Moonspear i was hopelessly behind on reductions and meringues.

Liffey had been thinking non-stop since leaving Gannet, Charon and Hydra a few days ago. It had been painful to do so. There were so many thoughts and emotions spinning chaotically within her. She had tried to suppress many of them for some time now, but no more. The things that had been said that day with Gannet and Hydra had unlocked something inside of her. She could've put the lid back on, maybe. But she didn't want to. It was time to think hard about her future here at Moonspear and make some decisions.

It didn't look good.

In the end, Liffey felt certain that she knew where her heart lied. But, she was not the only one who mattered. In fact, she wasn't even the one who mattered most in this equation, at least not from her perspective. Where she had fallen short, @Rannoch had blossomed. He had cultivated deep friendships with many of the wolves at the Spear, including those who were the main reason for Liffey's own unhappiness. If a life at Moonspear was what he wanted, then Liffey would remain. She would stand by his side always, no matter what it cost her. Besides which, if anyone could ease her fears and make her feel more optimistic about her situation, it was her mate.

So, she sought him where he was most likely to be found that time of day - cruising the borders. She hoped that he for once wouldn't be with Terance or Dirge on his patrol. She liked them both well enough, but she was on edge enough without having to find some sensible excuse for taking Rannoch away from his work. She thought she knew which direction they typically moved along the borders in, and so she started in the opposite direction in hopes of meeting them in the middle somewhere along the way.

edit: LOL I accidentally marked this as a pack activity at first

Rannoch's efforts to console Liffey had been futile; he had found that it was almost impossible to comfort her when she hadn't revealed the cause of her anxiety. Her stress— coupled with his uninformed position— had allowed a semi-permanent state of concern to settle into his consciousness. Although Rannoch was well-versed in the art of masking his emotions, he was not as talented in the department of not overthinking. 

Rannoch had decided to cut his patrol with @Terance short. His choice had come from lack of focus, and he felt it wasn't fair to hinder their guard with his problems. Rannoch had excused himself awkwardly and galloped hastily in the opposite direction; he knew he needed time to himself to obsess over what he knew and figure out how to get Liffey to talk to him. 

Once he was out of sight of Terance, Rannoch found himself a sunny patch of snow to sit upon. With his shoulders hunched, his eyes set towards the ground, and his body language uninviting, Rannoch submersed himself into his spirits. Before Rannoch knew it, he was amongst his self-loathing that he returned to the conclusion that he had come to the day prior: Liffey was tired of him and was breaking up with him. A foreign pain throbbed through his heart as he thought of the sobering judgment; he couldn't imagine life without Liffey at his side. It felt as though a part of him was dying, and Rannoch had no idea how to save it. 

All too involved in his perceptions, Rannoch didn't acknowledge the presence of Liffey's scent in the air.

When she found him, she was relieved to see that her wish had come true - he was alone. But that feeling was short-lived as she neared. His demeanor was downcast and somber in a way that Liffey had never seen before. Fear and concern gripped her heart painfully. Her own troubles were forgotten as she sped to his side, replaced only with worry for what had befallen him, unaware that the problem was actually her.

"Rannoch?" Liffey called as she neared, lowering her head to try to peer into his face, "Rannoch, what's wrong?"

Rannoch snapped back into mindfulness when he heard his name; he hadn't expected Liffey to happen upon him and was surprised to see her in front of him. Despite his instinctual desire to conceal his feelings and put on his happiest face for her, Rannoch was unable to shake the dejected look in his eyes. 

"I'm worried about you, Liff. You haven't been yourself," he admitted, seeing no benefits in pussy-footing around the matter. Rannoch looked at her then, his eyes melancholy, as he attempted to gauge her reaction.

He looked at her and her heart broke at the sorrow etched upon his handsome face. She wanted only to rush to him and kiss the hurt away, but she was too astounded and saddened by it to move. When finally he spoke, it took her a moment to realize that this was her fault. All this time, she had thought she was the only one suffering for her unrest. How could she have been so utterly stupid.

"I know I haven't..." she answered him softly, settling down on her haunches and bowing her head in a way that spoke of how ashamed of herself she felt in that moment. He was so kind, so thoughtful, so loving and wonderful. She was a terrible wife. "I was coming to talk to you... I should have a long time ago," she said gently, looking back up at his face, "I just... I've been struggling to figure myself out. And then once I did, I didn't know what to say and... Rannoch, I'm sorry."

From her words came the retrospection of his theory. Rannoch braced himself for the disappointment that he believed would ensue. By the time that Liffey's words tarried, tears had begun to pool in his eyes. 

Although there was so much he wanted to say, Rannoch remained silent. His mouth had become dry, and a lump had formed in his throat; his grief had physically hindered his ability to say anything at that moment.

Rannoch said nothing in response to her words, giving her a moment of silence to look upon the evidence of the pain she had caused him. Her heart ached horribly at the sight. She wished more than anything that she could erase it somehow, but she knew she couldn't go back in time and re-do the past few days (weeks). All she could do was be honest with him starting now and hope that it would somehow right her wrongs.

"Rannoch... I'm not happy here," Liffey said, her voice small and full of guilt, "I don't want to stay in this pack anymore." She breathed, picked up the hammer, and swung it hard at the dam.

"I wish I could explain exactly what it is, but I just don't feel at home here. We've lived here for months now, and I still can't shake the feeling that every minute I spend within these borders is just.. wrong. Like I'm trespassing constantly in my own home. And I see you and I see Gannet and you both seem so at home and so happy and I just... I want to feel that way. I don't think that I can here, though. I have tried and tried and I just... I don't think that I belong here. I'm sorry.. I don't know what to say, I'm just.. sorry..." Her voice hitched then, halting the dramatic reading of her own psyche. Tears had sprung to her eyes at some point and were slipping down her cheeks and she ducked her head to hide them.

"Rannoch... I'm not happy here." 

Liffey's confession had left him bewildered; her words were unexpected, and his anxiety relinquished almost immediately. As she elaborated on what had driven her to this realization, relief-driven tears rolled down his pale cheeks, and solace warmed his heart. 

"Liff," he croaked almost immediately after she had ceased her explanation. Without another word, Rannoch thrust his muzzle to hers and kissed her feverishly. "I-I thought you were going to break up with me," he admitted, not yet comprehending the gravity of the situation she had presented him. "And I was worried sick— I couldn't live my life without you." 

After taking some time to dote upon his wife, Rannoch pulled himself from his show of affection. "I want you to be happy," he confessed quickly, "And if you're not happy here, then this is not our home." Unaware of the consequences that this decision would face them with, Rannoch elaborated. "We can find our home, somewhere where you feel like you can belong... and somewhere to start a family." Before his tribulations of self-loathing, Rannoch had been thinking of how to approach Liffey on the subject; their emotion-filled exchange had gotten the better of him. Rannoch's mind ran wild with the possibilities that presented with her words, and he found himself unable to focus on any negative aspects. 

Finally, he confessed, "I've missed leading, too." 

Liffey barely noticed Rannoch's words at first, so lost in her misery was she. She fell easily into his arms as he came to her, crying as he kissed her and held her tight. She had never spoken so bluntly of her feelings on the matter before. In her mind, she had confessed far more, but speaking it aloud made it all the more real and awful for her. And somehow, after those emotions subsided, she felt relief flooding in. It had been a terrible burden to hold her distress in for so long, and between the confession and Rannoch's affection, she was beginning to feel lighter already.

She looked at him as he stepped away and responded to what she'd said. This beautiful, wonderful man. He truly would do anything for her, and likely he would for anyone that he loved. And so it was a good thing that he had fallen for a woman like Liffey - in spite of the embarrassingly large pile of evidence that said falling for her had been an immensely stupid thing for him to do - because she was the kind of creature that insisted he think of himself first.

"I love you, Rannoch," she said, smiling briefly before her face grew concerned again, "I love you for saying such wonderful things. But I can't bear the idea of taking you away from here and then one day you wake up and you resent me for making you leave it all behind. You have friends here, and you've built a place for yourself. I can't let you give it up for me unless it's what you truly want to do, so please.. just think on it for a minute before you agree to leaving with me."

Just as Rannoch felt as though he was about to float away, Liffey's words returned him to reality. Rannoch nodded in agreement, his expression suddenly thoughtful as he silently reflected upon what she offered. There was much to think about, and Rannoch suddenly felt the weight of his decision. 

"I will never resent you, Liffey Frostfur," he decided after a pregnant pause. "I've come to enjoy my life here, but I can't call it home knowing that you do not feel the same way." Rannoch leaned forward and nudged her cheek. "I want to include Terance and Wraen in this. I feel like we've both grown very close to them," in his thinking, he remembered his most-recent run-in with Wraen, and how keen she'd been to see Liffey. "They're like family, and they're the part of Moonspear I can't leave behind. Especially Terance." He wondered what she'd make of this. "If they don't come... we'll still keep in touch— somehow." Rannoch wasn't sure how.

"How do you think Charon will take it?" he asked, feeling suddenly anxious about how their Alpha would react.

Liffey was quiet as he considered her, and quiet still as he finally spoke. She was glad that he was thinking through her request, for there was much to consider. She too would be sad to leave behind a few of those that lived here - Terance and Wraen being first and foremost amongst them. She would have mourned leaving Korei Julia behind as well if the girl hadn't already beaten her to it. So, she nodded to show her support. She didn't want to leave them behind either.

When he spoke of Charon, she felt the guilt rising like bile in her throat again. She couldn't imagine telling him this. She couldn't imagine leaving without telling him, but the thought of disappointing him made her feel physically ill. And then there was Gannet. Lord, they had just finally come under one roof together again and she was bailing on him... Was she really sure about any of this?

She thought of Rannoch. She thought of them having a family. She sighed. She was sure.

"I'm scared that he will hate me," she said quietly, "He's given us so much... I feel awful for being so unhappy here. I don't know how to even begin to explain to him why I want to go. I can't see any ending to this where he isn't upset with us." She frowned sadly as she thought more on it. He would be angry and hurt, and she wouldn't blame him for feeling that way.

"I feel bad about it, too," Rannoch confirmed with a sigh. Charon had opened his home to them, nurtured him back to health; there was an undeniable look of guilt on Rannoch's face as he considered all that Moonspear had done for them. "But... things have been really weird since Galaxy died," he admitted uncomfortably, "It's been so uncomfortable, and I understand everybody is grieving, but something about this feels so tense." He shurgged, unable to elaborate. "And it's hard to forget what happened to Screech." Rannoch had thought he had suppressed this internal debacle long ago. 

"This is whats best for us," he decided, sounding more confident than he had beforehand.

Liffey was beginning to doubt herself again. Not doubt that her heart truly wanted to leave Moonspear and find a new life for herself and Rannoch to share together, but just whether or not they should. Part of her felt much like she had back at the Caldera when she had wanted so desperately to leave to be with Rannoch. She had felt trapped then by her guilt over wanting a life for her own.

She felt that way now too, but tenfold. This was not a situation she had been born into that she wanted to leave - this was one she had chosen, at least partially. Circumstance had driven her here, but there had always been a choice for them not to stay. But they had, and they had taken the care and resources of their new packmates. Though they had both worked tirelessly to earn their keep and repay their debt, Liffey still worried that it wouldn't be enough to spare them from Moonspear's ire at learning of their desire to leave.

But then she remembered when she finally had left the Caldera. The freedom she had felt... Maybe it was selfish, but good lord did she long to feel that way again. And that just wouldn't happen here. Not in a pack where they crippled a wolf for trying to protect his family. Where they held wolves against their will, then called it generosity and lorded it over their captives. Where they hunted down and tormented an innocent little boy for running away when he was frightened. Where they would ostracize someone just because a boy had chosen to love her.

Liffey sighed, feeling somewhat relieved when Rannoch confessed his own misgivings towards remaining in Moonspear. She truly didn't want to force his decision, no matter how strongly she felt about the matter. "It's all those girls..." she whispered, glancing around nervously as though they would show up at any moment (since so often lately, they did), "They're cruel and manipulative. I don't trust them, and I don't want them anywhere near our family. I mean... the one we will have, someday. I can't imagine ever being comfortable having kids in a place that's within their reach, let alone under their roof."

She nodded in agreement with his final comment. It was what was best for them, and Liffey didn't want to live her life for anyone but herself and her family. "When should we tell them?" she asked, feeling discomfort squirming in her again.

Although Rannoch was unaware of the circumstances that had lead to Liffey's perception of Hydra, Ayla, and Lyra, he did not question it. In the weeks since his and Lyra's falling out, Rannoch had felt as though he had seen a different side of the trio; they had distanced themselves, and Rannoch had noticed it. "I agree," he concurred. "I want our children to live happy lives, and if they're not able to here, then I do not want to stay here." 

When asked about the timing of their next move, Rannoch turned from his wife to regard the sky overhead. There had been a pause in the snow, and Rannoch wasn't sure how long that was going to hold up. "As soon as possible," he replied as he turned back to his wife. "I want to travel while the weather is good, and this seems like as good as it'll get." He wondered if she had any insight into what the next few hours would bring weather-wise. "And I want to talk to Terance first, and invite him along. Do you want to talk to Wraen?" And, as an afterthought, Rannoch added with a shrug, "I think if we make a place of our own, Terance would make a good leader."

In spite of their situation, she found herself a little swoony over Rannoch's talk of their children. He was going to be an incredible father. She had her own doubts about herself still. She had never actually liked kids. She had hated her adopted siblings when she was little, and she hadn't been overly fond of Titmouse during their time at the Vale. But more recently, she had found herself appreciating kids more and more, and the thought of actually having her own had made her happy. And if it would make her mate happy, then she was all in.

Liffey nodded in agreement to his suggestion. She liked Wraen, though she wasn't certain she would have any ability to convince the girl to come. That might ultimately be up to Terance, assuming he would be on board as well. She smiled at the idea of them coming along. It would be a comfort to her knowing they had support, but she was not fool enough to think that it wouldn't be another point of contention for their soon-to-be-former packmates.

"I think so too," she said with a smile. It faded quickly as her mind continued to whirl and anxiety reclaimed in her focus. She sighed deeply and looked at her mate with a sad frown, "This is going to be hard. And... I'm afraid that it might also be dangerous."

"I know," Rannoch agreed. Although a plan of action had been decided upon, he knew that trials and tribulations would meet them along the way. "And, it's kinda scary to think about— Moonspear is fierce when opposed." He scooted closer to Liffey and pressed himself to her in an attempt to soothe them both. "But, I think that we can do it. Actually, I know we can." Fear mingled with Rannoch's spirit, and his heart drummed rapidly as he attempted to wrangle his emotions. 

"We'll head towards the Vale, and see where that takes us?" Rannoch recommended as the idea came to him, and he looked to his wife for her approval. Somehow, the plan was quickly building in his mind, as if his subconscious had been plotting this escape all along.

Liffey remembered when she had first met the cerberus. They had saved her life when an angry wolverine had set upon her. She remembered watching them even as she'd scrambled to get out of the way. They had been magnificent, deadly. A well-oiled machine without mercy... She had admired them immensely, and still did. They might not be her friends, but that didn't mean she couldn't recognize that they were impressive in their skills. She did however wish they weren't quite so good at what they did. That would've made her a little less nervous about their plan. A little.

She smiled at Rannoch's encouragement and gave a nod to his suggestion. His confidence in them instilled of bit of the same in her, but only just. She knew that all of this would be better once this was over and they were safely away. She could relax then, and maybe even feel excited too. But for now, she was unhappy and fearful, and she would remain that way until all was said and done.

"I want to talk to Gannet as well," she said, frowning again, "I talked to him the other day and he's really happy about becoming a member of the pack. He's excited for us to live together again... I think he'll understand once I explain it to him, but he'll be disappointed still." Liffey wondered if he would perhaps join them, but considered that it might be out of the question. She still suspected that Gannet was being held captive, even though he was currently a willing one.

"Yeah," Rannoch agreed; he had a creeping suspicion that Gannet would be disappointed in Liffey's decision. "I think that Gannet wants whats best for you." He reached forward and kissed Liffey's cheek, hoping that it would calm her nerves. 

It seemed as though their itinerary was immense, Rannoch knew that they would need to start acting on it if they wanted to leave before it started snowing again. An abnormal sensation of terror began to pour into his stomach but, he attempted to stay calm for his wife's benefit. Rannoch had no idea how the subsequent hours would play out, and he expected the worst. 

"Should we go and talk to everybody we need to?" he asked and pressed himself closer to Liffey; Rannoch needed to find a way to clam his racing heart, and he hoped his wife's touch would do just that.

Liffey was comforted somewhat by her mate's words. She knew that it was true - Gannet would want what was best for her. But that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt him to learn that what was best for her wasn't to stay here by his side. Understanding could only heal so much. She knew that from experience.

Slowly she nodded, anxiety tightening in her belly like an ulcer. She leaned into his embrace, seeking comfort of her own. If nothing else, she and Rannoch would be together still. Come hell or high water, Rannoch belonged to her and she to him. They had found a place for themselves once before and they could do it again. That thought actually did comfort her, but then suddenly another thought pressed into her mind and she pulled suddenly away from Rannoch and looked at him sharply.

"Rannoch Frostfur," Liffey barked with a frown, "You thought I was going to break up with you? Are you out of your mind? I forbid you from ever thinking something so absurd again. Break up with you..." She shook her head. Part of her felt bad that he had suffered so from her disconnection lately, but another was bothered that he would ever think that she would leave him, no matter the circumstances. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. Break up with him indeed. "I would die before I ever let you go, and don't you ever doubt that," she said, gentler this time as she scooted on back into his arms.

Rannoch couldn't help but smile meekly at Liffey's light-hearted chiding; he should have known better than to assume the worst when it came to their relationship. The preceding weeks had been some of the strangest in their relationship, and Rannoch was relieved to feel as though these days were behind them. 

As Liffey positioned herself, Rannoch laid on his side and draped his arm on her so he could hold her closer. Rannoch was aware that they were in the midst of the calm before the storm, and he would savor every moment of it. 

When the time came to part ways, Rannoch rose slowly and looked his wife in the eyes. "We'll meet up again soon," he promised her, "I'll be waiting for you in Bramblepoint." Rannoch pulled Liffey close and embraced her."I love you. Be safe, and call if you need me." 

Without another word, and with a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach, Rannoch turned from his wife and started off in his search for Hydra.