Haunted Wood Selfish lover at night

Vanity laid it out clear as day. The days of Nightwalkers were over. Valour had known the reality of the loss of members, he'd seen it coming but even so hearing Vanity official announce it was a deep blow. He'd failed. One after the other the children had vanished. Worse than missing adults. What kind of leader let so many children slip away unnoticed? Then she offered everyone an out and his head turned to her almost disbelieving it. It was really the end then...everyone would seperate and he'd probably never see any of them again. Clarence's question brought a slow exhale from his lungs and he shrugged, putting on a brave face and grinning, he could go anywhere and do anything now but as he looked at Clarence the smile did not reach his eyes "This place is filled with memories I don't want to keep anymore and the world has billions to make" he turned to Vanity looking at her his ears pinning back against his head "You guys will always be Nightwalkers to me. Family. If you want to stick it out then i'm here for everyone still" was that a lump making it hard to talk? Clearing his throat he looked to Surya considering what he'd said earlier "If it's a bear or a cat the kid can stay. They're lucky to be alive considering the shape you're in" the words were cold but he'd spent months searching for a child only to have her vanish practically the next day he'd brought her home. The exhaustion was something he could finally succomb to, he could go to his den and curl up to sleep for days without worry that he'd be called lazy for slacking off. 

Why was something so freeing so painful at the same time? Like the world was being yanked from beneath his paws.