The Sunspire i had it all figured out, even what we would argue about

her posture continued to shift until it resembled something friendly.  it was almost reluctant at first, and then she realized that the subject matter called for, well, something a little more counselor-esque.

she adopted that intense, all-seeing gaze and fixed it upon him.

no, this boy was nothing like mato.  this boy was slow of speech and tongue, but he cared about what he was saying.  she saw in terance everything he did not see in himself.  he was kind, and loyal, and he had a quiet and rumbling power to him.  objectively, it was kind of attractive.

but this wasn't the place for that.  

she was thankful that he had opened up to her.  maybe she would be good at this counselor thing after all, despite the constant feeling of inadequacy that had shrouded her.

thank you, terance.  she is silent for a long while but is obviously gathering her words.

i understand.  she pulled herself close to him, beckoning for him to settle down, to get comfortable.  did you know that shortly after we arrived here, i climbed to the tallest spire and contemplated ending my life?

no, of course he didn't.  she didn't give him time to respond before she continued.  i understand intimately where you are coming from, terance, and i'm sorry i took that from you.  you're right.  you are closer to him than i am, and i should have given you the chance.

rannoch saved me too when i first arrived in the teekons.  i abandoned him, although he does not see it that way, for someone who never got the chance to love me or be loved by me.  i owe so much to him.  i just thought that you do so much, i'd take care of it.  i'd make it okay.

although she still thought mato was remarkably cruel, she had also used the distance that separated them to reflect on the demise of their marriage.  truthfully, it was not entirely his fault.

which brought her to, i don't regret what we did either — but i also know neither of us is ready for love.  no matter what happens.. she casts a nervous glance down at her stomach, i won't make you choose me.  i wouldn't confine you to that.  of course she hoped he would be in their lives, if there even was a "their".  or an "it".  but she would not make him support her.

... but i do care about you.  i care about our friendship, and if it comes between having you as a friend and anything else, i'd pick you.