Blackfeather Woods when you feel the world around you

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Takiyok had been gone a while now with no update. She doesn’t know how far she’s gone or what successes she has and it leaves her anxious. Being away from Tomkin for so long hasn’t left a great feeling in the pit of her stomach. As capable as her younger siblings are, it has become much easier to jump to worry since the birth of her children.
 
They sleep, curled up next to each other and it is surprisingly easy to unwind and @Tahani replaces her as their heater. They’d finished eating not too long ago and she thanks her sister with a gentle nuzzle before she retreats out of the den and stretches her legs along the way. When she is free of the underground prison, she shakes out her thick tundra fur. The dust particles shine in the afternoon light, illuminating around her until they settle. When she turns to her left, deciding what to do, she sees @Siarut just ahead, lingering near the den as a silent protector, despite their separation from one another.

With Takiyok having left to find their wayward brother it left Siarut to sit outside the den that harboured the newest generation of their family. Shivali and Tahani were much more equipped to be inside the den than out of it and so Sia sat his vigil alone. Hearing someone exit the den quietly caused his head to turn, he was sure it was Tahani, to his slight surprise he found the navy blue eyes of his other sister. He held her gaze, and waited for her to speak. 

She had yet to approach and had no desire to be reprimanded once more, instead he turned his head back to the scanning of the woods. Leaving he to her own devices, letting her decide if she perhaps would like to have a proper conversation with her eldest sibling.

He looks away when her eyes land on him, watching as he deflects anything from her. Ears fall back against her head and she sighs, lowering her rump to the ground. It’s been weeks since she’s said anything proper to him but his relentless need to be the protector of his family means he isn’t going to go away so easily, and she’s thankful for it. Luckily, they all know she didn’t mean the words to be taken to such extremes. Instead, he waits until she is ready.
 
But is she?
 
Maybe, but whether or not she’s ready to talk to him, she’s ready to fix the problem.
 
“This is not who we are,” she tells him, a frown settling into her features. Finally, she takes her eyes off him and looks skyward, sighing heavily a second time.

Out of his peripheral he could see her take a seat, which prompted him to turn his head and watch her again. He had rarely seen her out of the den, and even when she had been she had not approached him. Everone acknowledged his continued presence, even with their disagreement he had still taken the serious role of protection. It helped that all his charges were so close together. With Tak gone he had been even more ridgid, leaving only when abolutely necessary. 

It kind of peeved him that the father of the brood had not found a chance to take over in the protection of his own pups, but Sia thought little of it. He would take on the responsibilities that he could, always one to overwork, and overstress. 

When he voice broke the silence between them he almost wept with joy. Just the small act of speaking have elluded the siblings for the last few weeks. He let it happen, taking Tak's advice and letting Shivali come to him. He knew he had hurt her, that wasn't what he had wanted but his bluntness was a trait that often got him in trouble. Letting her take the lead in the converstation he nodded his head slowly, "No it is not, and I hope it is not who we will become." Sia looked at the mother that was his sister, his green eyes searching for her navy blue.

He turns back in her direction and she watches him, ears cupped forward for his words. They’d been separated for several months, and all of a sudden there were four of them at her doorstep more or less. Things have changed, for both of them, and neither one of them wanted to admit it.
 
“When I left Aningan, I never thought I would see you again. Any of you. I…” she pauses, looking away. If she hadn’t left in the first place, they wouldn’t be here. Kove wouldn’t have happened. She wouldn’t even know Iliksis. But she also wouldn’t have three beautiful children and siblings that went through all the trouble to come her. “I had a whole life ahead without my family,” she adds, a little hoarse, and turning her head back toward him but her navy gaze remains on the ground.

Siarut listened silently. He knew that she had chosen to leave. She chose to have these children, and it would have happened with or without Sia arriving. But it was hard to think that his sister would have been alone. Deep down he had always hoped Shivali would return to Aningan. But the life that she had started here only solidified the opposite fact. 

“You never thought you would see use again.” He lowered his head, “But I had thought that you might come back to use one day. Seeing you here, starting a family, only proved my hopes wrong.” Sia realized how foolish such a thing sounded. "I apologize for my anger Shivali, it was not my place." He wasn't sure if that would be enough, but he hoped his sister would understand even if his speech was lacking. He wasn't afraid to admit that he had been wrong, as all his siblings knew he often spoke without thinking. "My anger was miss placed and should have been directed elsewhere." Sia had no need to explain the new trajectory of his disgrunteled personality.

Had Shivali thought of going home, prior to her siblings’ arrival? Yes. Many times. It had been lonely in Blackfeather Woods, her only company had been Kove for a long time, right up until she’d gone into heat. The loneliness soon followed, leaving her alone a lot of the time. When her siblings arrived, everything was supposed to get better and if anything, it has done the opposite. Tomkin’s disappearance and the birth of her children has started to give her perspective.
 
“You shouldn’t have been angry in the first place,” she says, quiet, defeated. Her eyes linger a moment before they drop again, staring at the ground beneath her feet. An ear swivels back, catching a sound from the den. Instead of checking in one them, deciding they aren’t making much of a fuss, she stands and moves closer to her brother. “I know you’re not our father, but you have to realize that. You don’t own me anymore than he did and I get to be my own wolf, just like you.”

It was true, he probably shouldn't have been angry in the first place. But he wouldn't deny his emotions, he had been angry. As she came closer he wasn't sure what to say, instead he watched her waiting to see what she might say. Her words surprised him. Sia turned at the mention of their father, looking away from the new mother (who was showing off her newfound maternal skills). 

He wasn't their father. This was very much the opposite to their last heated conversation. Although he wasn't sure he believed her. He was the only one out of all their siblings he didn't out right hate their father. Maybe that was the deciding factor, maybe he was to similar to the man for his own good.

The ice bear dropped his head, "I never thought to own you Shiv." It was the truth, "I will not deny my anger, but I know now that it hide the fear I hold close to my heart. I feared you lost to the world when you left. All alone for the first time. I am terrified that one day I will wake and you will all have left." What meaning did Siarut's life have without his siblings, without a family to protect. "I would be lost without you. All of you." He hadn't expressed much emotion to Tomkin being missing, but he felt it just as strongly as when Shivali had left. He constantly felt the fear and worry, that he concealed so well. Even their two remaining siblings back home, he worried for. This split in the family was pressing on his soul, playing with his instincts.

"I'm not sure how different I am from father, quite frankly I think us to be to similar. But their is one thing I have learned." Returning his gaze to her he tried a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, "I can't hold on to tightly." He hoped that this would be enough for her, for his sweet sister. He hoped that he might once again gain her trust.

Still, he defends himself, and Shivali glances away. The admittance of his fear doesn’t sit well with her but she fears it is not the time anymore to press the issue. One day, they’ll be gone. One at a time, probably, for one reason or the other. They can only work together as long as they have one another and having to grieve the loss of her family as a whole once, while they were still alive, doesn’t mean she wants to go through it again now they’ve been reunited. Tomkin’s disappearance has taught her that and she can only trust he made good decision since he wandered off and is still alive with the skills they’ve taught him.
 
When he speaks again, she looks back, and searches his face. At least he can see his problem and Shivali only nods, a hint of a smile on her features even through the thick layer of sadness.

He could tell that the rift had been mended, although there was more work to be done. Sia had faith that one day they might share the closeness they had once had in Aningan. There was a small incline to her lips and it warmed him to see something that had been absent for so long.

"What now, sister?" His olive gaze searched the surrounding area, emphasizing his point. He could imagine Shivali wished to stay here, and he would stay with her until she decided he was not needed. He couldn't help but notice the lack of visitors, Sia wondered if his presence had something to do with that. Not that he cared. Still though. Shivali had been part of this pack for months, and yet none thought to visit her to ensure her safety. Not even the father of her children. "What of your children's father? Will he not come to see them?" 

Once again, he probably just put his foot in his mouth. But he was never once to keep his thoughts to himself.

Shivali takes a deep breath when he speaks again, asking a series of questions no one else has bothered with so far. Takiyok has been gone and Tahani is too passive to cause a ripple when things are… okay. They are together and taking care of one another without the pack’s assistance. They might as well be the entire pack, or the very least her own, which makes it feel uncomfortable to be in the Woods anymore.
 
“I don’t know,” she says honestly, rolling one shoulder. “But this is not where I want to raise my children,” she adds, quietly, glancing around—words she should not speak within the confines of their current home but where else? It doesn’t matter anymore that Kove has not approached, nor anyone else. She knows who her family is and who really sticks around. “When Takiyok comes back… I think we should think about leaving.”

Her reply was a surprise, he hadn't thought that Shivali would actually want to leave. Turning his green, surprised gaze on her, Siarut was speechless. His mouth fell open and closed again as he thought of an appropriate response. "If that is what you want?" He hadn't outright thought of leaving, although he knew this isn't where he wanted his future to be, Siarut would never consider leaving his siblings. But this, this was an option. 

"You would really leave this place behind?" Sia had thought she had made a home here, she might have bonds with others that she had no desire to leave behind. "Where would we go?" There were a lot of unanswered questions if they were to leave, not all needed to be answered right away, but they would need to be thought of.

ugh sorry for the garbage reply

“It was different when you guys weren’t here,” she says. All she had was Kove as the only connection to home she had and he’s proven it doesn’t mean the same to him. And they don’t have to leave right away, the children are young, but she does not want their earliest memories to be here. “Someone could scout the nearby areas, or even beyond would be better… but it doesn’t matter. We’ll find a place,” she tells him. Anywhere but the woods is all she’s really going for at this point. Their final destination can be figured out later.

He could see the potential for things being different before they had all shown up. They could be intimidating, and hogged Shivali's time rather protectivly. "I'll send Takiyok when she get's back, after she's had time to recover." He was still hesitant to leave Shivali, and sending Tak seemed like the best idea. Or maybe Tomkin and Tak could go together, although Sia wasn't sure he would let Tomkin out of his sight anytime soon. "Once you deem the pups old enough we can leave." 

The conversation wasn’t so hard to have, as she expected. Whatever the cause, they’ll be able to come out of it. They’ll find a place and leave quickly but whatever territory they do find, it won’t matter because it’ll be them together as their own, how it was always meant to be.
 
Siarut concludes the discussion and she stands, taking a step forward and gently pressing her nose against his, before she steps back and returns to her children.