Blacktail Deer Plateau The Bitterness to Touch These Lips

I hope things settle down for you soon!

Hawkeye demanded to know what he was saying, which was her right. He looked at her and achieved a sudden and extraordinarily painful clarity. His stomach turned and he thought he might vomit and, at the same time, his throat seemed to close. He even felt a little heady. To steady himself, he drew in a deep breath, then considered his words carefully before speaking.

"I'm saying... god, I wish it wasn't true but I'm not sure that I'm in love with you anymore." The words came out of his mouth like knives, cutting up his insides on their way out. Surely, they did the same damage once they reached Hawkeye's ears. "I'm so fucking sorry, Hawkeye. I pursued you. I convinced you to get pregnant. It's my fault; it's all my fault..." He shook his head wearily. "You've been so exhausted, so burnt out, and it's due in large part to me rushing us into everything," he mused regretfully. Deep down, he knew they were both at fault but, right now, that wounded look in his wife's eyes made him place all the blame upon himself.

A horrible silence stretched between them for just a beat or two before Peregrine said quietly, "I still care for you deeply; that will never change. And I don't know about you but I don't—I couldn't—regret any of it... least of all the kids. No matter what happens and where we go from here... I will be the best father I can be to them." He didn't think Hawkeye would want to keep the kids away from him or vice versa but, in case she did try anything, he would fight (probably even to the death) to stay in their lives in the very same capacity as before. He would not let the possible disassembly of their relationship affect their children.