Shadewood Here in the ashes

For all and everyone <3

She was pretty darn bored. Sitting around in a den looking after her two was surprisingly boring. Not to mention completely depressing.
Laroche was sick, he'd likely die. The children would grow up without him. She'd have to live without him. Looking at Valour and seeing Laroche's face, the silver spot in Bronwen's eye that would be a permanent fixture.
She shivered but not because of the weather's chill.

She'd decided to take a walk, look for something to snack on. She suspected Bronwen and Valour to be following somewhere behind her, though she didn't mind. As long as they didn't run away. She sighed, the rain pattering on leaves above her. She could do this, right? Would she be able to stay here with the memories of him? Her loyalty to Cry was something but she felt it fracturing. He'd let Higoro around with the knowledge that Issun and Minori wouldn't take kindly. And look at what happened!

Her teeth gritted together. She didn't know how long she could stay here, living like this. Waiting for the next danger, waiting for her mate to drop dead, waiting for her children to grow up. She wished Mor was here.

He was in so much pain, every time he tried to do anything else except sleep it took all the effort out of him. He could move from the den and take small strolls but that was about it. That day he had noticed Phex was down, that his illness had been dragging her down for the past week. He made the effort to stand and began to trail after her, his pelt lackluster though he hadn't started to really drop in weight yet. It took him a while to catch up but when he did he forced his walk as normal as possible and smiled as he kissed his daughter on the nose and playfully nudged at Valour. Then he moved to Phex and looked into her eyes, still smiling despite how exhausted he was "A good ol family outing on a beautiful day. There can't be anything better" he tried to get her to smile more, his eyes glimmering with warmth.

He looked like he’d aged eons over weeks. Her heart sunk, looking into his moonshine eyes. She felt like she was trying to catch a stray thread in the wind; one that would keep this Keep together for just a bit longer. For a few breif weeks whilst pregnant, everything was perfect and she couldn’t wait to see the future. Now, she just wished she could live in that moment forever. 

She swallowed, coming out of her thoughts after a too long moment and smiled. She wanted to enjoy what she had for just a bit longer. “It’s always a beautiful day,” because you make it shine. 
She reached her nose to touch him, hearing their two come romping around their feet. 
“Tesoro Glade isn’t far. We can have a snack.” Her face lifted, pushing away her worries and doubts. She would enjoy this. Had to.

Her silence was far too long and he immediately felt regret. She would've been better not seeing him so weak. Already the walk was tiring him out and the thought of food was so nauseating that he almost fetched but he wouldn't make her any sadder so instead he formed a sly smile "You're a snack" he said and teasingly attacked her neck with kisses and nibbles. It only lasted a few moments before his breathing was heavy and wheezy and he had to pull back and slow his step for a moment, then altogether lower his rear to the ground and breath slowly as he felt whoozy. He hadn't been able to eat much as of late and he had altogether stopped trying. The lack of food had weakened him quickly matched with the sickness and he felt disgusted with himself. "I'm sorry. Just give me a moment" he said and desperately tried to sit up only to blackout for a second and slump down. He was ashamed of himself and looked away, refusing to see the expressions of his children when they looked at him. Valour just went still and looked up questioningly at his mother and then back at his dad.

She giggled at his affection, returning it twofold. God, she wanted this joy. Freedom from life’s worries and pains. It was a short lived relief because he went down heaving breaths. She tensed, not knowing what to do, how to fix this. Fix him. 

“Take your time, love.” She didn’t want him to get worse. She could barely stand to see him like this. All she could do was reach and affectionately lick his forehead before he collapsed. She froze for a moment as her whole world stopped. Her heart lurched into her throat and she cracked. 
A whimper ecaped her, her eyes swelling with tears. Their children silent as the looked to Laroche. 
She lowered herself quicky, nudging him, licking his chin. He had to get up. “Get up.” Her voice quivered, threatening to stop working altogether. “Please.” 
She pushed her muzzle under his, lifting his head. She wanted to lay with him, comfort him, make this stop. 
She was all but powerless.

It was like he was a teenager again and had eaten too many poppy seeds. He was hearing and seeing through a haze, the only clear thing his thoughts. Get up! They can't see you like this! His thoughts urged and he sucked in a breath his body not responding. He looked around blinking and finally focused on Phex and the kids, his wife rushing toward him in a panic. "Get up....please" the words hit him and as she slid her muzzle beneath his chin all at once his muscles responded and he lifted his head. The movement was a bit woozy but he managed and slowly he heaved himself to his paws "I'm okay....I'm okay Phex. I think Im a bit hungry" he said panting and gently nudged the kids forward, avoiding her eyes his ears flattened back. Valour came up beside him and in the calmest voice possible all he heard was "Why you scare mama?" 

He blinked and snorted softly, chuckling and trying not to full blown crack up. It was probably the most fucked up, honest question he had ever been asked and jt had come from his son. Go figure. "Dont worry kiddo, daddy's sick but he's going to get better now" he answered and he began to walk toward the glade at a steadier pace than before. He was determined to get there, rest and hopefully eat something if Phex could run to a cache.

She swallowed, taking a deep breath. She scrunched her eyes, Valours voice cutting through the air. Her heart wrenched and twisted. She couldn't be scared. She had to be stronger for them.
All of them.

He promised he'd get better. He fuckin better cause Phex would batter him if he broke their hearts. She snorted herself, licking her mate affectionately. She could do this.
"I'll get you food, no worries." She let him stand by himself, dipping her nose to Bronwen who seemed quite stoic. She wondered how they'd handle this.
She walked beside Laroche, telling the children to run ahead. 
"Don't make those promises to them." She murmured to him. She didn't want them to grow up thinking he was a liar or something. She knew, however long it took, he'd probably die before their first birthday. She bit her tongue, staring after them.

He watched the kids run off, grabbing the chance for freedom and going wild with it. His confident smile fading as they went from earshot and Phex told him not to promise it. It broke his heart that she had already accepted his death as if it happened, that there was no coming back. "You're right" He said softly, a harsh edge to his tone that wasn't really meant for her. "Perhaps it's better that I tell them Daddy is sick and will die soon?" he looked to her, gaze soft and shook his head. "I don't intend to die Phex....Not now, not soon. Understand?" He knew he had no control over fate but he would fight tooth and claw against death to make sure he at least got to see his kids reach a year old.

Her eyes softened at his voice. Her brows crinkling together and her eyes casting down, knowing he was looking at her. She didn't want to think that he was dying, that one day she'd not have him.
Understand?
She nodded, wanting to believe in him. Soon, she'd Be able to get over her doubts and help him better. Stop being such a down heartened bitch.

She looked to him, her eyes clearer. "I don't want them to be lied to. I don't want to tell them lies about us, it's better they know."
She remembered being lied to time and time again as 'protection' from the outside world. Asking where her uncle went and being told he was on a trip, later finding his body half eaten in the neighboring woods. She didn't want to be her parents. Her family. She was not them. Though she kept to their traditions, for now.
"We'll be ok." She said it to assure herself more than anything, bumping her shoulder against his gently.