Lost Creek Hollow Should I revise or rewrite

Forward dated to about the 23 or so, after everyone is here.

The first day or two after everyone arrived had been full of activity -- locking down the borders so there wouldn't be a question that this was now claimed land, searching for places to start a cache, etcetera. Today? The beta was taking a day off.

She yawned broadly, just having woken up from the temporary spot she'd chosen near the creek. Honestly, she should look for something a little more permanent soon, somewhere where she could stash her helicopter debris and generally feel comfortable. She wasn't sure where though.  Where she was now felt too easily wandered upon, as if she stretched her leg just beyond comfortable, it would hang over the edge above the water, and water attracted all sorts.

Sitting up, Treason scratched an itch on her neck and surveyed her surroundings, planning her travels.

her normal routes of exploration bored her, so mona had moved in an opposite direction. lithe red legs flashed in the grey light of cold day. she had been following a small herd of deer at a distance, preferring not to rout them until she had the force of numbers at her back.
bearclaw remained small, though stigmata returned. and easthollow was their neighbor, familiar by scent if not sight. it was with dismay that mona found herself distracted; she turned her keen gaze away from the deer to ponder the borders newly set. from this distance, a half-familiar fragrance came to her again, but she kept away from the fresh gates. 
why had they come down among bearclaw and easthollow?

She was thinking that perhaps she'd wander off and investigate some of the surrounding areas for prey.  Not too far, but enough that she'd be able to tell what might wander through their lands later on as winter got to be more of a jerk.  After all, trees would provide shelter and the creeks could provide non-frozen water if they didn't freeze.  Or did they freeze?  Heck if she knew.  They'd figure it out soon enough.

Treason wove her way through the unfamiliar territory to the edge, pausing a moment as she too spotted the deer that from her spot were directly in front but heading perpendicular.  Convenient.  Eventually she started forward again, planning on getting a little bit closer to investigate.  She hadn't spotted the other wolf, an err on her part, due to her attention being so quickly drawn away.  The deer did kind of look delicious.

as mona watched, a vaguely familiar figure crept into view. another wolf, also focused on the grazing herd. anger bubbled in the girl's heart. that meat belonged to bearclaw. small game was only beginning to rebound from scarcity in the valley, and even then it would not be enough to stock the caches before winter, she believed.
they needed a kill, to pack away in the frosted earth before the snows truly began to fall. easthollow was their primary contender, and now this pack, occupying land far too close and eyeing prey that mona did not feel belonged to anyone but her own family.
she was nothing if not a diplomat, however; mona arranged a pleasant expression onto her countenance and waved the scarlet plume of her tail, woofing gently to draw the attention of the other wolf.

Treason wondered whether the deer would turn this way and come hide in the forest that former-Sunspire now claimed.  It would be convenient, certainly, so chances were it wouldn't happen.  But still, it wasn't going to be much of  walk for them to be able to hunt that herd as long as it stayed in the area.  Certainly less effort than her previous explorations in search of anything edible back when the mountain was a barren wasteland.

And so her thoughts continued until another announced their presence.  The beta's head whipped in that direction, quickly finding the source.  Treason took a few more strides away from the borders, towards the other wolf who seemed oddly familiar.  Hm.  She thought about it, and eventually things clicked into place, Huh.  You again? Found somewhere else, then?  Tindome had, after all, collapsed and Treason hadn't really paid much attention to what happened to its members.  They'd disappeared into the ether, ne'er to be seen again as far as she was concerned.  She hadn't been much into paying attention to stuff beyond the borders at the time.  She hadn't forgotten the sort of awkward meeting at the borders, though, and wondered if this was going to be a similar scenario.  Treason, of course, was her usual confident-but-aloof self.

she had not been noticed, the other wolf's attention trained on the deer herd. and then all at once she had been sussed out; she stood helplessly still, tail moving affably at her heels. this one, the abrupt wolfess who had made her one and only visit to sunspire unpleasant. but that meant —
"bearclaw valley, not far off," the mayfair offered, her focus upon the she-wolf. "did sunspire move down?" she inquired pointedly. her tone was friendly, though wary; mona was on the borders of a potentially large pack. each word must now be chosen with care.

She went through her mental map of the area and was pretty sure she knew where the pack must be settled just by virtue of a hole in her travels. Don't think I've been by.  Easthollow, yes, but they'd been far enough from Bearclaw that she hadn't really paid attention to another pack existing there.  Perhaps back when she first entered the Wilds she'd noticed.  Did any other Tindome wolves go there?  She hadn't known much about that pack breaking up, just that over time the scents left.  It hadn't been important at the time, 

Yes.  Most of us at least.  She gauged Mona's expression at this.  Treason didn't know whether or not Mona knew many of the Sunspire wolves back from when they lived nearby, but if she did have a few buddies who'd stuck around, at the very least Treason could probably answer about their whereabouts.  The mountain didn't seem a good choice for the winter.  It was perhaps a little cagey, but at the same time it was also the truth.  The prey was still low, even if it was returning, and that might make the winter more harsh than it needed to be.  And if Rannoch now didn't particularly like raising kids on the slopes of a mountain, that still hung under the same banner.

a sigh broke from mona despite her best attempts to restrain it. "just me." recalling the long months she had waited for the man who had claimed to love her, the girl glanced down at her small paws. he had not come, for her or for anything else. she knew now he had gone, perhaps dissuaded by her appearance. maybe he and sebastian had —
clearing her throat to shake herself from an unseemly reverie, mona nodded at the other. "i was wondering because i hadn't seen so many wolves in the area before. i was tracking the herd." unsure of how to ask the she-wolf if their numbers were large enough to press bearclaw out, mona recalled that she did not know the stranger's name. or perhaps she had forgotten it.
"i'm mona, by the way. i don't remember if i ever introduced myself," the cardinal murmured earnestly, her earlier annoyance ebbing.

Treason nodded.  She had no idea what was the reason for the disband, nor really any knowledge of their members besides Mona and the trespassing kids. Something did seem to be hanging over the other woman though.  Was she somehow the cause of it?  Had she been thrown out before it had disbanded proper?  A few other speculative thoughts ran through her mind, but Treason didn't think it was worth the effort to pry for the truth.

She looked back over to the distant deer for a moment.  Does that herd roam all the way down to your lands then?  Well traveled bunch.  Would that make them more delicious or maybe too stringy?  She wasn't sure.  They'd just have to hunt one at one point and find out.  Unfortunately, that might also make them harder to hunt if they were used to long treks.  I'll need to learn about the resources here, obviously.  I trust our scouts picked a good place, but it's not like the rest of us have been here before.  It was perhaps a bit more honest than Treason normally was, but there was no harm in saying so in her eyes.  The bulk of the pack was here and the territory wasn't without resources -- that was pretty much all that was needed.


Treason dipped her head politely.  I'm Treason, now beta here at the Creek.  Or Hollow.  Whatever we're calling it.  The fact Easthollow was right next door didn't make things easy to name.  So would it reference the creek more?  But the creek was 'lost'... Whatever.  She'd figure it out eventually.

thankfully, treason didn't pry, and for that mona was beyond grateful. "they have. the lead stag is a fierce creature. i would steer clear of him," the little mayfair suggested gently. "but this is a nice place. your scouts chose well." she wished she could find within herself the ability to confront the other, or suggest they were pushing bearclaw out of the way, but neither of those things came with a pricetag mona was willing to pay.
"easthollow is that way," she murmured. "they're our allies. nice bunch. i don't expect you'll have trouble from them if everyone is polite." and she hoped the hollow would be. with luck, the three packs would be able to coexist, even if they were closer together than mona would have liked.

Treason nodded thoughtfully, As long as he stays healthy I'd imagine he'll stay off the menu.  But I suppose we'll have to find something that spends a more reliable amount of time in the area.  They couldn't just rely on a herd that spent some of its time... however far away the Bearclaw wolves were.  The damn things would probably be annoying and keep out of reach just when they were needed.  Local prey would be best.

Yes, ours as well -- we spoke to Easthollow before coming here.  I don't know if anyone from your pack was told?  It wasn't my responsibility at the time so...  A shrug.  Honestly, whether it had been her not bothering to get up to date or them not bothering to tell her, she didn't know.  Treason had by that point just assumed that things had worked out.  If it had been?  Yeah, she probably would have investigated more.  Maybe they'd just decided that this territory was far enough that it didn't matter?  Again, she didn't know.

Honestly, she'd blame Wraen.  She was the scout and beta, so surely she should have mentioned it to someone, right?  If not, maybe it was good they were rid of her if she was slacking on her duties.  But maybe Mona had heard something in passing before the territory was officially chosen?  Or not.

she hoped treason did not feel slighted, or that mona had expected a word tossed to bearclaw. truth me told, it was irrelevant now, given the proximity of their packs to one another. xan, indra, and laurel would see fit a course of action, and mona was loyal enough to know that she would not question it. unsure of what to say, the girl smiled warmly, giving a little wave of her plume.
"it might be nice to have new neighbors," she mused aloud. "do you have little ones with you? playdates can always ... be arranged. eventually," mona finished lamely; it was not her decision to make, and she was fumbling at this small talk.

For now she'd hold off on making crude remarks about the other two litters that had leeched off of the pack and then bolted. Some other time. Yes, our alpha, Rannoch, and his mate Liffey have their brood.  I imagine they'll probably want to rest their paws a bit first, but I can mention it to them.  It's not too far, after all. She wouldn't really get a chance before Bearclaw showed up on their doorstep.  That was one way to solve the distance issue at least.

Forever a guardian, she continued and asked, Has there been anything in the area that you think we should be wary of? It doesn't seem like things are out of the ordinary, but I could be wrong. There were always downsides.

liffey. rannoch. mona liked the sound of the names immediately, and it showed in the brightening of her expression. "thank you. that would be very nice." warming to the woman, with no way to know that in the future she would answer to treason as a leader, the young mayfair's ears swept forward at the next inquiry.
"there aren't any large predators around, of which i know, but bearclaw is of course named for the bears that used to roam there. i haven't seen any since i've lived in the valley, but i do wonder if one winter they won't come back to sleep."

And ah, the bears would.  And cause other problems too.  The other predators were to cause a lot of problems for the Lost Creek wolves in not too long a time.  Not that Treason would know.  Instead there was a flicker of curiosity at what the next year would bring, what plans would fruit, what and who would be here, but these weren't thoughts she was going to share.

Since I will be talking to my alpha soon, is there anything else I should say to them?  Obviously, it isn't like you'd have a prepared message but...  Slight shrug.  Maybe there was something about Bearclaw that Rannoch should know?  Why hadn't they been told in the first place that they were moving from Sunspire?  Well, at least she'd have the chance to ask.  If Mona didn't have anything to add, that was fair enough too, but Treason wasn't the best of conversationalists so she suspected that otherwise things would soon draw to a close.

mona was indeed feeling awkward, wanting to return to bearclaw before she spoke too openly and easily for her leaders. "nothing of note. we keep to ourselves, but it will be good to have neighbors." 'good' was dubious, but the firefly was cordial to her marrow. a glance to the sky, a rueful smile.
"i should get back. it was very nice to meet you, treason." with a little bow in the other's direction, mona turned smartly and began a stride back toward her packlands, pausing only to see if the creek wolf had anything else to add.

Very well, then.  Good day to you.  She dipped her head, and that was pretty much it.  Treason was all about business, so if things were done, she'd leave it at that.  She watched Mona return back towards wherever Bearclaw was, meanwhile pondering just what to say to Rannoch and Terance.  Probably pretty close to what was said.

Once she was sure that Mona was well on her way, Treason went back to observing the herd for a while longer.