Dragoncrest Cliffs Traveling the line of this vertigo

Her mind felt sludgy and aside from lingering over Phoenix's death and her guilt over being a failure of a mother in general, Wildfire didn't think about anything in particular as she stared out at the wet world. Slowly, however, a nefarious idea began to really niggle at her. She tried to ignore it for her own good but eventually it suffused her brain: if she killed herself, the pups wouldn't necessarily die. In fact, it wasn't even likely. Thuringwethil would transfer them into Portia's care and they would be just fine.

But Wildfire tried to press that knowledge back down and suppress it, else... she might do something terrible. Fortunately, her mate appeared in the den's mouth. Her familiar face made the Bandrona's heart beat faster, not out of affection but out of nervousness. The commander was well aware of Wildfire's mistakes so far, even if she didn't know the depth of her mate's depression. There was definitely a silent tension between them lately, which only fueled Wildfire's guilt and sense of absolute failure. As much as she had wanted the mate, the family and the white picket fence, she was so miserable about all of it.

"Thur?" she spoke into the damp hush of the small log. Before she could second-guess herself, she asked, "Can you tell me the truth? Would it be better if I left them in yours and Portia's care and..." Whether she simply went elsewhere or ended her own life, would it be best if she removed herself from the picture entirely? Even as the words left her lips, they trembled and tears began to gather in the corners of her eyes. But she blinked, hard, and refused to feel sorry for herself. "I'm sorry," she added, apologizing for... well, everything.