Two Rivers Isle And now it's found us like I have found you

Ulrich had been given his time to calm down and think. And he had come to the conclusion that he could not have his meat and eat it, too. The truth was, he was getting older. He had recently seen his fifth year, so if he and Adylaide wanted children, doing it now, this year, would be better than waiting. Next year he would be six years old, and perhaps would not have as much energy to raise squealing pups. He would just have to get over this annoyance at having to protect everyone and everything. If nothing else, he was good at it, so at least it would be easier. Besides, he was probably just overreacting like always.

He found Adylaide and approached her slowly, aware immediately that she was upset. Adylaide... he murmured, ears falling back along his skull. The words "my lady" almost passed his maw, an old habit, but he stopped them. Are you all right? Have you been... What had she called it? Crying? Again? Was it his fault? He had only been gone an hour, and only to think. He had not been upset at her, and had told her so before he'd left. Perhaps something else was wrong.

Ady had not known what had caused the change in her husband and it disturbed her, greatly. She had always been able to pick out his moods and counter them easily. And she had known what this was. Annoyance, fear, but of what. That was where she didn't understand. She didn't know why he was upset or had been upset more so.

Of course I was Ully. You said you weren't upset with me, but clearly something I said upset you. And I don't understand. If you don't want kids then tell me, Ulrich. If you want then tell me. Don't go along with what I say just because.

She took a deep breath and pressed her paws to her face, scrubbing upwards almost like an otter. Her brown eyes tightly closed, trying to calm down.

If something bothers you. You  must tell me. We are both new to this relationship and we need to have open conversations or things might fester.

Ulrich felt terrible, but also frustrated. Hadn’t he told her that nothing had been her fault? Why was she so upset, then? She questioned his want for children, which hit a bit too close to home, but then went on to demand to that he talk to her when he was upset. That open conversations were a must. But there was something about him that she did not yet seem to understand. How did he get this across to her without hurting her feelings. He took a deep breath, sitting down.

Adylaide… I think you need to understand something if this relationship is going to work. I don’t… sort out my feelings the same way you do. Open communication is very important, yes, and I had every intention of coming and speaking to you. That’s why I’m here now. But… I need to know that I can take breaks, that I can be alone with my thoughts, without worrying that you are going to take that action the wrong way. I told you that I was not upset with you, yet you assumed so anyway. Do you not trust my word?

He paused, thinking. You want everything resolved in an instant. I need time. I need to think, alone, away from anyone else, and sort out my thoughts. And being told to stay and talk right then, right in the moment of conflict, makes it very difficult for me to think clearly. I get… overwhelmed. I feel pushed. He sighed. Somehow we must come to a middle ground, or this will happen every time we have a disagreement. He looked at her earnestly, hoping she saw the love and concern in his eyes, hoping she did not think he was angry at her.

Ady stared at him slightly irritated. He had told her nothing had been her fault, but growing up she had learned that perfection was a must and when she fell short it often got her in trouble. Her parents would just flounce away and leave her to flounder. And it had very much felt like the same thing. And that was unfair of her. She knew. She nibbled at her lips trying to think. To take what he was saying.

I understand, Ulrich. She spoke, her words gruffer than she meant, her voice roughened with tears. I am not upset that you need time to think. I am  upset that you shut down. Or you don't say what needs said. You were irritated with me, and annoyed I could see it on your face. But then you tell me that you are fine and I have nothing to worry about and it wasn't me. When clearly it was something I had at least said. That is what I don't like Ully. I don't like it when you try and soften the blows. Sometimes I need the hard truth. And i am pushy I know.

She took a deep breath. That's not to say that you can't go get space, or request space or whatever it is that you need. But what I am trying to say is if something annoys you that I do or say. Even if you say it later, please tell me or I won't be able to grow as a wolf.


She furrowed her tiny white brow, unsure what else to do. That was the only solution she could come up with at the moment. She pressed her paws against her face again. Thinking hard. She knew he loved her, but she questioned it. Because he had been so reluctant, part of her wondered if she hadn't pushed too hard even in that.

Ulrich breathed, trying to keep his breaths from releasing harshly. He closed his eyes, turned his head away, but his ears swiveled to listen to his wife. He was silent for a time afterwards, but eventually said, I am overwhelmed by the burden of being a pack leader, and now a father, at some point. Everything is resting upon my shoulders. It is... a lot. Possibly too much. I feel that if I make one wrong move, everything will come crashing down around me. It is my job to keep this pack afloat, and my job to protect the eventual pups. And I feel... strained. That is all.

There. Now he had said it so she would not feel he was keeping things from her. In future, please do not panic when I say I need space. I will always return to you, when my head is clearer. Please do not put words in my mouth, or assume that you are the problem. If you are the problem, I will tell you. But before I tell you anything, I need time away to gather my thoughts, or it all comes out in... overemotional gibberish. He gave a rueful smile, then, glancing at her, trying to break the tension.

He listened, took what she said and said nothing at first. Then when he spoke her heart stopped, and she frowned. But not at him. At that fact taht he felt this way. The burden was not his alone.

Oh Ully. She said breathlessly and shook her head. She moved closer and would lick at his head if he allowed. 

It is not just your burden dearest. It is also mine, and the packs. We are the leaders, yes, but everyone must protect everyone, even eventual pups. It is not only your job. It isn't. You take too much on yourself. And perhaps I am to blame in part for that I shouldn't have made it seem like it would only be you protecting them. I was only trying to make you feel better.


I will try not to panic. I can't help it. King Father and Queen Mother would simply walk away from me when they were angry and it has become ingrained, that walking away means anger.

Ulrich allowed the kiss and then turned his head to press his forehead to hers. He listened to her words and closed his eyes and let her soothe him. She always helped. Always. I love you, he murmured. What you said wasn’t wrong. I know you only meant to speak with love, as you always do.

And then she explained why his walking away would cause her to panic and he shook his head in disgust. Of course it would be her parents, and the trauma they had inflicted upon her. Every time he thought himself free of their grasp, it was as if they reached across space and time from their graves, digging their claws into his fur and flesh, into his wife’s. I am not your parents, he said. I swear never to be like them. I will always return when I need to take a walk. Always. I would never hurt you like that. Believe me. His voice was quiet and gentle, but pleading, and he rested his chin across her back in an embrace.

These two give me the happies

Her husband. How those words filled her with such warmth. He leaned into the embrace and listened, really listened. And for that she would always love him. He listened when she had things to say. He never turned a deaf ear or ignored her worries or her causes. Just took them with grace. 

I love you too.

Truly, she was trying to get past the horrors her parents had inflicted. They hadn't been terrible parents. There has just been such a heavy pressure to conform do as they wished. To listen. Be the best that she could be. Good princess, good daughter, good sister, good everything. And that pressure was hard on the best day and crushing on the worst.

She preened at his shoulders. Alright. I will remember that from now on. She smoothed her muzzle along his ribs.

Same!

Now he felt better, and it seemed she did too. He pulled back from her face to look at her, to check her eyes for tears, tears which he, until recently, had only ever associated with getting something in your eyes, like dirt. How strange that being emotionally upset caused tears in his wife. He saw that her eyes were dry now, though still red.

Come, he said, and turned, though he did not know where they were going. Would you like to take a walk with me? He thought this might be a good way to clear the air, now that they both felt better and had explained themselves. He looked at her over his shoulder and smiled, waiting.

[Fade?]

Okay Fade :)

The anger was gone as were the hurt feelings. The remnants of both were there, but she felt they had handled it well. And though he gave he a searching look, it was just to be sure she was alright. She had to smile at that. 

She would follow and then step in stride with him and take solace in his presence and conversation. It was going to be a good day now, she was certain.