Whitefish River The white wind calls

phone post - will format later

Tagging: @Speedy
I’m also gonna say reading this post in a different thread might help with Emrik’s state of mind and context.

He was nervous. His tail twitched from side to side, and his stomach flipped nervously. How was he going to tell her.... what if she was upset. What if she started to cry!? He wouldn’t be able to leave if she did that.

He paced back and forth outside their den, along the rocks that lead toward the path down to the river. Back and forth he went. He made sure Malila and Mohe were with Conner and Hieronymous, because he wanted to speak with Speedy alone. But now as he waited for her, he wasn’t sure he had the courage to speak his mind. He was so afraid of disappointing her, and the pack. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea... maybe it was better to just stay here. He could get over his selfishness. It was almost winter, the pack would need all hands on deck to keep everyone feed and warm through out the coldest months. But there was still a feeling in his gut. This rumble that wouldn’t leave him alone. There was something out there for him to find, he could just feel it.

So he paced, hoping he’d hear Speedy approach and stop before she arrived. But sometimes his wife had a way of sneaking up on him, even with us sensitive ears.

She had spent the morning doing her ususal—gathering herbs and checking on packmates. She was looking forward to spending the afternoon with her family as she often did once her morning chores were done. So with a large bundle of plants clasped gently between her teeth, she headed back to the den; she would lay them out and let them dry before storing them with her other herbs. 

As the entrance to the den came into sight, so did her pacing husband. His anxious energy was like fire against her senses, and her chest tightened with fear—had something happened to one of the children? She trotted forward and dropped her plants near the entrance before walking over to her mate. Emrik? she asked worriedly. What's wrong? So many things could make him act this way, and so her mind flooded with worry over what might be wrong.

”Speedy!” Em exclaimed as she rounded the corner and trotted to his side. How did she do that? As a scout and aspiring hunter Emrik relied on his hearing, but somehow Speedy could get by without any indication.

He jumped and spun around to greet her. ”Nothing’s wrong! Everything is fine.” He gave a shake to try and disperse some of his tense energy. He smiled at her a little to brightly, but if it had been an emergency he wouldn’t hide it from her so he hoped she understood there wasn’t anything to drastic to worry about.

”How was your morning?” He dipped his head a little and greeted her a head bump and a gentle wag of his tail. ”Mohe ans Malila were bored so I sent them off with Connor to do something fun.” Em knew she’d ask eventually, so he anticipated and answered before she could ask. ”Im not sure when they’ll be back, but I can’t imagine Connor would want to miss out on entertaining them.” Emrik smiled at the man’s energy. And was grateful their kids had been born into such a stable and loving pack

He seemed a little jumpy but assured her that everything was fine. She saw through his act, though, and she knew he was likely aware of that fact—she took that to mean whatever was bothering him was not an emergency. So she wouldn't push right away for him to talk about whatever it was. Instead, she returned his affectionate greeting with a brief nuzzle to his cheek and a loving smile. 

Busy, she told him. I checked on @Orlaith's wounds and spoke briefly to @Hieronymous to see if he and @Ira had discussed upping patrols to make sure that bear doesn't wander too close to the territory. She worried constantly about it; Malila and Mohe were getting curious and wandering more often, and all she could imagine was a giant bear finding them too close to the borders. I found quite a few plants, though, so I'm grateful for that. She was in plant gathering overdrive now with winter just around the corner; she refused to repeat last winter's plant situation. 

She was happy to hear that the children were off exploring with Connor. I'm sure they'll all enjoy that, she answered with fond smile. She, too, was happy the children had such a stable, supportive place in which to grow. She nudged his shoulder gently with her nose. Want to go for a walk? Just the two of us? It wasn't often they got to spend time together, just them, and she thought maybe it would help him be able to talk about whatever was bothering him. 

all tags for reference only

lol forgive his sappy this is haha

Emrik smiled at her as she spoke, returning her loving gaze with one of his own. ”sounds like a busy morning.” The bear had been amongst the many things he had pondered yesterday after meeting the lovely Arlette on the border yesterday. But their pack was strong, and honestly Emrik wasn’t much of a fighter, he just hoped they wouldn’t need his help to continue warding the thing off. Once again he contemplated telling Speedy, if it was right time or not.

He cast a glance at the herbs she had collected. He knew how happy she was collecting her medicinal plants, and that glee brought out Em’s own. ”Looks like you’re preparing well for the winter.” He knew winter was the most stressful for Speedy, with injuries from snow and ice, and the lack of herbs available. As a healer it was the most strenuous. ”I can help you find more later if you want.” he often accompanied her in collecting plants. If he had half a brain for medicine it wouldn’t have been hard for him to learn from Speedy considering how much time she spent explaining them all to him. But most of the time, he asked polite questions, and was genuinely interested in what she had to say, but the actually knowledge never did stick.

”Id love to go for a walk.” Time alone with Speedy was a rare commodity, and he would take full advantage. ”So how is Orlaith? It’s not to serious?” Speedy had yet to share much detail about what happened or what their injuries were, but as with all members if the pack he was worried.

noo i love it

She gave a soft chuckle. As is every morning. She wouldn't have it any other way, though; she loved having a pack and a family to care for. 

She followed his gaze to her herbs and shrugged. I certainly hope so. I don't want to run out of anything this year. Worry seeped into her features at just the thought but was quickly replaced with a grateful smile as Emrik promised to help her search for more. Those were her favorite herb gathering trips; they could spend time together and talk, and she could explain the plants to him. I would love that, she offered softly. 

She smiled and began to lead them away from the den, shrugging a bit when he asked about Orlaith. She is mostly okay, just bruised and sore. A few scrapes that I've been keeping an eye on, but I think she'll heal fine. She hoped so anyway. 

She brushed against his side and raised an eyebrow. Do you really want to hear about my morning or are you trying to avoid talking about whatever is bothering you? she asked him. She wouldn't normally push him to talk about something before he was ready, but she couldn't stop thinking about him pacing and anxious, and she wanted to soothe whatever stress he was feeling.

He followed her, a serious expression on his face as he listened about the knight. He was worried about her, but there wasn’t much he could do. With the pups he hadn’t had much time to catch up with everyone as much as he should. Contemplating that Emrik realized how much of a hermit he really had been over the last couple of weeks. That would need to change... but maybe when he got back.

Of course he couldn’t fool Speedy, the woman knew him to well. Of course he knew that she had seen through his little act. They had known each other all their lives. They simply couldn’t keep anything from the other anymore.

But.... he was still put on the spot by her bold questioning. Normally they would talk at great lengths about their mornings. Not that either was ever exceptionally interesting, but the mere act of speaking with each other brought them both great happiness. They were best friends after all, had been from the very beginning, and he hoped they would be forever.

His cheeks flushed with colour, obscured by his fur, but there. This tickling sensation in his paws was to serious a topic to merely brush over by talking about their routine. It was time to come clean. ”I have something that I want to run by you. Now I want you to know that I haven’t made a decision if I’m going to do anything, I wanted to speak with you first.” Like he had said she was his best friend and his life partner, he couldn’t make a decision like this without consulting her first, he could be gone for a couple months, and he needed her advice. He let the cliffhanger hang for a moment, collecting his thoughts (not for dramatic purposes).

She did feel a little bad forcing him to talk about his troubles, but her intentions were good at least; she just wanted to help. But of course, he didn't take much probing, and she watched him with concern as he began to speak. It seemed like he had been mulling over a decision for an unknown amount of time, and it must be something pretty important if he felt he needed to run it by her before deciding anything. Of course, he could just need her input; they often sought each other's opinions about the things that were going on in their lives. They had been best friends long before they were mates and co-parents, and they valued each other's view on the world—she was certainly grateful to have him to bounce things off of, especially if she felt she was being too sensitive about something 

Okay, she said gently. What's up?

He was once again reminded of why he loved this woman so much. She waited patiently as he thought through how he wanted to explain how he was feeling, and he felt comfortable sharing with her. But he still afraid to hurt her.

”I’m a scout.” He started, hesitantly, ”Just like you’re a medic. Helping people, healing people brings you happiness and fulfillment.” It wasn’t often that Emrik was wise, but it’s timing that counts. ”I, as a scout, enjoy exploring unknown territory, and expanding the pack understanding of our surroundings. Like for example, we have a bear living next door. Maybe if I had scouted more around the territory we could have noticed the bear sooner.” Emrik explained, well more like stuttered and stumbled along.

”I guess what I’m saying is... something is missing, Speedy.” Emrik’s head dropped slightly at the admission, ”I feel so stuck, so trapped. Like my life has just become some monotone routine day in and day out.” He paused in their walk, frustrated with himself and how he was feeling. I just... I’m still young Speedy. I’m not an old man who wants to sit around all day. I just I feel like I’m meant for more.” As he stumbled through his feelings and emotions, he never fully got to the actually point of his plan, but being so jumbled he didn’t really notice.

She nodded along as he spoke. He was a scout, and she knew he liked exploring. She had honestly been so busy that she hadn't made a point to encourage him to take trips away from the territory. And the selfish side of her was glad to have him around—he was a reassuring constant in her life; she knew she could always count on him to be there. But there was the problem—she wasn't considering who he was and what he needed out of life. She had taken him for granted.

She had taken him for granted, and now he wanted out. He wanted to leave, just like Acheron had left, and just like the twins had left; she was the common denominator there. Maybe if she was less focused on helping others and more focused on her family, they wouldn't feel the need to find fulfillment elsewhere. She felt like she couldn't breath. Never in a million years would she have guessed that Emrik didn't want to be with her anymore. Their relationship was the one thing she allowed herself to count on being there the rest of their lives. And how would she explain it to the children. Obviously he would visit them, but how would she tell them he didn't want to be here anymore—or well, he didn't want to be with her anymore. 

He felt stuck, trapped, like something was missing. He wasn't happy with their lives or their routines—those things brought her more happiness than she could have ever imagined. She had already stopped walking, frozen in disbelief and regret. She had driven him away just like she had driven her children away. Tears pooled in her eyes when she finally brought herself to look at him. I'm sorry, she murmured. I don't want you to be unhappy. She swallowed. I'll try to think of something to tell the kids, a tear slid down her cheek—their poor children. You can visit them anytime you'd like. Just because—her words fell away as she struggled to say it out loud. —just because we aren't together anymore, doesn't mean you can't come here and spend time with them.

I’m literally dying.... I feel like the stereotypical guy because I DID NOT see this coming.... and I’m low key panicking!!!

OMG! His jaw dropped, still reeling from what she just said. Woah woah woah! ”Hey what? What are you talking about? Aren’t together anymore. If it’s a choice between a trip away and you, Speedy I’ll always choose you. If you really don’t want me to go I’m not going anywhere.” he was very confused, she seemed heartbroken! Why would she think he would leave her??

He stepped toward her, his head dipping underneath hers to lift her head from where it had fallen. ”My trip isn’t that important to me. Not more then you and our family. I didn’t think I’d be gone for long a month maybe two. I’m sorry to make you upset, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” This is exactly what he had wanted to avoid, he had already hurt her so terribly. ”I’ve said it all wrong, haven’t I.” He smiled sadly into her scruff.

Speedy sniffled and swallowed, confused again by his words. It seemed she had misunderstood what he was saying. He didn't want to leave her, at least not permanently. He didn't want to end their marriage. He simply wanted to go out exploring for a little while and do what he had always loved to do. And now he thought she was giving him an ultimatum. 

She leaned into the affection, overcome with relief, which only made the tears flow even more. She didn't like imagining a life without him in it. She nuzzled him for a few moments while she tried to collect herself. Sniffling again, she leaned back just enough to look at him. I'm sorry. I misunderstood and thought you weren't happy being married to me. She shook her head. The tears had at least stopped now. Please, take your trip. I want you to be happy and I want you to be able to do what calls to you. It was easy to see that he felt the same way about scouting that she did about healing. I'll miss you, but I'd hate for you to feel stifled. That would certainly lead to resentment and problems between them. She replaced her face against his neck and nuzzled him, glad that this had all just been a terrible misunderstanding.