Swiftcurrent Creek I keep you warm and won't ask you where you've been

@Alessia

He really didn't blame Myrren for avoiding him, honestly, but that didn't mean he was going to leave her on her own too much. The overwhelming need to check on her and make sure she didn't need anything never dissipated. So, fully expecting to be met with anger and resentment, he still sought her out. 

Kavik padded through the snow, freshly-killed hare dangling from his massive jaws as he tracked his new mate through the trees. He walked in silence, thoughts heavy with guilt as usual. He hated himself for what he had done to Liri, and even more for what he had done to Myrren. He certainly didn't deserve to be anyone's father after the terrible mistakes he had made, but that wouldn't stop the life that was half of him from growing inside the woman he had so badly wronged. 

The sounds of retching pulled him from his thoughts, and he didn't even need to see her to know the sound was coming from Myrren, although a few more strides would provide him with her form in the distance, hunched over a pile of steaming vomit staining the snow yellow. Worried, he quickened his pace and moved to close the distance between them, stopping abruptly when he remembered the kill still hanging from his mouth. He promptly dropped it in the snow, afraid it might upset her stomach more, before moving her way once more. He stopped a few steps from her, concern on his face. I'd ask how you were feeling, but... he trailed off, gaze drifting briefly towards the bile at her feet before finding her face again. I'm sorry, he said next, not sure what else to say. His already constant guilt intensified at the sight of her feeling so bad, and he wished he could hep somehow.

Though @Ruenna's treatment has helped greatly, Alessia has found herself reluctant to bother the woman often; her nausea is near constant, and the state she's been in has ensured she's generally far too exhausted and anxious to retain any new information, so she's had trouble finding the root herself. She'd run out of what Ruenna had given her just a few hours ago; now, she's trapped in a horrible waiting game. She's certain she'll eventually feel less anxious about approaching the former Beta.
Unfortunately, it seems that Kavik has found her in the mean time. She stiffens slightly at his approach, rising and stepping back from her latest crime scene as he approaches. The scent of fresh food follows him, intensifying her nausea for a moment; she can't help but feel grateful when he seems to realize his error. He seems fairly intent on feeding her, and she finds it sweet, if suffocating — it's clear he's reaching desperately for the few things he can do to help. She's thought a lot about the things Ruenna had said to her — about Kavik's intentions, mainly. And about his mate. His former mate. The pieces have come together, and she can't help but feel... really guilty; he'd been grieving, vulnerable when she'd approached him. No wonder he hadn't expressed any interest at first.
Of course, her anger still lingers in several ways. When her gaze finds him, it is with cool indifference; a facade, and perhaps a poor one, but she finds it easier than anger's all-consuming heat. You didn't tell me you had a mate, She says calmly, ignoring his apology entirely. She wants answers — and hopefully a reason to stop being so angry. She's tired.

He would be lying if told himself that he didn't hope some day she would look at him with something better than anger or indifference, but he deserved it and accepted it as part of his punishment. Her words made him wince, and he looked away. He hadn't intentionally kept it from her, but with everything else going on, he guessed there had just never been a good time to bring it up. He sighed, sad, emerald gaze finding her again. Yes, Liri, he started. It had been a while since he said her name out loud; he honestly couldn't remember when he last uttered the word, but it felt like someone had kicked him in the gut. She was very sick for a while before the coyote attack, and now-- he stopped, swallowing hard against the resurfacing of the grief that had been outweighed by his guilt lately. Now, she's missing, and I don't know if I'll ever see her again, he finished quietly. Each day that passed without knowing where she was made it seem less likely that she was even still alive. He had to push the thought away, not wanting to fall apart in front of Myrren. She didn't need to see him like that when she already had so much going on, nor did he deserve anything resembling sympathy from her. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to keep it from you, he offered once he had collected himself. He knew it didn't make up for anything, but he felt like he should at least assure her that he wasn't trying to keep secrets from her.

He makes it easy to forget her ire, at least; seeing the grief in his expression softens her own. There is no self-pity in his tone — only guilt and sorrow, two things she can relate to more than most. She hesitates, silent for several moments after his apology. There's little she can think to say in this situation, as the woman who'd stolen from him as much as he'd stolen from her; even if he finds his mate, she's certain it won't end well now that she's involved. She takes a deep breath, eyes searching his face. I'm sorry, She says finally, echoing his apology much more softly and taking a step closer to press her nose to his shoulder. The touch is brief, and she steps back a beat later, falling silent. There's nothing else to say at this point.

He expected more anger from her--to see hatred in her eyes at his admission; he certainly didn't expect her sympathy. Kavik closed his eyes at her touch; it was almost too much, and he wasn't sure what to do at first. She shouldn't be comforting him; it should be the other way around. He wouldn't offend her by rejecting her comfort, though, and honestly, he was surprised at how much he actually needed it. He nodded in gratitude, opening his eyes to look at Myrren again. You're not feeling well, he said, hoping to change the subject. Can I do anything to help? Kavik asked, concern creasing his brow as he spoke.

His question softens her further, though she shakes her head; there's really nothing he can do for her current affliction. She finds her nausea fading by the second anyway, replaced by something much more intense — hunger. Her gaze settles past him for a moment on the abandoned hare, then drifts back to his dark features. Is that for me? She inquires softly, lacking the shame she might normally feel; the last few dead things he's brought have been for her, and she's suddenly starving. She can't even find it in herself to care that she'll likely vomit it back up in a few minutes.

He was a little disappointed that there was nothing he could do to help settle her stomach, but he figured that was maybe a part of all this. It was his first time dealing with pregnancy, really, but he remembered a few things from his pack back home, and nausea was definitely something that plagued expecting wolves. He had completely forgotten about the meal he had brought her, so when Myrren mentioned it, he looked behind him with some confusion. Oh, yes, I just caught it, he replied as he saw the rabbit still lying in the snow. He jumped up and retrieved it for her, trotting back quickly to drop it at her feet. He smiled a little as he waited for her to take it, glad to be able to help her in some way.

She offers a grateful smile as he drops the hare at her feet, stomach growling out an impatient complaint. Thank you, She murmurs, bending to nudge it a little further away from where she'd puked before she settles to eat it. While typically a rather neat eater, she finds herself far too tired and hungry to remember her manners now, and rips into the hare as if eating her first meal in weeks. Her enthusiasm sends bits of gore and bloody fur flying, splattering the snow around her. Half of it is gone in record time before she pauses a little guiltily, swiping her tongue over her muzzle to clear the blood away. Do you want some? She asks, thinking that she can at least remember to share.

He was silent while she ate, keeping watch on their surroundings to make sure she wasn't interrupted. A piece of flesh landed near his paw, pulling his gaze from the trees. He spared it only a few seconds glance, silently promising himself that he would bring her food more often since she seemed so hungry. He wondered how many pups were inside her. For her sake, he hoped not too many considering how big they would probably be. He compared her size to his and suddenly felt even worse about all of this. 

When she stopped eating to ask if he wanted any, he shook his head. No, that's for you, he answered. He would get something from one of the caches later. She was his main concern right now. He cleared his throat a little. Myrren, I want you to know that, well, you and the pups are my top priority, he said. I guess what I mean is that, I'm here for whatever you need. All you have to do is ask. He probably sounded ridiculous, but he wasn't sure he had actually told her that out loud yet. Also, you're welcome to avoid me as much as you'd like, but just--be careful. he added, glancing around a little uncomfortably. It felt awkward telling her to do anything. I just get worried. He was always good at worrying, but this especially made him anxious.

She only hesitates a moment longer after he says no, tearing back into the carcass a little less ravenously this time as he begins to speak again. She finishes just as he covers the bit about being careful, casting him a slightly withering glance. I appreciate the concern — but I can take care of myself, She says a little irritably, bending again to crack into one of the bones and falling silent for several moments.
When she next pauses to speak, her tone is more conversational, curious. How do you feel about children? There are many things she wishes to know about Kavik, but this is likely the best place to start; after all, they will both be parents soon. She only hopes he doesn't tell her he hates them — though it would be just her luck.

Kavik wasn't really surprised to receive her clipped answer to his request. She didn't seem like the type that would just bend to his will, even if his intentions were good and all he wanted was to make sure she was safe. He had already messed that up once, and now he felt especially responsible for her. But, he let it go; she at least knew how he felt about it now, right?

Her next question, although meant to learn more about him, made him kind of sad. He was supposed to be going through this with Liri, but he wasn't sure how she would feel if he brought that up. But in an effort to be transparent in all of this, he decided to go with the truth. Well, I had planned to have children with Liri this spring, he said first, sighing a little. I've been looking forward to being a father. he looked away briefly before finding Myrren again. And well, I still am, even if it's not the best situation. he added with a small shrug. This may not have been the way he planned things, and he was still overcome with guilt, but that didn't change his feeling about being a father.

It doesn't necessarily surprise her that he mentions his former mate, though it makes her stomach twist uncomfortably. She averts her own gaze, suddenly nauseous again, and gives no response. There's little she can think to say, aside maybe apologizing for not being Liri — for ruining any chance he'd still had at the life he'd planned. And maybe she would, if she could bring herself to say it. She just can't help but think it's not fair of him to bring her up, even if she could never say as much; she still remembers well how often she'd spoken of Rosalie after losing her. She can't fault him for his grief... even if it hurts her.

She said nothing in return, and Kavik wasn't quite sure what that meant. He had hoped to reassure her that he wouldn't leave her alone in this, but he couldn't really tell what she was thinking or feeling. He looked away too, feeling strange. They barely knew each other, brought together by tragedy and then by his lack of self control, and now that things had settled a little, that fact was becoming painfully obvious. His eyes found Myrren again, and he watched her quietly for a few moments. How do you feel about children? he asked, a little afraid of how she would respond but wanting desperately to know what was going on inside her head.

She's a little grateful for a chance to steer the subject away from the woman whose life she'd essentially stolen, though she can't help but feel slightly reluctant to answer. There's no polite way to say that she's always loved the idea of raising children with a woman; it feels rude to imply that he's the wrong gender, even if he is.
But then, hadn't it been rude of him to remind her that she's the wrong woman?
I've always wanted children, She says quietly, pausing briefly before she speaks again. But I didn't plan on raising them with a man. Of course, they are necessary for conception — but as Kavik has proven, it isn't difficult to find a willing donor. She'll never get the chance to realize that dream now, and she can't help but feel a little bitter; for her future, she'd pictured a beautiful wife, a happy marriage, a home she could truly call her own. At least, that'd been her hope. Perhaps it never would have happened anyway, and she has nothing to mourn.

Well, it seemed like they both had at least planned on having children, so he thought that was lucky. Her next words caused his eyes to widen a little in surprise. Oh, um, I'm...sorry he offered quietly, unsure what else to say again. His guilt resurfaced, making him swallow and release a small sigh. He wanted to apologize over and over, but at what point did it stop meaning anything? More importantly, his being sorry didnt unmake the mistake or give her back the life she had imagined for herself.  

Would you like more to eat? he finally asked, noticing the ravaged rabbit carcass and realizing it may not have been enough.

She sighs softly at his apology, feeling a little guilty and irritated by the feeling. It's as much my fault as yours, She says, glancing briefly back toward him. It's not fair of him to take all of the blame, either, she thinks; it is her right to be responsible for her own actions, isn't it? She's certainly not a child.
At his question, she shakes her head, gaze flitting to the decimated carcass for a moment. She rises to her feet suddenly, struck by a wave of restless anxiety, though she's not certain where she intends to go, if anywhere. She doesn't get that far anyway; dizziness washes over her as she stands, and she nearly loses her balance. Shame stings her face and ears as she struggles to steady herself, simultaneously fighting a fresh wave of nausea. She can already tell pregnancy is not going to be her thing.

He completely disagreed with her about it being just as much her fault but thought it best to keep that to himself. She denied his offer for more food, eventually rising to her feet. He was about to speak again, but he noticed her sway, and he thought she might fall over. Not thinking about anything other than how worried he was she would lose her balance, he closed the distance between them, coming to her side and pressing against her If allowed. Myrren, he said worriedly. Are you okay?