Redhawk Caldera Where you wanna go

ATTN: @Pantaleimon :)

Her parents knew. Her godparents and young cousin knew. Her sister knew. Next she wanted to find Nightjar and let him know. Wildfire wondered if her no-nonsense brother might accuse her of disloyalty; he himself was perhaps the most devoted Redhawk in the bunch. But just because she feared a bad reaction didn't mean she could or should avoid telling him. The more she thought about it, the more she felt that a move to Moonspear was likely. It was something she wanted to do. She just wished she could somehow be part of Redhawk Caldera too. But, of course, that was impossible and so she would have to make a choice sooner or later. Meanwhile, it was fairest if she gave everyone a proper heads up, especially with what she knew of her parents' history.

As hard as she tried to track down her brother on this cool, gray October morning, Wildfire just couldn't find him. Perhaps he had gone outside the territory to hunt or maybe even heckle the wolves in Haunted Wood. She gave up for now, heading upward to get a drink from the caldera. After she slaked her thirst, she sprawled on the shore, just staring out across the water. She would miss this place if she ended up leaving it, almost as much as she would miss the wolves here. Unlike them, she would never be able to see these innermost parts of the territory again should she choose to pledge her loyalty to Moonspear.

So she just lay there, drinking in the sights of her birthplace, trying to memorize every inch of the view.

Pantaleimon had noticed that Wildfire had been a busybody lately. She'd spent a lot of time away from the Caldera, and it hadn't gone unnoticed to Pan that she smelled of other wolves when she returned sometimes. Something was changing in not-so-little-anymore Widlfire's life, and while Pantaleimon knew it to be a natural thing, he was still afraid that it wouldn't be much longer until he and everyone else of the Caldera would lose Wildfire to the world. He told himself it was only natural that young departed sooner or later.

With thoughts drifting in different directions, one of them the case of Wildfire, it was through a stroke of luck and fate that Pan actually ended up running into her. Ears perked forward to look upon Wildfire, who seemed lost in thoughts as she glanced over the Caldera's territories. Pan approached, and smiled warmly though melancholically at Wildfire. "Hey, how're you doing?" Pan asked warmly, and he nudged Wildfire's cheek upon approach, before settling down in a seated position close to her.

She couldn't remember when or where she had started thinking of Pan as an uncle, yet when he appeared, she greeted him by saying, "Hey, Uncle Pan," and returning his warm smile. She patted the ground with a little red paw and he sat down beside her. Before Wildfire could ask him how he was doing, he got to the question first. Normally, she probably would have had a one- or two-word answer for him, yet there was quite a lot going on with her lately, if only in her head.

"I'm okay. I have a lot on my mind, though," she admitted, turning to face him more directly rather than staring across the lake. "I've been invited to join a new pack not too far from here. It's called Moonspear. My friends live there and part of me definitely wants to take them up on it. But the thought of leaving here is... really hard."

Pantaleimon smiled as he looked at Wildfire, but soon the smile fell to be replaced by a somewhat worried frown when Wildfire took some time to answer the question. 'A lot on my mind' wasn't usually a positive thing, so Pan listened intently when Wildfire went on to explain. Pantaleimon's frown disappeared when he heard the real reason though; nothing was wrong, except for a difficult to make decision. It reminded Pan a little of Reek's offer to join up with him and leave the Caldera... but that was long ago, and the decision had been made now.

Setting aside his own worries, Pantaleimon smiled softly as he looked at Wildfire and said: "That has to be a difficult decision. Often when they get older, pups go out on their own, looking for their own place to live." Or so Pan had heard; he had never had that opportunity himself, forever a slave to Sirensong Cove. "It's only natural, not weird at all. No matter what choice you make, I'll still love you." He wasn't sure that really helped at all, but it needed saying. "I... I have friends in a different pack, too. My friend Reek invited me to come to his pack when I'd just moved here. It can be tough making decisions like those." Pan had mostly abstained from deciding back then, though he had to admit he often thought of Reek now. Maybe it was time for a visit sometime soon, even if just to talk.

Everyone was being so kind to her, despite the fact that she was more or less planning to abandon them. Of course, Wildfire didn't see it that way and hoped they didn't either. It was normal, even expected, for a young wolf to strike out on its own. It didn't make it easier, though the reassurance that she was totally normal brought a soft smile to her face.

His affectionate words broadened it. "Thanks, Uncle Pan. I'll always love you too," she said, voice soft but earnest. "I didn't know you were friends with Reek. He's a nice guy. He's actually my brother-in-law, kinda sorta not really..." Wildfire laughed quietly. "I'm glad you decided to stay with us. Do you visit with him often? I know his pack's pretty far north. I won't be very far, in case you want to visit me." Catching herself, she hastily added, "That is, if I do decide to move." It sounded sort of like she'd made her decision, though, didn't it?

Wildfire's words brought a smile to Pantaleimon's face. Though the thought of Wildfire departing was sad — she and Raven were the ones beside Perry most dear to Pantaleimon in this pack — Pan knew that it was only to be expected. He tried hard not to get too soppy, and managed for the most part to keep his emotions under control.

Pantaleimon chuckled when Wildfire said that she didn't know Pan to be friends with Reek. "You delivered that message for me when he relocated, remember?" A sad expression befell Pan's face upon the realisation how long ago that had been and how Pan still hadn't visited. He bit his lip as Wildfire asked how long it'd been. He didn't even know. He hadn't seen Reek since the run-in with Saena. "I... I haven't visited their new home yet. I mean, I... It's uhm, she's a relative of yours, right, the one that he's..? She... I once ran into her and she chased me off when I tried to visit Reek. I uhm... I haven't seen him since." Pantaleimon looked away, feeling ashamed that he let his fear from visiting Reek. "Maybe I should sometime..." Pantaleimon looked wistful, considering the possibility he might not feel confident enough to return all the way here if he did, depending on what circumstances he'd meet at Phoenix Maplewood. Then again, Saena would probably not want him to stay, anyway, and Redhawk Caldera needed him right now, small as it was with the couple of deaths and departures they'd suffered. And Pan's heart still beat for Peregrine. He so badly wanted things to work out.

Wildfire's jaw dropped dumbly when Pan gently reminded her of the message she had once passed between him and Reek. If she could have, she might have slapped herself upside the head. "Oh, I forgot all about that! Sorry, Uncle Pan," she said sheepishly. She flashed him a crooked grin, knowing he wouldn't hold it over her head. It fell, then disappeared entirely when he told her about a she-wolf chasing him away while attempting to visit with Reek. Wildfire's lips pursed. It could only be one wolf: Saena.

"Saena is... complicated," the youth said slowly. Wildfire didn't dislike her, though she didn't like her, either. For the most part, she felt neutral toward the bobtail. "Don't feel bad, though. It was nothing personal against you. And I know firsthand how intimidating she can be," she assured Pan, noticing the way his eyes dropped. "I probably wouldn't try to meet him at home. I'd send word ahead and meet with him in the middle or something," she suggested.

Circling back to Moonspear, she shared, "There's an open space near Moonspear. It's called the Altar of Twilight. To get there, you just head north into Bramblepoint, heading toward Big Salmon Lake. Once you get there, you turn ninety degrees and keep walking toward the mountains. You can't miss it. So if I do end up moving, you know exactly where to go if you ever want to stop by and say hello," Wildfire said, hoping it would cheer up Pan a little.

Pantaleimon grinned almost as sheepishly as Wildfire did, clearly not minding much and finding the apology unnecessary. Wildfire went on about the subject of Saena, something that made Pan think. He felt guilty for not visiting Reek partially because of Saena — he realised then that he was afraid of her and what she might have told Reek about Pan's pitiful display. Then again, Reek had seen Pan cower before Caiaphas, so would he care? Pan wasn't sure; he hadn't consciously thought of it much before now, when realisation dawned. Pan frowned thoughtfully as he considered Wildfire's words and thought of Saena — and Reek (and his need to see his friend again).

The subject easily shifted back to Moonspear, and Pantaleimon listened intently as Wildfire spoke of an open space he could visit her at, Altar of Twilight. He nodded. "I'll miss you when you go... We all will," Pan said, almost as though it was already a fact she'd go. She sounded like she wanted to. "I'll definitely visit when, uhm, if you go." Pantaleimon smiled fondly at Wildfire; he would never forget her, no matter where she would go, and he would definitely visit her.

He promised to visit, after telling her again that he would miss her. Wildfire flashed him a quick smile when she noticed Pan's correction. It really was more of a when than if situation at this point. There were things tying her to Redhawk Caldera and those bonds would never break, though they were definitely loosening. It was such a strange realization for her.

"When I go," Wildfire said, enunciating it as it was the first time she'd admitted out loud that it was almost certainly going to happen, "I'd love to visit with you on the reg. Although you'll have some new pups around here soon, so you'll probably forget all about me," she added, wrinkling her nose playfully and offering her uncle a wink. She knew that wasn't true at all, though all the same, she wouldn't blame him when Pan inevitably got caught up with her baby brothers and sisters.

"That's one of the things I'm going to miss the most," she admitted softly in the next moment. "I haven't even met them but I'll still miss them. Is that weird? I just—I wanted to be here to help raise the next Firebirds." But she wouldn't be here then, a reality which caused her heart to pang. Well, at least she knew they were in great hands, a thought which gave her some comfort as she regarded her father's soft-spoken companion.

Pantaleimon looked startled for a moment when Wildfire said 'when', even though he should not have been. He'd heard a sense of longing and finality in her voice before, already sort of knew she would be going, and yet Pan felt a pang of sadness and shock when Wildfire actually admitted she would very likely go.

A sad smile fell across Pan's face when Wildfire said he might be busy with the new pups, and he wondered of his own future again. "I'd never forget you," he answered. Even though it sounded like a joke, there was always a source of truth in these things and he wanted to be sure Wildfire knew that he would never forget her, regardless of new pups.

"It's not weird," said Pantaleimon, though he felt like he said it weirdly — maybe because he felt like he would miss them too, if he wouldn't be there for them. His if was definitely a very big 'if' though, not like Wildfire's 'when'. Pan felt guilty at the thought alone of abandoning them. "I understand." Pan looked at Wildfire with a sad smile. For a moment he had considered asking for her advice on his own situation, but in time he realised that not only was it not fair to burden her with his worries, but also that it would probably be weird for her to talk about it because Perry was her father.

Just ninety seconds ago, she had felt nearly one hundred percent certain she would move. Now, as she thought of her unborn siblings, Wildfire felt her resolve wavering and softening all over again. How could she possibly miss out on that? She was excited about the idea of moving to Moonspear, yet surely it wasn't worth never getting to see or know her little brothers and sisters. Maybe Charon, Floki et al could at least wait until they were born and grown up a bit...

"I'm not sure I can do it," she whispered, feeling slightly foolish for changing her mind back and forth. She then noticed the sadness in her uncle's eyes and asked, "What's wrong, Uncle Pan?" She would be almost relieved to focus on someone else's problems rather than worrying about her own issues. It always seemed to be on her mind, gnawing at her, and the youth could use a distraction.

Pantaleimon's attention was swiftly drawn back to Wildfire as she grew sad again, her earlier determination melting like an icecap in the sun at the thought of her siblings-to-be. "Oh hun," Pan muttered and he reached out his nose to gingerly touch Wildfire's cheek in consolation. "It's perfectly normal to doubt. You can think about it all you want 'til you make a decision." Pan smiled reassuringly, as though to say silently that he would never look poorly on Wildfire, no matter which decision she made in the end.

Wildfire asked what was wrong, and Pan bit his lip uncertainly. "Uhm... Things are a bit weird, I... I guess, with Perry. I — I guess I just sort of expected to be uhm, more, to the upcoming pups, but..." Pan trailed off and looked away uncertainly, feeling weird and sort of guilty dumping this on Wildfire, since it concerned her father (and in a way, her, since though he had been dubbed uncle Pan, Pan had always felt like a bit of an extra parent to Wildfire, Raven and Nightjar).

Would Charon and company wait indefinitely? Wildfire wasn't sure, though she pushed all thoughts of Moonspear to the back of her mind when Pan indulged her by answering truthfully. She did feel strange when he admitted he was having issues with her dad. It was none of her business, though if Pan wanted to talk about it, Wildfire would do her best to listen and offer support.

"More?" she echoed, not quite sure what he meant. "More than what? Is everything okay?" She frowned, hoping her father and Pan weren't having problems. She hadn't seen them fight (like Peregrine and Fox did on occasion) but she also supposed she hadn't seen them together quite as much recently. Her ears folded back. What would it mean, if something went wrong between Peregrine and Pan—particularly for the latter's future at the caldera?

Pantaleimon felt a sting in his heart when Wildfire asked for him to elaborate, because it made him feel like what he wanted was, indeed, unreasonable. Maybe it was, or maybe it would've been better if neither of them had brought the subject up at all and if they'd just let things happen. Then again, it was no secret that Pan and Fox weren't exactly best buds; they just didn't seem to understand each other at all, and Pan often felt like an invisible blip to Fox. Like he was Perry's pet hamster.

Realising he was over-thinking things again instead of just answering, Pan swallowed and said: "I dunno, I... I guess I'd like to be a parent too, and I thought I'd sort of be a parent if Perry had pups." Pan sighed and ears splayed uncertainly as he elaborated: "Perry thinks it'd be better for me not to be with him, but I... I just love him so much. I wish he'd see that that's the most important thing for me." Yes, it would hurt to not even be special fairy godmother/-father or some other fancy something to the pups, nothing more than anyone in the pack would be, but at the same time Perry was the light of Pan's life, and it hurt him more than he cared to admit that Perry was driving him away because he thought that not being with him was what was best for Pan. Pan swallowed again, and it felt as though it sounded really loud and awkward, as he looked at Wildfire and said: "Gosh, I - I'm sorry, this has to be kind of weird for you to talk about." Apologetic eyes looked at Wildfire; now it was Pan's turn to feel sheepish.

It sounded like Pan wanted to be a sort of second father figure to the pups, which Wildfire understood. It sounded reasonable and she couldn't imagine either one of her parents minding much. But then she didn't understand that when she called him uncle, it didn't satisfy his desires. And, of course, she knew nothing of Pan's nebulous gender identity.

When Pan told her about Peregrine's take on their relationship, Wildfire's mouth went a little dry and her heart fell. "I don't understand why my dad would think that," the youth admitted, confusion clearly written all over her face. Pan apologized and she shook her head, "It's okay, Uncle Pan. I guess I just don't get it, though. Why would my dad think that?"

Pantaleimon wished that he'd never breached the subject when Wildfire began asking questions. This was only his side of the story, after all, and Perry probably had his reasons for doing what he did and having his doubts, wanting to sever their relations for Pan's own good. "I guess he thinks I'd have more chance to have a mate and pups if I wasn't with him," Pantaleimon said with a soft sigh. Pan didn't really think that was true, though, because he knew what a weirdo he was. No one really would ever dig that, and even if they would, it'd be a scam considering Pan didn't really fancy the babes. It was a weird situation, and one that would be hard to explain properly, if at all; Pan himself didn't understand all the details about it either, anyway. Pan considered telling Wildfire about his gender issues, but on the other hand he was afraid that it would be too difficult and weird to explain as a side-branch of this whole thing. He wished he'd told Wildfire when he had told Raven that day by the creek; when they were still little. Small pups believed everything you told them and accepted it as truth, whereas now it would be a lot less comfortable conversation, if it were ever to happen.

Pan explained and Wildfire chewed on the inside of cheek as she pondered. "But..." she thought aloud, "Can't you have a mate and pups even if you're with him?" That was how it worked between Peregrine and Fox. Granted, there might be nuances she didn't (want to) understand. Wildfire wished she could offer more and better advice. But she was too young and inexperienced to really provide much feedback. Plus, there was the added fact that this was none of her business, particularly because it concerned her father's love life.

"You'd be a great dad," she opined after a short beat of silence, "whether or not they're yours biologically." Her petite shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. "I mean," she continued, unaware of the impact her words might have on him, "you already are. I think of you kinda sorta like an extra dad." She had come to call him uncle just because it was the most suitable title she could think of, really. He wasn't her stepdad, after all, and dad wouldn't work because that already belonged to Peregrine.

Another pause ensued and Wildfire quipped, "I could call you Father Pan." It sounded really priestly silly but she wondered if it would cheer up Pan if she gave him some sort of special title to match the special role he had in her life.

"That's what I thought," Pantaleimon said, although the truth was a lot more complicated than that. Pan was so head over heels in love with Perry he wasn't sure there was room for anyone else in his life; even if he would've fancied females. Maybe with another guy, they could've at least had some female carry their pups, but that wasn't an option what with Perry's mateship to Fox, either. Then, Pan couldn't imagine a life with anyone else, much less anyone else who'd fit that exact picture. "It's complicated, I guess."

A smile tugged at Pantaleimon's lips when Wildfire mentioned that he'd be a great father. It expanded when she said that she thought of him as somewhat of a father already, hitting Pan's soft spot. "Thanks," he said softly, feeling proud all of a sudden for having helped raise Wildfire, Raven and Nightjar. Each of them were such great individuals, each with their own strengths and personality. When Wildfire suggested she could call him Father Pan, Pantaleimon reached out his nose to touch Wildfire's cheek in affection. "That means a lot to me," he admitted. Even if he felt more of an extra mother a lot of the time, it didn't take away the sentiment; Pantaleimon was proud to be Father Pan.

They would have to leave it at, "It's complicated," she supposed. But at least her new title seemed to have the desired effect. Wildfire smiled when his nose touched her cheek. Then her amber eyes suddenly lit up even brighter than before.

"Wait, I've got a better one!" she declared, holding her breath and his gaze for a nanosecond before saying, "What about Papa Pan instead?" The alliteration sounded better to her ears, though Wildfire was quick to add, "I'll call you whatever you want, though," and belatedly returned his nudge.

Pantaleimon chuckled when Wildfire tried even harder to come up with something even better. It was so very Wildfire-esque to always try her very hardest at everything, even comforting 'Papa Pan'. "That sounds great," Pan said with a smile. "Think it'll catch on if I say it to the new pups enough?" He grinned, though it was meant as a joke, mostly; he would never indoctrinate Fox and Perry's pups with things they didn't want, of course.

He seemed to like the new title even better. Wildfire would have to remind herself to call him that rather than Uncle Pan, especially in front of the next batch of pups. Then it occurred to her again that she might not be here for any of that. Some of the light drained from her face as she lapsed into an abrupt and ponderous silence. It was almost painful, going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. She just needed to decide.

"I'm sure that if that's what you want to be called, everybody will honor that," she murmured, flashing Uncle Papa Pan a smile. She couldn't see her parents taking issue with it, nor anybody else for that matter. "I think everything will work out okay in the end, even if it's complicated now," Wildfire added, thinking aloud somewhat, her brows furrowed. Those words were meant for her as much as they were for him.

Catching his gaze again, she said, "Hey, I was looking for NJ earlier. I really need to track him down." She paused, glancing off into the distance, then back at Pan. "You can come with, if you want?" Wildfire invited. Now that Pan knew what it was she wanted to discuss with her brother, there was no reason he couldn't tag along, though of course if he wanted to stay here, that was fine too.

Wanna conclude this for us? :D <3

Wildfire seemed to grow sad, and for a moment Pantaleimon thought it was because of his joke. He was about ready to jump into apology-mode when he realised that Wildfire was probably just thinking about the siblings she wouldn't know if she moved away, and the nervousness departed. He smiled when Wildfire said she was sure everyone wouldn't mind calling him that, though he figured he'd leave it up to the pups themselves.

She seemed intent that everything would work out, although Pan still had doubts gnawing at the back of his mind. As for Wildfire, though, Pan was sure everything'd be fine. "Yeah," he agreed softly, deciding to focus on the positive for now instead of worry too much.

When Wildfire asked if Pan wanted to come help look for Nightjar, he shook his head. "I'm going to do some tracking, and maybe hunting." Now that it was getting colder, Pan felt his inner gamekeeper eager to keep a check on the pack's resources. "Good luck, Wildfire," he said with a soft smile, and Pantaleimon fondly nuzzled Wildfire's face, almost as if he knew it would be the last time they'd see each other for a while.