Redhawk Caldera All my life I’ve been burdened by the dreams

if/when you have time! I wanted to get this up <3

edited to wrap in towhee!

He had wanted to put it off, just for a bit.  Long enough to step about the territory some, find out what exactly he’d gotten himself into signing up for this shindig.  Unhappily, the young warden didn’t seem keen on letting him get settled in.  So he was forced to look around as they traveled.  It was a pretty place, ideal even.  Color him impressed.

@Towhee didn’t seem the small talk type, so mostly he ignored her.  The sooner they found his sister, the sooner he could shake her uncomfortable company.

”@Finley?  Frog?”  He called, not yelling, but not exactly keeping his voice down.  “Oi, sis, not sure where you are hiding, but we need to chat.”  He turned, and hearing no response, continued to search.  Hopefully she’d turn up, but if not, he was off the hook, yeah?

Fin had been in a deep sleep when the calls for her presence had rang out at the borders. She'd decided to send everyone away for the morning and take on the wildlings on her own for a little hunting lesson. It had seemed like a good idea until about 3.5 seconds in. By the end of it, she was pretty sure that none of them were any better hunters, but their resting heart rates were down 10% so that was something. She'd hung in there for a few hours, but in the end had called @Orca and @Lagan back in to take over for her so she could get some very much needed recovery time on her own.

Around the time that Colt and Towhee had begun searching for her, Finley had been standing and stretching and yawning and shaking herself awake. By the time they were near enough to call out to her, she was in the middle of attempting to lap up all of the water in the creek while still half asleep. Her ears twitched at the sound of her name on a familiar voice, but it struck so naturally upon her that she only rolled her eyes and continued to drink. It wasn't until the voice continued that her sleepy brain slowly tapped upon itself to gently point out the fact that, though hearing this particular voice was something she was almost overly accustomed to in the past, she had not heard since in quite some time, so she should probably freak the fuck out right about now.

And shit. You know, it did have a point. No one called her Frog anymore.

Finley blinked, freezing mid-drink with her tongue stuck out of her open mouth. Her eyes shot back past her shoulder as she slowly shut her mouth and turned her head. The voice was coming somewhere beyond a ridge at her back, and the sound of pawsteps told her that it was coming closer. For one, wild moment, she considered running for it. And I mean running for it. Like, bye-kids-and-mate-and-pack-and-all-the-things-that-meant-everything-to-her level running for it.Some, inexplicable, unnameable emotion kept her standing still though. Long enough for her to trick herself into thinking she was imagining things, straighten, and call out.

"I'm imagining this, right?" she said, still a little hoping she was talking to no one and adding in a softer voice, "Please tell me I've completely lost my mind right now."

Colt was beginning to think she really did peace out on him, which would make everything a hell of a lot less awkward for him.  He hadn't reached the point of regretting the decision of coming here, but the situation was starting to really sink in.  After all of these years, their last conversation was still fresh as ever in his mind, and he was going to have to follow that up.

What the fuck was he thinking?

It was too late to turn back, even if he wanted to consider it.  There was no way he was bailing with Towhee's annoying presence on his ass, and there was no way he was going to let his sister scare him off.  Blackthorns didn't run; they stared whatever wanted them to run in the face and generally paid the consequences.  Which, if you think about it, was a pretty terrible family mantra.

He was trying to work out what he might even start saying when he heard that oh-so-familiar voice answer, and immediately everything he'd thought of fled the scene.  His traitor mind went absolutely blank, and he jolted to a stop.  Panic mode, activate.  He wasn't close enough to see her, but barely caught the second part of what she said.

At length, the only thing he thought to give back was a stupid quip, but hey, it was better than standing there like an idiot.  "If you did, guess that makes two of us."  Because why else would he have thought it was a good idea to come here?

And that was it.  That was all he had.

Oh fuck. She wasn't imagining this...

Finley's entire body tensed as the voice responded to her with a sharp-tongued quip that she herself probably would have made were the roles reversed. And that's how she knew that this was no cruel trick of her mind. This was her brother - the only one who'd ever been able to speak her language so easily.

What the fucking fuck.

"What. The fucking fuck," she barked, agreeing with me complete as her legs began to tremble, "Colt??" Her chocolate eyes darted across the ridge, seeking him. She couldn't see him yet, but she couldn't bring herself to move in pursuit of him. So, Fin just stood there, staring, and waiting. She wasn't physically frozen in place, of course. But she knew her brother probably better than she knew herself, and so she knew for a fact that if she didn't go to him, there was still a 50/50 shot that he'd spare them both the awkwardness and make a run for it.

This was stupid.  It had been, what, three years?  Four?  He didn't even know at this point.  And they were going to just yell at each other from out of sight?  No.  Even if he had nothing to say at the moment, he was going to at least say nothing to her face.

Steeling himself with a nonchalant face, he trotted in the direction of her voice, all the while internally flipping shit in that oh-my-god-how-was-this-going-to-end-up way.  Kiss and make up?  Beat the shit out of each other?  Do the latter and then the former?

And then she was there in front of him.  He stopped, taking her in.  She looked the same; older, of course, but still.  Time hadn't changed her so much he didn't recognize her, and he imagined it had to be similar for him.  Hell, he'd aged beautifully.  If anything he'd improved.

"Hey, sis.  Long time no see."  Had he even ever prepared for what would happen if he'd run into her?  He couldn't say he had, it had been such an unlikely thing.  "I hear I'm an uncle?"  As if this might stop her from immediately kicking him to the curb.  Or running off into the sunset.  Honestly it was the first thing that popped into his mind, because he still couldn't quite believe she'd ever actually had kids.  Finley.  A mom.  It was so fucking weird.

Fin gawked at her brother as he did the same to her. Her eloquent query hung between them for a beat before he greeted her as though she hadn't just sworn at him repeatedly. Also as if this wasn't completely unexpected and mind-blowingly weird. She had never expected to see him again. She'd nearly died with the thought that their past issues would go unresolved and he would never know how sorry she was about their falling out. The thought had broken her heart. At the time.

"Oh yeah, eight times over," Fin replied with a sudden smile and brief moment of makebelieve calm, "My mate and I are just starting to discuss having our fourth litter together maybe in the Spring, but you know, we've got to prepare our pack for the coming Winter and we're having some issues with the neighbors that need to be worked out and what are you doing here, Colt?" Her tone changed at the last bit - I think you can imagine it without much description from me.

"How did you get here?" Fin continued, "What are you... Why?" The avoidance-of-emotional-conflict thing had been part of their shared characteristics - one of the reasons they'd gotten along so famously when they were younger. It didn't occur to Finley that while she had grown into a mature(ish) adult, her brother may have done the same. Maybe in a different situation when said brother wasn't staring right at her, she might have considered it a possibility. But standing in his presence, Fin found herself reverting straight back into who she'd been back when they were the best of friends - inseparable, unconditionally loyal, true partners in crime. Complete fucking morons. And complete fucking morons simply could not fathom emotional growth, which left the question... Why?

Eight!? Well, fuck, El and her had been busy, hadn't they.  Not particularly fond of dwelling in that direction, he let it pass as her completely domestic and decidedly un-Finley tirade washed over him.  Litters, winter, neighbors. 

He was definitely staring like an idiot now, absolutely thrown but how god damned grown up she sounded, but that familiar tone slip brought him back around.  This was more the Finley he knew - the sister who didn't stop to consider things like den decor or baby names.  "I..."  He almost went with something non-comittal.  I fancied a walk and ended up here.  Thought I'd check out what's in your flat mountain thing.  Anything that wasn't actually real or deep or something they didn't generally discuss because who did feelings anyway?

But he stopped before he started.  Now that he was here, he found he didn't really want to leave.  It was nice to see her again, even after all these years and all that had happened.  Maybe especially after.

"You know me; I don't do regrets."  He finally said with a tight grin, shrugging.  "I did the wandering thing, even almost settled down once, crazy enough.  It didn't work out.  But it did get me thinking that maybe I missed my family, some."  Slowly his town grew more subdued, and he finally glanced to meet her eye momentarily.  "Look, Fin.... I'm sorry."  He normally hated saying it, but just this once, it felt nice.  Probably because it had been stewing a good long while.  Ever since he'd paused to take a long hard look at everything that had happened, since his head had cooled and he'd been able to catch a glimpse of her side of it all.

There had been something rather satisfying about watching the look on Colt's face as she'd yammered on about the average, domestic woes of the typical pack alpha-mom. She remembered them scoffing at their own parents who were so consumed by parenting their many, many children and with running the pack. Considering how anti- everything about their parents they had been when they were young, it was no wonder Colt was so shocked to hear their own mother's words spilling so casually from her mouth. How time does change things.

She had not anticipated Colt's response to her question. She quirked a brow as he began to speak of regrets, canting her head as he continued to talk about nearly settling down and actually missing his family. It felt like some sort of trick... But when he said the words I'm sorry.... Finley knew it was a trick.

"What's going on with you?" Fin asked, staring shrewdly at him, "Do you need something? You dying of some incurable disease and you think my medic can save you? Are you in over your head with your bookie? Are you on the run?" Until this point, she hadn't realize her brother could even pronounce the word sorry.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting as far as responses went, but it definitely wasn’t this.  Yet, as she questioned him, it made perfect sense.  Of course she’d think that.  And what could he say back? That he was having some kind of weird mid-life crisis? That he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing anymore? That he’d been mad and taken it out on her when he should have had her back like a brother was meant to?

“You got me,” he shook his head and grinned sheepishly.  “Got a pretty nasty buck on my tail, actually.  Guess I jacked one too many antlers from the fellow and he’s looking to get me to pay up.”

Fin may have backed him into a corner, giving him no option but to respond with sarcasm and jokes, but still she gave Colt an unimpressed look as he responded. His stalling did, however, give her time to consider further what he'd said before this transgression. Though her suspicion didn't soften, the cold, bewildered emotion running rampant inside of her did. No, it didn't make any sense for Colt to suddenly be here, out of the blue, apologizing for what had happened. But as Fin considered it further, that wasn't necessarily because she didn't think her brother capable.

"I just.. I'm not sure why you'd be sorry," Fin breathed after a long, probably awkward, moment of silence. On some level, she had accepted that what Hawkin had done was not her fault. To say that she'd forgiven herself was a bit of a stretch, but she had accepted that there'd been nothing that she could have done to prevent it. But all of that being what it was, Finley had never stopped feeling guilty for being the reason Colt had lost such a close friend. The two consequences were somehow disconnected in her conscience, and while she could accept the one, she never really had the other. Maybe she was just super fucked up in the head. Or maybe it had always just been somehow more okay to hurt herself than it was to hurt her favorite brother.

Well hey, that meant he was off the hook, right? That shitty part of his brain that was always ready gave an internal, mocking cheer, but he stifled it.  There were times to be an ass and there were times to bite the bullet and attempt some amount of decency.  This conversation was going somewhere and he wasn't about to screw it up by mouthing off.

Not yet at least.

"Because I was a shit brother.  I was mad and I didn't know who at, so I took it out on the only one I could."  Then he snorted.  "Though you let me get away with it pretty easily, so I guess it is part your fault."

Fin was quiet as she waited for him to respond, her mind stilling in that short moment. It seemed like a pretty good time for her to be mentally reeling with memories of the past and anxious questions about what he was about to say. But it wasn't. It was just silent, waiting for her brother to fill the unexpected void in her brain.

It wasn't as bad as she'd expected, nor was it as uncomfortable. She smirked, chuckling briefly before her expression fell again. "You know I didn't mean for... And that if I'd known, I wouldn't have..." she said hesitantly, never quite finishing a single one of her sentiments - not even the last, "And that I'm really..." Sorry had never and would never feel like enough, and so that word was actually left out intentionally.

She didn't rise at the words, or fling them back at him with righteous (and possibly deserved) anger.  For the first time since showing up, Colt caught the sense that maybe, maybe, they could fix this.  This whole time they'd joked as they had, but he hadn't really held hope.  Maybe she was as ready to move on as he was.

But once again, she was letting it happen.  Taking the blame for something that wasn't her fault, much as his idiot self had pinned it on her years ago.  Old habits die hard, and for as tough as his sister was, she could be a real numbskull sometimes.

"He was wrong.  Not you." Colt said firmly.  It came easily now from him, and he figured he'd known it from the start, though it had taken a good many months to sink in through the betrayal and pain.  Losing a best friend sucked, and losing him for such a shitty reason sucked moreso. "He was messed up.  I didn't realize it, but he was."  He'd blamed himself for a while after he stopped blaming her.  But now that was gone too.  He'd made his choice, and nothing they could have done would have changed it.  Not really.

"I've missed you, Frog," he said finally, quieter, looking at her.  They were so fucking old now.

Colt dismissed her apology, and any argument that rose up in her disappeared before it even reached her throat. She was tired of fighting over what had happened. Hell, she was just tired of fighting with him period. Too many years had gone by and Fin had grown too old and too wise (lolrite) to keep the emotion up anymore. It was time to let it go. Maybe not all of the guilt, but enough of it to be able to move forward now with her former partner in crime.

A smile slowly slid across her muzzle and she gave a nod, saying without words that she had missed him as well. She held the look for a moment before it became too much for her and she shook her head and gave him a wry, smirking frown. "See, we were so close just there and you had to go and ruin by calling me that awful name," Fin chided him, rolling her eyes. "That's still some real bullshit that you get an awesome as fuck name like Colt and I get stuck with Frog. Mom and Dad definitely liked you better."

And with that, the tension was lifted, and they were back.

"Maybe they just foresaw how awesome I'd be, and how froggish you'd turn out," he said, grinning.  It was suddenly like they'd never left.  Some things had changed though.  "I suppose I have to be a little nice to you, though, seeing as you're the big boss around here.  How'd you manage to rook them into that mistake?"

Despite the glibness, he was impressed, and curious how she'd come to lead here.  It was nice digs, despite the apparent neighbor troubles.

Finley frowned at her brother and rolled her eyes. "You hop around everywhere for a couple of weeks when you're two months old and you're labeled froggish for the rest of your life..." she moaned, shaking her head before Colt turned the conversation. A small smirk played across her lips as he pointed out her rank and she remembered that she was his alpha now. Oh the fun she could have with this...

"Well, everyone just adored me so much, they simply demanded that I accept the rank," she answered with a nonchalant shrug before grinning, "Actually. That's not too far from the truth... When I got to the area, I joined a pack East of here and became close with the alpha. He took a mate and they left to start the pack here and I joined them. At that time, they made me their beta, and then when they passed away last year, Elwood and I kind of just inherited the place."

"Ah,  By default then.  Now that makes sense," he said, mischief now lighting up his expression once more.  "Poor chaps didn't have any other choice, did they?  Though they haven't all run off, so at least you've got that."  He sidled up to her, mock serious.  "Don't worry sis, I'll try not to ruin your reputation too much."  He winked, though silently he knew he would behave a bit.  Not too much, of course; she'd always be Frog in his eyes.  But he'd always been ok with running second fiddle to a lead wolf, and if that lead happened to be his sister; well, he could deal with that.

He mocked. Of course he mocked. Fin smirked at him anyway, well practiced at not taking these comments too seriously.

"Eh, I assumed my reputation was fucked the moment I saw you walking up," Fin replied with a shrug. Her brows furrowed thoughtfully for a moment before she added, "Who let you in anyway?" and then another pause before, "Oh crap, you aren't trespassing are you? Does my goddaughter know you're here? We need to hide you - she is gonna fuck you up if you're here without permission, and lord knows I ain't vouchin' for you."

He eyed her.  "That the extremely welcoming one I met on the borders? Y'know I'm charming as hell.  No worries." Hah.  She'd barely let him by, but thanks to that good ol Blackthorn stripe (and an assist from old El) he'd slid on through.  

"She was actually here, though apparently we scared her off."  He glanced about, not seeing his initial escort anywhere.

wanna fade this one out since we have new? :)

Fin's face broke into a smile at her brother's response to her warning. So, he had met Towhee. There could be no other that matched that description within her ranks. "That's my girl," she answered proudly, for once highly pleased with the way her goddaughter apparently had treated a stranger, even if the stranger had been her brother. Especially since the stranger had been her brother.

"I'm sure she just got sick of your company," she replied with a shrug, "You can't blame her."

sounds good!

Colt eyed Finley with a clear look that said 'Yeah right' and shook his head, but smiled.  He could handle the teasing in stride; it was part of their natural rhythm.  It was the ones who didn't jest that he had a hard time picking up on.

"So you got children and godchildren? Who the fuck entrusted their kids to you?" he asked good naturedly, then prepared to either hear a story or a request to please fuck himself.