Redhawk Caldera The snuggle is real

Finwood thread, as promised! <3 Babies can pop in if they want!

As if things couldn't get any worse, the temperature suddenly plunged.

The wolves of Redhawk Caldera were used to a fairly frigid winter, but the abrupt freeze made Elwood worry. Their caches were not nearly as full as they should have been, considering the few adults that comprised the bulk of their pack, and he was concerned that the firebirds -- still only a week old -- wouldn't be strong enough to withstand the cold. He needed to be hunting and marking their borders, but he just couldn't bring himself to leave the warm confines of the whelping den.

Presently, he was curled up nose-to-tail with @Finley. They were watching the babies while @Raven took a much-needed break. He hoped that she had found somewhere cozy to hunker down for a couple of minutes. The Alpha male nibbled affectionately on the soft fur on his mate's flank, his gaze briefly straying from the wiggling puppies to land on her face. "I love you," he commented, breaking the comfortable silence that had enveloped them.

<3<3<3

Finley had been sleeping when her mate's gentle ministrations woke her. Her eyes fluttered open and she gave him a bleery-eyed look that turned into a gentle smile when she heard him say her favorite words. "Love you too, Twig," she replied as her mouth opened into a wide yawn (omg mine just did too, does that mean I'm in love with Fin?). Her eyes closed again as though to fall back asleep when a tug at her stomach awoke her for good. She winced at the pain and reached to turn little Teehee around so that she was facing Elwood, thus keeping her away from the alpha's belly.

"You'd think they'd have figured out by now that they ain't gettin' shit from my nips," Fin said, lifting her head and twisting her neck to stretch as best as she could without actually standing and disrupting the horde.

He smiled at Finley's sleepy response, then laughed as she made an adjustment to one of the puppies. He watched as she moved the little girl, taking note of the contrast of the auburn streaks on her sides to the rest of her dark fur. Her coloration was like a perfect fusion of Fox and Peregrine. "I don't know, they try to get milk from me, too, sometimes," Elwood commented with a snort.

A different cub -- the black and white female -- bumped against his stomach just then, almost like she was listening in on her godparents' conversation. "See?" he said, reaching down to give her a nudge back towards the pile of her siblings.

Finley chuckled as Widget nosed at her mate's stomach, searching for a milk valve and simultaneously proving Elwood's point. She shook her head fondly, but sadness clouded her eyes for a moment. "I hope wherever Peregrine is, he knows that his kids are kind of dumb," She breathed a sigh, then glanced up at the ceiling as her ears fell back, "I also hope that Fox didn't hear that." Her eyes flickered across the roof for a moment while she waited to see if Fox was sending a lightning bolt her way. When no smiting happened, she took a deep breath and let it go, looking again at her mate and offering him a smile.

"We're alphas," Finley said then, quite abruptly. It was all that she said, even though she originally hadn't intended for it to be. Whatever thought she'd had after that had disappeared entirely as she searched his face, wondering what that fact meant to him soince she hadn't quite determined what it meant to her.

"Oh, he knows," Elwood replied, and couldn't help but chuckle. He could imagine the things that Fox and Peregrine both would be saying about their children at this age, commenting on their lack of common sense and uncoordinated behavior. And yet, while they were just senseless little potatoes now, he knew they would grow up to make their parents proud. His soft laughter subsided and his smile became wistful as he watched the babies squirm.

He tore his gaze away from them and raised his brows at Finley's next comment, his expression sobering completely. Had the circumstances been different, they both might've gotten a kick out of the fact that they were Alphas -- after all, who could believe it? But the truth of the matter was that their best friends had passed away and not only had they been forced to take the helm of the pack, they were also left with a collection of puppies to care for.

He sighed softly. "Yes, we are," he said, glancing back at the babies as the one Finley called Widget determinedly made her way back to his side. "I just hope we can live up to their expectations," he continued, and even he wasn't sure if he meant the expectations of the firebirds or Fox and Peregrine.

There had been a moment of light-heartedness between them that Fin had broken with her words. She regretted it instantly, but it was too late to take it back. She felt a nudge at her arm and lifted it to allow little Mumble to crawl past, smiling faintly at him. He looked like a chubby little caterpillar inching along. Maybe that was what they would end up naming him, although he didn't particular look like one in any other way. Ah well. She tucked him into her arms where he made soft guinea pig-like grunts before curling up and passing out again.

"I'm sure we'll exceed their expectations," Fin commented softly, "You because you're just awesome at this alpha thing. Me because I haven't jumped off a cliff yet." It was odd, being able to look back at her past antics and see how completely insane she had been - Not that she wouldn't do it again if the circumstances were different. Becoming Elwood's mate had tempered her recklessness somewhat, but mostly it was becoming a mother. It was hard to find joy in risking your own life when the ones you loved more than yourself needed you safe.

Although he and Finley were engaged in conversation, it was easy to become distracted by the puppies wriggling next to them. Elwood refrained from replying until one of the more mobile puppies had settled himself comfortably into the crook of Finley's forelegs. Even then, once the baby had stilled, he wrinkled his nose and snorted before answering.

"You know I would jump off that cliff with you," he said, though the opposite was probably true -- he would be the one clutching the tip of Finley's tail in his teeth, pulling her back down to earth. That was how their relationship had always been, and in some ways, it was fitting; but that particular image disturbed him and caused him to frown. He shifted closer to her, his brow furrowed as he nudged Widget away from his belly once more.

"You're...you're happy with how things have turned out, right? Not Peregrine and Fox, I mean -- but with us?" he asked quietly, turning worried yellow eyes toward her.

Finley smirked at Elwood's comment. "The pack would be really screwed then," she mused, considering who would be left if she and Elwood took that fatal leap together. Who would be left? Eljay and Raven were simply too meek to lead. The twins were just kids, Sassafras was.. Sassafras. Maybe Gannet, but he seemed more of a beta than alpha. But then again, Finley had never seemed like either before now.  Who knew. Tragedy could do all kinds of things to a person.

Elwood's soft words took her by surprise. She blinked up at him, distracted from the adorableness squirming all around them. Was she happy with the way things had turned out? She considered this. Eljay, as much as she loved him, was seemingly irreparably troubled. Lucy was gone forever. Lagan and Liffey were her only real successes, and she'd been absent for so much of their lives.

"Yeah," Finley answered, smiling faintly.  As many heartaches as they had suffered, she could honestly say that she had never doubted her love for her mate. The only thing she'd ever doubted was what good she was to him. Speaking of which..

"Elwood," Fin said softly, tears already welling in her eyes, "I found Lucy."

There was a pause before she responded, but when she did, it was with the answer he had hoped to hear. He reached out to nudge her cheek with his snout, eyes closing briefly, but when she spoke his name he withdrew again. His brows pulled into a frown at the expression on her face, but before he could say anything, she beat him to the punch.

"I found Lucy."

Elwood blinked, at first unable to comprehend what Finley meant. She had found Lucy? How was that possible -- when, and where? And why was this the first he was hearing of it? Why wasn't she here, with her family?

He opened his mouth, and no sound came out at first -- then he managed to whisper, "What?"

There are a couple of ways that I could have seen this going - both involving guilt and regret. First, the thought that she should have told him sooner. Lucy was his daughter, he deserved to know what had happened. He deserved to know that his little girl had been found, safe and sound in a forest not far from the Caldera. How much had he suffered with worry and heartache over their girl? The truth was painful, but it was not a pain she should have suffered through alone. He was her mate. They were partners, through good times and bad. She should not have shut him out for as long as she had, no matter how well intentioned it was. She wanted to spare him pain. But maybe more than that, she wanted to spare herself the misery of reliving that day.

But, that is simply not how Finley Blackthorn is made. Hers is the type of character that did not think I should have told him sooner... No, Finley instead was struck almost instantly with the thought I should never have said anything....

But it was too late for that now. Finley, in a brief moment of bravery had decided to be exactly the type of wolf she had always longed to be; the kind of wolf who shared their feelings instead of cowering away from the fallout that sometimes came with it. The moment was fleeting, and now she was stuck in this one where her mate was staring at her with shock and hurt in his eyes.

Hawkin was so right. Finley would always, always find a way to fuck everything up.

"She was in the Heartwood," Fin said softly, turning her eyes downward towards the pup in her arms, seeing Lucy instead, "She was by herself, nervous but healthy enough. We talked a little. I told her I'd take her home and promised I'd never let anything happen to her again. I told her I was sorry - that we were sorry."

"She ran from me," the Blackthorn said then after a moment of quiet where she'd been too choked up to continue, and too miserable to find the words. "She said that I had abandoned her, and that if I'd really been looking for her, it wouldn't have taken us this long. She said she had a new family, that she wanted nothing to do with us anymore..." That she hated me... Fin couldn't bring herself to say the last words aloud, nor any others in spite of all she could have. She felt so unbelievably empty, as though the only thing she'd had inside of her were those last few moments with Lucy. Now it was out. It felt like there was nothing left.

Assessment time at school = not much free time for Kim, ugh!

The moment before Finley finally elaborated seemed to stretch on forever. Elwood watched her, reminding himself to breathe, fighting the feelings of anger and betrayal that were now rising in his chest. His disbelief faded away slowly as she began to speak, revealing Lucy's location -- the Heartwood -- and her physical condition -- healthy, but anxious. Relief flooded him briefly; this rapid succession of emotions was new for Elwood, who usually processed things slowly and thoughtfully, and the myriad of feelings left him exhausted.

Lucy had run from her mother, which didn't surprise Elwood. The girl had been on her own for so long and there was no telling what she had seen and experienced during that time. There was an inexplicable sharpness in Elwood's chest at the mention of a new family, and he nodded, his gaze slipping past Finley to stare out beyond her. He pictured Lucy in his mind's eye, or tried to; it was difficult to imagine her as any larger than she had been when she disappeared. She would always be trapped in a child's body in her father's memory.

He didn't reply for a long few seconds, but continued to nod. The biggest heartbreak that he felt wasn't that Lucy had refused to come back to Redhawk Caldera, but that Finley had waited so long to tell him. What if she hadn't ever revealed the truth? The web of trust between them was thin enough, thanks to their history, and Finley had just stretched it to its absolute limits. Elwood wasn't quite sure what to do.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he asked quietly, looking her in the face with a calmness that belied his inner turmoil.

Silence hung over them and Finley felt as though she was going to drown in it. She wanted him to say something, even though she knew whatever he said would break her heart all over again. She'd betrayed him. She was very aware of that fact, though her eyes were seeing one of a different sort than Elwood. She saw that she had driven his daughter away from him. There had to have been something else she could have said, some other way she could have approached Lucy that would have brought their little spot back home to the Caldera where she belonged. But no, Fin had said all the wrongs things, made all the wrong moves. She'd taken too much time. She had done everything wrong, and now Lucy was lost to their family forever.

Fin lifted her head to look at her mate when he finally spoke. She thought still that he was thinking of how she'd driven Lucy away, and so she felt somehow hurt by his question. As though he had wanted to know sooner so he could have hated her longer. "I didn't know how," Fin said, knowing that it wasn't enough but also that it was the only explanation she had. She truly, honestly hadn't had any idea how to tell him this.

*turns on the mushiness*

He had every right to be mad, and he knew it -- he could even see his justification reflected in Finley's expression. She knew that she had been wrong to keep this news from him, and couldn't even offer a valid reason as to why she had done it in the first place. It would have hurt him had she told him as soon as Lucy ran from her; but it was even more painful after the fact.

And yet...

When he looked at her, he didn't see someone who had withheld information with the intent to harm. He didn't see an ounce of maliciousness in Finley's gaze or posture. In his heart of hearts, he knew that she had dreaded every moment that she kept that secret, had fretted over telling him. And while there was nothing they could do to piece together their broken family, Elwood couldn't find it in himself to begrudge her for what she had done. He had long ago accepted that Lucy was gone; knowing that she was alive didn't change that. And while Finley had put it off, she had eventually told him -- wasn't that what was important?

He sighed softly. There wasn't a single word he could think of to ease Finley's pain, much less his own. But as the firebirds squirmed around them, he shifted closer and touched her cheek gently with his nose. I forgive you and I love you, he said without speaking.

Finley had always known that Elwood was far, far too good for her.

He was too patient. Too kind. Too understanding. He gave her slack when she didn't deserve it. He held his tongue when he should have shouted at her. And most of all, he forgave her when she had no right to be forgiven.

Now was one of those moments, and Finley knew it. But still, when her mate reached forward to give her a gentle touch, she leaned into it with a soft whine. She took advantage of his love for her far too often, and she knew this. She just didn't have it in her not to. She would always screw up, and she would always be selfish. And most of all, she would always be desperate for Elwood to love her in spite of it all.

Somehow, he always did.

Finley wriggled closer to her mate and laid her chin on the ground, sighing heavily while the puppies nestled around them. She was quiet for a moment as tears slid across her cheeks, but eventually she found her voice and whispered to him, "I'm sorry. I tried." Lucy's unforgiving face swam before her eyes. She had definitely not inherited that particular piece of her sire's personality.

Fade soon? <3

"It's not your fault," Elwood murmured quietly, and he spoke truthfully. None of this was the fault of either Blackthorn -- not Lucy's kidnapping, nor what had happened to her afterward, and especially not her rejection of them. They had searched far and wide for her, had exhausted their bodies and their resources; and while it hadn't been enough, he still tried to convince himself that they had done nothing wrong. Some things were simply out of their control, and sadly, this was one of them.

He kissed Finley's cheek, then dared to speak the words that even he wasn't sure he could believe. "Maybe...she'll come back to us someday," he mused, despite the improbability of that statement. "And if she doesn't..." He hesitated, his tongue suddenly feeling thick. "If she doesn't, then at least we know she's being taken care of." It didn't hurt any less, but it was strangely reassuring to know that she had at least found somewhere to call home.

lol maybe

Fin felt her mate's words of encouragement brush across her ears and while they reached for her heart, they just barely touched it. Her regret was buried too deep to be relieved easily, and likely it would never be relieved at all. She would always miss her daughter. She would always blame herself that Lucy was gone. It didn't matter what blame she owed herself and what had been beyond her control. When you stripped it down to the bare facts, Lucy was gone. She would never come home. Fin would never forgive herself for depriving her daughter the happy life that should have been hers at the Caldera with her family.

She didn't want to hear Elwood's hopeful words. Fin had shot them down already, long ago. Apparently, her mate had not. She lifted her head to look at him for a moment before reaching out to rub her nose against the underside of his chin. There was nothing she wanted more than to make him feel better in any way that she could. She'd proven already that she couldn't bring Lucy back, and she simply didn't have it in her to pretend to think happy thoughts about the fate of their wayward daughter.

So, Fin went with a whim. "Do you want more?" she asked suddenly, "Kids.. I mean..."

And then.

After another moment.

Almost as an afterthought.

A very intentional, somewhat poignant, afterthought.

"With me?"

Again, there was a lull between them as both wolves were, presumably, lost in their own thoughts. Elwood couldn't help but wonder about Lucy and this "new family" she had found. Finley's abrupt question caused him to blink and lean back in order to look at her, the disjointed query drawing his brows together. She quickly elaborated and Elwood smiled; his grin only grew bigger when she specified herself as the potential mother of his future children.

"Who else would it be?" he asked teasingly, though his expression sobered as he considered the inquiry more seriously. They had their hands full at present with leadership and the young firebirds, but that didn't mean they couldn't plan for it in the future. And while they had lost Lucy, they still had three smart, passionate children residing right there in Redhawk Caldera with them. Eljay, Liffey, and Lagan were fine examples of Blackthorns and they made him proud every day.

"Yes," he replied, then asked, "Do you?"

Elwood posed a good question. If not her, then who else would he take as a mate? Pickings were a bit slim in the Caldera. Though Raven was not truly related to them by blood, she didn't even register in Fin's mind as a potential replacement for her. Not that the Blackthorn really considered this at all in that moment; She was distracted by the sudden bashfulness she felt at his teasing. An almost coy smile slipped across her lips as she glanced down at her paws. It came so naturally, so easily to him to deny her paranoia. He loved her so honestly. It was a comfort to know how silly he thought it that she might worry about some other woman replacing her.

She kissed his chin appreciatively before giving him a thoughtful look. Last year, the idea of having a second litter had terrified her. Truth be told, not all was perfect the second time around. Even so... That fact was striking her differently in that moment than it usually did. Lying there beside her mate, she felt it was evidence that it was possible to make mistakes in parenting that didn't mean you were a terrible parent and should stop reproducing altogether. As I mentioned, it was a very different thought than those she usually had.  Hopefully she'll hang onto that.

"Yeah," Fin said, nodding softly. She smiled when in the seconds after saying it, she didn't feel like throwing up. Maybe she really was making some progress here.

She gave a simple response consisting of only one syllable, but that single word spoke volumes. There was a confidence in her voice that hadn't been there previously; having a second litter had been daunting at the time, and he remembered her fears. But despite all that had happened, they both still wanted to continue their legacy.

"Good," he replied quietly, glancing up as Raven reentered the shelter. A mischievous smile suddenly danced across his face and he leaned over to whisper something in Finley's ear. As soon as Raven settled herself with the firebirds, Elwood took to his feet and slipped out with Finley hot on his heels.