Blacktail Deer Plateau slow dancing in the dark

She forgave him for the hurt, though she didn't like why he had ended up doing so. It stung that he hadn't been able to bring himself to talk, that he just couldn't do it as he said. She didn't understand why he couldn't, she had thought they would be able to talk about anything. If he wouldn't talk to her, why should she do the same? Her face fell and she looked quite unhappy but she slowly nodded "I forgive you...you didn't mean it" she said softly. Then came the answer to the main problem and her heart sank into her belly, causing a sick feeling, a strong plaguing guilt that made her want to turn and run. She wanted so badly to allow herself a moment of foolish cowardice but instead she faced him down, shock and sorrow swimming in her gaze. Her breath quickened as she panicked, struggling to make herself stay while he broke the silence and continued. The feeling of guilt and sadness grew, weighing her down until she slowly slid onto her belly as he finished.

She stayed silent though she didn't break his intense gaze. She could see how hard it was for him to confess this, she could see him shaking and if he could face this down then so could she....though she couldn't speak yet. He loved her. He'd been brave enough to say the one word she had no idea about. He was an incredible man, so complex and sweet and pure but she still felt such uncertainty. Could she ever fall for him? For the incredible man that Issun was? Probably yes but would she be willing to push her feelings for Corvus that she was already so sure was something close to love away just to give Issun a chance? Risk losing Corvus over the chance that she may fall for Issun? And if she didn't fall for Issun and things went sour and she ended up losing both men she cared for, what then? No, she couldn't do it and it would be wrong to give Issun's only a shadow of what he wanted from her.

"Issun..." she began and immediately stopped, a lump rising in her throat. Her eyes moistened and she fought against her tears, flanks heaving "Issun I...you are the most amazing friend I've ever had. I don't want to lose you but i-" and the sobs broke free. She pushed herself up and turned away from him, not wanting those prying eyes, those sad, hopeful, hurting eyes of his to watch her cry "I don't have those kinds of feelings for you. Someday they may come but...oh god. I barely know how to work out emotions in general right now"


she paused to breathe, silent sobs making her shake as she prepared to blurt out the worst of the confession "I think I love someone else, you're a smart man...you know who that is. I'm sorry, you two were my only friends and maybe if I'd stayed in Kamiki instead of running after him it would be the opposite but it isn'!" she began to cry in earnest now, turning to face him.  Her eyes were wide, tear filled pools of sorrow as she looked at him. "I don't want to lose your friendship but I wont...I won't lead you on. I have no idea what will happen in either relationship, he doesn't even know I like him. If..you want to leave me, hate me, i can access it" she said the last bit gently, standing there with her tail tucked and head bowed looking nothing like the strong warrior and everything like the scared, emotionally confused girl she was.