Sleeping Dragon well, he talks like an angel but he looks like me

@Seabreeze (set for september 20th)

terance left the sanctuary aflame. every limb felt like at any second it could catch fire, and both his mind and heart had already begun to burn. his throat was so dry as the smoke of the flames within him had attempted to close it. he was so upset, so angry, so hurt. he felt quite literally like he could burn to ash. and at this point-- so what if he did? 

it was in a below a mountain where terance finally slowed from his trek away from his family. despite seabreeze asking him to stay, okeanos had so clearly blamed him for the suffering that the three of them had endured-- and his influence had turned ibis into a ball of fury, which she shot at him through thorny death glares. he hurt-- so much. terance hoped to be so much happier on this trip, but it had simply gone so wrong. first with lyra-- of all wolves-- and then with his family. there was no happy reunion-- at least, it didn't last long. 

terance was so defeated. he had tried so hard, for so long-- and he just couldn't make everyone happy. in fact, he could make no one happy. and at this point, terance could only think of one wolf who had ever kept his own happiness in mind. and that was rannoch. despite all the hardships he endured, terance knew that he'd made the right choice following rannoch. he was his best friend forever, and nothing would break their bond. never. 

he walked with his head down and his ears forwards, keeping only partially alert-- he was too emotionally drained to really care at this point, anyway. he had a small inkling of her presence, somewhere around the base of the mountain-- through short bursts of wind direction. but terance was upwind, and never bothered to check. he just kept walking.

Tags for reference.

Terance had bolted without staying to spend time with his children, and Seabreeze didn't know if that only confirmed what they thought of him.  She looked at her sweet babies and then off in the direction that Terance had torn, and a tiredness settled in her features.  She left @Okeanos and @Ibis with @Alarian and took off after her once-husband.

Despite the wind not favoring her it was not difficult to follow him.  She left only moments after him.  For some time she gave him his space but when his pace slowed she revealed herself.

She didn't speak.  If he wanted to talk, she'd let him — if he wanted to yell, she'd leave.

i meant to write that the wind would be in sea breeze's favor but i apparently don't understand how wind works so that's my bad i'm very sorry anyway terance didn't realize seabreeze was there for a while. he probably should've. when she revealed herself terance's only expression was a mild show of surprise, everything else had drained from his features. he was so defeated. there was so much he couldn't do, he couldn't help. the gods spent every day beating him into the earth-- terance wondered what he'd done to be in such poor favor. perhaps it was a family curse-- zues simply did not smile down upon him.

he stared at her, quietly, his ears low but flicking to the side. he gathered himself, working hard to push down the cracks that were trying to show through his voice. he swallowed them down, and in one, clear sentence, terance said, "do you know what you've done to me?"

She could have said the same to him.  Do you know what you've done to me?  Her love used to come so easy; she used to be a fountain with enough to spare for everyone.  Not so much these days.

She's willing to let him speak, but she won't take being abused.  He's not quite there yet, but she does take a step back.  If he wants to hurl insults, he can throw them at the wind.  She won't stand for it anymore.

if only she would say that out loud. if only she'd say that. not once had terance ever insulted her. he'd done nothing but love her-- and here she was, feeling like the victim. he had never meant to hurt her. he never had wronged her. would never. 

she stood and stared, taking a single step back. silent. 

he could've choked on his own words. everything he wanted to say to her was coming up at once, piling in his throat. he had to fight not the vomit them all up. terance was not one to throw insults blindly-- he would never throw the first stone. that was not who he was. he processed his own thoughts-- best he could, and continued.

"i'm sorry that i couldn't come with you," he said to her, taking a heavy breath, "i'm sorry that i didn't say more when you left-- i didn't know how. i loved you, ocean eyes-- i love you still-- i couldn't believe you were leaving-- that you would leave me. after all we talked about-- all i did for us." he hesitated to continue, his brow furrowing. 

"all i did-- was-- that-- was--" he fell over his words, and took a moment to stop and collect himself, "was i wrong? did i think i was doing more than i was? i patrolled day and night-- to keep our kids safe. to keep you safe. i'm sorry-- if that wasn't what you wanted. i didn't know what else to do." his head fell, his gaze dropping with it. it shook, ears flattening. "i don't understand-- i'm sorry i couldn't make you stay."

"i'm sorry i couldn't be more for you." his head raised as he spoke, but it tilted gently to one side-- he expected an answer from her, but who knows if she'd give him anything. if his sad, broken words would come off too brash for the delicate, sand-coated wolf before him.

She had expected something different from him.  Perhaps anger or vitriol.  But no, that wasn't like Terance.  It couldn't be, not her sweet boy.  What he offered her instead cut her so deep she thought her quaking legs might not allow her to stand.

I still love you, too.  It was the truth; maybe they couldn't have what they'd had before, but she still loved him, and she always would.  I thought.. Everyone was starving, Ter.  And it was because of the children — our children.  And I couldn't watch everyone waste away and.. and resent us.  Nobody ever came to visit.  It was always just us.  The four of us, and Olive, and her kids.  And I thought maybe it would be temporary, that we could come back after the food had returned.

But with how everything had fallen, that was no more.  I thought that even if I couldn't convince you to come with me, I could always come home.  But I was stupid to think that it wouldn't change things.

She might have started crying, but that was what she always did.  The tears came but she didn't allow them to spill over.  You were always enough for me.

she sad so many things that just... didn't help. terance knew they should have-- he was enough, seabreeze did love him, it wasn't his fault. he was enough. he just wasn't enough to make her stay-- that was the difference. 

"there were so many other things to do then leave," terance said-- based just off of his tone it sounded like he might've been begging, but what there was nothing to beg for. everything had already happened, they couldn't change the past. "we are leaving together-- as a pack. you didn't have to-- this isn't your burden. you didn't have to make it your own," he said, trying to reason with her as if it would make a difference. 

it was so stupid. their relationship was born of childish-trust and lustful mistakes. they weren't meant to be, and they never should've happened. right up until the moment their children were born it seemed they'd both been so convinced that they weren't ready to fall in love. but they did. they trusted each other because they had common histories, and they loved each other because it was convenient. but it wasn't fake, and it hurt all the same. 

if he had been human he might've buried his face in his hands, but instead he just stared at her. he felt drained. emotionally exhausted. and now, hearing her say so many kind words to him-- terance felt numb.

"where does this leave us?" he asked her, tired, "ibis and okeanos won't want to see me again. not after today, not so soon. what do we do? where do we go from here?" i can't go through this again with you. with anyone.

She took in a metered breath and steeled herself against the storm she knew would come.  Everything was her fault of course; Terance could never take the blame for anything.  It was her fault for leaving, instead of it being his fault for not coming with her.  While on some level she understood that she had a hand in his emotional turmoil, she knew that he wasn't as faultless as he pictured himself to be.  He wasn't some kind of martyr for choosing his friend over his children.

Because that's what it came down to, wasn't it?  He'd chosen Sunspire over the formative months of his children, and he pitied himself for missing out.  He didn't hurt for his children, he hurt for himself. 

You had your chance to ask me to stay.  Her words came out as gentle as they possibly could, but there was not pity in her solemn gaze.  He had been so quick to make himself the victim even as the words had left her mouth.  He hadn't said, "Baby, no, please stay, we'll work it out," or "But you don't have to, there are other options," he had instead taken out his insecurities upon her — "Please send Okeanos and Ibis back when they're older.  It's unfair they have to grow up without a father, but I'd like to see what you make of them."  It's too late now.

It hit her then that maybe he'd never loved her at all, and very suddenly her heart twisted as she thought of @Lyra.  She had to wonder if she'd indeed been as terrible as Terance had made her out to be or if she as well had only been a victim of circumstance, touted as a villain when in reality, everyone involved had been at fault.

Where does this leave us?

There was no "us" anymore.  She'd co-parent with him as long as he chose to remain in the lives of Ibis and Okeanos.  But she had ruined "us" when she breached the subject of leaving, and he had ruined "us" when he had crafted himself into some kind of victim.  They are children, and they're hurting because their father isn't around.  It may take some time, but they'd be better off with you in their lives.  It isn't too late to repair what has been lost.

She takes in another breath, this one more unsteady than the last.  Her heart hammered in her throat as she gathered the nerve to speak.  But if you keep on the way you have, our children will grow up wondering why their daddy didn't love us enough to be around.  She did not yet know she was practically predicting the future, but it was the only one she could see.  You don't have to leave Sunspire to fix that.  He'd just have to grow up a little bit.

I'll move on the best I can, Terance.  But it's unfair to us both to keep going like this.  You can't heal if you don't want to.  She casts a glance over her shoulder.  I should be going.  The children need someone right now.  And if he didn't stop her, she'd leave, and this time she wouldn't be running away hurt.

She'd be walking away, healing, and able to move on.

it wasn't his fault. 

terance couldn't believe he was living in a world where this was his fault. a world where seabreeze leaving was his fault. it pained him, so deeply, that she was apparently blaming him for this. they're hurting because their father isn't around. then why, why, why, why-- did you take them away from their father? how could she expect him to pick fairly between two things? two things that meant so much to him. 

and lyra. oh lyra. she'd broken terance in childish ways-- childish in that terance had put himself in that situation. he'd grown attached to something that might have well have been nothing. and he was hurt when lyra didn't reciprocate those feelings. 

but seabreeze... terance had loved seabreeze with every fiber of his being. and his children just as much. so that she could ever even question his love was... sad. but seabreeze never spoke how she felt, not until it was too late. 

and she'd said it herself. it was too late.

"keep the way i am??" his voice raised, only slightly, and not out of anger but out of exasperation-- and it cracked just at the end. "i am visiting-- i made this journey to see them. to see you!" how could she still blame this on him? how could she say he was doing anything wrong? and then, as she left, she sent one more shot his way. the children need someone right now. 

"don't walk away from me--" he began, but... or what? why couldn't she? what else did he have to say? terance hadn't outright blamed her for a single thing-- and here she was, placing blame. again and again. terance couldn't even tell if she was truly torn on this. if she was truly even upset. 

he stared dumbly after her, his words caught in his throat, waiting for her to turn around, waiting for her to ignore him. but he had nothing else to say. terance couldn't yell at her for anything, and he was too useless to bother standing up for himself anymore. this was it. they were through.

and it was his fault.

She wheels around suddenly, unable to contain herself any longer.  Her quaking legs stiffen as she screams, IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOU TO ASK ME NOT TO LEAVE!

Then everything falls silent —

no wind in the trees

no birds in the air

not even the pounding of her heart

— and then it all trickles back in slowly in reverse.  The thrum in her chest, the cries in the air as the birds flee from her rage, and the ever-present trembling of the trees.  Her crystalline eyes are hardened as she stared at him, standing pitiful.  Victim.  Martyr.  She wouldn't be crying for him anymore.

she turned and screamed. it was too late! oh! oh he knew. he knew it was too late. 

fuck you! 

that's all he wanted to say. 

fuck you! for having me break down walls for you! 
fuck you! for promising me that you were ready when you weren't ready! 
fuck you! for lying to me-- for laying beside me every night and harboring demons without telling me!
fuck you! for making me fall in love with you!
fuck you! for leaving!
fuck you! for breaking my heart!

fuck you! for blaming it all on me! 

but terance said nothing. this was it. terance would never say anything, because he didn't have to heart to hurt anyone like they'd hurt him. his teeth gritted as he held back words. his gaze turned stoney, ears pressed down upon his crown. he had made decisions already-- to never let anyone as close to him as he'd let seabreeze. not again. 

but this solidified more than that. whether this be the breaking point or just the beginning of the creation of a facade, terance had had it. he was tired of everyone giving him the short end of the stick, and then rubbing his face in it. 

maybe this would be the last time it'd ever happen, but terance would not let anyone walk over him again.

terance turned and left, feeling broken, defeated, and completely used. but terance was not sad. if this was such bullshit to her, then terance wouldn't waste his energy on it. not anymore.

terance would not be described as pitiful ever again.