The Tangle you love me but you don’t know [m]e

marking as mature only because cerulean is going into heat.  set after her thread with prophet

much was on her mind as she traversed the twisted landscape.  

she was glad to be on her way home.  only weeks ago, she wasn’t certain that anywhere would feel like home again. but she liked the druids. they had welcomed her, housed her, cared for her sisters. at first she had been apprehensive; her first trial as an ambassador had stolen what little energy she had at the time, but they had been merciful in allowing cerulean her freedom since. 

there was no better life she could have asked for.

she wove gracefully through the vines, careful to avoid the thorns, when she smelled blood. her blood. as she realized what was happening she knew she could not afford to sightsee.  concerned, she quickened her pace, and the next thing she knew her face was on the the ground.

she had slipped.  when she tried to stand she found that she couldn’t balance; one of her hind feet was looped by a vine. 

her teeth began to make quick work of it; soon, she would be free.

Having combed a majority of the taiga for signs of either his mother or brother, Ego ventured into the Tangle as a last resort. But if they had ever been to this place, they were long gone now, and Ego fixed his sights upon the far mountains and beyond. What of his sister? Did she still remain with those pack of wild dogs far west? He hadn't cared enough at the time to hang around in a snowstorm for her -- not after such an uncontrolled display of her packmates -- but he still thought of her often.

His mind was set until the scent reached him. The duskwolf turned, carefully picking through a tedious route towards the source. When at last he saw her, he stilled, attempting to gauge her mood and trajectory from afar before deciding to follow. She seemed to be in a hurry, and Ego would follow steadily until he lost her or caught up.

At some point, she disappeared below his line of sight, and when he crested the hill to spot her once more, he observed the embarrassing moment she became caught in the grasp of cold vines. Ego descended, as slow and nonthreatening as his size would allow. She commanded him, in this moment, and he kept a forgiving distance from the terribly small wolf, raising his voice to address her. Can you get out?

he descended from the shadows.

his appearance was sudden to cerulean, who had been fixed upon the vine, and it seemed to her as if he had been conjured here in the spaces between the overlapping vegetation.  the first thing that struck her was the sheer immensity of him.  large was an understatement.

the second was his assumed kindness.  her position was that of humiliation, and to a degree it soured her towards him if only for the fact he had seen her so vulnerable.  though she remained guarded in her heart, she answered him evenly, i believe so.

she turned her attention back to the vine that had ensnared her and realized there were little more than threads holding it together.  with a few quick snaps of her teeth, her hock was free.  she stretched the leg back and forth a few times.  it was sore, but she was fairly certain she hadn't torn anything in her tumble.

though it was nearly impossible for her to feel like they were on equal footing — literally and metaphorically — she collected herself and said, far too belatedly, thank you for asking.  i'm marina.

Ego's kindness was self-serving, at best. He wondered only if she would be receptive towards him as a suitor, and when she did not immediately scramble to escape from his looming shadow, he took it to mean that she was not completely closed off to the prospect.

He watched silently as she freed herself, sedate despite the smell of her crowding his senses. She was beautiful, that much was plain to see, but this was only a perk to someone like Ego. He was mostly concerned with the scent of her good health and the lack of scars across her body. She would be an admirable choice for a mate, in that regard, assuming she was just as practical as he.

His ears pressed forward to hear her speak again, somewhat surprised by the introduction. This small creature was not what he expected. I am called Ego, he said, as his tail started to wave against his hocks. I have come to court you, if I may. No need to beat around the bush; he would always be a forward wolf. And though fast by nature, he only ever dreamed of having one mate. His own father's dalliances had proved to him that the act should be reserved solely for a dedicated coupling.

holy moly, i am sorry for the length on this.  please don't feel obligated to match, and feel free to dm me if any of this needs adjusted; i'm willing to collaborate.

cerulean did not consider herself the kind of woman to expect much of anyone or anything at all. she took things as they came, and with experience she found that it was best not to be attached to a particular outcome.  what she had not realized was that the narrative she imposed on others was remarkably rigid in comparison. his words cracked the frame as they barged inside her mind, stirring forth a conversation she had closed away.

she raised her head to regard him evenly. he was at very least the physical manifestation of an ideal mate. virile and hale. large enough that his presence alone might deter a coward with ill intent. it aided his appeal that she found him attractive. the verdant overgrowth that surrounded them compelled the deep earth tones woven through his bladed pelt to emerge, though his countenance reminded her of the frigid season that had come to pass. 

she thought of her future, what that meant to her now. she thought about what she needed out of life and what she desired, too. he was a man who asked for what he wanted, and she admired him for it. she would lay out her expectations in return.

i would be open to discuss your offer, she replied, though i have conditions. it was best to lay these things out clearly, and as early on as possible. i do not want to insinuate that i have made up my mind, but i cannot promise that it will be easy to persuade me to do anything else.

first.

i will not bear children this year. she was capable; the truth of it was substantiated by her surrounding fragrance.  but though she knew this may be a dealbreaker, she also knew that it would not be strategic. i want to ensure the man i rear them with is agreeable to me. i want to know him. how he lives. what he desires. where i fit in. what we make together. and how children will change that. my season is already upon me. she did not require love, but she could not bring children into this world without ensuring the foundation upon which she brought them up was stable.

i have two sisters. we live together, out west, on a chain of islands. she gestured that direction. she thought of prophet. one was gravely wounded before we settled there. she will recover, but she must still be cared for in the meantime.  a great deal of cerulean's energy was still consumed by viridian. her children deserved the same devotion that her sister's condition demanded, and she refused to split herself to tend to both. she would also want viridian's expertise, especially during her first pregnancy — women her size (and in her family) often suffered from complications.

she was young. she had time on her side and many years ahead of her.  she hoped that perhaps one day, she would make a good mother.

which brought her to:

second.

i would want you to come live with me. i have proven myself as capable and in the eyes of my companions i am esteemed. you would not inherit my rank, but you would be extended the same respect. she did not forsee that there would be any question about it. the druids seemed to revere the rules of hierarchy, and shound the need arise she would come down like an iron fist.

she just hoped that this man was not the kind to invite trouble.

if that is amenable to you, i will take you home with me.

she regarded him then with the same devouring stare that ramesses had given her on his mesa. her tail gave a slight wag, spilling her perfume, and for the first time in her life she claimed desire within herself.

gimme all the words you got <3

For a time, she seemed to consider him. His words, his appearance, his gaze. Ego was self-controlled throughout the process, merely watching as the seawater glimmer of her eyes washed over him in thought. When at last she spoke, the wyvern lifted his chin and pressed his ears forward; all of his attention raptly upon her.

Again, she surprised him.

His wheatfrost eyes were bright with interest as he took in her tentative offerings. He listened patiently to her conditions and felt unshaken by the premise she had laid before him. Though Ego was driven to procreate as a means of furthering his bloodline, Marina's reasons for waiting were not unfounded, and he wasn't exactly in a rush besides this. The fact that she had sisters was only a positive in his mind, for it only meant that there would be more protection and more opportunities for the education of their children, when they inevitably did come. So far, he was responsive to the process.

However, when she mentioned that he would have to live with her, and on a chain of islands no less, Ego's expression became clouded. The suitor looked off into the direction she had earlier gestured, and dismay filled him. He may have been able to take the prerequisite in stride if he thought these islands were on a lake, but he knew the ocean lie that way and could only assume that was where her islands were.

He was a wolf of the mountains. Of the darkwoods. Of the plains, even. But not of the sea. The mere thought of being completely surrounded by undrinkable saltwater was putting him on edge. He realized, belatedly, that she smelled faintly of salt.

The alpine wraith looked back at Marina, more seriously than before. He took in her slight stature, the soft curves of her frame, and her eyes -- like glinting seaglass, pulling in his wayward ship with the beacons of her lighthouse. Or was it just the siren's song? His thoughts were still clouded by the scent of her, and he felt himself acquiescing despite his ingrained misgivings. I am no seawolf, he admitted at length. Would you ever consider absconding to the mainland with me, after I have earned your trust? His question was earnest, and his gaze was inundated with longing.

If you can agree to this single provision and allow me to carve out a place for you beyond the sea, then I will vow to meet your needs until I can no longer.

the longer she spoke the more something left him unsettled.  she worried that she had misunderstood him, and that by court her he had only intented to cover her, but these fears were quickly revealed to be baseless when he was allowed to speak again.

she must deeply consider his query.

there was a time in her life where she would have never even considered leaving the coast. she was born of it, had known its comfort her whole life. in a way, her identity was tied to it. she was marina, she was cerulean, she was the granddaughter of seabreeze. aside from her brief trips as the mouthpiece of the listener, she could not think of a single memory where the ambient music of the rolling waters didn't play.

but there came a time where she had to let go of the things she held onto for the sake of familiarity. she thought of her sisters, and what her life would look like without them if they chose not to follow her to the mainland.

would it be anything different than how she lived now? her heart wrung at the thought of it, and she could not help the sorrow that momentarily cracked her seaglass eyes. her relationship with her sisters had been altered, fractured. there was a painful reality that what they'd had was lost to nostalgia.

so she must leave room in her heart for another. at least the possibility of another.

she knew there was beauty beyond the coast. kind prophet had shown her that much, though she quickly banished the thought of him. she did not know what he would think of this. she did not know what anyone would think of this.

but his offer beckoned an opportunity that she no longer had the control to resist. her integrity overrode the feelings of obligation she had — to her sisters, to the listener, to anything at all.

yes, i would. she declared with certainty. there are many places i would find suitable, if i allowed them the chance. everything was acting out an archetype, everything was pointing at something else. if it was not ego it would have been another. if it was not blackwater it would have been another. if she had not filled her role as speaker she would have found another. on and on.

she swept closer, then turned her shoulder and pointed her body towards the islands.  if that is all you ask, i am yours.

Goldfrost eyes took painstaking care to watch Marina's every feature as she considered his only stipulation. In that moment, he would have given his soul to read her mind; to know her well enough already that he could tell what she was thinking without her having to speak it. But he could only see heartbreak on her face and surmise that he had hurt her with his requirement.

However, he would not take it back.

He was determined not to spend all of his prime years at sea, and he believed that no wolf could convince him to do so. It was hard for him to imagine that he might ever love a creature more than himself. He could not fathom her happiness ever overcoming his deeply rooted selfishness...

Ego steeled himself to the response he expected. He prepared to see her turn away from him, leaving him only with regret to boil over in his stomach like a sour stew.

Yet, after the reasonably weighty pause one often takes when considering the very trajectory of their life, Marina agreed. The nighthawk blinked owlishly at her, too stunned to speak, but eventually his shock gave way to intense satisfaction. It was a deal, then. The hard line of his jaw softened, and his tail began to wag steadily as she gave him a signal of trust by presenting her profile to him, aiming to lead them seaward.

That is all I ask, he confirmed solemnly, taking up his newfound position as queensguard at her flank. Possessiveness poured through his every vein, and he instinctively knew that he would let no male approach her without injury. In that instant, he abandoned all previous conquests indefinitely to focus solely upon her, his betrothed. Mine. I will honor you.

Her scent curled about his muzzle -- stronger than ever -- draping Ego in a wreath of yearning. He swallowed dryly, attempting to make his breaths more shallow. We should hunt together to commemorate our union. Do you have a favorite meal?

Fish, probably.

his confirmation was all it took for the tension to leave her features.  as he took up his position as her sword and shield, she knew that despite her condition, no harm would come to her.  the security enticed and frightened her all the same, for she was not used to being chosen, and even less accustomed to feeling safe.

his closeness drew her desire, though his query brought forth a distraction that was more than welcome.  game, she says.  she did not like the way small bones crunched in her mouth, and despised the work it took to eat around them.  fish, rabbits, birds, they were all tedious.  there are deer in the western fields small enough for the two of us to bring down.  she did not know how well he could hunt, but she hoped it made up for her lack of physical prowess.

i swear this post was supposed to be short ;-; i'll do better next time lol

Game, she said.

Almost despite himself, Ego felt something at her response. It was quite a small feeling, like the first etching of a chink forming in one's laboriously well-kept armor, but he felt it all the same. There was a refreshing chill of true delight flushing through his burning, lustful veins, and his mind reeled with all the other questions he wanted to ask her.

Because after each surprise, there was always another.

He yearned to uncover all of her; every flaw and perfection, every peak and every valley. In his inner sanctum, he would have her laid bare before him, posed explicitly for his consumption. And he would take all of her until there was nothing left. Nothing for anyone else.

Deer it is, he agreed as they trotted across the treacherous tangle grounds. Her choice was a relief, truth be told. Ego was a wolf made to endure, more than he was made to hover patiently as a fisher or birdcatcher. He was bred for the hard chase -- able to run down his prey until they were utterly exhausted and overpower them in their weakest state. No deer, large or small, had ever escaped him in the literal long run, and though he longed to brag about it, he preferred to simply show her.

After a comfortable pause in their travel, he said, you mentioned that you and your sisters settled on the islands after one of them was injured. What happened to her?

no worries, friend. i will take all you have, it all gets read, i just can't promise to match.

cerulean's 100th post goes to you!

time and circumstance had buried her to the world. she wanted to be exhumed.  for every desire he had to expose her, she reflected him in the urge to disrobe.

her shadow asked her questions that provoked her, that pulled her to pause. she drew a breath as they continued their way out of the tangle. the last time she had told a man about viridian, he had deferred to her discomfort.

the line of her lip flattened as she traced back through time.  she didn't know where to begin.  there is a pack across the mountain called moonglow.  we stayed the night in their territory. they were somewhere else.  they had left their borders unmarked and unguarded, so we had no way of knowing that we were trespassing.

here, she paused again. she thought it would be too soon to tell him why they had come to the wilds. but she longed to tell someone.

we had just left the pack we were born into. it was hard. lazuline and viridian destroyed some caches that had been left behind to relieve some stress. the pack returned the next day, and viridian was the one who paid for our ignorance.

after meeting with lote, she couldn't bring herself to blame them.  she was sure she would have done the same.  but part of it still felt unfair, given everything they had gone through. her wounds were infected.  once she had healed from that, her immune system was still weak, so other infections and diseases had their chance to wreak havoc upon her. 

and that was that. though her condition had improved, cerulean had waffled back and forth on how convinced she was that viridian would ever truly be back to her old self.

what brought you here?

yay! congrats <3 i'm looking forward to giving you ego's 100th one of these days!!

When she hesitated, Ego scrutinized the small moment with the whirring suspicions of a seasoned detective. He scanned her face for signs of the truth; he wondered if she would refuse to answer his query. Romanticism was lost to his bluntness, and he was not one to dance around or shy away from sensitive subjects. The best one could hope for was that he felt disinterested, otherwise he would leave no question unasked.

His ears pressed forward as she spoke, all of him enamored, clasped firmly in her control. What little remained of his pessimism melted away. From her words, he stowed away important tidbits of information:

Moonglow. Lazuline and Viridian.

The latter sister is the injured one. Essentially crippled.

(Marina may be different than them.)

He also noted that their tenure on the islands seemed to depend largely on Viridian's recovery. If it were anything else, she may not have agreed to his own condition of their marriage so easily. He hummed to himself, curious. You did not implicate yourself in your sisters'... frolicking, he observed without inflection, choosing his words somewhat carefully. Are they very different from you? He supposed he would have to get to know all three of them on their own terms, but he would never miss an opportunity to learn what he could about each of them from the mouths of their own sisters.

When she asked him a question, Ego paused only to heave a sigh. I was searching the taiga for my mother, Takiyok, and one of my brothers, Stag. It was the last place I had seen them, but they seem to have moved on with their pack. I was considering a return to my birthplace when I crossed your path. He angled his head over her shoulder, motioning towards the Sunspires. I was born in those mountains, just there. Me and my siblings were meant to inherit those very peaks from my father, but he was killed when we were young, and I ran away because I blamed myself.

Ego turned forward again, his eyes low. Sentimental only for this. We are all scattered to the winds now.

The wyvern inhaled deeply -- straightening his gait and resuming a proud stance. He had nothing to be sad about; not with Marina beside him, promising him a future with her words and her scent. After some time, he glanced at her, again trying to read her thoughts. Why was it hard to leave your home?

AWH TY

she was a drooping flower beneath his inquiry, filled with an emabrrassment that wilted her confidence.  a flush rose to her face as her ears splayed, which she brushed off with an effortless brookstone laugh.

no, she rejoined, i did not take part. she'd taken her fury out on lazuline instead. her sister was the only one to have fallen victim to the deepest vitriol cerulean was capable of cultivating. she hoped it was behind her. she left the thought behind as he asked her something else.

they are very different from me,

but she didn't know how to describe it. there was their dynamic before they had come to the wilds, and the one that had developed after. when compared, they were so stark in contrast it felt as if she was living a separate life from the one she'd led before.

it used to be different. we were inseparable. but once we came here, everything was fractured, and it happened so fast.  the corner of her lip quivered. there was a time we meant everything to one another. but i led us here, and lazuline blames me for what happened to viridian. ironic, in her opinion. she'd had nothing to do with it.

but until we came here, i wasn't very developed. a pause. in the truest sense, the skillful sense, yes, but also emotionally, i think. she didn't quite know how to explain what it was to rise into consciousness, to grow into oneself.  i did not have a sense of agency. thankfully, that is something you can develop. she had done so here, with him.

she paused again to choose her next words with care. i am grateful to have come here, no matter what that might mean for anyone else.  it felt selfish to say aloud. but it was unequivocally true, and she would not allow for guilt to tarnish her integrity.

her turn to bare her soul was broken when ego spoke of his family. she watched his frosted edges melt away into the story of his boyhood. she was inclined to believe that he would not often reveal himself in this way, and she savored his sentiment despite the low-level ache his words left her with.

despite the amount of ground she had covered, she didn't recognize their names, but she filed them away with obsessive intent. with her social network, she was only bound to be a few degrees of separation away from anyone. but regarding the mountain, she turned to him with soft eyes and said you may still come to claim it, if that is what you desire. there were many things that would soon be within his grasp,

much like the deer that lay ahead.  they were in sight, not yet in earshot.

he asks her the question she doesn't want to answer, but she makes space for the discomfort she feels rising. she had already said so much, that this was likely not as painful for him as it would be for her.

we didn't have time to prepare, she answered. then she supposed that deserved some kind of explanation. i haven't told anyone this. but lazuline is an aspiring healer. and how she would've hated to have been characterized that way. viridian is an accomplished one, who vouched for her.  when our leader became ill, zuli was allowed to treat him, and her treatment cost him his life. she had mistaken one herb as another, and the easy mistake had cost them everything they had known. it was not long before she was accused of premeditation. i begged them both to run away with me before we were exiled.

she fell into a pocket of swallowing silence and turned his words about. do you still feel that way? cutting close. about your father? realization. you don't have to answer, she followed quickly, if you don't want to. but she would make her curiosity known.

pardon me while i write you a novel

Though she laughed, it was hard to miss that Marina was distressed by the whole mishap. Ego saw no reason for her shame, but he supposed there were things about the situation that he could not presently account for -- not without having been there himself or having known the sisters prior.

Silently, he engraved a note in his thoughts that would remind him to curb her experience of such embarrassments.

He was quiet as she continued, finding himself invested in the confirmation that she was not like her sisters. She seemed to mourn her past, recognize the changes -- even if she did not yet uphold them -- and hope for her future all at once. It helped him feel inclined to open up to her; for he carried similar burdens that he wished to share, emotional burdens that had never been welcome among the apathetic wolves of Red Syzygy.

At the mention of her underdeveloped agency, he snorted, amused.



It would certainly be easy for me to help you with that. Independence is practically all I know. We are close to opposites in that regard, he mused aloud. I have only ever been committed to myself. He shrugged. There was nothing wrong with either life choice, as far as he knew; both had their merits and their pitfalls. But, perhaps it will be in our best interests to meet somewhere in the middle.

When she said she was grateful, the sentinel brushed his muzzle against her side, as if to encourage her selfishness. In his not-so-humble opinion, it was necessary to be (at least) a little self-centered if happiness was the goal. He may not have shared her gratitude, as both the concept of appreciation and the feeling of gratification felt lost to him, but he did look forward to their future together. He expected more for them; something to exceed what had come before.

Ego knew he would simply not be satisfied until he had proven himself to be an admirable husband before all else. If he could not master this, the most basic of his instincts, then he could not be praiseworthy -- not as a packmate or a leader -- and therefore he should never be anything more than alone.

It was easier, then, to be direct with her about his past and his damage, despite how often he tried not to relay it. This would no doubt be one of the only times he spoke of it, assuming he were to ever mention it again in his lifetime. He felt more vulnerable than he had allowed since his childhood, and when she looked up at him, seaglass eyes brimmed with feather-soft sympathy, he remembered his days as a stray.

You may still come to claim it, if that is what you desire.

The wyvern looked ahead to the herd, easing his gait and checking the wind. He did not look at her when he replied, I have imagined claiming that overblown birthright for as long as I can remember. Only hours ago, he may have said he wanted that more than anything. Yet, I care very little for it in this moment. My focus has shifted. My desires have abruptly turned... elsewhere. It is very new to me, but now it is all I care about. He set his gaze upon her plainly now -- as if his eyes could see nothing else -- and he wanted to forget the hunt; hold her close.

Inhale her.

Monopolize her.

Devour her.

All in the most carnal of ways. This was an impulse he did not fully understand yet, though he would the second she allowed.

Accomplishing anything else would be mere gratuity.

He made a concerted effort to bring himself back into a conversational state by asking about her home. He could see the ache in her expression, as he listened carefully and began to understand the inner turmoil she was in. Marina had abandoned her home, stealing away with her sisters for their safety. And they had thanked her with bitterness and strife. Ego's somber stare was the only indication he had heard her, because he could not find the words to comfort her.

It barely mattered, since she was so quick to change the subject. He frowned at her caveat. Marina, everything I am belongs to you now. I am yours to wield. There is nothing I would ever keep from you. I will always answer you, he swore, scowl softening. "Only you," was implied.

The short answer is no. But I would like to explain it over our meal. I fear if we do not hunt soon, my insides will be set afire and my head will turn into a thundercloud. Your scent is driving me crazy. Ego would be nothing if not honest with her. Is there one you prefer among them? He swept his muzzle towards the deer, inviting her to pick. There is nothing but open land ahead, as far as I can tell. We could chase any one of them together until it is spent.