The Sunspire i used to dream about love of a tall dark mysterious kind

she didn't know how things were going to be between herself and terance now that they had.. gotten intimate.  she was afraid that she had ruined their budding friendship with her magic hormones, and that he was suddenly regretting every move he'd ever made.

so she had caught him a pair of rabbits.  it wasn't much, but she wasn't much of a hunter and she had caught them herself, thank you very much.  now that she had talked to rannoch, it was time to make things up to terance.

she sought after his scent trail casually, expecting him to be marking the borders or other super important beta work.

terance had an itch. it was from seabreeze, of course, and it begged to be scratched. begged and begged and begged. so when it finally was, he felt so much better. but at what cost? because as soon as he stirred from their nap, terance was suddenly itching all over. std? he had to talk to so many people, deal with so many problems not. he realized how badly he was fucking up as he was fucking up, but he was so caught up he couldn't stop himself. 

and now? god it was so bad. he didn't regret it, per say, but there were so many consequences he'd have to deal with-- and he just wasn't ready.

so when he came across seabreeze while patrolling, it was safe to say his heart stopped. his body language-- though originally tall as he guarded the borders-- fell submissively right away. he mostly felt bad. had she really wanted that? or was it just an instinctual thing. did she hate him now? he feared she would. but he tried, his head raising and his tail waving at his hocks. 

"hey," he greeted casually, nose twitching as he regarded the rabbits, "good hunting day?"

her heat was still present but for the moment she was satisfied; the scent was starting to dissolve from her pelt and she hoped that meant that soon, it would be over.

she spied him as he came across the rock from a distance away and watched as his posturing fell — her heart dropped to her toes.  no, that was it.  she had ruined it.  but he adjusted himself, and she sucked it up.  she had brought gifts.

so he casually asks, good hunting day? and she blurts the entire speech she had prepared, but worse.

yeah um — they're actually for you?  i caught them myself.  i just wanted to say that i appreciate you as an individual and i hope i didn't screw everything up by...

she has half a mind to joke and say, screwing everything up, ha-ha, but she doesn't.

look i just — we had a good thing going with our walking and talking and border patrolling and i just didn't want to mess things up. but she had totally messed things up by blurting everything out when she could have been coo' coo' cool and went along with him.  not that i think what we did was a mistake.... or — or that it wasn't!

he watched and listen to her fumble over her words. "don't... don't worry about it, seabreeze, really," he said softly, his tail waving low at his hocks, "i like you-- like, you're really cool to be around and really easy to talk to and... well i wouldn't let something like that ruin our friendship." did that make sense? he hope she didn't take that in any way he didn't mean in. his ears flicked. "wanna share?" he asked with a smile... since there were two of them.

he settled, happy to eat now because terance enjoyed eating-- it was so good. but they had something important to talk about. "you... know what this could mean though... right?" he asked slowly. seabreeze was smart, he assumed she'd been taught the birds and the bees. terance took a tear of his own rabbit, ears angled forward.

she was worried about her anxiety ruining it for them both, but it seemed as if he didn't want to let it come between them either.  good, she thought, it was better this way.  sure, she says, tossing one of the rabbits his way.

i'm glad, comes out of her mouth but her thoughts are elsewhere.  i wouldn't let something like that ruin our friendship.  she lingered over the secret they shared — not that they had mated, but that it was both of their first time.  it was inappropriate to wonder if he had enjoyed it as much as she had, but she did anyway.

and then suddenly, she wasn't so hungry anymore.  yeah.  i.. talked to rannoch, she admitted.  he didn't give me a decision yet, though.  she'd leave it there.  he didn't need to know that she had offered to abort their children that maybe didn't even exist.

but really, if it would have come down to that?  she would have sought out another home.  how do you feel... about that?

terance froze. he, suddenly, had an entire shift in mood. his demeanor changed, and terance was left standing and staring at seabreeze with disbelief. "you talked to rannoch?" he asked, disbelief written on his face, "why... why would you do that? he's-- that's not your place." sure. she had some right to it, but as far as terance was concerned-- rannoch was his best friend and therefore this was his mistake to own up to. did she not realize how much their relationship meant to terance? for her to go to him first was... terance couldn't believe it. he stood.

"i have to go find rannoch, i'm sorry, i'll talk to you later, seabreeze," he said, trying not to sound harsh or angry but honestly hurt and confused and scared. he studied her briefly in a moment of hesitation and then turned to leave. this had to be fixed-- even though terance had not yet put together the right string of words to properly get this information across.

oh.

she left the rabbits where they were and a spring of tears came to her again.  she was so sick of being hurt — not once had she regretted laying with terance until this instant.  she turned, retreating somewhere she could be alone and then vomited up the little that she had eaten.