Lost Creek Hollow Time is life itself

@Gannet "Time is life itself, and life resides in the human heart.” Michael Ende, "Momo"

Sarah had not sought out Gannet ever since that first and up until now final walk in the moonlight, but she had not forgotten about him either. Quite the contrary - ever since she had got slightly better, the white-pelted kind man, who had given her a helping paw at a time of need, was on her mind and she was looking for the right moment to meet him again. 

It would be a lucky coincidence that she would come upon his tracks right, when she was returning from her morning hunt, carrying a hare in her jaws. A meager meal for two grown-up wolves, but this situation sparked an idea in Sarah. She had a gift to share - that should be a "thank you" enough, shouldn't it? With this in mind she followed the trail, until she caught the sight of the guy in the distance.

After a failed run to the festival (though speaking with Charon had certainly been interesting), Gannet was contemplating next steps. He didn't really want to approach an entire pack for training, but the one conversation he'd had with Tarot here hadn't been entirely encouraging either. How could he learn if no one wanted to teach him? He didn't fault them for it of course... they didn't have to. It was just a puzzle, and one he intended to hopefully solve.

He was contemplating that mainly when Sarah found him, though he was facing her direction at this point and saw her come up. His tail gave a wave and he smiled, recognizing her from their one conversation. It had been a good one, and he didn't have any reason whatsoever not to consider her a friend. Hi. It looks like she'd been busy at hunting, which probably Gannet should have done. He hadn't actually eaten yet today.

Gannet had turned to face her and despite her jaws being occupied, she smiled still, when she saw him and it struck her that just maybe... just maybe she had found a friend. Without looking for it specifically. She put the hare on the ground and looked up at him and asked: "I never thanked you, did I? I thought I could invite you for a lunch. Hungry?"

She seemed happier this time, which was good. And apparently she wanted to thank him? He wasn't sure why, or what he had done worth thanking, but he was definitely hungry.

He nodded, but felt the need to ask as he came in closer. Why thanks? Gratitude wasn't something he was very accustomed to receiving, especially from just talking like they had.

"Umm... I don't know," Sarah shrugged and smiled at him, suddenly feeling a childish gidiness waking and spreading. "For being a nice person, maybe?" she added and nudged the spoils of the hunt in his direction, taking a step back then to indicate that Gannet was free to take it should he wish to do so. 

"How are you?" she asked then, to change the subject, having no other valid arguments for the previous topic.

He still didn't think he understood, but her words and the tone she delivered them in made him happy. Thanks. He smiled, then picked up the piece indicated and began to slowly dig in. He had never been that adamant of an eater - Gannet could take his time with most things.

I'm fine, he said, then thought about it a minute. He was fine, yeah. I went to the festival. I didn't meet anyone though. Not anyone new who could help him at least. That had been a little disappointing. He knew technically he should return the question, but he could tell she was better just from the way she'd smiled.

"What festival?" Sarah asked, having paid no attention to the social events and news that circulated within the pack. She was away from the hollow more than she was inside and from time to time she wondered, if she was to go and leave entirely, would anyone notice at all? Maybe Gannet, maybe Terance, though she had doubts about it as well. He had a new love-interest and family in the making. Sarah did not see herself in that image. 

"Isn't it contradictory - festival means a lot of people - how come that you did not meet anyone?" she asked, putting her thoughts back on the line and deciding not let them stray again.

He wasn't sure how he could make 'the festival' more specific. He hadn't quite understood the purpose of it or the outcome. With Lily's pack, he added, unaware that she probably didn't know who Lily was.

She was probably right, it was contradictory that he hadn't met anyone, especially when he had gone specifically to do just that. He was definitely disappointed. I wanted to learn herbs, but there were so many. They were all talking, so I watched. Silently and from the back. I just talked with Charon, but he was upset.

All in all it had been a pretty rough time. He didn't mind watching from the back most days, but not when he had had a goal in mind, one that was starting to seem impossible. He was starting to wonder if he would need to teach himself, though he wasn't sure exactly how he would do that.

There were too many, he finished finally, looking away and both ears splaying slightly back.

If Sarah had paid more attention to the stories of her mother's youth, she might have recognized Charon's name and person. Since she had always had better things to engage herself in than wasting time on this (she considered that Wraen had done Sarah's share of listening too). Therefore this was just a name that she forgot the moment she heard it. 

"Lonely in the crowd, huh?" Sarah asked and after a contemplative pause went on, "I feel like this here all the time. Though... I have come to a conclusion that I do not like people much in general." Gannet could keep a secret? She looked at him inquisitively for a moment and then sighed and looked away. Who was she trying to fool? Wasn't it obvious already?

Yes and no. He didn't feel it all the time, though yes often. The reason felt different too. I like them, he said, though nothing indicated he'd taken her own statement badly at all. I don't understand them. Sometimes.

Like now. He did not understand Sarah's own feelings at all, and it prompted him to ask What don't you like? He couldn't imagine not liking people. Not even not-friends, who tended to be that because they disliked him and not the other way around. Those who had done harm to him in the past earned more of an impassive lack of care than anything else.

"It is not one particular thing," Sarah shrugged. "I am..." she paused and looked up, thinking about the right description. How could you correctly describe dualism - she was a loner, she felt good in her own company and at the same time she had enjoyed being among her nuclear family members. Welcoming new faces had been difficult for her then and perhaps it was her problem now as well. 

"I do not like pretense. This mish-mash of people here pretending to be one big, happy family... it is contrary to everything I grew up with," she explained, though the right word still were nowhere to be found. "There are so many things that are expected from you and I am afraid to show that I simply do not care about any of them," she said with a furrowed brow.

And suddenly her sullen expression brightened up and she began to laugh: "I guess I have not recovered from being queen once."

Gannet could somewhat relate. He definitely hated pretense and dishonesty, but mainly because he had such a hard time telling when it was happening.

It might not all be fake. She seemed to have a much more cynical view of the pack than Gannet himself, who had truly known what it felt to be an outcast in Moonspear. Maybe that was why what she said resonated. Even if I'm not your family, you're my family. Everyone here is. This was one of the most important things he'd learned - it didn't matter how they saw him, what mattered was how he saw them and himself. I cared in Moonspear and it didn't matter. So now I'm only going to try and do the best I can. He shrugged, and got slightly uncomfortable for some reason. He didn't want her to think he was telling her what she should do, he just felt the need to explain how he felt too.

When were you Queen? That was interesting, Gannet wouldn't have guessed but she also didn't seem the type to share much about herself. He'd never wanted a role like that and couldn't relate, but it sounded like not being a leader might be hard after being one.

"You are probably right," Sarah agreed, maybe the rest felt some sort of affection for each other, a sense of belonging. Perhaps, it was not hatred, it was envy. They belonged to a cause she could not relate to.

"Family is a word that should not be used too freely," she responded to Gannet's remark on, how he considered her a family member, when he knew her hardly at all. "The same way you should not waste the word "love" unless you really mean it," she added. No grey areas for her. All or nothing.

"A..." she was about to say "long time ago", but it was not true. Half a year was a lot in a wild wolf's life, whose expectancy was 7 - 8 years in total, but it did not feel like that to Sarah. She could still remember vividly, how it felt to be the leader. "Last year," she finally said. "And then my family scattered and my home turned to ashes."

It shouldn't be, he agreed, but he knew that. How did he explain? At one time he'd thought that it wasn't possible to find family easily, but he'd come to another way of thinking lately. Mine's gone. If I want more, I just have to choose. He said. He'd chosen her, along with everyone else here. And she didn't need to feel the same way, it was fine. Family didn't always have to agree, it just meant anything she needed, he'd try and help.

So her family was gone too, but in a worse way. He watched her, but there wasn't any pity in his eyes. She was here now, and no matter what bad had happened then, this place was good. Hopefully she'd come to like it, at least somewhat, or find another place she liked too. Do you want to be again?

Sarah did not understand the "I just have to choose" part, but did not dwell on it either. There was a high possibility that in the course of the conversation about this subject she could easily insult Gannet and, since he was the only person here, who counted as an "almost friend", she did not want to gamble it away just now.

She had to think for a while about the next topic - did she want to be a queen again? An immediate answer would have been "yes", but only in that case, if things could go back as it had been again. In reality, it was not the high title she yearned for, but for the days that were gone already and would never return. "I never walk the same path twice," she eventually replied. "I think I am here now to learn something."

What exactly was it, she did not know yet, but had a feeling that by living one day at a time, taking small steps forward, she would be able to look back at all of this and see the reason. "What do you want to do?" she asked.

That was an interesting way to look at it. Gannet thought he was the same, but if he liked a path he felt he would. That was what it was all about; liking the path you were on. Learning is good. But teachers are hard to find. he shared conversationally, with an easy smile. He didn't know what she wanted to learn, but he hoped she had good luck with finding someone willing to mentor her.

I don't know. Help, mostly. Heal. He thought about what most wolves wanted. He didn't want to lead... he didn't want a lot. I want to matter. he finished with finally, not sure if that entirely made sense, but it was the most accurate way he could describe it.

"Pretty much same for me," Sarah said, realizing that Gannet had found the most accurate description of, why she felt the way she did. It was not about the title, rather about being part of something that made you whole and happy. She did not see this happening here with Terance's friends and family, but maybe she simply had to wait and give it a chance. Maybe just because she was recovering, did not mean she was well. 

With this topic covered, she really did not have anything else to add, therefore she kept Gannet company, while he ate, in silence, with her eyes closed, delving deep in her thoughts.

Last one for me, but we can have another one.

It seemed like a good thing to want, and she agreed with him. Gannet felt the silence slip over naturally and let it continue, eating what she had gifted until he was full.

It was good to share company like this, even if it was just company of thoughts. He thought that maybe he was getting better at the talking though, and it pleased him. There'd been no real confusion or places where he'd felt he couldn't find the words. It was nice.

yes! Anytime <3