Broken Boulder and on day five

non-mandatory pack activity.

eventually, the words had registered in her head -- four days.  she spent the days pacing, dreading.  her insecurities that she'd tried and tried and tried to force down had resurfaced; lanawyn took to extreme isolation.  on the fourth day she took to rounding the borders, circling again and again clear through nightfall.  and on the fifth morning, she raised her maw to the air, calling for her packmates.

she wasn't sure what to do or to say; she didn't have the authority for this.  the only leader in the sanctuary was her brother, and half the time.. he wasn't even here.  they'd have to appoint a senate eventually.  later, she thought, later.  when alarian came back.

if alarian came back.

Alarian was gone again. That much was clear. Lily had caught his scent leaving the borders a few days ago, and she hadn't seen him since. She thought he'd given up on trying to find Lennon, but apparently not. A growl bubbled in her throat at the thought, a sound of aggression that died as Lanawyn's call rang out through the territory.

Padding that way, she pondered the situation. What were they to do if Ali got hurt or was--she shuddered at the thought--killed out there, in the search? She'd done fine watching over the pack in his last brief absence, but that had only been temporary. She hadn't a clue how to step up, be a leader. Would it fall, then, to Lana? Korei? Would they tackle the challenge as a team?

It was with worry clearly etched on her normally serene, smiling face that she drew to a halt in front of Lanawyn, wagging her tail once in greeting. "Morning, Lana," Lily greeted, sitting and waiting for the other to speak. She had called for the others--Lily hoped they'd come soon.

Morning, Lily, she said, pawing at the ground in discomfort.  Alarian's gone again.  He said he'd come back in four days, but I don't know.  Her ears sloped back and she frowned, shifting her weight.  I think I need to go after him, she finally admitted after some time.  Do you think you can handle it here?

She nodded to Lana's first statement, understanding. The next part, however, gave her a small shock, and her mouth twitched in indecision.

Lead the pack all by herself? The thought of it shot a bolt of terror through her. She knew she didn't have what it took; didn't have the "it factor" that had allowed her father to lead so well, for Jimmy or Dottie to step up into his stead. She didn't even know if the other wolves respected her enough to accept her as leader, even if it was only temporary.

"I, ah. . ." Her voice trailed off as she grappled for the right words. How could she say no? Alarian obviously needed to be found, and Lana was the right wolf to do it. Who else could do it? She couldn't let her own fears get in the way.

Lily sighed, giving a small shrug. "I think so, yeah," she finally said, after a few beats of awkward, pondering silence. "If it's only for a little while, that should be all right."

She kind of expected more than just Lily would have arrived at her summons — Korei, perhaps — but she wasn't leadership and she knew that she couldn't have really expected much more.  It still kind of made her a Little Bit Stompy. 

Are you sure?  Normally Lily's answer would have been convincing enough for her to giddy-up and go, but something about it seemed.. well, she didn't know.  And she couldn't answer how long she would be gone.  Come Hell or high water, she was coming home with her brother.

She nodded quickly--maybe a little too quickly. What did Lanawyn expect from her? She hadn't asked for any of this. She'd found Ali in a tree, and he'd taken her to meet his friends. All she'd wanted was a home, and people to love. Not responsibility. . .not this.

"I mean, I have to be sure, yeah," Lily said honestly, fixing her gaze on the tawny woman. "You have to do it--you have to find Alarian. There's no choice, there. Which means I need to look after things here. I will."

She sighed, her tail lashing a little in sudden vexation. "Just-- Please, I do hope you find him soon. I'm tired of him running off, of having to worry over him." She gave a weak smile of apology as she realized how terrible that must sound. "I know you feel even more strongly. Just be careful, Lana," Lily murmured, touching her muzzle to the other's shoulder briefly before withdrawing.

"No. I know and I agree.  I won't... I won't run away like him."

She nuzzled Lily, resting close.  Her fiery eyes were full of mixed, complicated emotions.  "It's not fair to you or me that he gets to run away all the time.  It's the Alarian show.  How he feels.  He doesn't stop to... to think! At all! About how this effects you. Or me."

She sucked in a breath through her teeth.  "I'll be back as soon as I can."

Her words were harsh, but it felt good. It felt good to hear the naked truth, spoken aloud. Lily nodded, swallowing. Whatever flaws their Governor had, the Sanctuary existed. It was their reality. And Lily would do her best to hold it all together.

"All right," she said, firming her mouth into a steadfast position, almost--but not quite--a smile. "Be safe. We'll be fine here. I've got Korei, and Xahi, too."

She withdrew from Lanawyn, giving a nod that shook only slightly. "We'll see you soon."