The Sunspire i had it all figured out, even what we would argue about
558 Posts
Ooc —
Master Therapist
Offline
#1
All Welcome 
backdated a couple days.  one or two.  kind of really super hoping for a @Terance

she had isolated herself again.

it was just like it had been at tindome — it had started with withdrawal.  then she had begun to avoid food.  it was a behaviour that came just too naturally to the seasprite — one that in coming months she would regret.

but oh, she was blissfully ignorant.  she didn't know that she would concieve.  she did not know the perils that would burden her children.  instead she was selfishly fixed upon herself, intent on destroying everything she had in the most passive way possible.

that's not your place.

then what was?  it seemed like nothing was ever her place.  she and mato had been doomed to fail from the very start.  so she came back and he failed her in the most self-preserving way — by cutting her off without looking back.

so she stepped up for him.  she had met weary travelers at the borders and tried to balance the trades that they'd had.  but he catches her falter once and it doesn't matter.  once more she is worthless.

so she falls in love with this girl that is too perfect, too intense.  and in the blink of an eye, she's gone too.

it seemed only fitting that things had gone sour so quickly between herself and terance.  only this time, she would not be so quick to forgive.  she muses that perhaps if mato showed up and groveled at her feet she would have forgiven him.  but with terance it was still safe.  she could be his packmate but that did not mean that she had to be his friend.

she sat idly, musing beneath the stars that had failed her one too many times in, ironically, the spot that terance had showed her not too long ago.  silently, she cursed them.

[Image: 70c0c50922211f79c19a9fbb2dbe797a.png]
 
guardian of the galaxy
1,292 Posts
Ooc — Magdalyn
Master Guardian
Offline
#2
she was avoiding him-- he'd decided-- he wished she wouldn't. if he'd been harsh or stern it was out of fear, not out of spite or real anger. but terance had a habit of letting his own emotions drive his actions-- and the other day had not been any different. 

but the moon was high in the sky and stars littered the horizon like tiny flecks of snow against a dark pelt. he looked up and saw lyra-- and he stared and stared. but lyra was not the she-wolf he so desperately wished to see, not tonight, no. it was seabreeze. and after he tore his gaze away from the pretty night sky, and what he imagined as her sapphire blue eyes-- he went to find her. 

and he did. he found her alone and quiet and under the night stars. after their first interaction terance didn't think he'd ever find her there-- but maybe it was his own interpretation of who she was... since first impressions formed the deepest trenches in terance's mind. but she'd slowly carved out more of herself-- bends and turns and soft edges-- she was not as two-dimensional as other wolves he'd met. 

"seabreeze?" he said softly to her. he wanted to jump right in-- apologize and explain himself, but he waited for her to acknowledge him first. he had this planned out, for once, actual words and actual explanations. she deserved that-- he thought.
558 Posts
Ooc —
Master Therapist
Offline
#3

she drowned herself in the stars.  maybe this is what mato and terance and zada and olive and everone she had ever met had seen in them — they had found the same pull from the heavens that she had found from the sea (that was regrettably nowhere she could reach).

she was bare, stripped down and raw and as she shed her tired bones she reached out to the heavens, the gods.  perhaps she could find comfort in them tonight, too.  but just as she had begun to lose her earthly ties something gripped her and pulled her pack.

seabreeze?

he was at the same time the last and only wolf she wanted to see.  she felt vulnerable and exposed, and caught off guard she pulled a thin wrist to the narrow bend of her chest before she remembered —

that's not your place.

she cowed before him.  though she was already prone, her tail curled between her legs and her ears flattened.  the scalloping of her ribs quickened in pace, her heart fluttering to her chest as her stomach threatened to turn.

in her mind, his was already made.  she was too soft, she took things too personally and perhaps that was her biggest downfall of all — seeing hurt where there was none to be found.  in an instant she regretted everything again.  

she regretted washing up on shore and imagined her wave-wracked body being snapped by churning waves.  she imagined starving to death on the outskirts of tindome where with no doubt she would have taken too long to be found, covered in a sparse dusting of snow.  she imagined the sick crunch of her bones as she plummeted from sunspire's highest peaks.

but she forced it down.  if not for the children that she hoped imagined stirred inside her, than for the ones she would help olive and forrest bring into the world.

[Image: 70c0c50922211f79c19a9fbb2dbe797a.png]
 
guardian of the galaxy
1,292 Posts
Ooc — Magdalyn
Master Guardian
Offline
#4
she crumbled before him, and his ears fell to his crown. "seabreeze," he repeated-- softer now, and then in a whisper, "don't..." as in don't worry-- don't be afraid-- don't play the victim. all parties here were adults... whether they liked it or not, and terance(at least) could have a conversation without scrutinizing and yelling and all those negative things that she so desperately feared. 

he leaned forward, trying to find her cheek with his scarred muzzle. it was the only form of comfort terance knew how to deliver, since his words failed him so often. and then he settled, hesitantly in case she refused to hear him out. "i'm sorry i left the other day-- or if i was harsh," he said with a dip of his nose, a soft inhale of air filling the next few moments. 

"can i tell you something?"
558 Posts
Ooc —
Master Therapist
Offline
#5


she expected her submission to fuel the anger that she had projected on him.  she had seen mato in him when he had asserted that it wasn't her place, and it was the silver prince's scolding she'd come to expect.

but instead he pleaded with her, and she softened considerably.  oh.  she suddenly felt bad for expecting such cruelty, and her brows knit together as her posture sunk into something more neutral and less desperate.

i understand, she assures him, unsure of how to fix.. this.  whatever this was.  she knew she had screwed up somehow but she'd only been trying to help.

of course.  she had things she needed to say, too, but they could wait.  maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as she thought.

[Image: 70c0c50922211f79c19a9fbb2dbe797a.png]
 
guardian of the galaxy
1,292 Posts
Ooc — Magdalyn
Master Guardian
Offline
#6
she neutralized. her pitiful demeanor dropped and though terance wouldn't think to call it cheerful, it made him feel like less of a monster. he wasn't a monster-- it hurt that she regarded him as such. but she seemed better, less afraid-- he truly didn't know what she'd expected, but he hoped she saw that this wasn't that.

"i'm not so great with explaining, usually but... i think i can get this across," he started with a lighthearted grin, though his voice audibly wavered. it wasn't that he was afraid it was just... a lot? terance always hated talking about this-- about himself. about problems that? well, honestly, terance thought were downright stupid. no one should ever have to deal with them except for him, no one should hold this weight on their shoulders. 

"after that bear attack i got really... i still don't really know how to describe it-- mentally just fucked up. not in like, a scary way, but just in that-- like-- i didn't want to do anything. everything just felt so distant and and empty. everything was dull and numb and it just fuckin sucked. i fell through the ranks and ended up just sitting and doing nothing all day... and that's shitty, right? i was so useless, and i knew it. but i couldn't do anything about it and i think that made it worse? i don't know." god that was a mouthful. thankfully terance's voice was deep and slow as always, and though he stumbled once or twice all his words were clear-- so at least he didn't motorboat through it all and leave her completely confused on what the fuck had just spewed out of his mouth. phew. he had paused for a few moments, just to gather a few more thoughts and clear the lump from his throat-- not quite enough time for her to respond, probably.

and then we continue... "rannoch kind of... pulled me from that. he's a counselor, and pretty damn good at it, but all that aside he was just there for me. he's my best friend and really? honestly he's like a brother. i followed him to sunspire even though it meant losing every single other friend i'd ever made. i'd never do anything to hurt him or go behind his back and i... i just... i panicked," he said, ears falling back to his skull, "not that you don't have a right to him or liffey or anything i just... i thought he'd hear it from me. not that... not that i regret what we did-- i don't-- but it wasn't our place, not in that moment, and i dunno. i just thought it'd come from me." that sort of fell apart, ick. he repeated himself a few times in his ending monologue but, well, he hoped the point had mostly gotten across. rannoch was his best friend and terance had fucked up, rannoch should've heard it from him. at least in terance's guilty conscious.
558 Posts
Ooc —
Master Therapist
Offline
#7

her posture continued to shift until it resembled something friendly.  it was almost reluctant at first, and then she realized that the subject matter called for, well, something a little more counselor-esque.

she adopted that intense, all-seeing gaze and fixed it upon him.

no, this boy was nothing like mato.  this boy was slow of speech and tongue, but he cared about what he was saying.  she saw in terance everything he did not see in himself.  he was kind, and loyal, and he had a quiet and rumbling power to him.  objectively, it was kind of attractive.

but this wasn't the place for that.  

she was thankful that he had opened up to her.  maybe she would be good at this counselor thing after all, despite the constant feeling of inadequacy that had shrouded her.

thank you, terance.  she is silent for a long while but is obviously gathering her words.

i understand.  she pulled herself close to him, beckoning for him to settle down, to get comfortable.  did you know that shortly after we arrived here, i climbed to the tallest spire and contemplated ending my life?

no, of course he didn't.  she didn't give him time to respond before she continued.  i understand intimately where you are coming from, terance, and i'm sorry i took that from you.  you're right.  you are closer to him than i am, and i should have given you the chance.

rannoch saved me too when i first arrived in the teekons.  i abandoned him, although he does not see it that way, for someone who never got the chance to love me or be loved by me.  i owe so much to him.  i just thought that you do so much, i'd take care of it.  i'd make it okay.


although she still thought mato was remarkably cruel, she had also used the distance that separated them to reflect on the demise of their marriage.  truthfully, it was not entirely his fault.

which brought her to, i don't regret what we did either — but i also know neither of us is ready for love.  no matter what happens.. she casts a nervous glance down at her stomach, i won't make you choose me.  i wouldn't confine you to that.  of course she hoped he would be in their lives, if there even was a "their".  or an "it".  but she would not make him support her.

... but i do care about you.  i care about our friendship, and if it comes between having you as a friend and anything else, i'd pick you.

[Image: 70c0c50922211f79c19a9fbb2dbe797a.png]
 
guardian of the galaxy
1,292 Posts
Ooc — Magdalyn
Master Guardian
Offline
#8
something that had never registered to terance was the concept of death. his parents were old. when he was born his mother had been on the brink of death-- but he was too young to understand, and by the time he and sarah parted from their little family osprey had been fine. but no one had ever died. the fear of loss hit him the most when he'd almost lost wraen to that cougar, and that was about as close as he'd ever come to knowing what it felt like to lose someone. and as seabreeze explained her own perils, terance felt a similar wave of dread pass over him. not as dire, this time he managed to hold some composure and not break down into sobs at her feet-- but the thought of doing so was still there, just heavily suppressed. 

he didn't know how to answer. god damn it. he wanted to tell her something comforting or... helpful or something. but as always, terance's words failed him and he ended up just staring at her with a sad expression and his ears pinned to his skull. she continued anyway, explaining herself. and though terance wasn't sure that was the most logical way to go about it, he mostly saw where she was coming from. to him, if rannoch ever had any problems that he could take care of-- he would. it made sense, maybe, but terance had never seen himself as someone with too much going on that someone needed to take over for him, that just made him feel bad. 

he hesitated, then, because even though terance had grown quite fond of seabreeze in the few weeks they'd known each other... she was right. terance wasn't even sort of over lyra, and it wasn't fair of him to try to start something new when his poor little heart was still so desperately beating for another wolf. but he was getting better-- he really was. he watched her with a sad gaze-- for a few reasons. 

"i care about you... i'm.. not a counselor, i don't know the right things to say but i'll always listen to you. don't... don't think you're not worth something to me," he began slowly, carefully. he wasn't sure if he was at fault for her actions, she didn't give a very specific timeline, but something in him felt responsible. he wanted to help.

he was still a little uneasy-- she seemed so concerned that he wouldn't want a part of this. he knew what he signed up for. he was a little blurry-eyed and starstruck but... he knew what he did, and terance held himself responsible for all of his actions. this was no different. "i want to be a part of this. with you, no matter what," he said with a small smile, "friends have done weirder things with each other." haha, good joke, terance. good timing.
558 Posts
Ooc —
Master Therapist
Offline
#9
tag for reference because tbh i love it when i find other characters thinking about my characters so i just assume other people do, too.

she both hated and expected the way he shrank upon himself at her admission.  she didn't know why and she assumed wrong, so she did not offer anything noteworthy.

you don't have to be a counselor, she shrugs, you do just fine, terance.  i'm always here for you, too.  a playful grin is offered for a beat before she returns to your usually scheduled program stoicism.  

you're worth something, too. to rannoch, and liffey, and wraen, the latter of which she had not met but hopefully assumed correct.  and me.

his reasoning for taking things slow was the same as hers.  it was not fair to even pretend to give her heart to someone else while she was pining over zada, and to a lesser degree, mato.  she still missed their company something fierce.  her thoughts are torn then to @Delight and it almost surprises her.

she thinks, most of all, she misses her saturnine boy.  she assures herself for a moment that he is just next door and makes an internal note to go check out tindome's new digs.

his last comment pulls genuine laughter from her chest.  had she known about delight and queenie's arrangement she would have found it even more funny, but the joke stands on its own.  of course.  i wouldn't have it any other way.

[Image: 70c0c50922211f79c19a9fbb2dbe797a.png]
 
guardian of the galaxy
1,292 Posts
Ooc — Magdalyn
Master Guardian
Offline
#10
he smiled. rannoch had told him all those things-- he knew them-- but they still were nice to hear from seabreeze. he leaned forward to nose her shoulder, tail waving a little. they'd gotten all that mess out of the way-- things were okay. terance couldn't help himself.

"do you... feel any different? or-- i guess it's sort of early... but do you think it'll happen?" he asked her, kind of hopefully. terance had never made plans for a family before, but he knew that it was something he wanted. and maybe this wasn't ideal but it was certainly convenient, and not something terance was against. how long did it take before this stuff started taking effect? he hoped soon.
558 Posts
Ooc —
Master Therapist
Offline
#11


although she wanted to be a midwife, she was admittedly a little fuzzy on the actual details of conception outside of one plus one equals two.  no, she admitted, i don't feel any different.

but would it be kind of weird to tell him she kind of hoped she would?  i'm not sure.  normally it takes more than once — not that i think we should.  or that we shouldn't.  well.  oops.  fix it, seabreeze.

but i wanted kids this year.

[Image: 70c0c50922211f79c19a9fbb2dbe797a.png]
 
guardian of the galaxy
1,292 Posts
Ooc — Magdalyn
Master Guardian
Offline
#12
it was too early then. well, he didn't know. he knew all the leading up to part but... well he didn't ever even think to ask about the after portion of this mess. they'd live and learn, he supposed.  "let me know if anything changes... i wanna hear about it," he said with a soft smile. he meant it.

but oh?

her stumbling caught him by surprise and his ears pricked. not that terance was 'only after than one thing', but it was basically just put on the table, right? is that what she meant? she could turn him away but... "i mean it's nothing we haven't already apologized for," he said softly, lips turned up in a smirk. he swept forward, moving to nip at the base of her ears and then her shoulders-- if she'd let him, anyway.
558 Posts
Ooc —
Master Therapist
Offline
#13
feel free to f2b and archive with your next post!

so it seemed he was excited for their possible family as well.  she felt a small golden glow swell inside her.  it is what she imagined pregnancy to be like (boy, was she going to be in for a surprise).  motherhood, too.

she gave him a bashful smile.  they would wait and see, she supposed —

but then those big green eyes became glazy and overcast, and his toying grin caused her heart to catch in her throat.  he was sweeping her off of her feet and once againdoing the thing she both desired and feard.  she was dazed, stars forming behind her eyelids as she melted into his tender nibbles.

she would reflect on this later and be scared — of losing him like she lost zada and mato, of falling for him when neither of them were ready.  she would fear that she wasn't really ready for motherhood, that she had just given into desire and her possible children would suffer for it.

but when he touched her she burned and froze.  if they were to do this together why not do this together?  she sighed as he worked down her body.

if this would be their last copulation (although she regretted to think it might be -- they hadn't discussed it that far), she wanted it to be memorable.  she cast him a look that was difficult to pin down — it was wanting and heavy.  it spoke of the intimate exchange of words they'd suffered and the intimate exchange of bodies they were yet to.  she turned, trailing her nose down his chest before giving pause, looking at him from down below.

and if he would allow, she would pleasure him.  he had teased her with his tongue and now she would do the same to him.  it wasn't the same and she would not finish him here, but she would drive him until his desire to take her was too much to bear.

[Image: 70c0c50922211f79c19a9fbb2dbe797a.png]
 
guardian of the galaxy
1,292 Posts
Ooc — Magdalyn
Master Guardian
Offline
#14
oh he'd let her. and he'd do the same to her. and when it was just too much teasing, and the both of them could hardly stand it, he'd take her then and there. the night sky their cover, the stars dancing overhead. how romantic. 

and then they'd stay together for a while before parting ways for the night-- because that was the most logical thing either party could think to do in their special situation.