Ankyra Sound oh wow, you look like the fourth of july

Unaware of everything going on back in Drageda (how time moves fast!), Mallaidh spends the last day or two with Artaax. Most of her time she’s making sure he’s okay, trying not to worry too much over him, and keeping him fed so he can regain his strength. It is only when they catch something together north of the mountains that they feel comfortable enough to go home.

Mallaidh is thankful for the awkward few days to be over and they are home. Even though she oft feels out of place lately, she’s more than relieved when her feet touch down in the forest surrounding the sound.

“It’ll be safe this way,” she assures him, forgetting for a second Artaax isn’t caught up on the latest gossip (and she’ll be upset she is too), but they move within the cover of the monolith forest until the cliffs are in view up ahead. Making sure @Artaax is all right where they are, Mallaidh lifts her head and howls for @Blixen and Heda.

Though he was physically stronger than he had been in the days past, Artaax still felt pathetically weak as he strode alongside Furi — no, Mallaidh. He did not feel ready for what was to come, but he didn’t exactly anticipate that he ever would. As desperate as he was to be home, he knew he could not go there without facing the questions, and with the questions would come the answers, and with the answers would come the final judgment. He was not ready for that part.

He stopped when Mallaidh bid him do so and set his stoic stare on the trees ahead of him. He was oddly subservient in his trepidation, which only served to make him feel all the more pathetic and lost. If there was a silver lining to be found, it was that at least by doing something he might start moving forward again. Little as he wanted to hear heda make the declaration he most feared was coming, he was more miserable in this state of limbo than he would be knowing his fate and that of his wayward family.

Or so he hoped.

Artaax straightened as Mallaidh made the call, but only enough to look less like a weak, broken thing, and more like the strong, dutiful soldier he had been raised to be. Whatever would be, the commander was coming. He would not face her looking like a child who had lost his mommy, but as feisripa coming home to report what he had learned of their natrona.

whats a timeline

after her conversation with the black-capped woman blixen does not immediately return to drageda, lingering in the sound. probably not the best idea, given the near explosion of activity -- she's really not eager to get them into another war, despite herself -- but blixen is unperturbed about the whole affair. let them do whatever, drageda is stronger. she's not a threat by herself as far as they know, she can mosey at her leisure.

this turns out to be an auspicious choice, for she is fairly close by when mallaidh's call goes up, and a goofy smile turns her expression. speak of the devil! she beelines toward the forest, about three seconds from tackling furi in playful hello when artaax swims into view looking significantly worse for wear. she stumbles to a stop, ice flooding her veins as her voice rings sharply, "what happened?" she'd been worried about him, of course, though never doubted he'd come back to them -- he'd never be natrona. but she has questions and the pressure urge to get answers overwhelms her initial joy at finally getting a chance to talk to furi.

skipping Mallaidh with permission!

It didn't take too long for someone to arrive, and Artaax found himself not at all surprised to see it was Blixen. But for once, that wasn't because he was being judgmental about how much of a damn busybody she was, but because he was too busy being happy to see her. As usual, he didn't show it outwardly other than the glimmer of his mismatched eyes as he regarded her.

"Hello to you too," Artaax replied wryly, the tip of his tail flicking to and fro momentarily before he let her question sink in. He looked past Blixen at the empty territory beyond her shoulder, his thoughts straying again to Thuringwethil and the conversation that was coming. "Many things," he answered after a beat, "Things that I don't wish to repeat more than once."

He assumed Blixen would understand his meaning, or that Furi, or Mallaidh, or whoever she was these days, would fill his sister in. She knew his reasons. In his exhaustion with his emotions running rampant, he'd held little back that night she had found him (SPOILARZ).

Going to tag @Blixen to post next, I'll sneak Mallaidh back in after that. Also, no idea where this goes timeline wise, lol.

Antumbra’s attention snaps to when she hears the call, immediately moving her feet in that direction. She’d warned Blixen about Furi’s conditional stay, giving her the responsibility for decision. As fleimkepa, she has some rights in the decision for ranks and as much as Heda would like her demoted, she gives her daughter the benefit of the doubt.

And now, she gets to see it in action.

Her feet pick up into a run, crossing over the borders into the sound. Her time here isn’t as frequent as some of the others as the cliffs are her primary domain. Blixen’s work will be for her own.

When she is close and can see through the trees, she immediately recognizes Artaax’s deteriorated form. She picks up speed, running as quickly as she can at that point. Blixen appears out of nowhere as the siblings exchange but she cannot hear them and skidding to a stop the moment she’s close enough.

Mallaidh scoots back from the group and Antumbra stares hard at her for a few seconds but does not force her out of the reunion. Obviously, she plays some key in her son’s return.

“What is going on?”

he doesn't exactly answer her, but she lets it go given the circumstances, fixing him with a worried stare. thankfully nomi arrives quickly. she turns toward her, following the line of her sight to mallaidh, and has to keep herself from bristling. blix already accepted responsibility for furi -- she's not keen to let nomi treat her the way m -- the way wildfire had. this isn't the time or place for that conversation, so she forces her attention back to artaax, taking a few steps protectively towards mallaidh as she does. she takes a seat, remaining quiet to give artaax the floor to speak and explain where on earth he's been and what happened.

Mallaidh did her best to hide the nerves in her call and she’s thankful Blixen shows up first. Of course, she rushes to questions, and she fidgets as Artaax lashes out his own demands. She can hardly fault him for it, having been through a lot recently (and a lot they have to face, unknowingly). Her mouth opens to say something but it’s quickly snapped shut when the sight of Antumbra shows up in the distance.

When she reaches them, and fixes her with a state, she takes a step back and flattens her ears. Luckily, the attention isn’t on her and shifts to Artaax as Blixen sits near her.

Blixen didn't press the issue, but Artaax suspected that was only because she wasn't given the time. His heart froze as the dark form appeared in his view, rushing towards them. In that moment, he wished for time to stand still so he could turn back around and run for it. But if he had that sort of control over time, he would rather have turned it back. He would never have followed Bat to the Plateau if he'd known what would happen. Hell, he would never have gone looking for her at all. The knowledge he had was a burden. He wished he didn't have it, but supposed as his nomi stopped before him that there was only one way now to unburden himself.

Damnit.

"I found Bat," Artaax stated, his eyes fixed on the only mother he now had left. He had meant to say more, but found his voice stuck hard in his throat. He just stopped instead, watching his commander, knowing she was just going to tell him to tell the rest, but finding himself unable to do so without her demand.

Blixen’s defense of Furi doesn’t go unnoticed but she’s lost interest as Artaax composes himself, wishing he’d get on with it and spit out the words. The stiffness of the other two doesn’t pull her attention away, as if they might have the answers, but finally he speaks up.

I found Bat.

Her ears fall back against her head and part of her wants to take the time to look around, look the way they’d come from or behind them or somewhere but surely, if he’d brought her back, she’d be there to greet her. The coldness in her chest tightens and seals shut, realizing there are only two answers to her question and she doesn’t like either one. Antumbra tips her nose forward slightly, urging him to continue.

i found bat.

blixen's ears shoot forward, surprise coloring her face. like nomi she's keenly aware of the fact that bat isn't here. she looks between them -- to nomi and her tightened expression, furi looking nervous, and artaax, clearly struggling with whatever -- whatever he'd seen or found. she has a guess.

"where was she..?" blix prompts instead, hoping her assumption is wrong -- not that it'd be any easier for artaax to find out what's happened in his absence from them, but -- but. there's only so much any of them should have to deal with.

Heda didn't speak aloud, but Artaax was accustomed to her non-verbal language being fluent in it himself. His gaze shifted to Blixen as she filled the quiet with a question. Both looked apprehensive, but as though they perhaps expected the worst. His eyes moved again to briefly brush against Furi and he took in a breath, looking again at his mother before continuing.

"The Hinterlands, far to the South," Artaax answered, "I tried to bring her back. She ran from me. I followed her to the Redhawks - they had taken her in - and I met.. I met the rest at the borders. Kiwi, and... Wildfire." He stumbled briefly on saying his mother's name. He no longer liked the feel of it on his tongue. It was a foul word to him now, and his chest clenched uncomfortably at the sound of it. He hated the feeling, so he called up his anger again to get him through the last.

"I tried to bring them all back. They refused," Artaax continued after a beat, his voice cold now, flat, calm, steady - that odd quiet that masked all else that may otherwise have been told, "I reminded them what it is to be natrona. I reminded her of the consequences. She would not come." The young wolf dropped his gaze then to his paws, a silent gesture that said the very last bit he could not lend his voice to: I failed.

With the departure of Wildfire and Kiwi, and disappearance of Bat, she’d have her own conclusions about what happened. Wildfire and Kiwi were easy—where else would her former mate go?—but Bat? Part of her had hoped she’d been taken or killed but as Artaax starts to explain, she is filled with the same coldness she’d collected when Tux told her of his mother and sister. It would be easier if they were simply missing or dead, but her sweet goofy daughter turned her back on her and that... why did that hurt the most? Wildfire had stolen Kiwi away from Drageda (regardless of their decision to do so) but Bat made the decision on her own.

Antumbra’s jaw tightens and she nods once, slightly. She does not know how long Artaax has been gone, that Wildfire had left in his absence, and perhaps for the better.

She’s seen the hurt in Tux and Silkie’s eyes, their efforts to be strong and how much it doesn’t bother them. She sees it in Blixen, whom she’d consoled with a physical touch, and it surprises her to see it in Artaax. For most of her children’s life, she has not bene as active a part as she should be, so she doesn’t really know how to deal with it. He’s never been an affectionate child but dutiful and strong to a fault. Her heart squeezes and she looks away, watching Blixen as she sits there waiting for the same answers as she’s been given.

“Blixen, take Furi and go home, I want to talk to Artaax,” she says, slipping in their native tongue. Maybe Furi knows a few things, maybe she doesn’t, but they do not need to be here anymore.

pping furi out with permission<3

her guess is more or less correct. the redhawks part hadn't occured to her specifically, though in retrospect, it does make sense. she remembers towhee -- how cool and in control she'd seemed -- and her stomach twists, anger rising in her again. wildfire had chosen family after all. just not theirs.

blixen wants to reach out to artaax but nomi speaks first, instructing her to leave with furi. she opens her mouth to protest (wildfire is -- was -- her mother too, she has a right to know) but closes it. there'll be time to find out more later, and maybe furi can help her fill in the gaps too. her teeth click as she nods, straightens and turns towards mallaidh. quietly she says "c'mon," and steps toward her side, giving her a gentle nudge of appreciation for finding artaax in the first place, and guides them back towards drageda. along the way she asks for more detail, though she suspects she'll get more out of artaax when she gets a chance to question him later.

Artaax kept his gaze lowered as his family reacted to his words. He didn't really want to see their faces. It was hard enough to remain cold and unfeeling without seeing the flashes of hurt or anger or disappointment in their eyes. He didn't move when the commander dismissed Blixen and Furi, though he felt his anxiety begin to rise. He'd found comfort in Mallaidh's presence - and even Blixen's to some extent. But now it was just him and Thuringwethil, and he was at a loss to guess whether he was going to look up to see heda or nomi standing before him, and fearful of what either would say.

Once the command is issued, she does not give either girl a second look. Her attention remains solely on Artaax, one ear pivoted back as she listens for the retreating footsteps, as he appears smaller and smaller by each passing second. It isn’t until he’s certain Blixen and Furi are gone that she takes a step forward.

“They made their decision when they left,” she says, her voice a surprising softness. “You did what you were supposed to do. It is not your fault they did not listen.” Maybe, if she hadn’t left, they wouldn’t have either, but who would she be if she did not listen to her duty? She is bound to the wolves she leads. Wildfire knew this and all the sacrifices she made. She spent seasons without the commanders talking to her, visiting her in dreams, that she could not sacrifice it when they really needed her.

Antumbra stiffens a little, not liking where the thoughts are going, but she straightens it out and closes the distance between them. Somehow, knowing where Wildfire is eases some of the pain. She has no interest in going after her, hunting or down or trying to win her back, but she is safer there. From Drageda. From her own teeth.

Gently, she puts her nose against his crown in all the invitation she gives to allow him to grieve how he needs and, softly, “ai hod yu in.”

Artaax knew it wasn’t his fault, in a purely logical sense. He was not the one who had driven Wildfire away or made her join the Redhawks. He had not made the decision she should stay there. He had made his arguments and she had chosen to be a stupid fool and make the stupid fool choice. It was not on him that others decided to be less intelligent than he and choose lives of less honor, of disloyalty and doom. He could only control himself, his actions, his choices.

But that was logic, and while he could go far with it, he couldn’t always shut up that pesky, senseless heart of his that in this instance wanted him to feel like a failure. It wanted him to think that it had been up to him. That if he’d made his argument better, or if he’d simply been more worthy of his mother’s love, then he would’ve been able to reunite his family, and no one would have to feel broken. It was his heart that kept his head hanging even as nomi offered comfort and love. It was his heart that told logic not to listen to her, that her touch was just an arrow to his chest, not a bandage on his wounds.

”I want to hate her,” he said quietly, ”But I can’t. I told her she is nothing to me, but she isn’t.” Artaax paused, the words teetering in the tip of his tongue before his heart, reckless piece of shit it was, shoved them right off, ”I don’t want her hurt.”

I don’t want her hurt.

Antumbra closes her eyes, her tongue linger upon his head for only a few more seconds. She’s faced difficult decisions and situations before but the combined pain from all her children weigh heavily on her. She’s tried to absorb as much as she can from them, to help them find their way out, but Artaax does not give it so freely. They’re all angry and hurt and deep down, she doesn’t think any one of them really hate their mother but they’ve held onto it in different ways. She’s never felt more helpless.

“You don’t have to hate her,” she says, leaning back slightly but she stands close. The storm that brews in her chest wants to assure him everything will be fine, that Wildfire will be safe as long as she stays far away from here. Antumbra doesn’t have to hurt her but she cannot account for some of the other wolves and she cannot command them not to do their job. Antumbra took a risk taking Wildfire as her mate and for her to turn around and abandon them proves she had been wrong in the first place. She takes a deep breath and holds it for a few seconds.

Stay gone, she wills of the woman, before nudging Artaax in the cheek, urging him to move. “I have no interest in hurting her,” she decides, releasing her breath. She’s had the feeling they’d gone to the Redhawks; where else would they go? Drageda doesn’t hunt down the wolves that turn their backs on them and Wildfire is hopefully smart enough to stay away from them and leaving the bullseye off her back.

Artaax said nothing as nomi tried to reassure him. The problem was, he wanted to hate her. Hate and anger were so much easier to feel than this hurt and despair. They were far more familiar. They made him stronger whereas this just made him feel small and weak, pathetic. He shut his eyes and focused on absorbing comfort from his mother's touch. It wasn't until she spoke again, though, that he felt any relief.

The feisripa looked up slowly, studying the commander silently. Did that mean what he thought it meant? "You won't hunt them?" he asked softly, unwittingly reverting to his mother's tongue as the words fell free. "You won't send anyone after them?"

Finally, he looks up and she takes half a step back to match his gaze. The pain and exhaustion is evident in his face when often nothing is there. Her own feelings are writ across her face as she glances down and shakes her head slightly. Wildfire has done enough to tear their family apart, Antumbra isn’t going to let her do it anymore when she’s not even here.

”I will not send anyone after them,” she tells him. She doesn’t mention her lack of plans in the first place but if they came back here? ”As long as she stays away from here, she won’t be hurt,” she adds. Wildfire is hopefully smart enough to know better, at this point. As much as she wants to tear her apart, she doesn’t. She only wants to tear apart how she feels and hurting Wildfire isn’t going to satisfy that need anytime soon.

Artaax felt relief flood him at nomi's words. He had absolute confidence that Wildfire would never be foolish enough to come near the Cliffs again. He had less confidence about his little sisters, but he was also less concerned about their well-being than his mother's. At least, he was in that moment. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, suddenly feeling his exhaustion more powerfully than ever.

"Thank you," Artaax murmured softly, forcing himself to open his eyes again. He wanted to sleep for a week, and he was pretty sure he'd never felt that way before, but still he looked up at nomi for a moment without speaking, letting the silence between them speak for him. When she beckoned after a moment, Artaax stood and obediently followed her back to the Cliffs. Back home.