Redhawk Caldera all for nothing

Pantaleimon was in full-blown dilemma since she had returned from Redtail Rise. Reek didn't want her to be with Perry at all, but he'd only met Perry in a negative setting. If they'd get to know each other, then Pan was sure they would like each other. Reek had adviced her, before he knew it was Perry, to confront the guy and tell him how she felt. Pantaleimon considered this, but she knew that there was only one outcome to that situation, and that it was going to hurt like hell. Heck, Pan wasn't even sure if she could stay in the pack if she would do that. But where would she go, and moreover, what would she find elsewhere that she didn't have here?

Pan stood by the lake and looked into the water. She looked at her big nose and the broad, bumpy bridge of her nose. Beside the soft and sad expression in her eyes, Pan found nothing resembling a female. Then why did she feel like one so much? What was wrong with her? "No one will ever love you the way you want them to, stupid," Pan whispered hoarsely at the water, at her own masculine expression. If she'd leave Perry because she wanted exclusivity, who knew where she'd end up. It seemed better to keep on living the lie and always being second best in the romance area. It was still better than being all alone, Pantaleimon grimly realised when she stared down at her own ugly mug.