Dahozhoni Meadow does my breath smell?

set may 29th.

The days passed quickly, each one filled by coupling with @Cambria multiple times, eating, sleeping, and repeating. Traveling, while she enjoyed it greatly, was overshadowed by the intense need to be close to her mate and to procreate. The only time he was out of her sight was when they slept, and even then, she was sure to remain in contact with him. The closeness was unlike anything she had ever felt in the past. It felt right. It felt natural.
Today, she could feel her hormones dwindling, but she had made sure to take advantage of even this last day, rousing Cambria awake at the break of dawn and insisting they get down to business no fewer than four times before the sun finally hung low in the sky. Her mate lay on his side, snoozing after their most recent endeavor. She realized now that she had already done what she had set out to do in the first place, and she gave him a lazy smile before resting her chin on his chest, the last bits of sunshine giving her a nice little halo.

Instinct drove him to stay with Odessia, despite his conscious brain constantly yelling at him to get the hell out of dodge. By the dawn of their last day together, though, that voice had gone quiet. Maybe he was just zooted from all the hormones—not to mention the round-the-clock copulation—but it was almost as if he’d gotten used to her companionship, their routine.

Something touched his chest, rousing the Dragonling from a strange dream. Relief flooded him when he realized it hadn’t been real. He sighed as he regarded Odessia with sleepy eyes, her face so close he could barely look into it. He found he didn’t really mind. He was comfortable with her by now, enough so that he didn’t hesitate to open his mouth and share.

I just had a dream that you had twenty-six puppies and they were all girls.

He let out a breath, then shook his head. When Cambria inhaled, he suddenly noticed that her scent was dwindling. And that, in combination with his own words, really knocked him upside the head. Their time together was drawing to a close. It was time for him to skedaddle before he got attached to Odessia or, gods forbid, any new life taking form in her womb—

It was at this moment he knew… he fucked up.

His eyes flitted while he slept, and he eventually opened them. Odessia felt like she could live right here in this moment forever, although that did not seem very practical. He spoke of a dream, and Odessia repositioned herself so she could see him more clearly. The thought of carrying twenty-six puppies was nauseating, though carrying a few probably would not be so bad. Her mother had done it, her mother before her, and her mother before her, and so the list went on and on.
"What an oddly impossible scenario," she said. Silently, she wondered how many they would have this year. And how many, out of those, would survive to adulthood? That was a mildly morbid thought, but a realistic one. She had seen some of her own siblings perish before they could properly take care of themselves. Survival of the fittest. That was the phrase her stoic father had used.

He had gone and gotten attached. The realization washed over him like Odessia’s hideous morning breath. Cambria didn’t normally mind it—he liked her smells, and not just the one full of pheromones—but his stomach abruptly rolled. How had he let this happen? And was he past the point of no return?

Making an awful horking noise, the Dragonling jumped to his feet, toppling Odessia right off him. He took a couple steps, saliva pooling in his mouth as he fought against the nausea. Somehow, he managed to swallow the bile rising in his throat and breathe through the worst of the queasiness without upchucking.

But when his watery eyes flicked to Odessia and he tried to think of which would be worse—staying with her or leaving her right here, right now—Cambria felt a wave of something else come over him. His chest tightened and he felt short of breath. His skin felt too tight too. In fact, his whole body suddenly seized up, every muscle locking.

She pulled back as he coughed(?), then abruptly jerked away as he shoved her off, clearly having some kind of health problem. Odessia was sure he was going to vomit, leading her to wonder if he had eaten something bad. They had shared all their meals over the past several days, and she hoped this was not also her future. Instead, he seized. Not just one part of him, but his whole body seemed to constrict right before her eyes.
"Cambria, are you okay?" she asked. A whine escaped her throat. She knew the answer, but she did not know what else to ask. She had nobody to turn to. Her pack affiliation was flimsy at best—she had not seen Keshi in... well, she could not even remember how long it had been.
She did not give him long enough to respond, a panic sweeping over her.
"Cambria!" she yelled, pressing her body against his as if it might somehow fix him.

Fight or flight mode was a bitch. Cambria breathed raggedly through clenched teeth, his heart hammering so hard against his ribs that it hurt. He felt as though he might fly to pieces, some of them running for the nearest horizon while the rest came home to roost in this unexpected fellowship.

Whale-eyed, he tried to look at Odessia as she sprang to his side. Her dank breath blasted the side of his face as she worriedly shouted his name. She pressed herself against him, concern written into every line of her misaligned face. It stole the last of the Dragonling’s breath when he realized their care was apparently mutual.

Sounding a little strangled, he managed to squeeze out, Dess. Cambria found himself pushing into her comforting embrace. I’m, he tried, only to bluster, shit.

Well, that was true enough…

She did not think he was out of the woods yet, but he did reply... barely. He shortened her name, something she would have corrected for anybody else, and he said he was... shit. He pressed himself into her, and while she did not relax, she did feel a minuscule amount of relief that her mate was able to talk. Maybe he would be okay. Maybe it was part of the mating process. She remembered a time when she had been unable to talk, her terror so great it had stopped her voice, torn away her personhood.
"What do you need?" she asked.
There was hard edge to her voice, an eagerness even she did not know she was capable of possessing. Odessia's heart pounded in her chest, knowing with renewed conviction one thing: she would never—could never—leave him.

Her question softened his muscles some, though the panic continued to flare through him. It was nice, having someone worrying over him. But he didn’t want that! He didn’t want anything to do with this sort of thing. Cambria needed to get out, get away. But her presence rooted him to the spot, as if her body still locked his in place.

I’m not, he tried again, only for his voice to fail him once more. I can’t, he squeaked out between rapid, shallow breaths. Concentrating on her question, he forced out, I need—space.

Gods, he felt horrid as soon as the word left his mouth. But it was true. As much as he yearned for her touch, he needed some distance. Ideally, he should run far, far, far away and never look back. But more realistically, Cambria could use a moment to recover from this panic attack and collect his thoughts before they completely tore him apart.

Just, he said, unlocking his limbs just enough to take a wobbly step, then another. I need a minute. He halted, thinking that over, and amended, Give me… half an hour, and continued to shuffle across the dry meadow.

He paused among a patch of succulents and slowly closed his eyes with a sigh. The Dragonling tried to focus on breathing in through his mouth and out through his nose to steady his racing heart. He knew he had a lot to think about, though for the next few minutes, Cambria did his best to clear his mind.

That was... not the answer she had expected. In fact, it was the one thing she did not want to do. Knew she could not do. Not in the way he wanted. She tried to remember how she had felt after The Incident, but—but that was different. She had witnessed somebody die so suddenly right in front of her. Somebody she had thought she could build a life with. And now, now her mate was doing this. She swallowed hard, sinking back on her haunches as she watched him move away from her.
How did he not know the way of the world? How could he not know that, once they had coupled, she would only be his. He should only be hers. That was the natural order of things. It was how her parents, grandparents, and generations of wolves had lived for all of time, as far as she knew. It was built-in to her. A part of her bones, her blood, her species.
She stared blankly ahead, beginning to wonder if her voice would disappear the way it had when Viper—

One pale ear twitched backward, listening for Odessia’s footsteps. He realized he half-expected her to follow him. More than that, he kind of wanted her to follow him, despite himself. Cambria sat heavily, hunching with his shoulders moving up toward his ears and squeezing his eyes shut even harder. A furrow appeared on his brow as he tried to shove that thought—to shove all thoughts—out of his head.

He couldn’t be sure how long he sat like that, scrunched up as the temperature began to cool and red warmth pressed on his eyelids. But when his heartbeat finally slowed to a steady thud, his thoughts had begun to calm and crystallize. He could visualize the proverbial fork in the road.

Suppose he ran: he just fled the scene and never saw Odessia again. Cambria would probably get over her quickly, quite frankly, but it dawned on him that he would never stop wondering. He would do everything in his power to tell himself he didn’t care, didn’t want to know, but the Dragonling knew now he’d passed the point of no return that very first time he’d left a part of himself in Odessia.

He drew in a deep breath, straightening his spine and opening his eyes. He didn’t rejoin her, didn’t even look her way yet. Just because he had recognized his fate did not mean he had accepted it yet. No, that would take some time. Cambria had effectively just ruined the schema he had spent most of his life building and the last few months reinforcing. It would take time to rebuild his mental blueprint. He had no idea what that process would look like, how long it might take or who he would be at the end.

—no, she would not let herself finish that thought. Cambria was not Viper.
She retrained her gaze in the direction her mate had gone, scanning the dimly lit horizon, the sun at her back. She cast a long, thin shadow on the brush, but she thought she spotted his still form out there. Odessia fought against every urge to run toward him, but eventually she could wait no longer. She had no clock, no way of knowing if it had been three minutes or thirty. Odessia only knew that darkness would soon blanket the earth, and she did not want that to happen unless she was pressed up against him. (Or maybe even under him.)
His tracks were easy to follow, at least, and she found him near a patch of strange, waxy plants. One of them was flowering, and she stopped to stare at it for a few moments to recoup.
"I do not know how to tell when a half hour is up," she admitted. "If you need more time, more space, I can go back and wait for you."

Naturally, he was still processing when he heard petite footfalls behind him. Cambria smiled a little when he realized he had come to recognize their unique sound. In hindsight, he couldn’t believe how goddamn dumb he’d been. He’d willingly walked right into a trap. He could only laugh bitterly at his own absurdity. He’d really thought he could just spend the week with her, conceiving new life, and then walk away like it all meant nothing?

He supposed it was a good thing he was only capable of such things in theory, not at all in practice. Cambria sighed and peeked over his shoulder, unable to bring himself to smile as their eyes caught. He appreciated her patience, her willingness to give him more time. Truth be told, he would need a lot more of it to make peace with this. But he’d made his bed and now he must lie in it.

Sorry about… that, he offered weakly. He paused, weighing his next words carefully. We haven’t known each other long but I feel like I can tell you anything, Cambria admitted in a soft voice. I would like to tell you the truth, Odessia. Especially now that we’re… inexorably connected.

Whether she wanted to hear it was up to her. The Dragonling swallowed and watched her face, planning to honor her wishes either way but nakedly hoping they could start along this path with total, maybe brutal, honesty.

She had expected him to send her back, to wait until he had more time to... whatever he was doing out here. Odessia tried to read his expression, but that had never been her strong suit. It was something she had always struggled with, and even making her own emotions appear on her face had always been difficult. She had always found it better to simply say what she meant. Odessia tried to remember what to look for, what parts of his face to look at to determine emotion, but it looked blank to her.
When he apologized, she waved a paw at him, remembering to smile so that he would know he was forgiven. He said they had not known each other long, but she did not feel the same. Partly because they had met on so many different occasions, and partly because—apart from her immediate family—she had spent more time with him than anyone else. A beat of silence followed before she realized he was asking her permission.
"Okay," she said, possibly tempting fate by closing the distance between them. She wanted to get closer, to be so close she could feel the vibrations in his chest as he spoke, but she refrained, worried she might... something. Odessia just felt like there were unspoken instructions to stay away, at least until he said whatever he needed to say.

He blew out a breath and said, I’m shit scared.

Before he could say anything further, Odessia inched closer. Part of him still rebelled at giving in, but he overruled it and held out a leg. He twitched his paw, beckoning her to come sit beside him, and then let himself lean into her familiar frame. It would be easier this way; he wouldn’t have to look right at her as he talked.

My biggest fear in life is getting close to anyone, because everyone always leaves.

He just put it right out there, letting Odessia make the obvious inference: one of them would leave the other. Even if it wasn’t a voluntary choice, it was only a matter of time. Even if they stayed together for years somehow, one of them would die. And he couldn’t even bear to think of the fates of any children they might bring into the world. He couldn’t even go there yet.

I wasn’t planning to stay with you. As soon as your heat was over, I was going to leave you and forget all about this past week, he continued, ears drifting backward. I thought I wouldn’t get attached to you or… the possibilities.

Odessia could probably tell where this was going. Cambria took a few more deep breaths, realizing his pulse had begun to race again. Inexplicably, he felt a little like crying. He even felt warm wetness pricking at the corners of his eyes.

But it turns out, I might not be a total piece of shit.

She struggled to see what would be scary about her. They had spent nearly a week together, and he had never once shown fear toward her, but now she could have sworn he was whiter than his usual white. Like all the pink had disappeared from his skin. She was so glad when he pulled her in closer, the physical contact easing some of her worries about her mate.
Odessia wanted to interrupt him almost immediately, but she bit her tongue, both literally and figuratively. She did not quite draw blood, but she came close. His admission that he had never intended to stay did not make any sense to her. That was not a decision one made, it was a decision that ran in their blood. Every wolf's blood. It was the truth of the wolf to mate for life, and her brain simply did not comprehend what he said.
But he only thought he would not get attached. Perhaps there had been something wrong in his upbringing. She had heard of that before. Of children who had a parent die early on, and their view of the world was skewed in some incomprehensible way. Even if that had been Cambria's case, it seemed he was not beyond repair.
"I cannot evade death," she admitted, "but I will try my best."

He had no idea what Odessia might say, so he tried to prepare himself for all the possibilities. And yet her answer struck him. He slanted his snout to look at her face, his mismatched gaze panning from one of her blue eyes to the other.

That’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me, he marveled with a puff of strained laughter.

It had only just begun settling on him, though he felt the sickening knot in his gut loosen a little. Odessia hadn’t taken his frankness the wrong way, so that was a good start. Cambria hoped they could continue being honest with each other, no matter what. In fact, he silently vowed to never, ever lie to her, even by omission.

Bear with me, while my head catches up to the situation? he asked quietly, his eyes slightly pleading. I’m not ready to talk about the future, or even the present, honestly, but I feel like the past is a safe enough bet. I can try to explain why I’m like this, if you’re interested. I wouldn’t mind hearing more about your history, if you want to share.

Odessia could not remember anybody saying anything romantic to her since... well, Viper. She tried once again not to compare the two. Viper was gone, unable to evade death for very long at all after they had met. She did not want to think about what her state of mind would have been like if the two had become mates before his death. Thankfully, her annual cycle had postponed itself until she had found Cambria for the umpteenth time. Odessia found it easy to let Cambria lead the conversation, which he did so more naturally than most of the other wolves she had met.
He explained he was not yet ready to talk about the future, and she assumed he meant their cubs. There was also the matter of where they would go after today. She no longer felt bound to this place, the itch for travel gradually replacing the itch for procreation. She knew she would not be able to travel once the cubs were born. She shelved the thoughts for now, instead focusing on Cambria's next series of words.
Cambria invited her to talk about herself, which she promptly decided was the most romantic thing she had ever heard.
"I was born a month's journey from here. I like my parents, my siblings—both younger and older—everybody who lives there. Midwinter, I knew it was time to leave. I cannot explain it, really—I just knew. It was a pull, like hunger, thirst, or the urge to urinate. I have to admit, a lot of the wolves here are really odd to me. They use weird words, they have outlandish behaviors, some of them do not even look like wolves; it is almost like walking in a bizarre dream, like the one you had about the cubs.
"I met eventually met a male, somebody I thought might end up being my mate, but—" Odessia swallowed, trying to find the words, "—I watched him die right in front of me just a few days after we met. Do you remember the first time we met? That was right after he died. It messed me up. I could not talk for a while, could barely eat, was scared of my own shadow.
"I almost joined one pack, but the other female was too stuck up and would not let me lead as her equal. I ended up joining another, but honestly I have not been back there since I pledged myself to them. I do not know if they even remember me. I visited a few other packs along the way, before you and I ran into each other five days ago, but none of them really felt like the right fit, either."
She thought that brought him up to the present.
"That time, when we met on that other pack's border, I thought you and Fleur were trying to trick me, make fun of me."

She didn’t press him for his background, seizing instead on the invitation to delve into her own past. Cambria listened in attentive silence, appreciating Odessia’s transparency as she spoke of her life. He smiled faintly at her mention of this area’s bizarre inhabitants, his head tilting in curiosity when she mentioned meeting a man before him. Any jealous thoughts were immediately waylaid when she said he’d died right in front of her. His mouth opened and shut with a quiet click as she continued without missing a beat. He let her finish, his brow furrowing quizzically at her mention of Fleur.

But rather than address that, he said, You mean, when Wyvern went after you? His heart panged as he said her name. I—shit, Dess. I had no idea. What happened? Cambria pressed, then thought to add, You don’t have to talk about it if it’s too painful. I’d listen if you wanted to, though.

It sounded like she wasn’t committed to a pack presently, which was something of a relief. Cambria was too busy grappling with the concept of attaching him to one wolf, he definitely wasn’t ready to throw himself into pack life again. He hoped Odessia would understand, once they got around to discussing next steps. The Dragonling swallowed thickly.

It took her a moment to recognize the name; she had all but forgotten about the bird. She was reminded that Cambria was one of the weirdos she had met here, but at least the bird was no longer around, so she could forgive him that. Actually, she found that the thought of the bird did not even bother her now. She was Cambria's now, and any atypical traits he might have—like shortening her name—were merely foreign seasoning on a very delicious dish.
"Yes," she replied weakly. "We had been traveling together, and we had come to a pack. Right after we introduced ourselves, he launched himself at Etienne, the wolf you met. His pack mate swooped in and tore out his throat. I did not have time to react; I still do not know why he did went after Etienne. It was so—so surreal, the whole thing."
Odessia's brow furrowed through the entire explanation, the tightness in her chest a mere echo of how she had felt immediately after the fact. The shock had been debilitating, and she still felt aftershocks at times.
"What about you? What was your life like before me?" she asked.

He didn’t quite know what to say after the harrowing details came out. In lieu of words, he thought to lean over slightly and slide his muzzle along the bridge of hers. They had touched one another quite a lot these past few days, though this tentative nuzzle was somehow the most intimate so far.

Before I get into it, I want you to know I wasn’t teasing you that day with Fleur. What made you think that? And, hey, he said, sitting up straighter, his eyes suddenly brightening with a touch of humor as he gently elbowed her pale ribs, what happened to me being too young for you?

He wondered where to start about his past and decided to take his cues from her. There wasn’t a lot to tell, really, but hopefully his upbringing—or lack thereof—would provide context for his present behavior. Future, too, as Cambria was sure his ingrained nature hadn’t reared its ugly head for the last time…

I was born on an island. It was just my mom and me. She only stuck around until I was old enough to look after myself. I found my own way to the mainland and began traveling and learning survival skills. I had to be quite the autodidact, he said with a huff of humorless laughter. I came to this area about a year ago. I found my way into a pack. They were a mess and eventually disbanded, which was when I swore off making attachments.

He let out a gusting breath. She’d talked about the man she’d almost mated. Cambria supposed now was time to repay her honesty with more of his own. He doubted she would be jealous, though he wondered what he’d think about his feelings for another man. Well, he’d vowed never to keep things from her.

I was a little in love with someone at the time, ah… you know him, actually. Etienne, the Dragonling revealed, unconsciously rubbing a paw along the opposite foreleg. That day, when you ran off, I actually kind of… we didn’t break up, since we were never really together. But I basically told him we could never be together.

Bittersweet emotions welled in his chest. He’d shat all over the idea of being with Etienne, only to wind up here. Maybe Cambria ought to redact his earlier words: he kind of was a total piece of shit.

"It just seemed like it," she said with a noncommittal shrug. She was not sure why, it was just a feeling... and apparently an unfounded one.
"I guess I forgot about the age thing when... you know," Odessia said, waving a paw to indicate the better part of the past week.
She had to (again) clamp her mouth shut so she did not interrupt him. If he was so willing to share with her, and sit through her story, it only felt fair to remain silent during his story. Her attention waned, but she remained transfixed on her mate and his voice. The story of his mother was distressing. She could not imagine what that would have been like, and she pressed herself closer against him as he described his mother's entirely unnatural, absent nature. It was as she had thought: the death of a parent had broken his natural social growth.
He described a pack he had joined, crumbling soon after he arrived. He then said something about loving Etienne, which she took to mean as a brotherly love. Nowhere in her view of the world did she possess the notion of homosexuality. It was a concept completely foreign to her, just like so many things in this region of the world.
Cambria's mother, and then his pack, had left him. None of it seemed any fault of his own, not really. She was all too familiar with trauma now, and hearing about his had her wanting to comfort him further. Maybe these past five days had been a welcome distraction for him, just as that little yellow flower had been for her.
She came to a realization.
"I do not care about the pack I joined," she said, "I only want to be with you."
Odessia knew she would follow him to the ends of the earth. It could be just the two of them against the world, traveling wherever and whenever they wanted. They would never have to pledge themselves to anybody but each other, and they would never need anybody to command. They could just be them.

She didn’t say much about his revelation. Actually, she didn’t say anything at all. Cambria angled his face to search hers again. Was she speechless? Did this change anything? Everything? What if she rejected him over this? That possibility hit him like an electric shock.

But he needn’t have feared. He blinked at her declaration, anxiety and relief mixing in with the guilt. It made for a strange, potent cocktail. Cambria abruptly felt exhausted. After this past week, he felt like he could sleep for a couple of days. And maybe that wasn’t a bad idea.

What do you say we take a few days to just… rest? And talk, at some point.

He just hoped he could sleep on it for a night or two first. Cambria looked around, quickly deciding this was no place for them to settle down for a few days. They needed cover. He could use a drink too, so it might be best to find a spot near some water. His mismatched gaze went distant.

Want to head to the lake? he queried, gesturing north with his muzzle before turning to catch Odessia’s eye. We could hang out below the mesa for as long as we want.

Cambria suggested they rest, and Odessia smiled a genuine smile. She had not realized how utterly exhausted she was yet, as she was still coming down from that hormonal high. Speaking of, she was thirsty in more ways than one, and she wondered if she could tempt him for another romp.
"Do you want to... one more time, before we leave?" she asked, already feeling a flush of heat course its way through her at the thought. It was quite possibly their last chance before her body was no longer receptive. She was not thinking of how they would care for their twenty-six daughters once they were born, only that she yearned for more of Cambria. More contact, more touch, more everything. There was not a single piece of him she did not want for.

His muscles went a little rigid at her suggestion. It was tempting, naturally, but with all the noise in his brain and weight on his shoulders, he wasn’t sure he could perform. Cambria didn’t want to upset her or turn her down, though as his weary eyes shifted to her, he reminded himself that he wanted to be honest always.

I’m not in the mood right now, Dess, he apologized. By way of a comprise, he offered, We can revisit once we get to our destination.

He bumped his shoulder against hers, then climbed onto his feet. He swayed a little, as if his legs were buckling beneath the proverbial yoke now clamped around his neck. Cambria tried not to think about that as he swiveled, lithe body pointing northward as he glanced to Odessia.

His rebuke did sting, but Odessia was willing to try once they got to the lake. She reminded herself to let him take the lead, and that was even easier when he began to head toward the lake. Her thoughts were still consumed by the one thing she truly wanted, but she tempered them, chewing on her tongue as they trotted away from the odd, waxy plants. She glanced back once, wondering what made them so strange. Realizing she had fallen a few steps behind, she hurried up for a few steps to catch up with her mate as they left the dry brush and desert flowers behind.