Heron Lake Plateau Cast aside for new and more

Eventually their trail had led him here. Gannet was tired, but his tail waved as @Raven's scent became one of the more prominent ones around. He was glad she was still here and okay. He howled for @Liffey, but if his sister came, perhaps she could agree to him staying and learning a brief while. Or returning when the time was better.... because perhaps now wasn't right.

He waited, shifting nervously. Some of the sadness had dropped over his travel and now, acceptance was his main feeling. It wasn't so bad... but he still wished that the hollow could have stayed a home to all of them.

Everything seemed to happen in blur since their arrival. Wisteria's arrival had thrown her whole world for a loop. It was amazing, but overwhelming on top of everything else that was wonderful and overwhelming about this upheaval. She felt as though she could've slept for weeks, but that was not in the cards for her either. There was more unrest to deal with. They would be abandoning the Plateau soon for new territory--something Liffey had been too distracted to really consider her feelings about. She was likely fine with it, but who really knew. Everything felt so delicate and mixed up.

Liffey's ears perked at the sound of her friend's call. His voice was like a soft wind clearing away the clouds. Her heart thrilled at it as all the heaviness of everything else flurrying about in her world cleared away to allow her to focus on this one piece for now. Gannet had come, and it was time to see how this chapter of their story would end.

She cantered quickly to greet him, though she felt a mix of emotions when she spotted him at the borders. First there was happiness simply at the sight of him, whom she'd missed even though it had only been a few days since they'd parted. But then there was sadness, for she knew immediately what the answer was. He would not be joining them at the Plateau. He had not brought his makeshift little family along with him. They were still at the Hollow, and she knew without needing to ask that he would be returning there after this meeting.

Maybe it was for the best. Liffey slowed to a trot and offered a sad smile as she reached to greet him with a wolfish hug. She nuzzled into his shoulder for a moment, communicating without any words that she both knew and she understood. When she parted from him, she fixed him with a concerned gaze. "Terance was furious," she informed him, though she suspected he had already been made aware, "I hope he hasn't made anything... uncomfortable for you." Or downright unpleasant, which was more her concern.

Gannet was not at all expecting the mix of emotion that swelled up in him now that it was finally time to tell her. The primary was sadness, and this was apparent in his entire demeanor as he stepped forward to return her hug. The other was odd, because it didn't feel like anger, but something Gannet had never felt before. It wasn't fear either.

Ever since his parents died, Gannet had gotten the sense that he didn't belong here. Finley and Elwood had raised his younger siblings and made them children in his eyes, and his older were all gone or indifferent to him. That she was coming here meant that she was coming home, but now that she was home, would she care about him anymore?

It was a strange insecurity for him to have when his own thoughts on family were so broad and unconcerned with pack. He just couldn't help it, and this made what he had to tell her even worse. He could tell that she already knew it was coming at least.

I didn't say anything. Mona can't come. I just talked to her, then came. he said, looking down as his entire demeanor drooped. I can't stay. This was goodbye to both her and her kids and he hadn't felt so alone since Moonspear. He would have Ashlar, Mona, and Sarah, but he'd joined the Hollow for Liffey and it had meant a lot to live with his best friend. Not having her there was going to hurt.

Liffey felt her stomach twist with frustration and anger as Gannet broke the news. She had seen it coming, of course, but still she was irked. After all her friend had done for the woman and her bastard son, that she would refuse to move so he could at least be with his family? It just confirmed for her that this Mona woman was a selfish, careless harlot that was taking her friend along for the ride. And once she'd gotten everything out of Gannet she needed, she would abandon him and break his heart. It made her sick.

As you can see, she'd missed that he'd said can't and not won't. Not that it would've made much difference to her.

But, Liffey knew this was not a worthwhile argument, nor did she want to spend this time with her friend dwelling on anger. So, she simply nodded and sighed. "I understand," she said softly, giving herself a moment to wallow in the disappointment before attempting to shift gears to something a little more positive. "Raven is pregnant," she said, attempting to smile a little at the happy news, "Also, we're going to move to a new territory. A woods just South of here, called Golden Glade."

Liffey shifted gears towards the positive, but even the mention of Raven was a reminder that she was joining a family he had missed the chance to be a part of, and now might not ever have the chance again. It didn't occur to Gannet that Liffey might blame Mona because he did not. He blamed luck, fate, and maybe Liffey a little bit. Not enough to be mad, but enough to be sad. He would likely never understood why she had felt she had to leave... blood family would never mean more to him than other kinds, for a good many reasons.

That's good, he replied, managing a tail wag but not a smile. A thought did cross his mind though that made things a little easier. I want to bring them to visit sometime, he said. It made sense now more than ever. Gannet had watched Ashlar form friendships with Liffey's children, and doubtless it would be hard on him to lose those. Perhaps close to the way it felt for him watching Liffey go. So I'll have to go there?

Liffey nodded, not surprised when he understood. She absolutely wanted Gannet to visit them as often as he could, and though her opinion of Ashlar hadn't exactly improved (he was still a bastard with a whore mother, after all), she was very aware that his loss was one of the greatest reasons her youngest were upset with this move. Her desire to make her children smile was far greater than her desire to see their standards for friends raised. So, she was truly hopeful that Ashlar would come visit as well.

Mona could stay home though.

"Yes," Liffey confirmed with a nod, "We'll probably only stay here for another day or so before we relocate. It was a long journey..." She paused, finding her voice hitching unexpectedly. It had been a long journey, but it wasn't the physical drain that she was thinking about now. It was the emotional one, and she suddenly found herself overwhelmed by it.

"My kids hate me," she said in a small voice, her eyes filling with sudden tears as she looked away. She didn't want to do this, didn't want to go there, but Liffey had never been very good at controlling her emotions. And soon enough, she found herself consumed.

If there was anything more Gannet had wanted to say, it was lost as the focus and tone of the conversation shifted yet again. Why? he asked quietly, preparing without even realizing it to listen carefully to her troubles. He couldn't imagine that they could hate her.

Ashlar got upset sometimes, but there was a difference between that and what she seemed to be feeling. Gannet didn't realize Liffey was likely overexaggerating out of emotion, and he was taken aback by the fact that they might have said such a thing to her.

The weight of all they had done seemed to have caught up to her--not only the hurt she felt over how angry her children were at them for making the decision to move, but the stress of moving, the overwhelming elation of finding Wisteria again, the guilt over the lost friendship between Rannoch and Terance, the pain over losing Wildfire and the heartache for all her family was going through--all of it find its way out of her now. There was simply too much to feel, and she had tried too hard to keep all of it at bay for too long. It was like a mountain crashing down on her, but one that had needed to fall for some time now.

It took a few moments for the heavy sobs to subside before Liffey found her voice again. When she did, she tried to come up with some answer for the question Gannet had asked. It had been a simple one, but it felt so monumentally complicated and difficult. Still, she tried, for him. "Because we made them leave the Hollow," she managed to say before her voice hitched again and she had to pause before going on, "They're all upset over having to leave, even my older two. They are upset over the friends they made that they left behind. I thought they would be happy, or at least content, knowing that we were moving to be with family and they'd have cousins their own ages to befriend and play with. But they're barely even speaking to me."

Liffey shook her head as another heavy wave threatened to rise up. "I'm.. I'm the worst mother..." she managed to say before it fell.

Gannet was quiet for a moment even after she finished speaking. It made sense to him that they would be upset, but if they saw things as he did, they did not hate her.

I don't like it, he said honestly, his ears tilting back as he looked at her. But you should be happy. If they wanted to stay, they should come back. But they can't hate you for what you need. It made him sad that the hollow and their family there hadn't been enough, but he'd long grown used to the fact that he was rarely going to live up to what others needed. All he needed to be was what he needed, and then, helping others as he could would be enough.

You are happy? he asked finally, genuine concern in his tone. She didn't look it, but also the conversation topic didn't allow much either.

Liffey's tears slowed to a stop as Gannet spoke, not because she felt better, but because she was startled by his words. She shook her head gently, rejecting the notion that her children should go back if they wanted to stay at the Hollow. Family was supposed to stick together. She had finally learned that lesson now, and she was loathe to allow any of her children to make the mistake she had in her youth.

She couldn't find the words to argue the point, though, so she said nothing on the matter. The answer to his question didn't come quickly, but she waited for it, then waited longer still to find the words to articulate her answer. "In some ways," she said slowly, "I feel... relieved... being here. I feel like I'm finally somewhere I belong, somewhere I fit. But my kids are just so unhappy... And I'm their mother. I can't be happy if they''re not."

ah ooops! this is his last thread I think to finish out, so I lost track of it!

Had he known her thoughts, he would have heavily rejected the notion that she expected to seek her own happiness and not allow her children theirs as well. There were a number of things they had found, over the past months, that they were diametric on.... and this seemed to be another.

It hurt to hear her say she belonged here, but he'd expected it would, and that made it less at least. Gannet was distant and confusing in most things, but that didn't mean he was faultless. Then ask, and let them be happy. he replied, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. To him, it was. Her children knew what they needed and if she wanted to be happy, she obviously needed to know what that was.

The advice she was given was not what Liffey wanted to hear. Her kids were simply too young and too inexperienced to be allowed to make that choice on their own. Her youngest truly were, arguably. Her oldest, though, were only too young in her own mind. But she was a mother and a mother's children would always be too young to be away. Fortunately (or unfortunately), Liffey didn't actually hear a word Gannet said. She was too wrapped up in her own heartache to hear anything but her own self-pitying thoughts.

"Rannoch says we just need to give them time to adjust," she said after a moment, feeling ever so slightly calmer, "This is just new to them and they need to adjust. They'll... They'll settle down once they get to know the place better. Once they make new friends and..." She shook her head as her thoughts became jumbled once more. "It'll be okay," she said, looking at Gannet to confirm with an expression that plainly said she didn't entirely believe what she had just said, but that she was determined to convince herself of it since it was what she needed to do in order to not fall apart entirely.

Her friend stayed a while to console her, and eventually, her misery subsided and they were able to speak amicably. They parted with promises on their on tongues to visit again soon, but Liffey wasn't so sure how valid those works would prove to be. But that just seemed to be the nature of their relationships--their closeness ebbed and flowed, but their affection for one another never wavered. All she could do, as always, was wish him well and hope to see him again soon.