Redhawk Caldera she is fierce want, blazing ambition

though the days waned on with no sign of young peregrine, towhee jr refuses to give up. she sends tzar out on his own, having been blessed with all of his senses and keeps ghost with her when they split up, using the avian as her ears. while her young son might've always been a little grumpy at the start, he took the hunt for his young uncle seriously.

perhaps, like her, tzar felt the same refusal to give up because he thought of his siblings, too.

helpless was a feeling that towhee jr loathed, hated with the fire of a thousand suns; but for as much as she hated feeling it, she felt like it was threatening to drown her.

her and tzar meet back up, both empty pawed, no tracks to speak of. ghost lands upon her son's shoulders as they walk, the bond clearly strengthening between them. this, too, fills towhee jr with a small ache of what she could only interpret as loneliness.

she watches them disappear before she alters her course, seeking @Hotah .

:eyes:

Hotah didn’t move when she found him. His forehead rested hard against the tree trunk, breath coming in rough, uneven pulls. The bark bit into his skin, grounding him when nothing else could.

At the faint shift of her steps, his ears flicked. He didn’t turn fully— just enough that she could see the rawness in his eyes.

Jr… His voice scraped out low, strained. -You found nothing?-

He already knew. It still hurt to hear (or read from her signs).

He pushed off the tree only slightly, shoulders tight, jaw trembling once before he steadied it.

-I don’t know what else to do,- he admitted, the words barely above a whisper. -He’s my boy. And I can’t find him.-

grief holds plenty of space in her heart, for she was no stranger to it these days. -no.- there is no beat around the bush, though for a moment towhee jr wishes she couldn't been more tactful, offer some sort of hope or advice. motivational signer wasn't exactly towhee jr's forte.

-i'm so sorry hotah.- peregrine. his son. her brother. far too young to have been venturing outside.

and though there was only tragedy, in the disappearance of her brother, in the death of her children and husband ... towhee jr feels a small swell of relief that she was not left questioning. that she would not wonder if tvar and her other children were out there somewhere. as far as towhee jr knew, no one could or had escaped the crush of the rocks, the collapsing of earth.

the lack of closure here would leave a wound that would only fester ... until or if someone found peregrine. closure wasn't a stop to the pain but it kept the wound from festering, at least.

-i wish you didn't know what it felt like to lose a child,- it was a pain towhee jr would not wish upon even her worst enemy. -tzar, ghost and i will keep looking. for as long as it takes.- it was the only consolation she could offer: her willingness not to give up.

He didn’t look away, even though grief made it hard to meet her eyes. There was gratitude there—deep and aching—but also worry, protective instinct flickering through the pain.

He signed, slower, heavier:

-I do not want… you risk… or Tzar.-

A beat. His breath hitched again.

-He is my son… not your burden.-

The words weren’t stern—just raw, cracked along the edges by fear.

Hotah looked past her for a moment, into the fog that had swallowed half the world. Then back to her, softer.

For once, he didn't have the answer; no funny quip to come back with, nothing but the emptiness that only a father could hold.

-peregrine is my brother, not a burden,- jr rejoined with, movements of her paw sharper. not out of anger, but out of insistence. as for the risks to her and her son, towhee jr has found them to be minimal: if anything, it someone was the culprit of her missing brother it was they that would be at risk.

-it is good for tzar to have a task. he lets his obsessions run rampant and is very single-minded. i would rather he be searching for peregrine then seeking the grave of his father and siblings.- though her son had not wished to hear it, it would only lead him down a road of further heartbreak ... and jr would rather that tzar stay far away from the cave-in lest he find himself trapped there, too.

a soft breath leaves towhee jr, ghosting forward to offer a gentle nudge to his shoulder. she does not make promises that she knows she cannot keep: that they would find him, that he would be fine, despite how badly she wishes she could; but she can offer her presence and her and tzar's continued help.

-I’m sorry,- he murmured, the words strained and rough. -I didn’t mean to make it sound like he… like Peregrine was only mine to worry over. I know he’s your brother. I know you care.-

He swallowed hard, breath hitching once as he steadied himself.

-And I didn’t know,- he added quietly, meeting her gaze with something heavier than sympathy—something like respect. -About your husband. Your children. I didn’t know you’d lost them like that.-

He exhaled again, sharp at the start, softer at the end.

-I shouldn’t have told you to pull back. You’ve lived through worse than I have. You know what you’re doing.-

Her gentle nudge to his shoulder cracked something loose in him, easing the tight coil in his chest just a fraction. He leaned into it for a beat—small, instinctive—before straightening again.

He lifted his paw, signing slower this time, the motions steadier:

-Thank you.-

Then, after a pause, another sign:

-For staying.-

-i know,- towhee jr is quick to reassure, ensuring the movements of her paws are softened. slower. he is hurting and though softness and patience is not inherent to towhee jr's nature, they are traits learned, through her brief stint as a leader, through motherhood. -even if he were not my brother, tzar and i would be searching.- because he was apart of the pack, because she did not enjoy seeing hotah hurting.

the switch is heavy, though towhee jr has felt like she is finally at a place where she can move on, it is still painful, like the ache of blood beneath a healing bruise.

-it was ... a miracle that tzar had run off and i'd been chasing him to bring him back when the cave-in happened. most of the pack was inside.- it is why she is a bit hesitant of the hobbit hole, clinging closer to the entrance. -it was a long time before i could speak of it, but life keeps going and i'm ready to keep going with it.- towhee jr explains. -it wasn't to compare ... just as a symbol of solidarity. that i know what the pain of losing a child feels like.-

the soft lean of his weight has her ears fluttering back to rest at half mast atop her skull, brief though the moment was.

-i know you have my mom but ... you're not alone, hotah.-

she casts her gaze downwards for a moment not quite able to meet his gaze, towards her paws that had stilled.

Hotah listened without interrupting, the tension in his shoulders slowly loosening as her signs shifted softer. Something in his expression eased—not the grief, but the sharp edge of it—replaced by a quiet, raw gratitude.

He let out a long breath, controlled this time, not trembling like before.

When she finished, he stepped closer, enough that their forelegs nearly brushed.

He signed first, slow enough that she could read every motion:

-I know. And I’m grateful.-

Her words—you’re not alone—hit him harder than she’d probably intended. His jaw flexed once before he let out another sigh, softer this time.

He lifted his paw again.

-Thank you… for telling me.-

He dipped his head slightly, voice low but steady. -Your mother has me. Yeah. But I don't have anyone. It feels...lonely, at times.-

Then, gently, sincerely:

-You being here… it helps.-

towhee jr's not good at this — at offering comfort. it's become easier since becoming a mother but it still does not come easy for her. contemplation makes its home upon her expression when he admits to not having anyone.

she wants to counter that, that wasn't true.

but they were still strangers for the most part, getting to know one another.

-loneliness is a bitch,- she was familiar with that, too. she had tzar but her growing son needed her less and less as he neared young adulthood. soon, he would cease to need her all together and towhee jr knew she would need to let him go when that time came.

like her when she was his age, tzar was not meant to be held too tightly. it would suffocate him. dull that spark that both makes her proud and scares her.

-i wouldn't say you have no one.- towhee jr finally signs, small twitch of her lips given, weighed down by the gravity of the situation at hand.

Hotah huffed out a quiet laugh, the sound low in his chest as he angled a look her way. The grief was still there, heavy as ever, but her words cut a clean line through it.

He lifted a brow, mouth tugging into a crooked, exhausted half-smile.

-What, I’ve got you?- he said, voice rough but teasing at the edges.

The corner of his mouth twitched again, a soft, warm ripple of humor despite everything weighing them down.

His eyes softened, though—really softened—as he watched her, the fog haloing around them.

-Maybe you’re right,- he murmured, quieter, sincerity threading through the strained amusement. -Maybe I’m not as alone as I keep thinking.-

-well...,- towhee jr signs, drawling the movements of her paws out as one speaking it might drawl it out on a breath, letting the word linger on their tongue. instead, she lets it linger on the cliffhanger of her paws, slightly mischievous glint in her eye: there and gone as she is drawn back into the gravitas of it all. of his grief. of her ptero.

-if you want me, then yes.-

soft snort leaves towhee jr. -of course i'm right,- she signs, trying to interject some lightness despite it all. -a pack is a pillar of strength. it's not one. it's all. when one of us grieves, all of us grieve.- it was an extremely romantic notion from a woman who was not imaginative nor romantic in the least. but it is what she believes to the very marrow of her bone.

He looked at her fully then, eyes steady, no flinching, no second-guessing.

He lifted his paw, the sign simple, sure:

-I do.-

A small exhale left him, somewhere between a sigh and a laugh—relief threaded through with something warmer.

Her next signs drew out a soft huff of amusement from him, that familiar edge of humor returning. He nudged her shoulder gently, grateful for the light she tried to bring to the moment.

-You right,- he signed back, brief but firm.

-Maybe we should do another sweep of the territory.-

soft smile tugs at the edges of her lips; brief but there as he nudges her shoulder. a small moment that she allows herself to relish before shuffling it to the side in favor of continuing the search for young peregrine.

a sage nod is given. -let's go.- she signs, knowing that she and tzar would keep searching until they were told to stop or until peregrine was found.