidated by him even if she thought she ought to be. He was taking her woes and concerns in tremendous stride, and giving her the gift of a strong shoulder to lean on that she so sorely needed.
 
When he agreed to show her the ropes of self-defense, she couldn’t help but brighten even though she still felt like a mess inside. Who was she to turn him down when he was offering to teach his craft then and there? “I’d like that,” she chirped, and rose to small paws in an act of demonstrating that she intended to be engaged.

He could visibly see her spirits lift at his offer, and she wasted no time in gathering herself and getting to her feet. Elwood bobbed his head, smiling. "Okay, so. First off, why don't you tell me what you know about defending yourself? Then we can go from there." Once he had an idea of her skill level, he could show her a maneuver or two that was commensurate to her abilities.

An hour or so later, when both wolves' muscles were tired, they reached a stopping point. Feeling confident in Sassafras' skills, Elwood bid her farewell and departed.