Arrow Lake a scorching desert, a shining, gleaming spiral with no beginning and no end [ birth ]

I know it's 4 days early but I wanted to get this up b/c I have plans next weekend and I'm not sure how much I'll be online.
Forward-dated for: 5/12

blodreina draws in a sharp breath, holding it until the most recent contraction wanes. she realized at some point the night before she'd been going into labor as she tried to settle down and couldn't. she shifts and during the early hours of the night she says, simply, to @Ingram they're coming. in a strained, hoarse voice only to be replaced by a blissful sigh of relief soon after as the contraction ends. and later into the witching hours of the morning of their arrival she chases ingram out of the den with only her first warning given hours before to stand as explanation. the contractions draw nearer and the pain intensifies and blodreina tells herself that she's had worse.

i've had worse, i've had worse. i am wanlida. and this is just another battle.

not one she's ever trained nor prepared for. she braces her back up against the wall of the den, breathing labored and harsh as she holds back the cries of pain she wants so desperately to let go of. a whine slips through her lips, unbidden, as she gives birth and the pain subsides. she's immediately exhausted but draws the sac towards her, breaking it open and cleaning the cub free of the gross fluids that cover her and give her a nudge, letting out a sob of relief when @Praimfaya responds with a small squeak.

she nudges the newborn to her breast, wincing as she latches on with a vice-grip. she isn't sure how she knows she's done other than her body knows that there will be no pups and she studies the small slick newborn — a mixture of gyda and ingram — with a tremble of her lips. heda, her heart says but she knows that despite that she qualified to be heda, her culture would never accept her. wanheda. blodreina crowns her daughter with the title that was her ( new ) birthright. the commander ( of death ). imrathil, come meet your daughter. blodreina calls out to him, hoping he hadn't gone far — she'd been far too caught up in laboring to notice.

‘they’re coming’, blodreina intoned in the twilight hours, shifting uncomfortably in their den. ingram tried his best to be helpful, to assist — but he was useless, and this struggle was blodreina’s own.

eventually he was chased from the den, and he paced outside in fretful strides. every now and then he’d stop and cant an ear inward — he could hear signs of struggle and harsh breaths, but little more.

he was nearly at his wits end when dawn came; he was just about to break in when blodreina called for him. he could not hide his anxiety as he came bustling in, crowding the den with his concerned gaze and inquisitive nose. cradled close to the newfound mother was a single pup. he glanced blodreina over first, assuring she was well; she looked spent, but proud — the cub nestled to her side squirmed with determined life. ingram was overtaken by emotion; he crawled close with a strangled gasp, his tail beating as he pressed his head gently to the wanlida. she’s... she’s perfect.

blodreina is loathe to take her eyes off the newborn praimfaya for even a second — but her sea blue-green gaze goes to the mouth of the den instinctively as ingram enters at her beckoning. assured when she sees that it is, indeed, ingram, blodreina turns her tired gaze back to the nursing newborn at her side. as eager as she'd been to finally get the babe out of her over the course of the last ( miserable ) week, she notes how small and fragile and young praimfaya is and for a strange moment as ingram draws nearer, blodreina wishes she was back in the cradle of her womb. at least there, she was safe.

though she was safe in this den, there was a newfound fear for her that hadn't been there before. a new mother's worry and one that blodreina doesn't realize will never go away. she thinks and frets but stills those thoughts for a moment as she leans into ingram's touch. she's beautiful. blodreina murmurs in hushed agreement ...not that she thinks the newborn could actually hear and thus be disturbed by the noise of their conversation.

in my culture a single pup means that they were in line to become the next heda. after the child is weaned they would be taken from the parents and raised under a mentor with no knowledge of their biological family; it was safer this way. less attachments for both sides. only one single born pup can survive sadgeda and become heda, blodreina begins to speak, taking a deep and slightly uneven breath. because i left, they consider me a natrona ... a traitor and by proxy praimfaya. they will never accept her ...and part of me is very selfish and very glad. glad that i will not have to watch her die for the one in whatever chance she had of winning, glad that we don't have to give her up for anybody. there's a swell of emotion in her throat, momentarily tightening it.

and i'm glad that you found me, and that you're here and that you're going to stay with us — because by the spirits of the commanders she glad that she didn't have to do this alone because she was excited and scared and guilty ( over the whole traitor thing ). she's babbling, she realizes and she stops talking closing her eyes as she relishes in their small family.

ingram was emotional enough for the both of them, but to have blodreina recount her past pack’s traditions, and knowing how much drageda had been an irrevocable part of her identity, he felt his heart sink for her. her heartbreak, her grief — it was palatable as it hung like a ghost about them. 

then she said she is glad; ingram’s gaze lifted from their beautiful daughter, his expression one of both wonder and anguish. secretly he is glad too — the idea of having their daughter wrenched from him was a spear to his heart. i’m glad you’ve let me in. he said hoarsely, feeling lame but entirely contrite. you’re not selfish. she’s safe. we’re safe.

once upon a time ...in a different lifetime and would circumstances have been different than they were now, blodreina knows, she could've given praimfaya up. she would've. drageda would've needed a heda and after watching everything that antumbra had gone through with having a family when the heda were not meant to have any family at all ...it would've been a kindness. a mercy. she doesn't tell ingram this. what she would've done didn't matter anymore. blodreina was not the same woman she'd been — and that wasn't just the still wacky hormones talking. she sees the change in herself and she doesn't hate it because part of that blodreina had died with heda and morphed with impending motherhood.

in a way, blodreina feels like a relic of an empire that's not even ruin but a memory. a memory that lives on in her. if verx's fading scent from the pack lands, noted by blodreina — but ultimately went unpursued by this inevitable moment as it had drawn nearer for her — meant anything then she was the last of born kru. the others had long since abandoned them ...and she feels alone ( and yes, she has aure, but there was a lot of her culture that the pale slyph didn't know and it wasn't the same thing ). still, blodreina is conflicted, feeling like she's stolen her daughter's birthright from her a bit on the opposite side of being glad; and to someone who'd once put much stock in geda traditions this bothers her despite that she didn't have to follow those traditions.

she could make new traditions. they could make new traditions.

thank you. she murmurs to ingram, tucking those thoughts away. a small, tired smile spreads across her lips. still, i can't help but look at her and see a commander. a wanheda. ...sort of a combination of wanlida and heda. she speaks fondly, reaching down to run her muzzle over the girl's back once, letting out a soft laugh as she feels the deep breaths tell-tale to slumber. she fell asleep.

ingram can tell blodreina is tired, but knew nothing of her nostalgic thoughts of drageda besides what she had laid bare moments before. he wanted to be there for her, but he could tell she was drifting -- perhaps the toil of whelping had deconstructed some of her mind's defenses, for he could see in her gaze a lingering look he was not quite familiar with.

instinctively, as if reaching out to grab something about to flutter away in the wind, ingram crept closer. he kept his eyes riveted on the two of them, two souls now his world entire. praimfaya, hardly more than a dark sprite against her flank, seemed the most beautiful thing in the world to ingram.

"she's tired. it's hard work being a little wanheda." ingram moved closer, admiring how small the little cub seemed. he didn't know enough about drageda to feel his opinion would be informed or intelligent, but he managed an encouraging smile blodreina's way. "you should sleep if you can.. i'll stay and watch a while."

thank you — she hesitates, as if there's more that she wants to say, as if her tired 'thank you' doesn't convey all the things she feels. perhaps it doesn't. but it is the best she can muster at the moment, exhausted from labor and drained from the emotional turmoil she'd just went through. blodreina draws in a small breath and in a rare moment ( that are becoming increasingly less rare ) blodreina feels a swell of affection for ingram and draws nearer to — if he allows it — place a small, almost timid kiss on his muzzle. wondering if it'd been too bold of a move and because she was honestly tired — the contractions hadn't allowed her much, if any sleep — she shifts slightly, settling her head upon her paws and closes her eyes to drift off to sleep. content to feel praimfaya against her side and know that ingram will keep them safe while they sleep.

ingram rn

ingram remained awestruck by the tiny life before them. she was so small, but she was theirs -- his gaze roved her tiny features lovingly. it was too early to tell which she favored, but ingram hoped she grew up to be just like her mom.

he didn't expect the tender ministration blodreina offered; half-tired himself (though he in no way shape or form rivaled the trial that blodreina had gone through) it took ingram a moment to recognize what had happened. a scarlet blush rose to his darkened cheeks, but he did not flinch -- instead, he pressed to her affectionately, a deep sigh exhaled from his lips.

she was tired, so tired; ingram watched with a sense of protective pride as mother curled around daughter. once the two both had drifted to sleep, he reluctantly pulled from their company to keep vigil.