Blackfeather Woods to sit in solemn silence on a dull, dark dock

at the look that flashed so sharply through the nona's eyes at her words, tundra would find herself subconciously performing the smallest of gestures that was both so normal and innocent it looked all sorts of wrong on the otherwise frigid woman; she bit her lip. no words escaped but her searching gaze never lost its intensity as it flicked back and forth over every aspect of maegi that expressed the emotions she currently felt. as for her own emotions; what the heck? she was jittery (nervous?) and...guilty? yet also some uncanny giddiness spun in circles with the nerves- leaving her feeling as if someone had hit her up with a dozen caffeine shots. it wasn't that any of these were odd reactions and usually most wouldn't have such a reaction to experiencing them but since the unknown and undiagnosed ptsd had settled in on her life she had grown a complete detachment with such feelings, when there should be joy or sadness she'd grown accustomed to expecting only a hollow nothing.

worst part is, it had been a thing with her for so long that it no longer even seemed wrong, it was the emotions starting to leak in as she perhaps as unaware as ever, started a long road to recovery that felt so foreign and out of place. she hadn't wanted to become the stony vessel she'd seemed to turn into, it had always been a defence mechanism. if she'd let herself feel in the past she would have died and well, she kind of just forgot something had ever existed before that. it had been with a strange curiosity that she'd watch wolves stumble over emotions and deem them weak for it, yet here emotions were okay. without them, without them maybe she'd started to feel lonely. 

swallowing hastily, the phantom like being would continue to worry at her lip until unknowingly cracking the fragile skin so that a bit of the crimson liquid stained the purity of otherwise untouched pale fur on her chin. she wasn't sure what she'd expected maegi's opinion on aries to be, but 'good' had never been a word she'd thought would be associated with the dark man. when the girl finished, tundra would stay silent for a good few moments- wide eyes unsure as to where to look since maegi herself seemed reluctant to meet her gaze. "i..." she'd trail off and frown, only now noticing the metalic tang to accompany a quick swipe of her tongue over black lips. her head would shake, mind finally getting ahold of itself and getting back into a soldier like mode where it battered at such rogue emotions hindering her ability to do anything and for a moment she couldn't help but imagine little white wolves chasing off devilish dark ones that hung from her lungs and paraded around her chest. once they finished she felt a lot better, she could breathe properly again. 

"maegi" she murmured softly, stepping forward with only slight hesitance. "he didn't go for damien" she felt odd saying this aloud, as if somehow betraying him. but this would be better for both him and maegi right? it wasn't like what she was about to say was something bad, well she didn't think so anyway. frankly she knew little if this was actually any better than damien down to how little she knew about their family in general. "he left for a wolf named nyx, i don't think it went beyond that" and he said one day he might return....she did, however, allow herself to keep that little piece of information just for her. who knew if it was even true anyway.

she would then realise maegi hadn't even asked how she knew of the man, she was kind of relieved. the thing was, how could she explain what she didn't even know herself. in fact, in the end did she actually know him at all? really she was as good as a stranger, just for some reason a stranger he chose to put up with. despite having stood with the intention of getting out of maegi's fur before her intial question about aries, she would now fall back onto haunches suddenly feeling very weary. as she looked up at the bi-eyed girl she suddenly felt the inkling of something she had not felt since she'd been a very small girl tossed into a world she knew nothing about; vulnerable.

omf i was supposed to be wrapping this up and this kinda just happened, im sorry ff