Firefly Glen some place we called home

@Rannoch and @Cypress: if you guys want to pop in, that's fine! Otherwise I can make it a RO. Wanted to do some late emotional!Rian writes before they left the Glen. Music inspo: click

The creeping fingers of dawn were slowly beginning to illuminate the sky presenting itself first as a swath of turquoise which outlined, in vivid detail, the savage cut of the mountain range to the east. A smattering of stars, visible between the tears in the featureless cloud cover, glittered like precious diamonds set into the inky blue of the night sky. But they were quickly retreating into the coming day as the sun crept higher and higher into the sky. Soon all manner of color would seep into the brush, and cast their mark upon the canvas. 

As the rest of the pack slumbered, Rian lay upon the loam with both his eyes and ears turned out towards the Glen. He watched for any sign of movement amongst the tall grasses and shadows. Sleep had, for the most part, eluded him since the decision was made to make camp here. Their relative proximity to Neverwinter, and the paranoia he felt at being so exposed in the open field was a bit too much for him to process with any measure of success. So he slept in short bursts, catching a nap whenever his mind quieted enough for it, but spending most of his time observing, thinking, and worrying.

But there was something in particular that hadn’t left his mind since his walk two days prior: his family was gone. The details were nondescript, but the fact remained that both their scents were conspicuously absent from the borders, and no sign of them remained in their usual haunts beyond the borders. They were simply gone. No indication of foul play. Just... gone.

As the sun crawled higher, the clouds began to take on a pinkish hue, and the  turquoise from before had transformed into a soft gold. Rian rose as the first rays of light peaked over the crest of the mountains and set off towards the streams, which were undoubtedly swollen with the recent rains. When he arrived at the nearest, he lowered his head and lapped at it to quench the sudden dryness in his throat. His heart thrummed in his ears, and his eyes slowly drifted north to the familiar timbers. 

The sight of them, shrouded in early morning mist; the tops gently kissed by the first rays of the morning sun caused his heart to lurch with a pain he’d spent most of his late childhood running from. It returned, and the feeling was amplified tenfold. Loss. Guilt. He swallowed thickly, and drank faster while the knot in his throat twisted uncomfortably. 

They hadn’t come with him. In fact, they hadn’t even come to say goodbye when he called. He’d never gotten to kiss his mother goodbye, or hug his siblings. All he’d wanted was a chance to tell them just how much he loved them all, despite their difference, and that he would make them all very proud. That maybe he wouldn’t be able to bring back papa, but he would found a pack that they could all live and grow together in. Hope for a better tomorrow.

But instead, standing there beneath the dappled rays of the rare spring sun, Rian felt only one thing:

Inadequate. 

A choked sob was wrenched from his lungs as his rear legs gave out, and his rump hit the bank. His forelimbs trembled, and he pinched his bottom lip between his canine and bit down, hard, to silence himself. He didn’t want them to hear his shame.

Rannoch had long struggled with the idea of Rian being more than a cousin to him. Not having those precious months that Cypress had with Rian, Rannoch had found himself disconnected from his jade-eyed relative. As much as he tried to connect with Rian, Rannoch felt as though there was always something in the way of their bonding. Even after Rannoch had asserted himself and the question of who was dominant had been answered, Rannoch still did not feel as though his cousin was a brother to him. 

Gentle rolling clouds of cotton candy greeted him as he woke that morning. Eventually, after he had woken considerably, the gunmetal male pushed himself onto his paws carefully and scanned the snoozing group around him. Not wanting to wake any of them, Rannoch slipped silently away from them and started towards the river. 

It took him some time to get to the river, as he stopped to relieve himself along the way, but once the river was in view, he spotted Rian facing away from where he stood. Changing the course of his travel, Rannoch quickly noticed that something seemed off about the way Rian was positioned along the bank. Pausing at a comfortable distance, Rannoch observed for a moment before he heard the broken sob. Though Rannoch could not see Rian's face, he could only image what it looked like at that moment given the sound he had just heard. 

Letting out a small whine, Rannoch lowered his ears and pressed forward a step as he called out cautiously: "Rian?" Not wanting to startle his cousin, but wanting to be there for him, Rannoch hovered with an uncharacteristically neutral stance.

A sharp pain followed the shift of his jaw, and blood instantly began to well up from the cut he'd inflicted with his young, sharp teeth. He released his lip to not worry the wound further, and focused on restraining the tremors that shook his entire frame as he tried, desperately, to swallow his breakdown. But there was little he could do now. The dam was cracked, and what sprang forth was months of negativity, guilt, and sadness he'd stamped down time and time again. Now it was spilling over the banks, through the woods, and right up the castle walls where he hid, curled up and trembling.

Unfortuately, oppertunity led Rannoch to him and the sound of his cousin's voice stole the breath from his lungs and he coughed as another sob was wrenched from his throat. He slowly turned, unable to ignore the presence of his leader, and looked upon Rannoch with desperation in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I--" He stammered. "I just... they're gone, Noch." He choked as his legs buckled and his chest hit the bank with a splat. Mud clung to his fur, making him look even more of a mess as he babbled almost incoherently, "The scent is gone. Mama is gone just like dad and so are my siblings. No one said anything... no one said goodbye!"

Feel free to bite Cypress. He’s taking liberties.

Cypress was never too far away from Rannoch and Rian. Although he was less likely to initiate interaction or conversation with other wolves — including those closest to him — he was a constant presence in the background. He materialized from the shadows just in time to hear and see the last vestiges of composure and strength crumble from his older brother’s stocky form, and his heart wrenched painfully in his chest. Air heaved from his lungs in a heavy sigh and then surged back in through clenched teeth as he exchanged a worried glance with Rannoch and then slunk forward to approach Rian’s left side. His movements were tentative, the carriage of his body low and easy, as he settled down like a stylized Anubis sphinx in the mud beside the O’Malley boy. It was risky to do so; Cypress didn’t know how Rian would react to being crowded right now. He refrained from touching his cousin for a long, pregnant moment. He didn’t have any placating words to say. In his heart, “Your siblings aren’t gone,” was what chimed the loudest — but the words stuck in his craw lest they be taken offensively.

Then he did touch Rian, having reached a level of comfort with the jade-eyed hunter that was only paralleled by Cypress’ relation to his littermate. If the boy allowed it, he made to turn his head and drape his neck across the burly chocolate and espresso shoulders. “We’re with you, Rian,” he said simply, having decided on this revised version of what he wanted to say in his heart. For better or for worse, Rian was stuck with his adopted brothers for as long as he would tolerate them — and given Cypress’ obsessive nature, maybe even after that.

From the moment that Rian opened his mouth, Rannoch felt his heart plunge to the depths of his breast. Even with his suspicions, the turquoise-eyed man could have never anticipated the intensity of sadness that he was met with. He had never seen Rian, who usually was the most collected of the trio, so devastated and Rannoch felt incredibly unsettled by it all. It was in the midst of the fall of Rian that Cypress materialized from the nearby shadows to join them on the muddy bank. 

Like his brother, Rannoch's pause was riddled with anticipation as he debated whether crowding their distraught sibling was a good idea or not. Rannoch wanted nothing more at that moment then to wrap himself around the other in the way of comfort, assuring Rian that he was not alone. Even with their rocky start, Rannoch knew that he would always be there for Rian and vice versa, but the two had not had the opportunity to express this openly. 

Following suite after Cypress, Rannoch lowered his head to get a better look at his cousin's face, whining gently to express his concern. "Yes, we always will be," agreed Rannoch, falling in line with the conversation. If Cypress' touch were taken well, Rannoch would reach out and touch the mourning man, but, for now, he continued to resist his selfish need to comfort the other with his touch.

Banished to the outskirts of his mind as a result of the sudden and violent explosion of emotion were his senses. He was made dimly aware of the shadow that settled itself beside him, and drew what little solace he could in the warmth he gave off. A vision of varigated tones of black and silver came as a queer comfort to him and he turned into the touch as if programmed to seek the source of it. There was an omnipresent yet hardly-realized connection he was forging with not only Cypress, but Rannoch as well, and he knew that chasing them off in his hour of weakness would sever it. So he wrapped himself tightly around it, refusing to budge from the only thing he had left to fight for.

He buried his nose in Cypress' chest, sniffling as the younger boy draped his slender head across his own shoulders. The words registered in his ears, and they quivered in response to the sound. He sucked in a breath, trying not to choke on his own spittle, and issued a low, long whine of pain. He loved them. He did. And in this moment he was caught between expressing his grief, and embracing their bond. He hurt, and he knew they understood, but he still felt foolish all the same for allowing himself to fall this far.

Rian's ribcage heaved a few more times, and slowly, slowly, began to settle. "I love you guys..." He murmured sloppily into Cypress' armpit.

Being the lupine version of a handkerchief tickled, and Cypress bit down on his lower lip to keep from laughing outright as Rian’s snout buried into the angular sweep of his chest. The chocolate-furred wolf’s touch was electric and odd to Cypress, who didn’t typically allow anyone to get so close to him, and his heightened senses made the tickling worse. It was a completely inappropriate time to laugh, so he did his best to stow it, especially when Rian issued a series of shuddering, sniffling breaths that threatened to undo the raven. His normally stoic visage twisted itself into a mixture of agony and badly concealed mirth, but when the beta thrust his muzzle into the hollow of Cypress’ axilla and then spoke into it, his mouth warm and damp with tears, the eidolon couldn’t hold it anymore. “Rian — tickles — ” he gasped out, his broad shoulders quaking with a soundless, stuttering chuckle that bordered dangerously on hysterical.

The burst of laughter was enough to break the tension, but it also made Cypress feel inordinately guilty. Rian was in agony, and the aspiring gamma hadn’t wanted to laugh. “Sorry,” he whined, settling down. “I couldn’t help it.” He turned to Rannoch, hoping that the grayscale male had some idea of how to save the situation or change the subject — anything that would take this embarrassment and shame away.

An unexpected light bubbled from Cypress' mouth as he was tickled. The rolling of his brother's voice lifted his spirits instantly as his brother's laughter had always had that effect on him. Though he had been caught off guard by this, Rannoch did not quickly forget the reason why they had all gathered. He wondered if the giggle fit had had the same reaction on Rian as it had for him. 

The curiosity in the correlation of their emotions brought about a conversation from his memory that he and Cypress had shared. They had been discussing Rian's place alongside them as a brother. Now, with the topic of conversation shifted from Rian's family, Rannoch found that this was a particularly opportune time to brought up what had been discussed. Rannoch hoped that it would lift their brother's spirits, as Cypress' laughter had done so for him, and solidify himself with them further. 

"You're fine, Cy," assured Rannoch kindly to his brother, moving his glance towards Rian before speaking again. "This might sound like it's from out of the blue, but, Cy and I were talking a few nights ago," he began offhandedly, a smile creeping onto his lips as he spoke. "And we got to talking about you as our brother and making it official." Honestly, Rannoch could have done a better job at the proposal, but something about the moment just seemed right. "You're like the third brother we never had. So, if you want, do you want to share our last name so we can officially be brothers?" Rannoch realized that this still might be a touchy subject, so he was prepared to be faced with rejection. Whatever came from this, Rannoch knew that he would still be there for Rian whenever he needed it.

proper feels.

Rian was entirely unaware that Cypress was ticklish in the first place and, even if he had been of right mind, he likely would have forgotten in the moment anyway. So when the first trembles began to seize his muscles, and the barely surpressed laughter caused his rib-cage to shake with the effort, Rian nearly bolted straight upright as if he'd burned his younger cousin (and would have likely caused his skull to connect with the shadow's jaw in a painful way in the process). His ears snapped to attention and he yanked his muzzle away from the nook. A fraction of a second later he realized, just as Cypress gasped, that nothing was actually wrong. Cypress was laughing from the sensation. The ruddy yearling blinked, flattened his ears, and almost had the mind to look sheepish until the riduculousness of the moment hit him:

what even did he have to be upset about, really? his cousins love him and that is enough. also cypress: ticklish. hilarious!

A spluttering laugh pushed out from his mouth and he sniffed in another rather unsightly snot bubble that had formed in his left nostril. He lifted a paw and placed it firmly against his brothers chest to shove him playfully with a teary smile but before he could dissolve any concern they had about his potential reaction to the uncontrollable reaction, Rannoch approached and settled in closer to them both. The silver-saddled male commanded his attention with merely a word, and he looked up from his place beside Cypress. 

What Rannoch offered came as a bit of a shock to Rian. It wasn't just in title to ease his transition into their lives, or by assumptions made by the pack—they wanted to adopt him. Actually adopt him. Rian's mind blanked. He could hardly breathe, could hardly think, as the feeling blanketed him like a comforting embrace. He'd never felt truly alone, not even now, but with the confirmation that they, too, felt the same was as if they'd reached in and raised his heart from the void that existed solely within himself. The moment, nor the timing, was of little importance. Rannoch could have asked him on their deathbed and he would have accepted. 

"Yes," he exhaled, fighting another wave of tears. "My da..." He trailed off abruptly, stopping the train of thought and decided, ultimately, not to bring it up. The yearling shook his head. Keiran had never really been a large part of his life, as they were well aware, and there was little sense in keeping the O'Malley name. It made much more sense to take on his true family's name, that of the Frostfur line. "Your last name is cooler anyway." He remarked, smiling weakly.

Cypress was quiet as he settled down and regained his composure. There were tears winking at the corners of his eyes, ostensibly from the outburst of his laughter, but he couldn’t deny that getting so hysterical had weakened the locks on those emotions he normally kept safely locked away. There was a reason the raven was often so stoic and stern — it wasn’t entirely a matter of his natural tendencies. He looked anxiously at Rian when Rannoch made the proposal they’d been talking about only a couple of nights ago, ticking his tongue thoughtfully against his tight-locked incisors — counting them to keep from freaking out. “Rian Frostfur,” he murmured to himself, liking it a lot better than “Rian O’Malley” but feeling it might be too brash to say so. He couldn’t help cracking a grin when Rian made his quip, though, believing that it was true even though he was too polite to say so. Sighing to himself, he rolled over onto his back and blew out a breath. “Sure feels better when you two’re around,” he murmured to himself, looking up at the stars and trying mightily not to hate his cousins and his aunt for leaving Rian or think of his own parents, dead and staring. It was a sight that Rannoch would never see, and Cy was thankful for that — but it was also a little lonely, not being able to vent about it to anyone lest they imagine it for themselves.

Though Rian went blank, the emotions that followed were meaningful and Rannoch watched quietly was he bit his bottom lip out of nervousness, hoping that their earth-pelted relative would accept. By this point in their relation, Rannoch had grown comfortable with Rian, but, there was still ways for the cousins to go.  He hoped that this offer would help them grow closer and continue upon the path that they were currently on. 

Realizing that he was holding his breath, Rannoch exhaled at Rian's initial response, but that feeling went away as Rian reverted and mentioned his Da. Not jumping to any conclusions, Rannoch waited for his cousin to work it out the particulars now that the initial shock had (most likely) faded. It didn't seem like Rian was going to go back on his agreement and it was then that Rannoch felt as though he could breath easier now that he was in the presence of the man he would now refer to as a brother. To the Alpha, it all felt right. 

A smile sprouted at the last remark that the corners of his lifted in amusement and he nodded to agree. He had always been a fan of their surname, and he was pleased that now Rian was able to carry the name on as well. It flowed excellently off of Cypress' tongue, and Rannoch paused for a moment, enjoying the sound of it. His attention was drawn back at Cypress' remark and at this Rannoch stood and pulled himself closer to both of his brothers so that he could reach them, nudging them each tenderly on the cheek. "Love you, guys," he murmured, his expression heartfelt as he pulled back to get a better look at the men he had grown so close to.

Awash with comfort, and bathed in the warmth of love, Rian felt he could finally let go of the malaise that had been plaguing him since the disappearance of his father. He didn't need the acceptance of his blood family now that he had the true bonds of brotherhood to guide him; born out of hardship and strife, united by the struggle to survive they now faced. He swished his ears back as Rannoch's touch illicited a surge of joy to race down his spine and tingle in his limbs. A soft whine rolled over his tongue and he twisted to place a lick on his grayscale brother's nose. 

He shifted his eyes sideways at Cypress' remark, but switched to Rannoch at the latter's remark. With a thump of his tail against the ground, he smiled in earnest. "Love you too. I don't... wanna ever be without you guys." He admitted softly.

“You won’t,” Cypress said with perhaps more vehemence than was necessary. “Never, Rian. I — I love you guys, too.” Tall ears splayed to the side of Cypress’ head like a mantling raven’s wings, betraying the slight unease he felt when being so open and vulnerable with his emotions. “We have each other. We always will now.” He rolled back onto his stomach and linked his body to Rannoch’s with a thin thread of physical contact — muzzle against muzzle, tail tips briefly entangling — in a protective ring around their older brother. For a moment he could believe he was a child again — they were all children again — and a glimmer of what he’d felt as a boy, that light, innocent, weightlessness of simply being happy sparked in his lantern yellow eyes for the first time in a very long while.