Redhawk Caldera Suicide

She wasn't thinking straight as she pelted across the borders of the caldera, making a beeline up the familiar slope she hadn't traversed since the previous fall. Wildfire was a little bit out of her mind at the moment, in no way equipped to cope with what had just happened to her, to make sense of or process it. Instinct and muscle memory compelled her to reach desperately for the love, familiarity and intrinsic comfort of her Redhawk family.

Abruptly, she stopped, halfway to the rendezvous site, as if she had run into a brick wall. The scents of her parents, godparents and brother filled her nose and suddenly fear choked her. Still partially out of her head, Wildfire spun to begin racing back down the hill, the back of her neck bearing the marks of teeth and blood matting her hindquarters.

The last thing Elwood expected to see as he woke from an afternoon nap was a flash of red, streaking across the terrain like a bullet shot from a gun. He blinked, immediately growing defensive as he gathered his wits about him. The fiery blur soon took the shape of a petite wolf, and briefly he wondered what the hell Fox was doing running like that after giving birth only a few days ago.

But he then realized it was Wildfire, just as she suddenly skidded to a halt and started to run in the other direction. This behavior was erratic and entirely unlike Wildfire's usual demeanor -- and his stomach sank as he thought of Peregrine's other daughter, Junior, and her untimely demise. Wildfire knew better than to cross into Redhawk territory uninvited, especially with her parents' new brood on the premises.

The Beta took to his feet and galloped after his niece, brow deeply furrowed as he bore down on her. She was moving quickly, but his long legs closed the gap. "Wildfire! Stop!" he called out, his voice commanding.

As she approached the borders from the wrong side, Wildfire hit another invisible wall. Her eyes fearfully scanned the nearby woods, looking for any sign of Goober. Had he chased her? Would he attack her again? Subconsciously, she had fled to the nearest safe zone and now found herself unable to leave it, despite the threat hanging over her own head.

A barking voice caused her to flinch, whirl and crouch all at once. It was her Uncle Elwood. Wildfire felt a strange mixture of emotions: relief to see a familiar face; anxiety at his tone (understandable, considering where he had caught her); and, most powerful of all, a sense of shame that flared up like fire from her core.

She slunk a few yards forward to straddle the borderline, then pressed her entire body to the ground, but not before flicking her tail between her legs to hide the trauma to her backside. Unfortunately, there wasn't much she could do to hide the marks on her neck. Nor could she simply run off, despite the growing impulse to do just that the closer he got.

Wildfire found she couldn't speak.

She heeded his order, but only after slinging her body low to the ground and creeping across the scent lines. This only further worried Elwood; it was evidence that she knew that what she had done was wrong. So why had she done it?

He strode towards her, head and tail flung up authoritatively as he channeled his inner Peregrine. Even though this was the Alphas' daughter, there was a code of conduct that needed to be addressed. All of the Redhawk wolves were on high alert, with the newest batch of firebirds likely slumbering near the core of the territory. Elwood's gaze and stance softened, however, as he gave Wildfire a cursory glance; he couldn't see the matted blood clinging to the fur on her haunches, but he almost immediately spotted the lacerations along her neck.

He didn't move any closer to her, not wanting to frighten her any more, but instead asked in low tones, "What happened?"

When he came to stand over her her, concern coloring his voice as he questioned her, Wildfire shook her head. She didn't want to—she couldn't—bring herself to answer that question, at least not with the truth. The mere thought made the flame of mortification burn hotly in her gut. But she had to tell him something, give a reason to explain her totally out of character behavior.

"I—I was attacked," she managed, which was true enough. "I didn't mean..." Why was it so difficult to string together a proper sentence? Furthermore, Wildfire couldn't bring herself to look up from her own front paws. "I wasn't thinking. I just ran to safety. I'm sorry, Uncle El. I'll go."

With her belly still slung low, she began to creep even further from the borders, feeling the red fur on the back of her neck prickle as her amber eyes swept the nearby tree line. Her heart beat fast, climbing into her throat, as she tried to figure out the best route home. If she went east and circled around the caldera, it would take longer but she would avoid passing by the forest. If she went west, she could clean herself up at the lake and get home faster.

Torn, she froze, keeping her body contorted strangely to keep her backside out of Elwood's view. Her tail remained tucked, hopefully hiding her humiliation from view.

Attacked. Elwood's blood ran cold at Wildfire's confession. Instantly, he wanted to press for more information, yet it was clear that she was in a fragile state, both mentally and physically. He froze for a moment, mouth agape, and in that short time she started to crawl away, continuing to keep her body low to the ground.

"Wildfire -- wait," he called, even as she came to an uneasy halt. "Come back -- you don't have to go. Who did this to you?" he asked. His voice hardened. She must have been close by when she was attacked -- why else would she have run to the caldera instead of Moonspear? And that implied that there was someone or something dangerous lurking near his home.

Of course he would want more details. Wildfire cringed, still glancing out at the woods, quite likely answering Elwood's unspoken question about the location of the attack. Painstakingly, she dragged her eyes away from the trees and back in her godfather's direction, though they stared fixedly at his paws and no higher. Wildfire knew he must sense there was something more to this attack, yet still she couldn't even imagine explaining the reality to him. Her stomach curdled.

"Goober," she spat quietly. "His name was Goober. He—he seemed perfectly friendly at first, then he..." Her voice shook. She paused to take a steadying breath. "He turned on me. I didn't see it coming at all." Well, she had sort of seen it coming. She should have ran as soon as she had sensed something was off about him. But she hadn't, and here she was, filthy and humiliated and quivering on front of her uncle.

"Uncle El, I have to go," Wildfire said abruptly. "I have to go home." She just wanted to get back to the familiarity and safety of Moonspear, back into Floki's arms... although that thought made her wince softly. "I'm sorry for trespassing. Please—maybe don't mention it to mom and dad," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

She wanted to come back here, under different circumstances. She wanted to visit with the puppies, once they were old enough. This day had already been horrible enough without the thought of getting herself permanently banned from the caldera for her thoughtless actions. Nervously, Wildfire's teeth sank into her bottom lip until she tasted blood.

He followed her gaze as she looked out towards Haunted Wood, though he focused on her face as she provided him the information he had requested. There was a prickling along his spine as his fur stiffened slightly; he stored the name of the wolf in his mind. Goober. What the hell kind of name was that?

Had Fox and Peregrine not been preoccupied with their pups, he might have tried to take Wildfire to them -- or bring them to her, despite the fact that she didn't want them to know she had trespassed. But on top of that, she seemed to be uncomfortable in her own skin, and simply expressed her desire to go home. He wasn't going to hold her here against her will, not when she had been through so much, but he worried about her returning to Moonspear on her own.

"I'll go with you," he offered with a firm nod of his head, hoping not to give her any room to refuse. He took a few steps forward. "I can walk with you and make sure you get there safely."

Wildfire did not expect his offer. She froze, simultaneously wanting to take him up on it and absolutely scared of accepting, lest he cotton on to what had actually happened to her. For several long beats, she said nothing, torn between staying safe and keeping what was quickly amounting to her dirty little secret.

And that thought made her stiffen more, if that was even possible. What would she tell Floki? Once more, the thought of him made her insides clench. Unable to deal with it, she shoved the thought aside and took several breaths, trying to focus on the here and now. She could worry about all of that later, after she survived the present moment.

"Just to the lake," she said, voice more brittle than she would like, though she finally managed to look him in the eye for a split second, her features sagging with gratitude and relief. Elwood could walk her there, then when he left, she could wash up, get rid of the blood and maybe scrub away some of the dirtiness she felt like a film on her skin.

Slowly, she rose, letting her tail fall slightly limp so she didn't look so much like a whipped Omega. Wildfire then waited, hoping her uncle would move to stand beside her or, better yet, take the lead.

She seemed to be reluctant to accept his offer, though she did relent after a moment. "Just to the lake," she said quietly, and Elwood nodded. He moved to stand alongside Wildfire, glancing down at her long enough to notice just how small she seemed. She was always a petite wolf, but she seemed almost shrunken into herself. Had Elwood been a more perceptive individual, he might have realized that there was something else to the story that his goddaughter wasn't sharing.

But he wasn't, and he didn't. He took a tentative few steps forward as they lapsed into silence; it wasn't like he could just make small talk with her. After they traveled quietly for a few moments, he finally said, "Is there a healer at Moonspear that can take a look at you?"

They began to walk, Wildfire hanging back ever so slightly so that her shoulder aligned with Elwood's hip. Her hindquarters were really throbbing now and it made her limp slightly, though she did her best to walk as normally as possible. She didn't know what she would say, what she would do, if her uncle noticed and asked her about it. She might bolt, to tell the truth, to avoid explaining the grisly details to him.

When Elwood asked about a healer, Wildfire immediately thought, No way. She realized she didn't just want to avoid telling her godfather about it, she didn't want anybody to find out what had happened to her. Her insides squeezed uncomfortably. But then she remembered that she was only supposed to have been the victim of an everyday attack, so of course she would gladly seek the help of a healer when she got home (not).

"Yes, Floki's mom is a really knowledgeable medic," she answered quietly. Wildfire liked, respected and trusted her mother-in-law but it didn't matter. She was suddenly determined that nobody could find out about this. "I'll go—hey, what about my mom?" Wildfire suddenly found herself asking, grabbing at the distraction with greedy fingers. "Has she given birth...?" she clarified.

He was somewhat relieved to learn that Wildfire's boyfriend's mother was a medic. At least he could rest assured, knowing that her injuries would be taken care of. But the red-haired girl suddenly interrupted herself, with the first spark of her familiar personality that Elwood had seen that day. She asked about Fox's pups, and he couldn't help but smile as they ambled along at a slow -- yet not quite leisurely -- pace.

"Yep. Just a few days ago. Four boys," he said, relaying the news proudly. They didn't have names yet, so there wasn't much else to share, except: "From what I've heard, everyone is healthy and doing well."

She had four little brothers. Wildfire clutched this news close to her heart. Her mouth opened to ask their names, then clapped shut again. Fox had explained her naming traditions to her, so it was quite likely they didn't have any yet. She wondered what they looked like, what they would be like when they were older, and she wanted to smile but her lips just wouldn't cooperate.

"That's great," she said, the lake growing larger in the distance. Wildfire swallowed and looked surreptitiously over her shoulder, though she was beginning to think Goober wasn't going to come after her after all. He had gotten what he wanted from her, so hopefully he would just leave her alone. Her insides roiled.

When they toed the shoreline, Wildfire angled her posterior away from Elwood and offered him a meek, thankful smile. "Thanks for walking with me. It—" Her voice caught in her throat, which she cleared before trying again. "It really shook me up. It was—he seemed like a nice guy." Her voice fell flat and she swallowed, her saliva tasting bitter.

The yearling paused awkwardly, then squinted off toward Moonspear as she asked, "Can you maybe not mention this to them?" Wildfire didn't have to clarify who she meant, as the request was redundant. "I promise it won't ever happen again. And I don't want to stress them out about the—being attacked. And I'd like to be able to come visit the pups at some point." She stopped there, tongue flicking out to wet dry lips.

"It is great," Elwood agreed quietly as he and Wildfire coasted to a halt at the edge of Lake Rodney. She turned to face him and he met her gaze briefly, his expression sympathetic. He shook his head gently as she fumbled for an explanation for Goober's actions; sadly, there were wolves in the world whose intentions weren't good, and she had run into one.

As for keeping this whole situation a secret, Elwood had his qualms but he would keep his word. It wasn't his story to tell, anyway, and he didn't want to upset Peregrine and Fox when they had their infants' well-being to worry about. "I won't," he promised, though he didn't speak any more about it.

A little reluctant to leave her, he lingered for a moment. "As soon as you're feeling better, come visit. I know they want you to meet your brothers," he said with a faint smile. He would have reached out to touch Wildfire's shoulder with his snout, but refrained as he didn't want to aggravate the injuries on her neck. "Be safe," he advised in a stern voice, then turned and began to retrace his steps back towards Redhawk Caldera. He would stop once or twice to glance over his shoulder, though only once he had put some distance between himself and Wildfire.

<3

Her uncle lingered, after promising not to tell the Redhawk monarchs about any of this. A little sigh whisked out between pinched lips and she nodded her gratitude. When he mentioned visiting again to meet her baby brothers, she bobbed her head again. She tried once more to push a smile onto her face, yet it was like there was a disconnect between her brain and the muscles around her mouth.

"I'll come back in about a month," the yearling promised. "Thanks again, Uncle El." She was grateful for his company, his silence, his lack of prying. Wildfire said nothing more, eyes tracking his movements as he retraced his steps back in the direction of the caldera.

He disappeared into the distance eventually and Wildfire waited a while longer, then waded slowly into the icy water. Ignoring the chattering of her teeth, she plunged into the depths, letting the water wash up and over her bloodied nape. It stung a little before going numb. The same went for the aching between her legs, though the moment she waded back into the shallows, everything still felt sore.

She climbed back onto dry land, shook out her damp red coat, then bent over double to lick the last of the sticky blood from her underside. By the time she was finished, she was fairly certain the nature of the attack was no longer obvious in any way. But would she be able to hide it? From Floki? What if he tried to make lover to her? The very thought made Wildfire feel like someone had knocked the wind out of her.

It was growing dark. Wildfire stood and began moving in the direction of Moonspear. Earlier, she had been practically desperate to return to the safety of her homeland. Now, though, she found her steps slow and dragging. Dread pooled in her belly. She couldn't bear him finding out about the attack. He would be angry and hurt, maybe even disappointed with her for getting herself in that predicament. What if he didn't want to touch her, because another man had had his way with his wife? What if he did and she couldn't stomach it?

No, Floki absolutely could not know. So Wildfire knew she either had to fabricate some other explanation for her injuries (and her inability to be intimate)... or else she might as well just never go home.