Panther Park If I made it too hard for you, maybe you should've changed it

Blackhead. Even without a name given, he knew who she referred to—Caiaphas. The one that found him, the one that welcomed him to the coast—the one that provided him with a new family, although that family no longer included her. How she spoke of her, the expression she took on, made his own harden; he cared for Caiaphas, even to this day, despite everything that transpired. That noted anger kept his mouth shut, her name being left a mystery to his aunt—he would not be another to betray her.

When she continued, she spoke of more relatives; his memories of them were dim, faces faded, but names known. Another name, too, was known—“Easthollow?” he questioned, seeking clarification. “I was told by… family… that my dad is there, too. Did you know?” Did that mean, should he ever seek the elder man out, he would run into Sia, too? He knew even less about his uncle than he did his aunt—would he recognise him? Part of him hoped he wouldn’t, whilst another felt… confused. But those were the only two remaining, the news of Tahani’s passing shared. And although he knew he should feel something for her, after hearing about that—she was family, there was shared blood between them—he couldn’t. There was nothing to be felt, no sensation of loss or remorse, not an ounce of grief. For Aningan, it was the same as if a stranger passed because, at the end of the day, that is all any of them were to him now.

Children were mentioned, cousins he would never meet; only one was given a name, the rest seemingly either dead or gone. But his interest in them simply wasn’t there, unable to form, overpowered by the need to know of his siblings. What became of them? Were they well? So many questions, a budding hope—squandered by her words. “So Tunerk and Sos are… gone?” he asked, albeit rhetorically. “If you don’t know where they are… they aren’t with you, then—” Tunerk was on the coast with him before, then vanished into the night. He hoped she was safe, that no ill fate befell her, but he worried most for Sos. Did his brother make it off of the glacier? Would he see either of them again? Suddenly, he was wishing it was one of them standing before him now, rather than Takiyok.

An apology for his feelings—but were those feelings less so that and more fact, than anything? Aningan could see it no other way, his belief from the moment he left the glacier up until now is that he was unwanted; something thought for so long and the feelings that stemmed from it could not be abandoned at the drop of a pin. That hurt he carried with him, covered by the safety felt through Rusalka, came rising to the surface at the mention of his mother; the root of it all, her favourtism noticed early-on. “You don’t have to say sorry,” he stated, voice strained and eyes searching—searching for anything to settle on that wasn’t her. “She was Tunerk and Sos’ mom, not mine.” Saying it aloud, hearing his own voice mutter such words, hurt; the ache was fought away, his determination to ignore it overwhelming. The bear could feel himself fading, attention seeking anything and everything else that it could find, anything to remove himself from the conversation.

“You don’t have to apologise,” he repeated, words forced. “Maybe it’s better you didn’t go against her. Maybe it’s better I stayed with Rusalka.” He loved them, after all. Whilst he might not always agree with the pack as a whole, he could see himself nowhere else. “Rusalka is my family. Everyone there… they are my family. They care for me and I care for them.” They were his family, his pack. He promised to stay with them, to protect them and care for them. “I’m happy with them.”