Lost Creek Hollow Wake me when it's over

He felt disoriented when he woke up, struck by a sudden clarity that left him feeling quite foggy.
It was a trauma response. All of it. His reaction to Erzulie, his suspicion of Lestan, his sudden resurgence of wondering about things like trials and the trustworthiness of men in general. Even his determination to help Reverie, who he realized he only really cared about because he felt her current state was an injustice. He never could let go of The Evergarden completely.
Kel rose with a start, taking to the border of Riverclan with an uncharacteristic surge of agitation. He told himself over and over that The Evergarden was not perfect, it was deeply flawed, and no one should ever have to experience what he had. Willowspire had almost managed to teach him that. He missed it dearly. But it was gone now, and all of his friends were lost to him or dead. Kel paced along the border with a stiffness to him, a coldness at the realization that he would have to be his own support. He'd never been very good at that.
But he was older now than the first time he'd gone through this, and had committed himself to the building of something that would require more from him, more than he'd ever been asked to give before. He couldn't expect anyone to hold his hand through the resurgence of old hurts. These things would never really leave him, but he knew by now how to cope. It was just a matter of remembering that this was wrong, and that he was meant to be trying to cope.