i think that they could be the better half of me.

The sky was a deep, ashen gray by the time Harlyn returned to the Plateau.  The time she'd spent away had been therapeutic for her, spiritually.  Her faith in her beliefs had never wavered her entire life, however not even she was immune to the distress she felt at times when her gods put her in positions she was none too fond of.  Her time at the Plateau had been both wonderful and nerve-wracking.  As much as she loved being with Mordecai, the politics of the pack made her extremely uneasy.  She may never have been more thankful than she was now to have the gods speak to her and show her the way, for just like Luke, Harlyn simply could not stand being in limbo any longer.

So, with thunder at her heels, Harlyn turned her tracks to pace the edges of the pack territory.  Knowing @Mordecai as she did, she suspected that that she might find him guarding the borders.  Tilting her muzzle skyward, she let out a short howl, calling him to her.  The wind was picking up rather drastically with each moment, but the druid was too full of purpose to put much thought to it.  Otherwise she would have recognized the impending violence and would have been calling Mordecai to take him somewhere safe with her, instead of to say good bye.

Her thoughts of where he would have been were true to a degree, though Mordecai had been working his way in from the borders as the storm brewed. The reality of the last good bout of weather they had received had resulted in the fire, and he did not wish to linger and tempt fate to see if it would happen again. It seemed unlikely, as the weather had turned to a much damper and warmer environment since that fateful night. But again, it was not something he wanted to tempt all the same.

And he would have ventured further into the territory, if not caught by a call rising and fading away swiftly on the wind. He turned his head with a gust of wind, straining both neck and ear to see if he could catch anything more of it. But there was nothing and for a moment he could not help but linger, thinking it would rise again. It did not. And so he went towards the borders once more, pushed along more by the change of weather of the growing evening. The hours were growing late, perhaps later than he realized. Time had a funny way of getting away from all of them, some moments preserved crisply and suddenly in a flash, weeks behind.

With tension in the air of what would come was not entirely lost on him, though the reality of what would come would not set in until much later. It seemed as though it would storm, but in truth that storm that would tear across the wilderness was still hours out. Had they been at sea the swells would have churned and thrown them with abandon; the undertow would have surely drug them beneath its heavy waves. But they were not, thankfully. As his eyes scanned through the dense undergrowth in its full movement, he spied out the mottled coat of Harlyn. Mordecai moved to close in that distance, thankful for a familiar face midst the brewing skies and turbulent earth.

"Hey," he called out to her, words stolen more or less from his tongue. "Was that you I heard?" The wind was something else, needless to say.

While she waited for the Ostrega to appear, Harlyn's mind returned to trying to decide what to say to him, but more than that, what he would say in response.  Would he go with her?  Would he stay?  Would he be angry with her for leaving again?  No.  If Harlyn was certain of one thing it was that Mordecai would not be upset with her for pursuing her dreams, even if it meant leaving him behind again.  That would be his choice whether or not he was left.

"Mordecai?" Harlyn said as his voice came to her rather suddenly.  She turned to face him, a smile dancing across her lips at the sight of his handsome face.  She walked quickly towards him, reaching out then to press her nose affectionately against his temple.  "Hey, that didn't take long," she crooned just as a flash of lightning lit up the sky above them.  She froze briefly, her gaze flickering upwards as the light disappeared and the thunder rolled again, momentarily forgetting why she had called for him.

The distance closed between them, she nudged the crown of his head as he bowed it a little. The affection was a mutual thing between them, as he bumped against her gently. Her absence hadn't gone unnoticed, though he did not inquire to where her feet had taken her. It was silent assumption that she too had been inclined to see some of the sights, at least in light of the recently decent weather they had been gifted with.

With a confirmation of sorts budding from her lips, he too tensed when the lightning flickered and flashed overhead. The low grumble of thunder did not spur him to push for deeper thickets in which they could have stolen away to, but rather join Harlyn in eyeing the sky with interest. "Looks like a storm again," he said with some disdain. There had been others since the fire, each one nothing more than a reminder of how easily nature did what it wanted to. "Were you calling to see that I'm safe and sound?" Perhaps the oncoming storm had suggested that she rally him to her. That he could understand.

Harlyn gazed skyward for a moment before Mordecai's voice brought her back down to earth again.  She gave him a little smirk at his question.  "Well, I know how much trouble you have taking care of yourself," she teased lightly,  It was nice to do, especially considering how heavy a conversation she was about to inflict upon him.

"Come, let's get under the trees at least," Harlyn urged him.  She turned then and cantered off in the direction of the treeline that loomed nearby, Mordecai in tow.  The naturalist in her caused her to stop and settle down on her haunches just beneath their shelter so that she could watch as the storm continued to brew.  She knew it was better for them to avoid it, but even the Cinderloch had her "reckless" side.

"Mordecai..." Harlyn said finally after a few minutes had passed in silence, "I.. need to tell you something."  It wasn't what she had intended to say.  It wasn't even a line she'd thought of when she'd tried to figure out how to start the conversation, but wasn't that always the way of it?  Her grip on her self-determined protocol quickly slipped and all bets were off - whatever happened would happen as it was intended to.  No scripts, just.. real.

i may be intoxicated, no regrets, #yolo

Her witticism rarely missed the opportunity; he smiled wanely as she pulled them away from the open break of canopy to a little thicker cover. He did not fear the lightning that came for as far and few inbetween it was, and settling in near to her was of no question. They were posed as conversationally as wolves could have been, eyes resting on each other as much as they were on their surroundings, and of course of the sky above.

It would rain, it would storm, but how soon was a questionable thing altogether.

Her voice once more withdrew him from wandering and unwritten thoughts, drawing the focus of his gaze from the lush greenery to her countenance curiously. Something was on her mind, as often many things were in the days that had come to pass. His brows knitted briefly before rising expectantly, curiosity unbridled at the trailing edge of her voice that was not stolen away by the wind.

"Oh?" he said, if only to counter the break of silence that gently found its way in.

INTOXICATED NO REGRETS INDEED!

And just like that, they were in a very familiar conversation - Harlyn with something difficult on her mind that she wanted to share and Mordecai listening quietly and waiting patiently for her to say it.  For a moment, the druid simply marveled over the fact that he was still there, still listening to her random announcements with open ears.  It gave her hope.

"I don't actually know how to start," she admitted finally, smiling simply because it was so silly, "I don't know how you do it - you get me tongue-tied, even after all this time together."  Harlyn shook her head and lifted her gaze skyward until finally, it just kind of... slipped.

"I love you," she said, searching for his gaze, "I have to leave the pack."  It was all she said for now - two bombshells at once.  She'd give him a moment to process and then respond as he would before she attempted to fill his mind with even more of her confessions.

me: ok brain this is a pivotal moment work with me here
brain: let me think about it... no

Whatever she was building up to, he found himself amused. And that amusement may have radiated out from him over the way she seemed so flustered in whatever it was that she had to share. And when she did share it, well, he could have colored himself surprised and yet only so far. There had been reasons to suspect why she had lingered about so long, obviously drawn to him in ways that he found himself drawn to her.

Yet a fair amount of those feelings went by the wayside when the real truth in it came rolling out. His expression had crested somewhere with warmth, but fell cleanly. He didn't take the moment to process it, instead querying her: "What?" The unspoken why would speak for itself; it showed in the evolution of emotion.

Of all the things she anticipated he might say... "What?" was definitely no where on the list.

She blinked at him stupidly for a moment, clueless as to how to respond.  Was she supposed to explain further?  Was she supposed to defend her feelings and her actions?  Was she supposed to... repeat herself?

"I... I um..." Harlyn started, then stopped, flustered, ".....which part?"  What the hell was he playing at?  Even if he didn't hear her.. why did he choose that moment to go deaf?  She was quite suddenly too awkward to function, and rather ready to throw the whole conversation out the window.  Maybe try again later once he put his hearing aides in.

It wasn't a question of whether or not he was truly deaf — probably far from it, honestly — but rather the question of why. His confusion over it only spurred on her own, leaving him to cant his head slightly as he redefined what it was that caught him off-guard.

"Why are you leaving?" Soft words rumbled loosely in his throat; he did not question her love of or for him. It was detracted from the bigger picture, settled more on the reasoning of why suddenly she would choose to proclaim one thing but move onto another. Was it a fear of commitment? He doubted it, but knew there were far more things that rose up in its wake. What she wanted was far grander than his own simplistic wants or needs, yet he missed the point entirely.

Mordecai focused his question in on one of the topics she had begun, for which Harlyn was grateful.  She wanted to discuss them both in time, but for now she was content with detailing the latter.  That was the conversation she had meant to start in the first place, after all.  The confession of her feelings was not something she'd intended - her heart had done that on its own.

"Because I'm not happy at the Plateau," she replied, honesty touching her words and causing her to abandon any pretense, "I've never felt at home there, and now Dante is talking of enemies and wars and.. I don't want to be in a position where the Plateau is threatened and he takes off to defend some pack to the North.  What sort of alpha would do that?"  Guilt wracked her heart as she spoke.  She liked Dante, she truly did, but she had little faith in him as a leader.  His decisions were full of passion and quite naive, and she simply couldn't stand the thought of him putting Mordecai in danger due to it, even if it would be done with innocence and the best of intentions.

"Besides that...  I have others to think of," Harlyn continued, "There are some who would follow us, who are waiting to do so.  I can't leave them without a home any longer.  They are my family too, just as much as you are."

CAN WE MAKE HER CRY IDEK

He could empathize, really. The thought of being somewhere else that found itself locked into some sort of chaos did not entirely appeal to him. Though he certainly had his loyalty to Dante that went more than just someone who offered him a home, Mordecai found that he too was not at all fond of being caught up in something that he did not understand. It was an acute realization that he was not overly close to those that resided within the pack. Perhaps to its leadership he had made himself worthy, even desirable as keeping in lieu of his distance, but he scarcely knew of the wolves beneath them. They had come and went without so much of a wonder.

His jaw set uncomfortably, not at this. Perhaps it was more so of the fact that Harlyn had consciously gone ahead with her own plans, speaking of those that would follow and those that apparently already followed. A childish sense came over him, thinking how the decision had been yanked out of his grasp. But anger did not fill the valley in which the void of control remained nestled. His gaze wandered from her, cycling through a medley of feelings and responses before it simply stewed in the indescribable. His eyes closed in tense thought.

"Harlyn..." he sighed, perhaps for once in a his life truly lost for words to say once he had opened his mouth.

It was a lot to take, she knew.  What's more, Harlyn knew that Mordecai's fondness for the Plateau's alpha was more than just that of a subordinate to their leader. They were friends - close ones, at that.  Part of her wanted to feel guilty for saying such things about his friend, but she did not often apologize for feeling the way she did, nor for being so candid about it.  She would apologize for how she made others feel with her opinions, however, but Mordecai's response - or lack thereof - left her without any air in her lungs with which to speak.

He said nothing.  After all she'd explained, Mordecai had nothing but a pained whisper on his tongue.  She nearly flinched at the utterance of her name, the power of his emotions behind it far stronger than had he released a verbose tidal wave upon her.  All at once, she realized.. He would not come.  Her heart had blinded her from seeing the reality of the situation.  Mordecai did not want to lead.  He did not want to leave the Plateau.  He did not want to be with her.

Thunder quaked heavily above as more flashes of lightning lit up the sky.  The clouds looked ripe to burst with rain, and Harlyn felt suddenly that she had rather a lot in common with them as her own tears began to line her eyes.  The Cinderloch was stronger than that though.  She would not dissolve to tears or resort to pleading.  She would not beg for his love, for him to care more for her and making her happy than he did his loyalties to an alpha who would sooner run off to defend some stranger than his own pack.  She knew better than to ask fate to change its direction for her - she was not so significant in the grand design.

Silence enveloped them for a moment, but eventually she spoke again in an almost conversational tone in spite of the fact that it felt as though her heart was splintering within her chest.  "We found a place..." Harlyn said quietly, "Luke and I.  It's beautiful, full of streams and covered in tall trees.  I hope... I hope you'll come see it, someday."  There was a subtle finality to her words that she hadn't exactly invited to be there.  She couldn't help but feel that there was no where else to go from there, though.  She had said her piece and he had said his with his silence.

And just like that, he felt a certain warmth shared between them pull away. The rise of tension was strong and he rode it out all the same, as though any sort of mental preparation could fortify what he expected next. Though she did not openly go to pieces before him, he sensed the cracks across her demeanor without bringing his gaze back around to her.

But he did, slowly, as she went on to speak. His brow creased uncomfortably at the painstakingly hushed words. How small they made her seem in comparison to him. Keenly aware of what his own lack of voice had wrought, he understood what it meant to burn the candle at both ends. Opportunity came and went in a flash, snuffed out the flame of said candle in a strong gust of wind. But he did not consider it all for naught, instead knowing that even smouldering embers could turn back to flame.

"Harlyn," he said again, perhaps more to her finality. "That's not what I'm saying." She hadn't gone careening off into the night to be alone, but all the same he felt like he was reaching. Grasping after strands of some sliver of something more. Perhaps a younger version of himself would have taken some sort of offense to the whole charade. Perhaps that side of him would have felt more guilt for covering the flame. But he was neither of those things, surprisingly indifferent in his collection of thoughts.

"Don't be so quick to think I'd let you go."

She wasn't sure where to go from there.  Did she just leave?  Bid him farewell and disappear into the night?  Her eyes focused on the clouds overhead, watching as they shifted across the sky at a rather unnerving pace.  At least, it would have been unnerving had Harlyn been truly seeing them.

In her mind, all she saw was the future the gods had planned for her - a future she had been so certain Mordecai was involved in.  Hell, not just involved, but that her future revolved around.  What if he never joined her?  What if she was never meant to have an alpha male at her side, never meant to have a mate or children...  The thought was painful to the Cinderloch, but she was a determined woman.  That was a future she was meant to have with Mordecai, and if he was not truly meant to be part of her destiny, then nor were the other things she'd hoped for.  No children.. No perfect little pups with her coloring and Mordecai's golden eyes...

Mordecai's voice distracted her from her thoughts and she turned to gaze passively at him.  Her ears perked slightly at his words.  If that wasn't what he was saying, then what exactly was it?  He seemed to have difficulty articulating, which Harlyn felt compelled to save him from by filling in those empty spaces with the words his silence was saying to her.  Instead she sat quietly, allowing him the time he needed to finally say the sweetest words she'd ever heard uttered in her life.

Her eyes brightened slightly with hope as he said it, her ears perking slightly.  Her lips parted as though to speak, but she said nothing for a moment as she pondered his comment.  He didn't want to let her go?  She didn't want to be let go either.  But... "I don't want to make you do anything you don't wish to," Harlyn said, "Nor that you aren't ready for.  It wasn't my intention to give you an ultimatum or anything like that.  Me leaving the Plateau...  I don't want that to be me leaving you."  She meant that in more ways than one.  Just because she moved away didn't mean that what they had needed to end.

ngl i was about halfway through the fourth paragraph when i decided to sit here and twirl my bangs mindlessly for a good 10 minutes. i'm so tired, why am i still awake.

She felt as though she had driven him to an impasse, or some imaginary point in which he found himself ultimately torn between two different decisions. Though to say that wasn't in some essence the truth would have been a lie, the decision process he found himself going through was hardly difficult. It was more as though taking a piece of grimy glass and restoring it to some point where one could view it again, and the perspective was a necessary cataclyst. He found himself smiling at her words though the action itself was absent, even placating.

He understood her desires to some extent; the ceiling above her not glass, but concrete. There would be no shattering or breaking through to something more, not here. And while he understood the desire to covet territory, to even defend it, he had long lived a different lifestyle that shed those natural constraints. Or at least he had; it had been a long time since Mordecai found the true pull of long distance calling after him. He travelled still, only now in circles with some central location that served as some semblance of home.

All of this they had spoken about once upon a time, a memory now shelved and growing thick with dust and age. His smile broadened for a moment, as though he had finally become self-aware to the motion. But his lips remained pursed for a moment, as he found the urge to be verbose lacking, as though the articulation itself was conspicuously absent as well.

"I wouldn't call it an ultimatum, nor are you making me do anything I wouldn't want to do," he stated. "I've given it some thought, what you said before, and honestly I thought I would have moved on from this place by now. Not that it isn't home in some way or that I'm not comfortable, it isn't that at all." In fact, he had found the idyllic span of the Plateau quite comfortable. Even now, in light of whatever nonsense dared to bud, he was comfortable. His mouth hovered open for a moment, eyes scanning past Harlyn as he searched for something more to say. "Maybe it's just time to settle somewhere." He knew that had he clung to how he had lived before, the Plateau would have long ago been in the rear view. He would have left as soon as spring had came. But he hadn't.

There was a smile on his face as she spoke, and in spite of the anxiety she felt over the conversation, Harlyn couldn't help the tiny smile that crept onto her own muzzle in response.  Was he laughing at her?  Was this somehow funny?  Or was he just... happy?

She canted her head softly as he spoke again.  Her smile began to grow with each word.  He thought it was time to settle?  Really?  Hope flooded her followed quickly with a joy that positively engulfed her.  Not wanting to let herself go too much yet, she regarded him with a calm, warm grin.  "Well.. If that's how you really feel," Harlyn replied, "Like I mentioned - I have a suggestion as to where that somewhere could be."

When it came to what he felt, Mordecai knew he was certain about how he felt regarding most things. For certain, he knew he would not take Harlyn's companionship for granted. Nor would he take the kindness that Dante had extended to him for granted. But even he was aware that the call of the wilds did not pull him in so, that he had begun to slow and fall easily into the repetitive rhythm that life had here. Perhaps there was simply something so captivating about the wilderness here that made it differ from others. Perhaps it was something else entirely.

Another peal of thunder withdrew him from his thoughts as she spoke, this time her voice rising over it. This clap of weather came from further away; perhaps the storm would miss them altogether. Or perhaps it was still yet to come ashore some many distant miles away. "Oh?" he pressed, wondering what sort of a place she had in mind. Her ventures away from the plateau had not gone unnoticed by him, but he did not pry into what was her business without reason.

This time, he made the exception. "Tell me about it."

Mordecai asked for more, and Harlyn's whole self simply teemed with excitement over getting to share.  "We didn't explore all too much of it, to be honest," the druid admitted without guilt, "The moment I stepped into the shade of those trees, I knew that it was where we were meant to be, so I wanted to save the real exploration of the land for all of us."  A smile slipped across her lips as her tail danced at her haunches, betraying her otherwise fairly composed demeanor.  It was clear that she was excited about her find, though she did try not to be overly so.

"The moment you walk in, it feels like the land embraces you," the druid went on after a moment, "The trees seem to stretch for miles overhead and the leaves that span across the top are like a blanket.  The air is cool, and even though you're so enclosed inside the wood, there's a breeze that runs through the trees so you can breathe and it doesn't feel even remotely suffocating.  There are many little creeks and streams that wind through it, all heading to the South.  We didn't go too far, but I suspect they converge into a river at some point."

"To the North is a vast meadow, to the West another forest, and the East is a lake.  We didn't see any herds, but there were markings of plenty of prey animals - rodents, rabbits, and even larger game like deer and geese.  It'll make for good hunting ground, and with the streams that go through the territory itself, there will be plenty of fishing to be done, not to mention the wildlife that lives along the water's edge like otters and muskrat and beavers and... I'm rambling..."  Harlyn concluded sheepishly, her ears slipping back as she bowed her muzzle with a coy smile.  She could easily have gone on, but she paused for a moment, knowing her exuberant talk could easily be considered overwhelming.

The druid bit her lip and eyed him, wondering with her heart in her throat at how he felt about her description.  Had he no interest in such a place, she would have dropped the subject in a heartbeat and suggested a different direction that they could go.  This was her dream, but Mordecai was a huge part of it, and now that she knew he was ready to go, she would not settle for anything that didn't ensure that she could keep him.

The change in her demeanor was palpable. It was as though in spite of all that was brewing around them and had been just snuffing out between them, she found a fuel to make that flame grow. It was perhaps then that Mordecai realized he did not remember the last time she had seemed eager about things. Perhaps it had been with the Spine, when they had been steadfast in their preparations for winter. Maybe it had been never — it really was too difficult to recall.

Still, he listened in with what she said, allowing her to paint a picture for him. He could fathom the feelings that she spoke of, even when the whole picture was truly far from clear. Her admittance of rambling on only prompted a fond smile out of him; he could hardly blame her for having issues with holding the excitement of things. "It sounds like quite the place," he concluded in soft agreement. "Sounds like a large territory, at that. Are you sure that it's something we should do now?" The query was not meant to stonewall her. His concerns were genuine with intrigue; Mordecai was keen to fret over the seasons that would be approaching them.

And more importantly was the budding concern of just how to approach the topic of leaving. The plateau was not suffering by any means, but they had suffered their share of loss. He was wont to give them any more reason to endure additional strain, though the inevitably of such was as piercing to him as the concept laid out by Harlyn.

Mordecai had remained thoughtful and quiet during her speech, and so she hadn't been able to tell very well what he thought of what she was saying.  She caught the smile on his face after she stopped and she took it as a good sign.  When he spoke again, there was still some reservation in his tone.  It was hard to tell if she had him or not, but she had faith in him and that was comfort enough.

"Yes," she answered him simply.  She had already explained her need to go now - that Luke and the others were all waiting for her to give them a home.  As much as she cared for Mordecai and as huge of an undertaking she was proposing, the druid had no doubt that this was the path she needed to take right now.

fading this because we know how it eventually ends... i am fail lmfao.

He had not been ignorance to the outings that Harlyn made. But he had ignored them, as though his indifference would have simply allowed them to make some sort of idyllic home out of the plateau. But his indifference extended more than just to her desires and he was wont to admit to them. And so, Mordecai didn't.

And so when his consent came, it was not in resignation. His head dipped in a nod of understanding, keen to aid her when she had aided him in holding the claim on the Spine. That seemed like an age ago, a story as old as time and just as dusty in the eaves and attic of his memory. "Let's wait out this storm," he went on to say as the rain began to fall steadily. "And then I will go to Dante."

Rising from where they had settled, he ushered her off towards the safety of the deeper woods, not longer interested in them getting soaked to the bone any more than they were becoming.