Golden Glade metanoia

Nico offered her a sideways smile, although his heart was no longer in it, his mind lost in the flashing memories and images of the battles and wars he'd been in, as well as the broken images of his fallen comrades. His heart engulfed in the sudden overwhelming amount of pain, Nico swallowed and pushed the emotions all away, unwilling to deal with them in the presence of someone he barely knew and didn't quite trust, yet. So, on the outside, none of the soldier's internal turmoil showed. Instead, the half smile played at his lips, and he appeared to be intensely focused on patrolling.

The thing was, Nico knew, somewhere deep in his heart that despite everything Royal Fire Court did for him, it wasn't somewhere he truly belonged. The thought had been banished again and again, but it stayed inside him, lodged in the back of his mind, waiting to be tentatively opened when he had a moment of silence and lonliness. Then, all his fears and problems would come plague him relentlessly and the war-ridden veteran would have no choice but to confront them. It was a time in the day where he was most tired, burdened by memories; where he was vulnerable to the raging voices of his own internal war.

"Wouldn't that be nice," Nico sighed in reply and smiled wearily at Shalon, ever dilligently marking the borders and keeping an eye out. "I suppose so," he answered, vaguely, his thoughts otherwise preoccupied, although it would look as if he was simply immersed in the duty of patrolling which, given his job as a soldier, wasn't abnormal. "But lone wolves will show up and join, and soon, there will be no need for a soldier. Trust me on this part, Shalon," he smiled sadly, "True soldiers are rarely ever truly wanted in this world...unless the pack's in a war, or they need some mindless killing machines to operate in a team formation to kill something. We're not needed in a pack's whose purpose is inherently, peace and love and family. We're not peacekeepers, we're not defenders. We're fighters who need a common enemy, a common purpose, a common goal. People rarely understand that. They think being a soldier is just like being a warrior, a mercenary, but with a bunch of other warriors. It really is much more complicated than they think." He shrugged, lifting a hind leg to spray his scent upon the borders once more.

"Most of the veterans I know who survived countless wars and battles no longer fit into civilian life. They're so used to the life of fighting and war that their whole lives revolves around it; they don't know anything different anymore and it's hard to adjust. Especially when they join a new pack and they're alone without any of their old comrades. Some become self-destructive and die that way, others succumb to the more mundane aspects of civilian life and take their own lives. Most likely, they come back to danger, to war, even if the chances of death grow higher," he rubbed his paws against the dirt, hoping to get his scent across. "I've met soldiers who have adjusted to civilian life, of course, but those are rare." He grinned then, "Or maybe I've just got bad luck and got stuck with the addicts. I'm going to assume it's the latter."

Because in a way, they were all addicts, him included. Addicted to the prospect of danger, of the thrill of death at any moment, of the blood pumping furiously through your veins as you struggle to fight for your life and for your comrades and your pack. It was strangely addictive and one could not understand until they'd tried to life that Nico himself had led.

"Anyways, my point is, a soldier won't be needed when other fighters arrive. We work better in a team, I suppose, an army, if you will. But if you're looking for a break, like me, it's easier if we reside in a place of retreat, a secluded pack or area. Hidden away from the rest of the world, but still involved, in some ways." Then he shrugged, "If it'll reassure you, I'll stay 'till the pack is strong and see what happens. Maybe I'll have gotten used to it, by then. Formed connections, that kind of stuff. I can see that happening." Not that he actually thought that'll happen. He flashed an impish grin at Shalon and a wink and continued on his way, wondering what she would say in reply to his little speech. He didn't care, either ways, but it was always interesting to see a civlian's side of view.