Whitefish River Now daylight don't make it right

@Emrik
I went ahead and started for us <3
Set for directly after his joining thread

She kept quiet as she led him through the territory towards the willow tree she had just recently discovered near the river. She like to sit under it's dangling branches; it reminded her of a similar willow tree at home, and it made things seem less scary. She knew she needed to tell Emrik the truth, but she wasn't really sure how to start. And, she was absolutely dreading seeing disappointment on his face when he found out what she had done.

She still hadn't spoke when they came to the tree, and she moved to sit next to the trunk, gaze falling to the water as the sound of it rushing by in front of them filled the silence between them.

How are mom and dad? she finally asked, deciding to start there in the hope that it would make telling him the truth easier.

oh thank you!

He was never one to handle silence very well, especially the awkward kind that hung between them. Suddenly Emrik wished that they hadn’t been so quick to leave Evergreen and Ira. At least back there it was easier to ignore the elephant in the room.

He couldn’t say the question she posed; he knew he enough to know that she missed her parents. Especially considering the tree she had led them too. So reminiscent of home. Clearing his throat, he nodded his head slowly, gathering his thoughts. “They are well. You know Wynona, motherhen as usual, and Uzumati always trying to impart some fatherly advice.” He grinned at the memory of the beta pair. The proverbial aunt and uncle to all within the pack. For a moment his olive gaze lands on her, and he almost forgets they aren’t at home.

Quickly turning away he resumes his observation of the bubbling water. “Of course they miss you.” Again he cleared his throat, trying to avoid the awkward air he could feel. “Worry about you.” Just like I did. He kept his thoughts to himself. No need to interject his own feelings, not when she would feel sad at his words. But he couldn’t lie to her. Never had and never could.

Unfortunately, talking about her parents didn't help; it only made her feel worse because she couldn't stop imagining their disappointment if they ever found out what she did. And, she hated that they had worried about her, even though she knew they would. What would they say when Emrik told them how badly she had messed up everything? Suddenly, tears began to flow from her eyes. I'm sorry, she said through sniffles.

It was a few moments before she could calm the tears enough to speak again, but she finally drew in a shaky breath and settled her watery gaze on him. I messed up, Emrik. She paused to swallow before adding: I never meant for any of this to happen. She started to cry again, once again unable to stop the tears. Before she realized what she was doing, she closed the distance between them, pressing her face into his fur and hoping he wouldn't reject her silent plea for comfort.

Suddenly she was crying. His jaw fell open, and a panicked look ran through his features. Giving a little yelp of surprise he quickly surged forward to sit right next to her, and gave her a gentle nose on the cheek. “Don’t be sorry, it’s ok to miss them.” He tried to offer a kind reassuring smile. He hoped she stopped crying.

But instead! More tears came, she simply cried for several minutes. Emrik had no idea what to do, but nose her again. Just as he was about to speak again, she spoke first. He felt pity well in his stomach as she sought comfort from him. The main stiffened for a moment before absorbing into a kind of hug, pulling her closer. God he had missed her.

“Hey, hey… it’s alright. Don’t cry Speedy.” Emrik’s voice settled into a whisper. “Remember, I’m always there for you, no matter what.” His words were reminiscent of their last meeting, right before she had left. He promised her, he would always be there for her. Always. “You wanna tell me what happened?” Clearly she was hurt, and something terrible had happened for his strong willed Speedy to be in such a state, crying and pregnant.

His words quieted her crying some, but guilt surged through her once more when he repeated what he had told her before she left. That time seemed so far away; she was nothing like that Speedy anymore, and she wondered if he would still feel the same way once he finally knew the truth. 

She leaned back a little so that she could meet his gaze but remained close enough that their bodies touched. The closeness somehow gave her the strength to tell him what she had already told Tobi and Evergreen. It was so much harder to tell him, though. But, she had to, so she drew in a long, shaky breath and began to speak. It was my first heat, and everything was really confusing. I felt like I had no control over myself. She wished her mom had been there then, more than any other time she had wished for the same thing. Instead, she had muddled through the confusing time making mistake after mistake. The alpha of my former pack is the father. He has a mate and a family, though, and I created a huge mess and hurt the whole pack. Tears ran down her cheeks but she continued her retelling, wanting to just get it all out. I hate myself for doing it, she paused and looked away. The beta was his daughter; when she found out, she attacked me and chased me from the territory with her siblings. I ran until I couldn't run anymore. I'm not sure if any of them followed, but I'm afraid of what they'll do to me or the children if they ever find us. Her voice grew quiet and somber as she added: Evergreen and his pack have taken me in and have been so nice...I don't feel like I deserve it, but the children do. She wouldn't let anything happen to them. She sniffled and fell quiet, her story out, and now she waited for his judgement, sure he would hate her just as much as she hated herself.

He was surprised. That part was obvious. His jaw fell loose, and his eyes widened just slightly, as he processed what she had to say. He was quiet for a long moment, a moment longer than normal social constraints allowed. But this was no normal conversation.

Closing and opening his mouth, Emrik tried to wrestle with his emotions. How dare they! How dare he, whatever his name is! Who do they think they are! Finally, he understood the apprehension from Evergreen and Ira. “I…I…,” what was he supposed to say? Speedy was crying just a moment ago, her didn’t want to frighten her, or make her more upset. But HE was upset! Suddenly he couldn’t contain it. Jumping to his paws and shaking his head he couldn’t contain the shout. [b]“WHAT?!”

“Oh I’m sorry Speedy, I just can’t believe they didn’t take responsibility. They ran you out! That’s— I mean, I just can’t believe it.”Again he shook his head, and looked away for a moment, as if trying to comprehend something incomprehensible. “I mean you… YOU of all people.” Scoffing, Emrik hesitantly licked his lips, suddenly awkward. Looking at his paws, he continued, “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’ll be sure to thank Evergreen and everyone else on your parents behalf. I’m sure they would like that.” Clipping his rambling, Emrik swallowed thickly.

“Wait! What do you mean you don’t deserve it?” Again the look of confusion shone in his eyes. “Speedy! Of course you deserve it. My god, Speedy you of all people deserve it.” He gave her a concerned, and caring smile, trying to meet her gaze.

Disgust, anger, disappointment. These were all the things she expected from him once he knew the truth. What she didn't expect was for him to be upset on her behalf. She didn't expect for him try and make her feel less guilty about the terrible thing she had done.

She was speechless. She had prepared herself for his condemnation. But for him to offer the exact opposite? She was overwhelmed with emotion. Tears welled in her eyes and began to fall down her cheeks again. I—I don't know what to say, she murmured through sniffles. Truthfully, she didn't really agree; she still felt awful about the whole thing, and she fully believed that she didn't deserve for everyone to be so understanding. I thought you would be angry with me. her crying slowed some as she lifted her gaze to meet his, her expression incredulous. It was hard to accept that others were so willing to look past her mistake when she couldn't imagine ever forgiving herself for it.

Confusion clouded his eyes, “Angry?! Speedy why would I be angry with you? I’m just sorry you had to go through that alone.” He took a reassuring step toward her, head dropping in shame next to hers as her eyes watered. Emrik couldn’t help but wish he had joined her when she left the first time, but she had been so happy to be out on her own, and he didn’t want to crash the party, so of course he didn’t even ask if she wanted company. Now though, he can’t help but think that this could have been avoided had they been together.

“Mistakes happen Speedy. And I know you are gonna make a great mom. I’ve known it since we first met.” Emrik leaned in and gave her a reassuring nudge.

She closed her eyes. Don't. She knew him, and she knew where he was going with that. Don't try to blame yourself for any of this. She couldn't bear it. It had been her mistake, and she took full responsibility for it. She looked at him again. And I thought you would be angry because, well, what I did was awful and hurtful. He should be angry with her, but she couldn't help but feel a little relieved that he wasn't. She felt better able to deal with all of this now that he was here and on her side, as selfish as that felt to her.

I hope so, she answered softly, self-doubt clear in her tone. Things are already starting off in a tough spot; I just hope they never have to pay for my mistakes. Speedy would do everything in her power to keep that from happening, but she couldn't help but fear that she may not be able to shield them forever.