Broken Boulder It’s not working for me here.

anyone welcome to come up to a grumpy Khali.

Khali walked with his head low, his tail dragging, and his feet barely coming off the ground as he took each step. They just drug across the dirt. He couldn’t help but think about himself and his past and then now and what he’s let himself do. Every night he keeps busy, trying not to have his terrors but they always creep up, reminding him of what used to be. 

He needed to to figure out a way to leave his past in the past if it would let him so he wouldn’t go on rampages anymore because of the terrors. Fatigue was setting in and wasn’t allowing him to work his brain much at all. Even though now he has a home, a place to eat and sleep, he still lies awake at night and it drains him. Eventually it’s not Khali anymore, it’s an empty shell of grumpy and tiredness. 

He thought about leaving it all behind, finding an oasis and just being by himself. It was all thought for now, because he’s right where he should be to help him but maybe soon he’d set out to find his way.. his own way.

Unknown to Khali, probably, Lily had her own night terrors, and spent the hours trying to either sleep through them or keep awake, her mind on other things. The dark wolf eventually tired of these mental gymnastics, pulling herself out of her den for something to do. She was equal parts joyful and timid to see another out so late, but approached him anyway, wagging her tail in silent greeting.

It was Khali; she'd met him briefly a couple of times. Never had the chance to ask him how he was getting on here, but to look at his face, one would think not well. Which was a shame, really. Now she didn't have the opportunity to ask, and she would never know, unless he gave the information freely. She highly doubted that.

Lily gave him a beaming smile, cocking her head as if to ask him how he was faring. She hoped he'd pick up on the body language; this whole "cat got your tongue" thing was becoming a real bloody nightmare to live with.

sorry been sick!

Khali turned his head to look at the culprit of who dared to make footsteps toward him in the dead of night, especially after he’s not slept for 2 nights. It was a darker wolf, whom he’d met only seldom before. His greeting was minimal; with an evil sounding growl he made sure it was known that her presence had bothered him a bit. Her body cues go unnoticed as he turned from her the other way. 

If someone dared to even even give him attention at this point the least they could do would be to work for it. Usually he’s an open book and sweet but lately he’s been having problems with this sleep schedule his dreams have thought up for him. “If there’s something I could help you with, the only thing you have to do is ask straigh forward.” His usual soft voice was harsh and deep this time. He gave a small glance back at Lily, she seemed so happy, unlike him.

She narrowed her eyes at his words, suddenly feeling very cross. Fuming, she padded around him, wheeling around to stare at him, gaze fiery. She felt bad enough that she couldn't talk; did he really have to make it that much worse? It didn't take much, these days, to rub her the wrong way.

Lily opened her mouth, miming words, before shutting it with an audible click of her teeth and shaking her head. Maybe he'd get the hint from that. How are you? she mouthed, deliberately rounding her lips to make every syllable crystal clear.

Khali watched the females every move,his eyes narrowed with each one. He met his outraged gaze with her fiery one, he was confused with her, did she not get the hint? Well, if she was here and staying after what he did then he might as well have a go at explaining to her that he’s not okay as she mouthed the words asking how he was. 

With a large huff he shook his head a few times and then said “I guess if you had eyes you could tell I’m not doing well, I haven’t slept in 2 days. This life isn’t something I’ve ever known nor isn’t something I’m adjusting to well. But it’s night and should you be sleeping? Or are you one of those stargazers ? But I think even they sleep at this hour...” he trailed off realizing he might be talking too much and not for his own good. His eyes roamed Lily, figuring her out was one of his top priorities.

Oh, so he wanted to be salty? Well, he could get it right back, and more. Lily watched him, growing more and more unimpressed as he went on. He wasn't the only one with problems. She hadn't been sleeping, either. Yet here he went, steamrolling on, as if the world revolved around him and him alone. She wasn't normally this cross, but damned if being mute wasn't wearing on her.

Lily shook her head at his question, looking up at the stars and giving them kind of a perplexed, dumbfounded look. She leveled her gaze back at Khali, shrugging. She widened her eyes, to pantomime insomnia. Perhaps she just looked daft.

She tilted her head at him, then, in silent inquiry. Her face relaxed into a neutral sort of concern. Why wasn't he sleeping? What was wrong with him?

Khali gave a huff when she looked at the stars, she wasn’t a stargazer and it was then he realized she probably had something bothering her. The huff wasn’t a mean one it was him realizing just how pathetic he’s really been lately, but it’s not like he could help it. His nightmares take everything out of him, his energy and his sanity. With almost an apologetic look he met his gaze with Lily, “Oh, so you can’t sleep either?” He asked almost at a whisper since he felt embarrassed. 

Khaki flicked his tail and then took a step closer to the female, she hadn’t talked either which made him wonder if that’s another reason she hadn’t slept but it was none of his business unless she wanted to share. “ I know I’ve been less than a gentleman but maybe if we talk through some things or something it could help us sleep? Or maybe we could try things to help us sleep? We could ask someone if they have tips?” His offer was genuine even though lately he’d been less than honorable.

It was like being trapped in a hole with steep sides, one you absolutely couldn't get out of, no matter how hard you struggled. Your claws would just not dig in, your back legs not strong enough to pounce upwards. The words were plentiful in her brain, but trapped in her throat, and she felt suddenly strangled, swallowing against the lump in her throat.

Lily nodded at Khali, hoping he would continue. It was then that she raised a paw to her mouth, touching it to her lips and shaking her head in a negative fashion. I can't speak, her eyes gravely suggested, blinking solemnly back at him. You'll have to do the talking. Which was hellish, for her; she liked to listen, but she really liked to speak, too.

Khali nodded, because she can’t talk it must be hard. He doesn’t let his compassion show even though he does feel it for her. “What if we try to walk for a bit? If that doesn’t work then we can try something else?” He suggested as he slowly moved beside her and slightly nudged her if he was allowed. 

He knew not sleeping could get the best of you, but not talking too.. that would be the worst of the worst. A small grin is the only thing he could muster himself to give to welcome her to walk with him.

She nodded in agreement, falling in step beside him. He seemed to have gotten over his earlier irritation, perhaps accepting the fact that she wouldn't be participating in this conversation--at least not verbally. She was grateful for the company; the extent of her social circle was Vilkas, Eris, and Korei. She was happy to see it expand.

Lily looked over at Khali, shrugging her shoulders, a question in her eyes. What's wrong? she tried again. Perhaps he would open up to her, now that his attitude had improved. She knew from experience--her mouth quirked wryly at the thought of Alarian--that you could try and try to wiggle answers from someone and get nothing in return, save frustration on both sides. She would not push him.

Khali was walking with the dark woman beside him. It was quiet for a little while as Khali thought about speaking, if she can't speak maybe she can be a good listener. A sigh was the only thing he could muster up for the time being, that and a smile to her. How would he even begin to explain anything that's happened to make him the way that he is? It's hard enough as it is for him to try to sleep at night, but to talk about it,  that's what would probably be the worst and hardest. He hardly noticed the look she gave him as inside of his head was at war.

Another few minutes went by and he couldn't take the silence anymore. "So, I bet you are wondering why I can't sleep, Huh?" he said looking forward. "I've had a lot happen to me in the past. It haunts me now and I can't seem to get rid of it. It's a really long story and I'm not sure you'd even want to hear it." he let it all come out at once. Afterward he took a deep breath and then glanced at the darker wolf. She seemed accepting but he wasn't sure she would want to hear all of his stories because she say anything about it back.

Sighs and smiles, sighs and smiles. It seemed like sighs and smiles were all Lily knew, these days, and she stewed silently beside Khali, though returning his grin when he flashed it her way. Finally--thank God--he began to speak again, asking her a question. Giving the obligatory nod, her ears swiveled, hearing him out. At his last remark, she shook her head--but only slightly, then paused, wondering if that were really the right gesture to give.

The little inkstain blinked apologetically at Khali, remorseful for her lack of speech. She lowered her muzzle in deference to his thoughts and feelings, bidding him to continue. True, there were stories that she'd rather not hear, but for one, she had no choice now but to listen--and she genuinely was interested in his tale, too. What had been troubling him so? Her eyes were molten fire, like a hearth in the night, gently resting on his face as she waited for his story.

Khali smiled at her, though he loved when another could talk to him she was asking him to go on, he could tell by her body language. As they padded along looking at all the scenery and what not guided by the rays of the moon he let a lump form in his throat before he was able to talk. A big gulp was all he could muster in the first few minutes of 'his turn' to talk just to get rid of the sinking feeling he had. He was afraid he might have his nightmare now, in the company of a female he'd rather not harm. 

"Well, I had a messed up childhood." he began a little choked up still. "When I was just a bitty thing my mother abandoned me, the reason is unknown to me. I mean why would anyone want to leave just a little baby that can't even defend itself? I mean at least she had the decency to clean me off right? Maybe she didn't mean too? Anyway, that's just the start of this whole mess of things. After that trauma I was picked up by another woman, Muuguzi. You'd think she would be an amazing surrogent mother to an abandoned puppy because they've already been through so much right? Wrong... So so so wrong..." It was a lot for him to get out but he did it. The end was the hardest as his eyes filled with salty tears and he tried hard to keep them from running. It was a failed attempt as a single tear dampened his fur beneath his eye and fell to the ground pitifully.

Lily had been given an idyllic childhood. Spoiled beyond measure, always warm and safe, content with her place in life. Khali's story could not have been more different. Her jaw descended further and further as he continued, and when tears came to his eyes, she rushed forward, pressing her nose to his shoulder. Perhaps he would find solace in her embrace, perhaps not. But she had to try.

I'm sorry. Her mouth opened to speak the words, but naught but a whimper came out, strangled and hoarse. Tears of her own welled up, and she blinked them back hastily--this was his time to cry, not hers!

No wonder he wandered alone at night. After everything that had happened. . . He had always seemed like such an easygoing, happy man to her. Lily had no idea that all of this resided under the surface. Still, when forced to tuck things away, to move on, one got very good at wearing a brave, impassive face. Khali was master of that realm.

Khali embraced her touch as the tears fell from his face. He took a deep breath in and then they stopped abruptly. He noticed that as she went to speak she couldn’t and then she seemed to have tears of her own. His face fell and his ears went back sorrowfully. Khali moves closer to her and then nudged her softly as if he was patting her back. It was the first time he had ever felt for someone. He knew what she was feeling, maybe not being literally mute but he didn’t want to talk at times because of his nightmares scared him too bad and it was almost the same.

”I’m so sorry about your voice..... I know it can be hard. You don’t have to fight your feelings because I’m showing mine. We both agreed to go on a walk and now we’re working through things, maybe if we let it out it will help us sleep.” He suggested to her nodding. He didn’t want her to feel as if her feelings were under his own because they were just as important.

Her tear-soaked eyelids were sagging; the walking and talking had brought the exhaustion to the forefront, and she was suddenly very tired. She nodded along with Khali's words, giving him a watery smile. Sniffling, she composed herself once more, tail swinging slowly behind her.

It's okay, her eyes said, completely guileless. Good night, Khali. She pushed her muzzle against his shoulder, hoping that he had found some comfort from their talk. Lily canted her head toward Broken Boulder, a question painted over her face. Back to Broken Boulder?

Hopefully, they would find the rest they sought there.

Khali accepted her muzzle into his shoulder and embraced it for a moment. He saw in her eyes she would be okay for the night, knowing that he yawned. Finally he was feeling a bit more tired than usual. The man saw her canter off and watched as she disappeared toward the boulder. Their talk was something he needed in his life much more than what she knew, and in his mind he thanked her for that. 

The sandy man trotted off to his den where he would likely rest through the night and some of the morning. He would wake up late and be rested thoroughly thanks to the dark wolf he had a conversation with the night before.