Sun Mote Copse It's such a catchy song

It had taken longer than intended for Wildfire to track down her Regent, though finally she picked up her scent trail and followed it through the copse, toward the rear of the territory where the river snaked along the foot of the mountain. When she emerged from the tree line, she scanned up and down the bank, then spotted @Kiwi upriver. She padded in that direction, calling out her daughter's name as she closed ranks.

"Heya," she greeted as she drew up close to the yearling, reaching out to touch her nose to the girl's cheek. "I've been looking for you. I just wanted to make myself available in case you needed to talk about Bat," Wildfire said, shooting straight to the heart of the matter.

Kiwi wasn't necessarily surprised when Wildfire found her to talk.  Her reaction to the Bat news hadn't been great, but she'd (presumably) gotten a lot of the venting out with Clover.  Now she was just kinda... eh.  

Okay.  I'm glad she isn't dead.  Kiwi said, with a small smile and a wave of her tail.  There.  Good enough, yeah?  She made to keep walking, though wasn't about to stop her mom from falling into step alongside if she wanted to come with.

"Yeah," Wildfire said on an exhale, "me too." She had quite a few other thoughts and feelings on the matter, though this little meet wasn't about her. It was about Kiwi. When no other remarks seemed forthcoming, she added, "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want. I'm just here, one way or the other."

Glancing up and down the river, Wildfire's eyes eventually drifted back to her daughter as she asked, "I'd also love to hear how you're liking leadership so far."

I know, she thought, a little sourly.  It was a tired sort of sour, though.  She'd screamed herself out on Finley, which was good for Wildfire's sake.  Now she was just tired.

God, yes, she wanted to talk about leadership.  About anything other than her sister, really.  But now her mom has brought it up and it was on her mind, and she found she couldn't just move on.  She needed to understand.

Kiwi turned, and looked at her mom.  I'm glad she isn't dead.  But I'm not going to care about her.  Not as much as I did.  She looked down, figuring her mom wouldn't like hearing that.  She left.  If we hadn't come here, we wouldn't have ever seen her again, and she was ok with that.  Even after we came here she didn't want us here.  So I'm not going to be sad if she leaves again. She doesn't care about us.  She lifted her eyes to look at her mom as she said the last part, nervous for what she'd see but feeling the truth as she did say it, and the release of finally telling Wildfire how she felt.  Wow it felt good!

She was done caring about wolves who didn't deserve it.  Yeah, she'd gone off on Bat, but she hadn't been the one who had made her sister feel like she wasn't anything to her by leaving without bothering to say goodbye, and by acting like nothing was wrong with that.  And instead of arguing, Bat had just gone with it and continued to avoid her after.  They didn't need each other.  Kiwi had Sequoia and Clover, and Bat had whoever she had now.  She wasn't going to feel bad about it anymore, and she needed her mom to know that.

Rather than respond with her thoughts on regency, Kiwi abruptly backtracked and launched into a soliloquy about Bat's return. Wildfire listened, quashing any emotions her yearling daughter's words triggered and just trying to give Kiwi a sounding board. She wouldn't argue with the Regent's feelings.

There was only one thing she wanted to refute: Kiwi's closing statement. "I don't think that's true," Wildfire said softly, then shook her head and offered her daughter a wan smile. "It's up to you how you address your relationship with your sister. Your feelings are totally valid here. I don't think Bat ever meant to hurt us either time she went away," the Sovereign said and finished with, "but it most certainly did hurt."

She blinked slowly, wondering if there was anything more Kiwi would say on the matter, or if she wanted to discuss leadership after all. Wildfire was open to either possibility. Heck, they could talk about anything the girl wanted.

She'd been expecting judgement, or maybe anger.  She had thought Wildfire might tell her she needed to see her sister's side or apologize, try to make things right and move on like she obviously had.  But she didn't.

The guilt she'd been feeling over not being able to let it go had been immense since hearing about Bat's death, and it hadn't gone away.  If anything it was worse again now, because everyone's happy reactions to her return had reminded Kiwi that she was still mad, even now.  Having Wildfire validate it meant the world to her, and she almost could have cried if she wasn't so surprised.  She probably would later.

Kiwi didn't even mind that she had corrected her on Bat - she knew her mom wouldn't believe that, just like she didn't believe that it wasn't true.  Oh. Her relief was probably apparent in her face.  All of her further arguments left her, and she sat down.

You aren't mad? She had to verify, for her own sake.  She couldn't believe it had gone that well.  She wouldn't have tried to fix things if her mom had asked - her sister was the first of likely many who would fail to live up to the girl's lofty standards, and she wouldn't seek out acceptance when she felt she hadn't done anything wrong.  But she had been afraid her mom's leadership promotion decision would be compromised by her statement, and the fact that she was obviously not going to just get over things.  She didn't know why she had thought that - the two were hardly related.  But she'd worried about it all the same.

Kiwi seemed surprised by her mother's response, which would niggle at her later on. For now, she canted her head slightly as she contemplated the yearling's query. "Mad?" she repeated in a quiet voice. "No, I'm not mad. If anything, I'm just sort of sad. But I don't blame you for how you feel." She paused, lifting her shoulders in a light shrug as she added, "Life and love can be really unfair sometimes." Wildfire would know that more than anyone.

She prepared to nudge the topic back toward less emotionally heavy things when a thought struck her. Wildfire mulled it for a solid minute before pointing out, "I know what it's like to feel left behind, abandoned, too well. Even if it's not entirely the other person's fault, it can be incredibly painful." Her voice was little more than a murmur. "I would be a liar if I said I didn't hope you two were able to mend things eventually. But I understand if you would rather keep your distance or avoid her altogether," much as it pained her. Wildfire let out a shuddering breath. "Because that's exactly how I felt about your nomi."

Not only was Wildfire not angry; she understood.  Kiwi nodded, not liking that it made her mom upset but glad that she at least was ok with it.  She understood that too.  She felt similarly about Nomi, though that feeling was more an overwhelming sense of jealousy and disappointment than the betrayal she felt over Bat.  Nomi had told her, but hadn't seen fit to take her with.  It was somehow less and more at the same time.

Thanks mom, Kiwi responded, suddenly filled with an overwhelming feeling of affection.  She pushed forward to embrace her, snuggling her face up in Wildfire's ruff.  She didn't care what happened, she'd never be the reason her mom cried.

She stayed there so long as Wildfire didn't pull back, and after a minute decided to go on with what she'd brought up earlier.  I like being Regent so far.  Hopefully I can do more though. She, guiltily, had been a little mia and less than helpful with everything going on. She'd been doing the border thing! And the hunting thing.  But the packmate thing? Not so much, unless you counted yelling at them.

She couldn't guess how Kiwi might react to the comparison. Perhaps mentioning her nomi would touch a nerve, reopen an old wound. Fortunately, it seemed neither was the case. Kiwi seemed to appreciate her mother's words. Wildfire nodded, warmly welcoming her daughter's embrace.

When they drew apart and landed back on the topic of leadership, Wildfire bobbed her head thoughtfully. "You're doing fine. You're very young and I asked you to step up earlier than planned. There's plenty of room to grow. The same goes for me and being Sovereign, honestly. Did you know that, for much of my life, I resisted the mere idea of being in leadership? And now look at me..."

Kiwi remembered that Wildfire wasn't a leader in Drageda, but the idea of not wanting to be one didn't compute with her.  She'd always wanted to be Heda, it felt like, even after she knew there was no chance because of the way she was born.  She'd still held out hope, up until the moment Heda had gone to do business and taken Ephraim instead of her.  What did you want if you didn't want to lead?

Why didn't you want to be leader? She asked.  What's bad about it?  She couldn't see any downsides.

"It wasn't that there was anything bad about being in leadership," Wildfire explained, "it was just that I didn't think I was suited to that level of responsibility. Back then, I really wasn't. I was also quite a traveler when I was young and I didn't want to feel tied down to the required duties. That wouldn't have been fair to me or the pack." Her lips curled into a smile. "I've changed a bit over the years, though I'd like to get back to traveling more. I think I could do that now, even as a leader."

She lapsed into silence for a beat after that, glancing at the pretty sights along the riverbank, then mentioned to Kiwi, "There was something I wanted to talk to you about. When the pups are born, I'll be pretty well tied to them and won't be able to go anywhere on a whim for a while. During those first few weeks, I'd like you to feel as though you can accept or deny callers at the border in my stead. Actually, I'd like for you to feel the right to exercise this privilege already, but it'll be particularly important then."

That made sense, kind of, though Kiwi still didn't understand quite what age had to do with it.  In her opinion, either you had what it took or you didn't, and if you did have what it took you were pretty dumb not to try and do it.  She wouldn't dream of saying that out loud to her mom, though.  She couldn't imagine choosing travel over leadership.

When Wildfire said the next part, Kiwi nodded and smiled.  She'd kinda already assumed she could deal with border wolves, but having it confirmed was good!  I can do that! We can only let them stay if they are useful, right? And respectful, she added, thinking of Corinne.  She would have turned the girl away, though in the end it wouldn't have mattered.

Kiwi rose to the occasion enthusiastically. Wildfire beamed at her, replying, "I try to give everyone a chance, so we let them in unless there's a very compelling reason not to. But absolutely vet them for their skills and let them know we really value trades here; that movement in our hierarchy is dependent on it. And, yes, of course, decorum is important too. Don't let anyone disrespect you or the pack." She finished dispensing this advice with a decisive dip of her smudged muzzle.

"I was wondering something else," the Sovereign admitted after a few beats of companionable silence. "Would you like to lead a pack get-together of some sort? Maybe a hunt?"

Ok, she could maybe do that.  Not too many who approached impressed her, but she would have probably taken Jarilo if he wanted to stay, even though she hadn't heard of any skills he had.  Disrespect was going to be the big thing, and the concept of being able to turn wolves away made her happy.  She mused on it a bit as they sat, wondering if she should patrol even more than she already did.  Probably when that time came.

That wasn't the end of it though.  This offer got even more of a light up than the previous one, because of COURSE she'd love to lead a hunt!  Really!?  Yes!!!  She'd hunter, but she'd never led, though she knew she'd be able to do it and they'd definitely bring down whatever they went after.  Which would be what? She'd have to do some scouting!  When?!

Kiwi's exuberance took her by surprise in the best possible way. "Whenever," she answered with a laugh. "It's up to you how and when you want to organize it. I figure it'll be a good opportunity to flex your leadership muscles." She paused before adding, "I can help if you want, though otherwise I'll be hands off. It'll be your thing."

This was the best, yes! She'd definitely plan something and figure out how she wanted to lead it.  Already her mind was going over the logistics.  She'd need to find prey first, something worth a group but maybe not too dangerous, depending on how many could hunt.  She didn't know what a lot of the pack could do. Maybe she could ask? Or take a couple to scout with her.  Then she'd have to figure out the best way to actually take it down with who they had with.

Before she got too lost in thought, she  looked at her mom happily.  Thanks! I'll look for herds and stuff and then see when we can plan it!

She'd already been idly thinking about a trip along the coast, and this would be another thing she could do while there!  They wouldn't want to go that far just to hunt but it didn't hurt to keep an eye out for anything moving their way too.  Luckily she didn't know yet how that particular trip would finish out.  

last for me I think!