Shadewood lonely man of winter

@Takara
tags for reference

the children were there, he could feel it. @Minori had grown more nauseous but that was a good thing. it was a sign, she said and at that moment his heart soared. to think they were capable of creating new life together. he was capable.

he did it.

takara.

the name shot through his brain like a bullet. it shook him to the core, ripping him out of his slumber. he wandered through the territory that morning. nauseous, takara, children. those words never left his mind. if there was a chance his dear friend carried their bastard children, she would be just as sick as minori. issun searches for her, almost unconsciously. he wanted to know if their future was dark. he needed to know.

phone post

Nausea, discomfort, the signs were there. Her mind seemed to reel as the thought of what that might mean, she felt passive as she wandered along the place she now called home. A sad look seemed to take her pale eyes into a stormy blue filled with unwanted emotion, ones that should not he there when it can to having children.

a hum began to rise in her chest, her throat as she found the most echoing place within the Keep, a place she found just a few days ago. Then the hum became a song, one that was lower and unlike herself.

"I see a red door..
I wanted painted black..
no colors anymore..
I want it to turn black.."

she paused efter ever verse to let them echo back at her before heightening her voice for then next set.

"I see girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes..
I turn my head..
until my darkess goes!"

she sang as loud as she should, her emotions playing with he words and making them shake. She wanted to be happy, wanted to be excited but his words repeated in her head. Over and over and over again.

her voice shook the earth and the closer he got the louder it got. it consumed him, taunted him, stopped him in his tracks for a moment. he wanted to turn and run. there was no reason to worry about what you couldn’t see. but he was to far gone to step back now.

his approach was slow and cautious. he wanted ask the question that plagued him get the answer, and get out quickly but when he opened his mouth the only thing that came out was “hey.” he was afraid.

"I look inside myself and see my heart is black..
I see my red door I must have it painted black.."

Her words still shook as she belted out things that felt true in her heart, a heart of gold tarnished into a shining ebony color. How could she have created life in such a way, should she sew a bright scarlet letter on her chest but she was not allowed to tell. Instead she darkens his door but he wont let her escape, wont let her hide.

"Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts!"

Would he really be so angry if she were to fade away, if this all would go away. Tears began to fall from her pale blue eyes as she closed them and lifted her head to belt out the next line of her song. A friendship ruined, and now the lie would start. To herself, to her friends, to her pack, to her children.

"It's not easy facin' up, when your whole world is BLACK!"

She let the last words echo and linger as long as she could hold it. Tears continued to fall but she did not open her gaze until one word came from behind her. Immediately her tall ears fell to her skull and the next line of her song died in her throat, oh no, she would have to face the facts now. Slowly she turned to face him, tears still in her eyes as she gave her childhood friend a sad excuse of a smile. 

"Hey." One word, just like him.

he was at a loss for words. are you pregnant? the question lingered on his tongue and scorched the flesh the longer it stayed on there. it was a poison that needed to be erased from the system. but the guilt he felt when he saw her trail of tears kept the poison churning in his body.

“minori is pregnant.” the news came out quite randomly. perhaps it was a way to dance around the elephant in the room, or maybe it amplified the situation. either way, he stuck to it.

“that’s what we think at least. she says her sickness is a sign.” he hung onto his breath and glanced up nervously.

minori is pregnant.

it was random but she understood the point, another sad smile came to her lips as she blinked away a few tears from her dulling blue eyes. "that's wonderful news, congratulations issun." she spoke softly though her words shook and seemed hoarse from singing and the churning emotions in her heart. he had not asked if she was pregnant so she kept the tone light, before he ran away again, before he snapped and became cruel to her once more.

that’s what we think at least. she says her sickness is a sign.

"ah, yes. that is a very common sign." they still skirted the edge, she wanted to be her normal self. she longed to touch him as she always had but they would cause him to snap sooner, right now they were having a conversation. more than she could say had happened in the long run,after that day. he avoided her now, his confidant, his friend. it was never going to be the same again, no matter their history.

he cringed at her tone. it was soft and worn from crying he assumed. such a drastic difference from the lighthearted, chipper girl he knew so well.

ah, yes. that is a very common sign. his tail anxiously twitched. he braced himself for those two words that would change everything in a blink of an eye, but they never came.

“yep,” he cleared his throat and shuffled in place. “how are you feeling?”

how are you feeling?

tear filled eyes watched him shiffle from side to side as he asked the question that she would rather he not ever ask. it was obvious what he was searching for, what he wanted to know but she quickly turned away from him. her tail swished once, twice as her head finally drooped. "i'd rather not say." she simple put the words out there as she looked back at him, that look said everything before she lowered her rump to the ground. 

after today she would have to lie, she would have to say she left the territory like a stupid girl and was found by a loner. what did he look like, well, he was ash and soot in color and his eyes. well, she did not see his eyes. would that be convincing?  if her child came out with the freckles of issun and his eyes? what could she say to him, to make this all better? 

it would be better if she disappeared, she knew this.. even if he did not want her to.

tears welled up in her eyes and her head dropped. she need not tell him, he could take a hint. her body told him everything. issun’s eyes dropped to his paws. there was a different feeling in the air than there was back at the river. everything was much more real now. there was no changing what he had done and there was no way to fix this. what was done was done and now he needed to face the consequences.

issun walked forward and placed his paw on hers. “it’s- it’s ok.” that was all he could say. “it’ll be ok, no matter what happens.”

her head dropped once more as she let her rump hit the ground, she no longer could see her friend's expression. she could not see his movements, she could not feel the pain that radiated from him. how should she do this, what way could she disappear and not ruin his life. she heard the shuffling of his feet once more but she refused to look up, he was either leaving or doing the nervous dance he was doing just moments ago.

it’ll be ok, no matter what happens.

his paws touched her own, he actually touched her but a lie fell from his lips. she simply shook her head, it would never be okay. her children would be fatherless and a burden on her friend, a reminder that he was unfaithful to his mate. nothing would be okay.

"liar." she spoke softly as the tears began to fall again but she leaned into him as she cried, her words coming hoarse and sad. "how- how can anything be okay?"

she called him a liar and rested against his chest, her tears clung to his fur. there was no way of knowing what the future held, no matter how much he wished that wasn’t the case. so maybe he was a liar, but what else was there to say?

issun fell silent. he couldn’t answer that question now. no one could. it was too early to tell. he bit his tongue and touched the top of her head with his nose. he couldn’t provide the answer, but he could provide comfort.

phone post

was it too much to ask, her question on how things were going to be okay? should she have taken the fault statements and wrapped them around her like a comforting blanket? her friend was silent, the man that would not be connected to her in more ways than one had nothing to say.

static filled her mind as she tried to think of a story that would fit, why would she be sad for the children growing within her? if it was just a one night stand, she would not be this distraught. could she lie and say she was forced? the crying bard shook her head against his chest as he comforted her. this was a mess, she was a mess.

"i'm sorry." she whispered into his fur.