Two Rivers Isle What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way

She had slept long and deeply, though how long she wasn't sure. She woke amid an array of scents, most prominent the dusky scent of rancid fox, but true to her word. Though she hadn't been able to find many, she had found a few pine cones and the like to litter the inner sanctum, she now lay nestled in, next to @Ulrich .

Honestly, though removing the fox from the area had proven to be the most beneficial to getting rid of the stench. It still clung to them, but with a few good washings and more pine fronds they'd be alright. The early morning sun peeked small tendrils of light upon them. Though for the most part if was dark and deep in there, and comfortable. 

She took a moment to drink in her companion without his worrying, and harried look at her overly long and zealous stares. The way the colors that made up his coat were dusted together, tapestry of woven colors that she loved. The black of his fur like shadows, with teh dustings of browns and whites. Painting just the tips, as if the gods felt fit to bathe him in something out of the realm of anyone's imagination. Wholly making him his own wolf.

She felt a blush deepen her cheeks and she quickly covered her snout and eyes with her tail, to think and calm down. Had she really confessed to him, told him everything that she had held so tightly to her breast for years. Only moments after she fully admitted it to herself. No wonder he was a little wary to speak and wanted time. If his brain was anything like hers at the moment.

Ulrich had slept for a few hours, his stomach somewhat full for the first time in days--although a fox was not much of a meal between two wolves. He and Adylaide had spent some time digging the den out to make it big enough for the two of them, and then they had both crawled inside and he had been overcome by the relative warmth and the food in his belly, and he had fallen deep asleep.

But it had not lasted long. He had woken suddenly and forgotten where he was for a moment. After remembering, he had sniffed the air to scent for intruders nearby, but all he could smell was fox and pine. Loathe to get up and step outside into the freezing air, he had shrugged his shoulders and lay there in the dusky shadows, and stared at Adylaide. She had still been asleep, and he had taken the time to study her... and to think. But he had not come to any conclusions about anything.

She loved him. That was all he knew. But what to do with that information? Out here, for now, it did not change much between them. It was still winter and they still had to stick together to survive--not that he would leave her, even given the chance. But once survival was no longer at the forefront of their minds... what would she expect of him?

And did he love her in return? He had laid his head back on his paws and thought hard about this. He knew he felt affection for her, and did not wish any harm to come to her. He cared for her, but in what way? He had never in his life allowed himself to contemplate a romantic relationship with her, especially given that he had cared for her since her birth. In his opinion, he was much too old for her--and yet, she did not care about that. All she wanted was him. And... he had to admit that that knowledge warmed his bones and made him feel soft and calm.

He had supposed that the only thing for it was to try. He would attempt a courtship, if she was willing. And maybe his feelings would make themselves better known to him throughout that courtship. With that decision made, he had finally been able to go back to sleep, and that was how she found him when she woke: still asleep.

But it was hours later now, and he awoke again, this time slowly, and did not yet realize that she was watching him--or had been but a moment before. He lifted his head, yawning so widely that his jaw cracked, and stretched his limbs as much as he could inside the den. He looked over at her and smiled, but his stomach tied itself in knots at the same time. Now he would have to speak to her. Good... er... morning? he began, and glanced toward the entrance of the den to assess the light. I cannot tell.

Ady had not eaten much of the fox meal. one because she was still pretty okay from the ground hog the day before, and because she had known Ully needed it more. He had been so brave and pushing so hard lately. She couldn't not allow him to eat his fill this time.

Ady stirred in the silence, but she didn't glance at Ully, again. Not yet. Her thoughts were still all over. She didn't know what she was expecting, perhaps in this regard she was quite young and  naive, but she had hoped that perhaps he would have some affection for her that went beyond guard and princess. Or as her father was apt to call her, 'goddess' she thought with disgust she had hated that moniker. And it was so wrong. She was no better than any wolf in their pack, other than her father told them she was.

She wanted Ully to love her back or at least more than this. If all he wanted from her was friendship, she hoped he was brave and kind enough to tell her as such. Because though it would hurt, she could do it. It would be better than forever wondering.

His paws moved throughout the small space, and she tried to make herself smaller to give him space to stretch. He was quiet larger than she, and they had been unable to fully dig out the den, something she hoped to remedy soon, but not today. Today felt like it should be a do nothing day.

His words broke the tension and she giggled, finally lifting her tail from her nose to blink brown eyes owlishly at him. 

We'll go with morning then. Good Morning, Ully. Did you sleep well? I slept better than i thought i would. And it's nice and toasty.

She lifted her shoulders up, her tail still draped over a shoulder and made a soft hmm noise, with her eyes gentle slits. She was content.

Adylaide's giggle made Ulrich's stomach do strange things. Now that he knew what he would say to her, he felt very nervous. He cleared his throat, which came out louder than he would've liked, then swallowed and looked away, towards the den's entrance again. I slept... well enough, he said. It is warm in here, thanks to our shared body heat. This made him think too much about their bodies being so close together, and he felt an eye twitch with nerves. What was the matter with him? He was a soldier. He needed more discipline than this.

Taking a deep breath, he turned to look at her again. I have given all that you told me much thought, he began. And... Here, he floundered a bit, unsure of whether to go slowly or just dive right in. Going slowly was not something he was accustomed to, however, so he pushed on quickly. I do not kn-know how I feel about you quite yet. However, I would... I would be very honored if you would allow me to... court you. Th-that would... help me decide, I'm sure. Feeling incredibly awkward, and terrified that he may have hurt her feelings, he added, You can decline, of course. I just... thought this was the best course of action... His words faded and he stared at his paws, afraid to look at her.

He looked away from her, and her stomach fell in one large lurch. He still felt awkward about her confession. Perhaps she shouldn't have said anything, but the words had become almost painful in her throat and chest. It had hurt keeping it quiet, especially after he had been almost well gone. Thank the gods he wasn't and it wasn't as worrisome as she had felt at the time, but that had been more than enough thank you very much.

A small sliver of a smile broke through at his small admission, especially when she was also certain it was taking all his will power not to twitch and move about. Ully was a man of action. It was almost impossible for him to be still.

Ady shook her head. I am amenable to that. However, I'd like to add my own condition or rule if you will be so kind.

It was her turn to look away and when she spoke again, her voice was small. If you do not love me after a time. Please don't force it, Ully. Just tell me. I won't have you force yourself to be in love with me, to return my love or what have you. Okay? Can you promise me that?

Ulrich was so relieved that he smiled--and then the smile froze on his face as Adylaide went on.

"However, I'd like to add my own condition or rule if you will be so kind."

Ice chilled down his spine as he wondered what that condition would be. This had all gone too easily, he supposed. And then she spoke, and his stomach sank. Her words were like claws digging into him. What would they do if he discovered he did not love her? How would they go on with their lives together? Would they have to separate, then? And if so, how would he protect her?

If he did not love her, he would simply have to lie. He could not hurt her in that way, nor leave her alone in this strange wilderness if it did not work out. So it would simply have to work out forever, even if he had to fake it. That was the only way. He could live with that.

Of course, he said, his voice calm but distant. I would never lie to you. He smiled, trying to sell it, and then looked away, towards the mouth of the den again, afraid she would read the lie in his eyes, and hating himself.

Lucky for him, she didn't see the frozen smile. She would know what she was getting into. 

She would not leave him even if he didn't love her. She would not be that cruel to him or herself. She would just align herself with that they would be friends. Her love had been unrequited this long. If she had to go back to that head space, she would. She hoped she could. It would hurt, but she would rather live near him painfully, than away from him.


His voice gave him away and the pointed way he looked away. She frowned and felt tears threaten to choke her, but she pressed them back. 

Ully. I distinctly remember telling you, you couldn't lie to me. And you just did.

She shivered, and took a deep breath, and then another. Okay, clearly our communication in this....er.....area needs refined. I don't like lies. They drip from honeyed tongues and turn the world inside out.

She tilted an ear forward. Let's table the conversation for today. Let's focus on the den and food. And just.

Get to know each other as wolves other than guard and princess. Just as Ully and Ady.

Gods damn him. Adylaide knew him too well; they had spent too much time together over the past three years. Of course she would know when he was lying. What had he expected? Once again, he had underestimated her, thought her too naïve to recognize that something was going on behind his words. He should have told the truth no matter his fear or how much it hurt. Now he had ruined everything before it had even started. How could they begin to form any kind of intimate relationship if it was all founded on lies?

N-No! he said, much louder than he meant to, and his head turned so fast to look at her that his neck complained. I--I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I... He inhaled sharply, his chest so tight he felt he might be having a heart attack. I'll tell if you if I don't love you, I promise. I swear. His eyes were wide and pleading as he looked at her, begging her to believe him now, for now he was so achingly honest that it hurt. I only... He looked away, squeezing his eyes shut.

I don't want to leave you. And how will we stay together if I don't... love you? Nothing will be the same again, and everything will be full of pain. But I must not leave you. It is my duty to protect you, even if we are far from home. I want to protect you, to stay with you. But if we do this... courtship, and I find that I do not feel for you the way you do for me... What then? How will we recover from that? I don't want to hurt you, Adylaide. And I don't want to leave you... His voice was barely even a whisper now as they lay there in the den, so close together. Not ever.

Now he had bared his soul and told the truth though it burned his throat.

Ady did indeed know him very well. Well enough to know at least when he lied. Perhaps if he had not been with her literally every waking moment of her life, she wouldn't have. However, she had, and he had and she knew. The worst part was he knew too, and he had done it anyway. She knew he was trying to simply be kind to her. To continue to do what he was tasked too, because he was and he had some sort of care for her, whether love or not was still the question.

Ady layed a paw over top of his and spoke calmly. Ully calm down. You needn't apologize this time. I realize it came from a good place, but I ask you not do it again.

He looked away from her and she could tell he was struggling. So she kept her maw shut and merely waited for him to find the words from his throat, to his lips, to her ears.

First of all if you don't love me. Then  you don't. It would be a cruel injustice of me to make you. And secondly i wouldn't leave Ully. I would simply put it away. I've done it before i've done it again. And I would rather have even a piece of you than nothing at all. So if in the future all youc an offer is friendship then that is all I will ask of you.

If he would look at her, he'd see a warm gaze and the truth of what she was saying. She meant every word. Would it hurt, certainly. But leaving him behind would hurt worse.

Ulrich forced himself to take slow breaths at her command to calm down. She was right, he was acting the fool. No, he murmured. I will not lie again, though telling a painful truth seems cruel. He listened to her as she went on, and the more she spoke, the more his heart sank. So if I do not love you, I must condemn you to a life of pain and unrequited love? A life without a mate or children? How is that fair? Why must you suffer in silence instead of me? How is it any different for me to say I love you if I don't than it is for you to put your love for me away? It is the same sacrifice, in reverse. Let me bear that burden instead of you. I am the one, here, meant to endure pain. I am the one meant to sacrifice, not you. He sighed. You have suffered enough.

Ady made a soft hum noise at his words. He was correct. It did seem a bit cruel, but a lie seemed so much worse. Lies may have killed her parents. If someone had told her parents the painful truth of their absolute corruption perhaps it would have opened their eyes doubtful, but perhaps.

Ady sighed. I didn't say that. I won't say that i may not choose another. I probably won't, but that is not something that bears thinking on at the moment. It is just a request, Ully to not tell me you love me if you don't. If that comes at some point, then we'll deal with it then.

She shifted and lifted a graceful shoulder. What is the point of worrying about that now. I merely wanted the promise that you'd tell me if that was the case in teh future.

She gave a soft shake of her head. And you have suffered too Ully. You lost your home, any friends you had. Do not make your own suffering smaller than mine, when it is just as tumulteous.

Ulrich was honestly amazed at Adylaide's calm throughout all this, and it made him feel ashamed to have been so overemotional. At her last words, all the fight and fear seemed to leave him, and his insides felt like a deflated balloon. He looked away from her, feeling exhausted despite his sleep. However, he still had something to say.

I did not lose all of my friends, Adylaide. I did not lose you. I do not know whether I love you romantically or not, but you are dear to me, the dearest one I have. If you had died back there... if I had been unable to take you safely away... He did not finish that thought, for it was too depressing to think about.

Suddenly he took a deep breath and said, Let's leave the den now and go explore, shall we? I think more talk of this would only be unhelpful. Now that I've made a fool of myself, my only hope is to go and do something dashing to make you forget. Right? And he looked at her with a soft, abashed smile. Then he got up and crawled out of the den, into the light of day.

[Fade here with next post?]

What Ulrich was unaware of, was that Ady wouldn't have been able to be as calm as she was if it weren't for him. If she was on her own right now. If she had lost him, well. It just didn't bear thinking about and she stuffed it back in the dark dark box at the back of her mind.

Her name on his lips was a sweet as honey and she tried, unsuccessfully to keep the warmth from blooming deep in her chest and up to her cheeks. He wouldn't see it though unless he looked at her.

You are dear to me as well, Ully. She whispered quietly.

She smiled at him. You are no fool. But Dashing does look good on you. She jested and stepped behind him as he pushed through the den mouth. She didn't know what would await them, but she did know that she was happy to be here with him, despite the circumstances. It was strange wasn't it that despite a grievous moment in time, it had paved way for something great for her. She felt. And that made her feel so guilty.