Dragoncrest Cliffs Mourning light

She stopped outside the borders, unsure of her welcome and resigned to her fate. For a good while, Wildfire didn't move or make a sound. She just stood there, staring into the middle distance, her life flashing before her eyes. Then she blinked and came back to herself with a bitten-back sigh. She squared her petite red shoulders, ignored the nearly painful thumping in her breast and lifted her smudged nuzzle toward the sky streaked with pale morning light. Her muted voice wavered, barely carrying, as she requested the presence of @Thuringwethil.

At first, Thuringwethil isn’t sure she heard the call. Her ears swivel forward and she feels drawn away from the cavern. Most of them know her mate is missing and no one is around for her to confirm she heard it at all. She pulls her feet into gear and finds her way into the opening and through the forest where she centered the call. She doesn’t think she’s ever going to get there but by the time the fiery girl materializes, she slows to a stop.

Several tall redwoods still stand between her and Wildfire and Thuringwethil stares from around them for a long moment, uncertain what to make of her absence. She is noticeably thinner but in one piece, giving her enough relief to usher herself forward until she’s just a few feet away. Thuringwethil’s jaw sets but her silence announces her conflict, a hard thump forming in her throat that prevents her from saying anything.

The instant she saw the commander approaching, Wildfire dropped to the ground and flattened. It wasn't done consciously, it was more of an emotional and instinctual reaction to Thuringwethil's imposing presence. She remained very still, only chancing a quick upward glance when the Heda came to stand over her. She didn't say anything and Wildfire couldn't really interpret her body language from down here. She dropped her gaze and stared pensively at her own feet, trying to muster up something to say.

"I'm sorry I ran off," she began after a lengthy silence. "I was upset but that doesn't excuse it." She swallowed thickly, gazing off to the side for a long beat as she tried to gather the rest of her thoughts. There was a lot she wanted to say about that day on the beach but when Wildfire opened her mouth, what spilled out instead was, "Thur, I went to the caldera. My parents"—her voice caught, hitched—"they're dead." She hadn't intended to play the pity card but she looked up beneath lashes suddenly laden with wobbling tears, appealing not to her commander but to her partner.

Thuringwethil stumbles forward a step but there’s a force that glues her in place once more. She tries to move so that she may comfort the girl but her legs stiffen instead. Their eyes meet and she frowns when the explanation takes too long to come out. There isn’t much of one but she does add something else: where she gone and what she found out. The anger and worry she felt over the last few days recedes back while guilt and sorrow creep in, threatening battle with one another.

After she’s able to close the distance, lowering her head and nudging the girl’s cheek, Thuringwethil gives her space. Her jaws open to say something but click shut a beat later. There isn’t a word in her reserve she can say that will make her mate feel any better. She grew up with mentors instead of parents but the bond does not compare. “Get up,” she softly urges nudging against her neck with a little force. Her nose buries into her fur and she inhales, reassuring her mind that she hadn’t forgotten the familiarity. “Come on.”

When Thuringwethil moved toward her, nudging her and urging to her feet, Wildfire blurted, "I didn't tell you that so you'd take pity on me." She heaved herself to her feet even as she spoke. "I mean—" Her breath hitched in her throat as she leaned into her mate, tentatively at first and then much more heavily. As a matter of fact, she clung to the commander. "They really are gone." This was said quietly, directly into the Heda's ear. "But I didn't mention it to avoid punishment. I... accept the consequences for my actions."

Realizing she was blathering, the Bandrona pressed her lips together and stood there. She could feel her heart beating so rapidly that her whole body seemed to vibrate with its rhythm. It was partly seeing and feeling Thuringwethil after so long apart, being welcomed into her partner's embrace. But Wildfire was also nervous. Despite her own words, she wasn't sure she was entirely prepared for whatever punishment the commander meted out. What if she demoted her? Forbade her from having pups? Booted her from the pack? Wildfire felt her insides shriveling like a spider on a hot stove top.

Thuringwethil braces herself as Wildfire leans against her. She does not push her away or nudge her off but she keeps her close, closing her eyes and wrapping her head around what she can. While she can’t imagine what the girl is going through, she can keep herself still long enough to let her get through it. She doesn’t have any words for comfort while her mind runs blank, uncertain of what may or may not help. Instead, she does her best to be there to keep her standing and to help guide her somewhere warm.

“Don’t do it again,” she tells her and nothing else. She begins to move with a slow step, hoping to get the girl to follow along with her. The cavern offers the shelter they need, close to a cache they have been able to construct together, but her weary frame needs rest from her travels. Maybe even Portia will be nearby for a once over but she does not call directly for the woman. “Let’s get you somewhere warmer.”

The Heda's words made her think back to a month or so prior, when she had said the very same thing to Thuringwethil. Her lips twitched faintly and she nodded without saying anything. When the commander urged her to move, Wildfire fell into step slightly behind her. Perhaps her mate had more to say on the matter but, for the moment at least, she wasn't going to kick her to the curb. A grateful weariness sank into her bones.

When they reached the caves, the Bandrona's innards tensed a little but she followed the leader inside. With a sigh, she dropped to her haunches, avoiding looking around in case anybody else was in there with them. She didn't feel up to facing anyone else right now. In fact, her cheeks heated with slight shame as she swallowed around the lump in her throat. Chestnut eyes fixed on a spot between her own forepaws, she gingerly lowered her body to the ground and curled into a ball.

She only looked up to peer at Thuringwethil, wondering what the Heda would say or do now.

She does not think of the aversion to caves in those moments, wishing to find somewhere that will bring the blood back to her toes and to tend to her mate. She’d been in the elements far longer than she has, with the protection of others, and she wants to warm her back up and get a little food on her belly. There are few remaining in the cavern for the day but she notes Arlo nearby, whom she dismisses with the goal to find something from the caches and bring it back to them. In the meantime, she helps get her settled into a ball on the ground and after a moment, she does the same.

Thuringwethil does her best to curl up close and bury her nose into her fur. It does not have the seclusion their cave on the dragon once had but it is quiet and she can simply focus on Wildfire being there. “You are strong,” she murmurs, nosing her snout to try and curve her neck around the girl in a warm embrace. She can’t find the words she really wants to say so she lets herself pull away and rest nearby, giving Wildfire the decision to rest as she pleases. “Do you want to talk about them?”

The commander joined her on the floor, curling up beside her. Wildfire hesitated for only a second before snuggling against Thuringwethil. There was still some unresolved anger lingering over the Heda's decision to prohibit her from breeding, yet she ignored it for the moment. She didn't want to talk about that or her parents or much of anything right now. She just wanted to rest here in her mate's company and let the relief of being welcomed home sink into her.

"Not right now," Wildfire replied quietly, "but... later." She lapsed into silence for a few minutes, then said, "I'm glad you got to meet my mom. That was the last time I ever saw her." So much for not talking about them. But she stopped there, lower lip quivering and eyes suddenly blurring. She tucked herself all the more tightly against Thuringwethil, burying her face in the other woman's neck.

Wildfire gives her answer and Thuringwethil feels a weird sense of relief and dread at the same time. She wants to be able to help, to say the right words to make her mate feel better, but she does not have that reserve to dip in to. She had not been taught these things and there had been little growth outside of her training and studies which abruptly ended when she’d been eight months old. Before, she would never have bothered to search these things out but in this moment, perhaps she should have tried harder.

Arlo comes back after a few moments and drops the carcass of a rabbit nearby. He does not linger and Thuringwethil stretches out her body to pull it closer. She nudges it to Wildfire in an attempt of encouragement, hoping a food on her belly will make her feel better.

“I do want to have a family,” she speaks softly though she bites back the dilemma on the edge of her tongue. Changing Drageda to suit her wants over their needs feels selfish and she’d clung to what felt like the last shred of hope when she denied her mate. Even with sound reason, a pinpoint of guilt clings to her insides. Repeating her explanation bubbles up and threatens to spill out but Thuringwethil locks her jaws to silence herself, nosing against her cheek to keep herself from doing so.

She didn't even notice Arlo come and go, nor the food he left beside them. Wildfire kept her face smashed against the Heda's neck, trying hard not to cry but mostly failing. And when Thuringwethil spoke with words likely meant to reassure her, Wildfire only sucked in a sobbing breath, then lost control completely. Still she clung to her mate, letting grief rip through her and doing her best to muffle her cries so as not to call attention to herself.

"I can't—talk about that—now," she managed between tearful breaths. She leaned into the commander's nudge to show that she wasn't angry with her, at least not enough to pull away. They should and would talk about it later, Wildfire just felt entirely too fragile to handle such a discussion right now. "I just want to sleep," she muttered almost too quietly to hear, ignoring the rabbit as she curled into a ball against Thuringwethil and slammed her eyes shut against the onslaught of emotions still assailing her.

Even if Wildfire hadn’t meant the words negatively, Thuringwethil can’t help the guilt welling up in her belly. Her ears twitch but she doesn’t say anything, nosing closer and closing her eyes. For a while, she stays there but does not sleep. She studies her in scent, not having realized how much she’d missed it.