Duskfire Glacier Oh, how they tear at you now

@Tomkin forward dated to when he returns :)

Tapeesa woke at twilight, she had never quite accustomed to sleeping at night after their travels, and emerged from her den beneath the glow of a blood red moon. Her awe-filled gaze was drawn to Tiqaqq where she could be seen between the black branches of the forest. 

The moon was angry tonight, red with rage as she evaded Siqiqniq through the day. Uki shuddered at the brilliance of the color, reminding herself to seek out some small animal and sacrifice it for her goddess. 

Her aimless wandering led her to the meadow, her coat turned rosy with the vicious moonlight. The tundrian appeared seemingly from nowhere beneath the maple trees, weaving amongst the pink and purple blooms as a chilly breeze caused the flowers to dance. 

Stars twinkled, like so many tiny white fires burning in the sky, the moon hidden from sight by the black expanse of the forest. Tupilaq curled amongst the blooms, tucked in on herself as if even alone amongst the flowers she wished to be small and insignificant.

She'd eaten some of the psychoactive mushrooms at dawn before she slept with the hopes that their psychedelic effects would lull her into a deep sleep. Instead she was trapped in disturbing and colorful dreams. The world around her seemed dark, blurry on the edges - Tapeesa blinked slowly in the dark, as if blind, from the lingering effects of the drug. 

His nightmares were stark tonight, and he swiveled his large head one way then the other. his sleep restless. Muscles tensing sharply, his body pulled up into a sitting position unexpectedly, eyes snapping open as if something had startled him awake. His lungs craved air, and he pulled it in deeply before letting it out slowly.  Something was off tonight, or was it just his nightmares again? Not awake enough to think, he sprawled on the ground on his side and yawned, letting his eyes drift shut once more. A few minutes passed, and it was silent once again, the breeze rippling his fur, running along his moving ribs like a carress. The big male laid there still until his feet started to twitch. His ears joined in, and deep soft barks popped from his maw. A yipe, and he jerked awake again, breathing heavily. This wasn't going to work. Getting up, his muscles protested, and he groaned as he bowed, stretching deeply before looking up. Blinking, his eyes widened a little, a moon seeming to swell at the red on its surface. A rare sight, it caught him off guard, and his gaze locked on it for minutes on end, as silent as the moon itself. 
Somewhere in the distance, the eerie call of an owl broke the silence, and he rose and shook himself, like waking from a trance. Uneasy, he started picking up speed, the rhythm of his paws making the drumming of his heart faster. Eyes trained on what was before him, the longing of freedom drew him to the woods. He could be himself there. He could be free. Running faster, he let the wind catch his fur, throwing it back towards the way he came. He jumped over branches, skidded past trees, almost as if in a frenzy, muscles tensed, an odd look in his eyes. Restless energy burned through him, and he couldn't seem to get rid of it. Seeing something off white in front of him, he couldn't stop, so he thrust his back paws onto the soft earth and leaped over it, easily clearing it. He skidded to a stop as he saw it move, and a feeling of familiarity seeped in. Carefully, he moved towards it, buried in the flowers. A surprised look on his face sat, a small wag of his tail almost instant. But concern coursed through him. It was the girl. Uki. The one that had stuck in his mind. But why was she out here? Stopping a few feet before her, his voice was deep but soft as he spoke. Uki? Is that you?

Tupilaq couldn't be sure how long she had rested - five minutes, ten maybe - her head swimming and her pale gaze glazed as she blinked groggily. Her efforts did nothing to help her and she might have missed the white blur that flew over her if not for the echoing sound of his paws hitting the ground. 

Her head turned, blearily taking in the the white shape before her. It could have been any of them, she reasoned and her gaze slid away blankly - as if she didn't see them. Whoever it was, they'd leave her alone soon enough.
The tundrian might have continued to ignore him, lost in some post-high stupor, but he was approaching and his voice caused her ears to give a hopeful perk.

"Nukilik?" The greeting rolled off her tongue without her meaning for it to. The berserker had no capacity to be embarrassed about it, too distracted was she by stumbling to her paws and making her way over to him.

As in their previous encounters, her face seemed to lose its ability as a mask and became instead a book for Tomkin to read. The girl allowed herself to drink him in, disbelief clear in her moonlight gaze. In her experience, when people disappeared for weeks without word that meant you never saw them again. Truthfully, she hadn't expected to see the Aarluk again but admittedly, she thinks to herself, she had missed him. Not his presence, she's only spoken to him once, but she'd hoped they would be friends.

"I wondered if you were coming back," she admits, though she's not sure why. Her gaze drops suddenly, as if subconcious. She must look different than he remembers.

The waif is gaunt, seeming to have lost more weight since arriving on the glacier. The high dip of her hips and the bony protrusions of her ribs can be seen even when she stands still - her silver eyes sunken in her thin face. The old injuries have healed badly, leaving her more scarred than before and Uki is embarrassed that she's such a mess but it doesn't matter because Tomkin came back.

Tapeesa presses close, her inhibitions forgotten and her courage strengthened by the mushrooms, sniffs the wild scent that comes off him. She strokes his shoulder comfortingly as she pulls away, almost as if to say I missed you in her secret, silent language.

nukilik: one who is strong, aarluk: orca (both are mental nicknames she associates to Tomkin, for his size, strength and coloring)

He noticed her gaze slide from his, and a shot of apprehension went through him, the hope of her remembering fading slightly away. Yet it bloomed in his chest again as her slim ears perked at his voice. The name she called him made a strange feeling fall over him. Strong, she had called him. A warmth spread through him, but it did not last long as she stumbled to her feet as if a newborn deer trying to stand for the first time, and his feet propelled him forward a couple of steps, his eyes watching her closely, ready to assist if she needed him.

She came towards him, his green eyes locking onto her pale ones, and he stood still, the openness of her expression catching him off guard. Incredulity rested in her eyes, and they stood in the glow of the red moon for minutes on end. The restlessness left, pushed out by..what, he did not know or understand. She spoke, and guilt seeped into him again. The thought of how many wondered that exact thing whispered in his head. A slight heaviness settled in him at the thoughts. Her gaze dropped, and his eyes blinked, as if he were awakening from a dream. It was then that he saw her in the light of the night.

Concern and alarm came over him like a heavy blanket, his gaze going over her. His bright eyes turned darker, softer yet discerning. She hadn't eaten. Had anyone checked to see if she was eating? Looking at her, it didn't seem so, and he suppressed agitation. She was part of the pack. Why hadn't anyone checked? Scars seemed to have grown on her, the light making them seem bigger yet. A sense of protectiveness pricked at him, surprising him. It was usually only for family that it rose in him. Yet it was there, and he did nothing to suppress it.

Her fur against his made him close his eyes for a moment, a ghost of a smile appearing on his maw. As she stepped back, he hesitantly nuzzled her, a gentle movement from the giant, one which spoke the same back to her. As if not to break the moment, he spoke low, the rest of the world forgotten for a moment. I have always meant to come back. I did not mean to make you concerned. You have not eaten. Why not, Uki? What is going on?

"I.." what could she say? That since his departure she was unsure of her place? That she found she was right about Siarut, he didn't care about her, not like she thought he had? That she didn't feel? The hazy fog in her mind had clouded emotion, leaving her numb as she drifted through life amongst the other northerners. 

"I've been getting better," she whispered, her eyes closing as he nuzzled her. She couldn't look at him, couldn't see that he thought her as weak as she thought herself. The depression had tolled on her, that much was obvious, but Uki wanted to heal desperately. 

 "I can explain," she promised softly as she started in the direction of the border, for she liked to rest among the flowers before patrolling. She'd feel better if they walked and talked, rather than sitting here having to spill her secrets under his spring gaze. Usually she wouldn't reveal her troubles to anyone but they were eating her alive - stealing her sleep and her smile. Uki needed to tell someone and Tomkin was the closest thing she had to a friend.

The tundrian's silver gaze watched him curiously, wondering if he would follow.

Sorry it's so short. Trying to get back into writing :3

Her pause of her words made him tilt his head in concern. The words that feel from her lips did not convince him, yet he nodded slightly, his worry showing in his eyes. A statement that offered explanation crossed his ears as the gaunt female moved towards the border. He paused, watching her for a moment, his bright green eyes a bit darker today under the light of the bloody moon. His ears flicked in her direction, his large paws staying still on the ground as his gaze went over her again. Something else was wrong...or was there? Shaking his head, he finally moved towards her, following her slowly, his ears swiveled towards her, his bulky body at a smooth gait as he waited silently and patiently for an answer.

that's alright! Sorry for such a long post 

She trailed along beside him, silent as a ghost and sneaking glances at him occasionally. It was still hard to believe that he'd returned - certain as she'd been that nanuk's younger brother was gone for good. 

He was silent - he was waiting for her to speak after all - and for a moment the silence hangs between them as Tapeesa tried to summon her courage. Finally, she took a deep breath and with her heart in her throat, she began to speak.

"I was...dealing with something before I even arrived here but that's a story for a different time," she began, tones soft and neutral. Her head ducked, as if aware of the scars disfiguring her face and throat and trying to hide them subtly from sight.

"Siarut found me. He was kind. Gentle. He offered me place amongst his family, like they were my own kin. Something about the way he spoke to me...I don't know. I wanted to know him," she admitted. She remembers it like a different life time, the strange charge of what seemed to be attraction between them. 

"I was interested in him and from the way he acted...I thought maybe it was mutual,"her gaze dropped to her feet. "But it wasn't. Eventually he just stopped speaking to me. I thought perhaps it had something to do with Takiyok's warning - trying to keep him away from me as well but it seems unlikely now." She shook her head slightly, thinking of the relationship she had with Takiyok. They couldn't be called friends but the Malguk had her loyalty.

"Your family was not very welcoming," she admitted, "with Takiyok's aggression and Shivali and Siarut's indifference, it didn't feel like I was part of the family let alone the pack. It felt like my worth was dependent on how much I worked. It felt like there were two groups in the pack - the Ateneq family and the rest of us misfits."

Her sneer was aimed at the nearby trees, for that was exactly how IkKanattuk felt in the beginning, and sometimes still. "It felt as if I was there merely to hunt for the puppies, to chase off or fight any threats I came across in our travels."

She shook her head, drawing to a halt. "This was around the time you disappeared." Her gaze was drawn to him, though there was no judgement there. "I started leaving too. If they wanted to me work, then I'd show them what work looked like. I regretted joining Siarut, certain that if I'd rather spend my time away from the pack alone, then it couldn't be a good sign for the future." She began to walk once again, padding softly through the conifers with the needles to cushion her steps.

"But what was I supposed to do?" Her laugh was humorless. "I don't speak the common tongue. Where could I go? I remained, devoting myself to the tasks expected of me but not for Siarut. For Tahani and Shivali and their pups, who showed me kindness." Icy resolve was in her gaze for it was the truth, as treasonous as it sounded.

"When we arrived at the glacier, I confronted Siarut. I asked him if he'd ever liked me and he confessed that he didn't. That I was like a sister to him." There was no sadness in her eyes, only a blank silver gaze met the trees. She had not pined for Siarut pathetically but accepted that she had been mistaken. 

"That didn't bother me so much. The rejection stung but I'd moved on, it was just the idea of him using me that hurt. Had he only pretended to like me so he would have another recruit? It was the only reason I asked, for closure, but his lies hurt more."

"Sister?" She snorted. "Please. We've spoken once since then. I'm not part of his family, we're not even friends. I know I'm supposed to respect him - he's in charge but," she shook her head, "how do you follow a leader, respect them, if you never even see them?"

"I don't know why I stayed. For your sisters and the children? Because I had nowhere and nobody else? I don't know. I guess I don't want to be a quitter," she whispered, glancing to the red moon. Why had the gods chosen this path for her, what did she linger so for?

"I guess it just wore me down. I stopped seeking out the rest of the pack, I didn't want their company or so called family. I started having nightmares again. I started taking mushrooms, lost track of when I was supposed to eat. I got sick, somewhere inside, stopped caring about..anything." The words should sound concerned, sad, anything, but she's numb. The drugs have taken their toll and with the story she has given all her emotion - leaving her drained.

"I'm gonna get better. If I don't, my only other option is leaving and I refuse to do that. This is my home," Uki murmured feeling an attachment to this land if nothing else. 

Her gaze was drawn to Tomkin, wondering what he would think. Would her honesty about his family anger him? The thought made her nervous for she was in no shape to fight but Tomkin seemed too gentle to strike merely out of ire. 

Anaktok slowed to a halt, turning to the aarluk hesitantly as she waited to hear his response.

The silence in the night was not broken as they walked, and he was not sure what to expect. Would she give a simple or vague answer? His ears twitched towards her, his muscles subconsciously tensed as he watched the thin female and waited.

A sound of her breath, and the words started off as a trickle, quiet enough he moved slightly closer, his eyes resting on her as she spoke. Maybe it had made her self conscious for her head bobbed downward, her face partially hidden from him. Tilting his head slightly, the question of why she would try to hide her scars from him crossed his mind, but he stayed quiet as he listened.

Hearing Sia as gentle and kind made him wonder if she had caught him in one of his odd moods, his brother being straightforward and blunt most of the time. It was almost a surprise to him as he listened to her talk about him, thinking she had read him wrong unless his brother had softened between the time they had left and now. A pang of guilt shot through him entwined with sadness as he thought about their relationship. It was his fault, and he had done nothing to fix it as of yet. What was he waiting for? Shaking his head slightly, his spring green gaze went back to the female, his gaze almost intense. The mention of Taki's warning made his ears perk up a bit more, a subtle raise of his head the only other indication that thoughts were starting to echo in his mind.

Takiyok and aggression not usually in the same sentence, he wondered what had set her off. Protective of her family, he knew she was blunt, but she wasn't usually aggressive unless provoked. Had she felt threatened by her? It didn't seem likely. The thought that her worth was tied to her usefulness wasn't surprising. Sia especially was duty oriented, and with his strict adherence to pack rules and his expectance of others to hold up their end without any praise for doing their job, it wasn't surprising that she felt that way.

A pause of her soft voice knocked him out of his thoughts and back to her, and he glanced at the white scarred ghost. Seeing her sneer, the weight of her next words hit home, him almost feeling the intensity of how deep her feelings ran. As she stopped, so did he, his heavy paws stopping a few feet from hers as he turned his whole body towards her. Her eyes held no judgement, yet he felt that there should have been. He agreed with her statement, nodding his head slightly, a thoughtful look on his face.

She turned and started through the trees, and his body followed, different emotions trickling through him. His tail swayed only to the rhythm of his large body, this conversation one no tail wagging should occur in his eyes. The sound of her laugh almost spit out the emotion of being trapped, and he knew the feeling all too well, a rare prick of empathy touching him. Pricking up his ears at the confrontation, the answer that his brother gave to her was one he expected. 

Unconsciously, anger shot in him at the mention of even her accusing his brother of lying, loyalty to his family still one of the strongest feelings he had. Huffing softly, his head came up, his eyes sharp on hers, demanding an explanation. It didn't take long, the primary trickle of words having become a river now. His anger calmed as she explained, and he looked at it the way he usually did, through thought and logic. He saw how she had thought that way and found himself agreeing with her question aimed at no one in particular, his muscles relaxing a bit, his head coming down to rest in a normal stance.

The next few sentences hit closer to home than he wanted to admit, and he instinctively shielded his emotions. Withdrawing in his case came after the nightmares, yet he sympathized with her, a slight shiver going up his spine at the memories of the nightmare he had earlier that night and ones that had haunted his steps on the peak. He didn't like the sound of mushrooms, stiffening slightly at the confession, yet her voice was almost hollow, and her words after that confession calmed him more. 

'This is my home.' The four words seemed to linger in his mind after she said it, their eyes locking as they stopped under the red hued moon. The restlessness he had felt earlier had completely vanished, replaced with tangled calm and feelings he had yet to investigate and straighten out. His outspoken nature was quieted, words that he could and would have said earlier in her ramble still and resting on his tongue. Maybe it was the fact that he still felt he owed his family. Maybe the guilt of not being there for them caused the words he spoke next, yet he did not believe it was the case. No matter what it was, he opened his mouth and they came, his deep voice floating quietly in the midnight silence, surprising even himself at the emotion that seemed to show itself around this wolfess. No one should feel the way you do. Everyone should feel welcome in the pack. He went quiet for only a moment before continuing. I'm glad you stayed despite your feelings. I'll help you in any way I can, whether it's with the mushrooms or nightmares. Locking eyes with her, his gaze was direct, showing his concern and determination, his sureness of his next words steady and unwavering. You need someone. Everyone needs someone to help. I had a whole family that would have helped me if I would have just asked. Uki, promise me that if you need help, you come to me. I won't promise I will have all the answers, but I will try. I know about nightmares. I know about wanting to withdraw. If you don't open up to anyone else, I'm here. You understand? He didn't move a muscle, wanting to make sure she understood his words as the silence grew again.

For a moment, all she could do was wait in tense silence - afraid she'd offended him. This was nanuk's brother after all. The silence hung heavy between them, thick enough to slice, her eyes carefully trained on the ground as she waited for his voice. Uki shuddered with relief, closing her eyes briefly, when the words sunk in - realizing he wasn't angry.

She hadn't meant to feel so negatively about Siarut; she just couldn't stand hypocrites. At first, she'd been willing to forget the whole thing but how often could she sit there, listen to Siarut pretend to care about her? He'd had plenty of time to prove himself a brother to her and Uki was just done. If they wanted to see her as a subordinate and not a person, then she didn't need their companionship.

"I'm gonna throw those out," she murmured. "They didn't help really, just trapped me in the dreams," she whispered, her gaze flitting to the trees as if searching for monsters in the night. That had been a desperate attempt anyhow, trying to drug herself into a peaceful slumber, gods know she just wanted to sleep. Even now, she felt sluggish and dull. 

"Tomkin," she began, panic rising in her throat, "I don't know if I can tell you about the nightmares...I'm not," her words caught in her throat as guilt choked her, "I'm not a good person." 

"I've hurt people," she whispered.

"English!" Jeering laughter, as he forced her head to the ground, panicked northern falling from Tapeesa's lips as she pleaded - which only made them laugh harder. 

"English," she'd whispered as he bled out beneath her - his throat ripped open to match the scar she wore as a necklace - a victorious sneer twisting her features.

She closed her eyes, willing the memories away where they couldn't hurt her. They opened, resting wearily on Tomkin as he spoke again.

"But who will help you?"

Her gaze was guarded but emotion flickered there - caution, fear, hope. 

I could, if you'll let me, her gaze seemed to promise.