Redhawk Caldera So you can say letting go is easy

Set a few days after January 1st and open to anyone.

Sassafras trudged forward, completely lacking the usual gleam of her spirited mahogany gaze and not much more than a bag of bones after weeks on her own. During the time she had been away from the Caldera, she had continued to search for Lucy despite the one reasonable thought she had: her pursuit was futile.

She had paid a portion of her weight to continue on alone after attacking Moonspear’s Alpha male, but the skin of her ruff that Charon had pierced had healed as well as could be expected. It was only due to the fact that she couldn’t possibly reach the wound to pick at it that the fur there had grown in like wild vines in a jungle to fill the gaps where a scar would always lie beneath.

Her mental state was ragged as she finally spotted a familiar sapling she had seen a handful of times before, and it was probably her exhaustion alone that prevented her from turning away from where it stood on the borders. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be there any longer — she was simply certain they wouldn’t want her back.

She slowly approached the tree, and not only did she tentatively sniff, but she pressed her nose against its bark. As she closed her eyes for a split second, her legs buckled and she crumpled beside the tiny tree that would struggle to survive the winter. Her eyelids fluttered briefly before she allowed them to remain closed.

If she could only take a quick nap…

Everything would be fine.

It was then that it occured to Finley that she wouldn't be able to have a thread with @Raven for a while unless it was one with the puppies because when Fin was away, Raven would need to be with the new firebirds. Likewise whenever Raven was away, Finley would need to be back at the den. It was a good thing to note so as to avoid messing with timelines. She made a mental note to pay more attention to Raven's threads as she wove her way along the borders, marking as needed.

Even if Sassafras had been at her healthiest, Finley still would have had difficulty recognizing the girl. She'd been aware of her when she was a member of the pack before, but they hadn't spent any real time together. And so, the alpha approached with all the wariness of a stranger. It was obvious given the girl's state that she was no physical threat. But she did look sickly, and it was Finley's dislike of diseases that caused her to stop a few yards away.

Fin did nothing more than peer at the crumpled wolf for a moment or two, listening until she heard the sound of breathing that told her the girl was in fact still alive. Frowning, she took a step or two closer, lowering her head to peer around the black fur to try and catch a glimpse of the face. She had determined already that this wolf was too old to be her Lucy returned to her, but still she felt compelled to check. No recognition was sparked, so she stood tall again and huffed, wondering what to do.

"Hey," Fin barked, finally, knowing she was unlikely to get a response, "You. Get up. You're laying on my tree." Not that she felt particularly protective of this tree, but Fox and Peregrine would never have allowed it, so Finley wouldn't either (nevermind the fact that one of them would have recognized Sassafras in the first place).

Finley did receive a response, but it was only a weary, sub-par response to begin with. Sassafras fluttered her eyelashes in a purely reactionary manner as a distant voice tried to reach her through the frigid winter wind before realizing that the voice wasn’t distant at all, but directly before her. She blinked bleary eyes that searched for said voice, found she couldn’t quite focus just yet, and touched her nose to one of her front paws for a moment, presumably to collect herself. As far as she could tell, she was neither dead nor dreaming.

“— up,” was the first syllable she heard clearly. With a faint squeak of a whine, she obediently pulled herself to unsteady feet, not exactly dragging her own sorry carcass away from the tiny sapling, but possibly eliciting a similar response in terms of pity even if Finley turned out to have a heart two sizes too small. As it was, Sassafras still wasn’t entirely sure who was commanding her away, but she had quite forgotten where she was or how she had gotten there, so entwined in the scant, filmy remnants of her sleep cycle.

When she eventually managed to process the rest of what the dusky grey formation of fur had said (she could make out basic shapes now) she quietly uttered the word fragment, “s—rry,” and began to trundle her truly sorry, wavering way away from Redhawk Caldera.

Finley frowned as the girl stirred, her brows knit as her words slowly enticed a reaction. It was a slow one, which spoke even more volumes to the Alpha about the sorry state the stranger was in. She mumbled an apology that was barely recognizable before beginning to drag herself away. As much as Fin was tempted to let her go, she trotted around in an effort to block the girl's path and make her stop with a roll of her eyes.

"Okay okay, you can borrow my tree," Fin said, urging her to lie back down with body language alone. "What happened to you? Disease? Starvation? Wicked insomnia?" Not that she intended to do anything about it, except maybe see if Raven had a nice plant they could send her off with that would cure all of her ailments.

When Finley rounded to face her and bar the feeble attempt she made to chicken out of her approach, the small black female simply settled her dejected gaze on the small grey female’s forepaws as she resigned herself to whatever repercussion would face her. She didn’t see the exaggerated roll of Fin’s eyes, nor immediately sense that the Blackthorn bore no ill will towards her. It was a realization that was slow to form as she blinked the sleep from her eyes and fumbled through the lethargic fog that surrounded her thoughts. The body language tipped her off, however, and with a slinking sort of clumsiness, Sassafras lowered herself back to the snow and splayed her ears with a slow, but obvious thump of her tail.

She now knew where she was and with whom she was speaking, but she felt she was on unfamiliar terrain in the presence of a long-time Calderan she’d never had much contact with. It didn’t help that this was the mother of the child she had searched the Wilds for, and it didn’t help that she’d been completely unsuccessful in all the time she’d been gone.
 
“Some ass said Peregrine could drop dead when I asked if he’d seen Lucy,” she said a little venomously, finishing her sentence just in time to give a single retch-like cough when her throat went suddenly dry. Having the wherewithal to do so, she licked the side of one of her paws and the snow beneath to stimulate more saliva so she could continue her explanation. It was a very brief calm and sense of collection that didn’t necessarily make her any more coherent in the end, but she would at least be heard. “I made some bad decisions,” she ultimately confessed without laying everything out on the table. “It was stupid.” Exhaustion, hunger, and emotional turmoil had turned to obsession, starvation, and self-loathing.

Finley had not expected the words that came from the girl's mouth, but it took only seconds after she heard them for the realization to dawn on her. She knew this girl. This was... This.... Well, this was a former packmate. Sas...quatch? Perhaps it was best to avoid first names.  Even though the details were fuzzy to Finley, she did remember now. When Lucy had been taken, Shrike had been the first to search for her. Trick had begun searching as well, but somewhere in there, so had this girl. Trick was gone, Shrike was gone, and "Sasquatch" was gone, but apparently now returned. But just like when Finley had gone on her search for Lucy, this girl came back empty handed.

Finley felt her spirits dampening with guilt and remorse. Of course her packmate hadn't found Lucy. It wouldn't have mattered if she did. Fin herself couldn't get her wayward daughter to return home with her, so a perfect stranger to the pup would never have managed it either. She frowned and bit her lip, uncertain what to say. "It's okay," Fin replied finally, "No one has been able to find Lucy, not even me. All we can do is hope that wherever she is, she's safe and happy." And she's not alone anymore... Pain lanced like a knife at that thought, just like it always did every other minute when the thought came back to her.

"Do you wanna come back with me? I can get you something to eat," Fin offered, "Raven's back, Peregrine and Fox's older daughter... And. There's.. other news." The sick feeling in her stomach began to rise as it occured to her then that she would once again have to be the bearer of bad news. She wasn't sure how close this girl had been to the alpha pair - unsurprising since she still couldn't quite remember her name at all. But still, having to share the news of Peregrine's and Fox's deaths felt like reliving it over and over again. No matter how well or poorly the other took it, it broke Finley's heart to have to say it.

It might have been exhaustion taking its toll, but when Finley tried to reassure her the girl felt a tidal wave of emotion crash into her. She whined with both gratitude and empathy for the mother of the child who had never come home, feeling all at once both better and worse about their respective circumstances. Finley truly seemed as though she had come to terms with what had happened, however, and Sassafras was a natural optimist whose expectations were yet unsullied by experience.

She gave a little nod and blinked up at Finley and her offer to return to the Caldera, but stilled as she processed and accepted the remainder of what was said. “Has something else happened?” she asked tentatively, gazing up from her place at the brown-eyed leader’s feet and extending one of her fore-paws in front. Her heart gave a preemptive clench as she worried about the way Fin’s words broke off and did not immediately go on, but there was no way for her to imagine the weight of what she was about to be told.

The girl stilled and Finley sensed that this news was not going to be well received. She sighed before dropping her gaze to the snow between her toes. "Elwood and I lead the Caldera now," she started, trying to buy herself just a few seconds at least by starting at the end as opposed to the beginning, "Peregrine and Fox are both gone. They passed away - Peregrine back in October, Fox just a few days ago." She glanced back at the dark-furred face, waiting for the reaction before going on.

Her mind reeled when Finley informed her of the change in leadership, but time seemed to stop for a moment when she heard that Peregrine and Fox were gone. Why? she thought. They couldn’t be…
 
But they were, and it was both of them. Dead. If her eyes could have brimmed with tears, they would have. She hadn’t had time to know either of them well, but Peregrine had struck a chord with her straight away when she had initially joined, and Fox had taken her in with open arms the second time around, albeit bluntly, perhaps. They had been as good as family as far as she was concerned. They were pack.
 
Sassafras wordlessly pulled herself to a sit close to Finley and extended her head and neck forward to lick mournfully and submissively at the Alpha’s chin. She didn’t know what else to do, and there was certainly nothing she could think to say. Quietly, she supposed that even in her sorry state she should have known something was different based on border scents alone, but she simply hadn’t noticed and she’d had no reason to suspect these kinds of changes.

The girl's reaction wasn't verbal, but that didn't make it any less difficult to watch. Finley bowed her head, averting her gaze almost awkwardly. She didn't know the girl very well and though they apparently shared great fondness for the fallen leaders, it still felt odd to witness the other in her grief. Her gaze shifted across the snowy plains as she waited to hear the sobbing, the questions, or even the stammering disbelief. But none of it came. Instead, Finley turned back as she felt a touch to her chin and a body press close.

The awkwardness melted then and Finley reached to touch her muzzle to the soft fur just in front of the girl's ear. Maybe that shared love of their friends actually was enough.

"I still think we ought to get you fed," Fin said then, "And it's not all bad news. Fox gave birth before she died. We have six new puppies to fuss over."

That simple touch returned made Sassafras feel as though she had come home, and all erstwhile thoughts that she should turn tail from the Wilds and race back to the forested passes she’d loved as a child were forgotten. As long as she was still welcome among them, she wanted to run with the Redhawks and the Blackthorns.

She tilted her gaze upwards, taking care not to bump Finley’s face as she did. Despite the sadness that had overtaken her countenance, she wagged her tail gently at the proposition that still stood and the mention of the puppies that followed.

“I’ll make myself useful,” she promised. Even though she surely wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the den, she felt a sense of purpose well up within as she realized they would need all the able hunters they could get. With a twitch of both dark ears, Sassafras looked to Finley to lead the way.

Welcome to RHC!!? lol sry Fin didn't scare her away like you were hoping >_>

Finley could only nod an offer an encouraging smile when her newest packmate promised to make herself useful. "I'm sure you will," she replied as she pulled herself up onto all fours, "We need all the help we can get right now." It was true enough considering there were six little mouths to feed now. Liffey and Lagan were just now reaching the age when they would be able to assist in the pack's hunts, which had proven to be quite timely all things considered, even if her daughter was not exactly the most stellar huntress she'd ever seen. Still, things did seem to be looking up a bit as she lead the new girl into the heart of the Caldera, intent on keeping her promise to get some food in her belly and also making the mental note to ask Elwood what her name was...