Snowforest Taiga righteous children

they’re still here, in our dreams. 

aphrodite’s explanation implied that his parents were gone from this earth, completely gone and unretrievable, but how could something like that be true? he’d seen them only days — weeks? months? — prior to this, definitely still on earth, and now they were just.. gone? where did they go? because the beings alsek had seen in his dreams couldn’t have been the parents he’d once loved, not those figureless ghouls devoid of the once-was. if they were stuck like that now, then he didn’t want them anymore, but the idea of giving up his parents altogether.. there had to be some other way. 

right?
right, pola?

she couldn’t have known what he was thinking, or the gross misunderstanding of what death was that was forming then in his growing mind. she couldn’t have known how deep the wounds from this conversation would go, and for how long they would fester and itch. alsek would never sleep again if sleeping meant dreaming and dreaming meant-

i don’t want them in my dreams, he said. bright eyes turned to aphrodite, begging for her to give some remedy as she often had before. something that could clean his mind and keep him safe, so that those mock models of his parents could never come close again. he wanted his real mother with the, the.. the green eyes, and his real father, too. and he wanted pele back, because leaving her unprotected wasn’t an option. what would grezig do to her if he wasn’t there to help? if he couldn’t take the blame, what punishment awaited his sister now? 
it was too much to think about. why couldn’t pele have just come here, to stay with polaris like he had? i want pele, alsek whined. he wanted to go get her, so that she could come along with them wherever this path led. 

pola, i wa-.. i want pele. can we save her? please, can we save her?

aphrodite’s assurance that his sister was fine meant nothing. she was somewhere else with someone else instead of being here, where she belonged. to the whitebark woman, he asked: why you didn’t bring her? something must have been wrong, then.. right? alsek had made this journey just fine, and that meant pele could have done the same, but she was still at home.. ? it didn’t make any sense; something was wrong and aphrodite wouldn’t tell him what it was.

did he want to keep traveling with polaris if it meant leaving pele behind? a heavy question for someone so young, and a question which he truly had no business answering. this was something which should have been left between adults, but here he was, stuck in the middle of it with only a child’s intuition to make his decision with. there were two apparent options: go with aphrodite, or go with polaris.

returning with aphrodite meant two main things: he could reconcile his memories of whitebark stream with the truth, and he could reunite with pele. it meant going back to a familiar life; artyom was there with his family, and kaori with hers. germanicus and surya were there with their lessons about gods, flowers, and all other good things. his first den was there, where he’d first met his parents, his sister.. everything that he knew was there.

including their bodies.

could he go back? going back to whitebark meant acknowledging what some deep part of him knew, that his parents were no longer there. would whitebark still be home without grezig and kavik? even with pele, would alsek ever be at rest? moreover, if he went back to that once home, and slept in that once den, would the dreams continue? he would be sleeping with their ghosts, after all. 

alsek considered that for a moment, then stepped out from polaris’s cover. he didn’t approach aphrodite, but remained plastered between the two of them while he continued to think.

exploring with polaris.. well, he didn’t know what it meant. he knew that he wouldn’t find pele along the way, and though that hurt, it meant he wouldn’t find any of their shared baggage either. whitebark was family in one sense, but his tie with polaris was real; she was his sister.
they weren’t littermates and would never have that bond, but the fast-growing relationship between them was promising. alsek trusted that wherever they went, she would keep him safe. there was a somewhere she could take him that he assumed was her home, and if polaris had been welcomed there, then wouldn’t he be welcome, too? it could mean forgetting everything that stood behind him.. though most of those things had already been (at least) partially forgotten anyway. 

the options were simplified. alsek could go back, or he could go forward, and the choice was only his. can i see pele? he asked, this question for both women, any whenever? ideally, alsek would have liked an in-between option, where both offers were available because that meant he wouldn’t have to leave either sister behind. can i see arty, too? their leader was a strange man, but he’d been kind, and that was more than alsek could have asked for. 

he went on under his breath, naming each packmate that he could remember and asking if he would be able to see them, too. it would be okay if he went unheard, because these names were less important, but alsek needed to clear them from his mind before really making any decisions.
what is somewhere? alsek asked polaris. he needed more information from her, too. was somewhere a place that he would enjoy? were there other kids for him to play with? and what were the adults like? because if they were mean, then that would make everything much more complicated. he looked at his sister with darkened gaze, those mischievous hazels glimmering in low-light, an already knowing stare.

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