Bearclaw Valley pickin' me a bouquet of dogwood flowers

the sun had begun poking through the clouds once more and the steady fall of snow had come to an end.  in the deepest recesses of wapun meadow, where the snow couldn't touch and the sunlight fell, wildflowers had begun to bloom in a swath of pastels.

she collected them, pulling them gently from the ground and carrying them delicately between her jaws.  she had seen the gesture a precious few times and she wanted to get it right.

she swept back through the meadow, her strides long and sweeping and her gaze cautious; she did not wish to be this far from the protection of the valley but she felt it necessary to make it up to her protector somehow.  

she returned to the mouth of the valley and started doing the one-two-step: placing one front paw in the valley and then backing back out, her eyes wide with apprehension.  two paws.  one paw.  bravely, she pushed herself and placed all four of her paws in the valley walls and when the girls did not immediately round upon her she sought out @Xan, wildflower bouquet in tow.

Whilst his friend was just making her way into the valley, he had started trekking towards the entrance. The lack of presence—the sight of her, her scent—within the valley walls kept him from being able to ease away from his concern; he didn’t like her being so close to the outside world, so far from protection, especially after everything. But his disliking of the situation alone did not allow him to force her to remain at his side. It was, in part, due to everything that he couldn’t do that, worried about pushing things too far and making her leave again. So he kept his desires to himself, resisting the urge to drag her deep into the valley each time he saw her.

The pathway was within his line of sight when he noticed a mass between him and it, moving towards the territory’s heart. At first, he bristled and his pace increased, unable to see her features from where he was. Yet the moment he realised who it was, his fur smoothed down and he gave a few slow sweeps of his tail, the corners of his lips twitching with the threat of a smile as he proceeded towards her. And, for a moment, he forgot about everything and did not slow as he made his approach, attempting to greet her by rubbing his muzzle along her cheek, the flowers offered little attention—they could not compare to seeing her there, away from the entrance and back in their home.

he came into vision just as his hackles began to raise.  her mouth parted gently as she momentarily forgot about the flowers that she had cultivated, her ears sliding back on her crown.  

his demeanor shifted once he came closer and she returned the lazy wags of his tail.  she was assuaged for the moment, at least.  she watched as he came closer, and though she took a step back he nuzzled into her cheek.

the dark man stirred from the recesses of her mind.  the guard hairs rippled to life along her spine as her lips peeled back.  her jaws clamped shut around the yielding stems of the wildflowers, and then in a swift movement she made to knock him flat across the bridge of his muzzle with her eye teeth.

she hadn't been touched since the incident; she had not allowed anyone close enough.  her heart caught in her throat as she grounded herself — it was xan's gentle touch she had punished and not the baleful presence of the one who had hurt her.  

surely, this would hurt him.  surely she would be punished.  she had to be careful!  what if it had been indra or laurel who she had lashed out at?  she felt as if she were on thin ice already, she had to be careful!

the raven cowed before him.  she rolled over, her wrists curling up to her narrow chest as she exposed the thinning fur on her undercarriage, her tail tucked over her still inflamed vulva.  she whined desperately before flipping back over and pushing the flowers at him.  this was supposed to fix things, this was supposed to make them okay!  and she had ruined it!

At times, Xan was impulsive, and incredibly so. The patience of his parents was not something he’d managed to inherit, which had resulted in plenty of trouble being caused in his youth—something that carried over into his adult life, the consequences of his actions being shoved back at him, as was what he felt to be happening when teeth were bared and his muzzle hit. Stunned, he pulled his head back and stared at her, slowly processing what had just happened.

And then it dawned on him—

Everything that had happened, a fresh reminder tearing through his thoughts. He’d made a bad move, forcing himself next to her when he doubted he was even wanted; he knew what it was like, he understand what had happened more than he would ever admit, so why had he touched her? Retreating several steps, he let out an apologetic whine, which turned into something birthed from confusion when she rolled over. He watched her, gaze travelling from one end of her body to the other until she rolled over onto her stomach. Ears back, he dipped his head down like he might try to touch her again, only to refrain from taking even a single step forward; the reminder was all he’d needed to adjust himself, cautious and worrying.

The flowers caught his eye as they were shoved towards him, but he was hesitant. They’re not herbs, he tried to tell himself, she wouldn’t do that. Swallowing, he mimicked her position, dropping down onto his stomach and inching towards her. And although his brain screamed no! don’t touch them!, Alexander took one of the flowers in his mouth and then extended his muzzle towards her, offering it back.

she felt the confusion ripple off of him in palpable waves, and she tried to assuage him with the frantic whipping of her tail.  she would never get better if she never let anyone touch her.  she watched him retreat and her eyes grew wide.  she had done wrong, she had ruined it, just as she thought.  

he lowers himself to the ground and she licks the air in front of his muzzle before working her way to his chin, littering it in a flurry of kisses as he holds out the flower.

was there more to this bouquet-giving than she had thought?  was this some ceremony that she did not understand?

Brows scrunched together and he grew still, breath held as he felt her kisses. He really wasn’t sure what to do now. His own experience insisted that he should not touch her, that anything too sudden would scare her away, but… she was the one touching him now. What was he supposed to do? How should he react? Slowly, his tail started to thump against the ground and he left out a long breath, tilting his head closer to her.

This had to be okay. She was the one reaching out this time, he wasn’t rushing into anything—it was okay.

He hoped.

Convinced, his face smoothed out, expression rid of confusion whilst he looked at her. There was still a voice nagging at him from the recesses of his mind, telling him he was wrong and that he should be giving her some space right now, but he did what he could to ignore its ramblings. With but an ounce of hesitance, his mouth opened and the flower dropped out so that he could creep closer, attempting to draw his tongue across her cheek. He didn’t want to think about what had happened to her, he didn’t want to be held back by his own memories, he just wanted to be close to her again. And this time, he wouldn’t go anywhere—not long enough for anything to happen to her. He would protect her and look after her—look after them.

his movements were cautious enough that she did not fear him, and she steeled herself because she knew what came next.  he had missed her, she knew.  just as she missed him.  

his confusion dissipated and she eased, leaning into the slow draw of his tongue across the landscape of her jawbone.  there was something in the back of her mind, too — just because he is gentle with you does not mean that you are special — but just like before, she could not resist his constant pull.

you're not enough for him, whispers the voice.

she wriggled just barely closer, enough to where she could raise her muzzle against the bottom of his chin.  it was as close as she would — could — allow for now, but she hoped that it would put him at ease.

xan.

The moment she started to get closer, his tail began wagging quicker. When she stopped, they weren’t as close as he would have preferred, but close enough that he saw it as a step forward. He didn’t dare to try to get any closer, reminding himself that she was in control now; if she didn’t want him any closer, then he would respect that, even though he wanted the opposite.

But then she spoke—one syllable, a name—and he could barely contain himself.

An excited whine slipped out his mouth and he stretched his neck out towards her, attempting to shower her with kisses. He didn’t quite understand why, but hearing her say his name made him feel things; his heart thumped and he felt unable to do anything other than smile.

It kind of scared him.

she followed the upward quirk of his flews and it pleased her.  she wished she had more words to give him but as it stood she only knew two, and it was too late in their encounter to greet him now.

he stretched to lick her and she shifted underneath his onslaught of kisses — she liked it, but at the same time it pulled forth a plethora of emotion she wasn't sure she was ready to deal with.

she had worked hard while she was gone to detach herself for him; if he wanted other women, she had to accept that.  but she yearned for something she did not understand and the life that stirred in her womb only intensified it.

but what did she have to offer him?  she was intelligent, yes, but what was it worth if she could not share it with him?  what was she worth if she could not understand his desires?  the few words she had been taught she had caught on quickly, she held to them with gritted teeth and for now she considered it her only hope.

at one time she could have offered him her body (and for some time, until he grew tired of her and moved onto the other women in the valley, she had).  she was experienced in the pleasures of strangers and had been around the block more than xan would care to know, but now?  she couldn't let him close, or her brother, or the girls, or anyone.

her trust in him had wavered considerably for some time and although he had repaired it quickly in her rescue and protecting her from the redleaf girl... she did not know how to feel, and that kind of scared her, too.  because she had left and sought to quell her obsession with her alabaster friend, but it seemed since she had returned that her desire to be with him in more than the biblical sense (in everything but the biblical sense) had intensified tenfold.

and that scared her more, because she knew she could not have him.  and if she could, it would not last.  she couldn't satisfy him the way another woman could.

his happiness would have generally yielded a much more excited response from the raven; instead she nibbled at the cusp of his ear, absent in thought.

That which troubled her was not something he could pick up on, not entirely. He assumed her apprehension to be because of what had happened, what the man had done to her; that he played a role in it all, aside from having not been around to protect her, had yet to dawn on him, and it was unlikely that it might ever.

Eventually, his onslaught of kisses ceased and he did little more than tilt his head, tail flipping back and forth with content as she nibbled. He wanted so desperately to lay against and protect her, easily willing to give his own body if it meant shielding hers, but he refused to move. No matter how forceful his thoughts were, encouraging him to get up and move closer, he remained where he was, accepting what attention she had to offer—he’d tried to, anyways.

Before long, he rose slowly to his feet and simply stood there, staring down at her. “Come with me,” he encouraged, swinging his head to the side as he spoke. He wanted to take her a bit deeper into the valley, away from the view of the entrance and towards a place he once believed was his only home, so long ago.

they sat in silence, barely touching other than her gentle and absent minded preening.  she assumed that he was deep in his own thoughts, but soon he rose to his feet.

she continued to lay, staring back up at him before he motioned for her to follow him deeper into the valley.

she bristled, her eyes rimmed with fear.  even though he was here to protect her she doubted his capabilities if those girls were to round on her.  and although he wouldn't ever hurt her, the thought of the dark man grabbing her scruff and ripping her to her feet came to mind.

she stood.  her ears flattened to either side of her head, gentle whines emitting from deep within her throat.  she stepped towards him until they were almost touching, protect me, and then met his gaze once more.  let's go.

He saw the fear in her gaze and his ears shoved forward, glancing around immediately to check their surroundings. When he found nothing, his eyes settled back on her, brows pinched together with concern. Her whines brought forth one of his own, low and uncertain, but he did not think his intentions to be bad ones. And as she drew closer to him, he turned his head towards her so that he could deliver a quick, reassuring lick across the bridge of her muzzle—I’ll keep you safe. Just as quick as he touched her he was facing forward again, taken several slow steps as he set the pace for their trip, giving her time to adjust. He wanted to protect her and keep all horrid events from ever finding her again, even if it might someday cost him his life; it was why he existed—to lead the valley and protect all of those within it, especially those that he cared so strongly for.

Alexander kept his pace slow as they moved, guiding her along before finally stopping at what appeared to be nothing more than a mound in the otherwise flattened valley. It was not as risen from the earth as it once was, washed away and made to collapse so long ago by a great flood—but he still recognised it and, though there was not a single scent of his childhood there any longer, felt his heart ache with longing over the sight of it. It was different now, the once destroyed den’s exterior smoothed out by nature and covered in a fine layer of grass. The young evergreens that once grew near it were fuller now, aged through the few years just as he had.

And out of the corner of his eye, he swore he saw a ghost, her coat as pale as his and eyes a striking crimson—but when he turned to look, she was gone, nothing more than a figment of his imagination.

Shaking his head, he swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat and took a step closer to his mother’s old whelping den. “I was born here,” he shared, stealing a glance in her direction. “In this valley, in this den… I want our, uh… our kids born here, too.” It was hard to get the sentence out, a part of him still unable to accept that there was any truth to it—Xan, a father? Ridiculous. With another shake of his head—these thoughts were pesky ones, certain to someday drive him mad with worry—he moved away from her and placed his paws against an indentation in the earth, where once an entrance was. And without another word he began to dig, ignoring the protests of the thawing ground as he worked to dig into it, just the same as his mother once had.

he looked around before turning his gaze back to her and she found it suffocating.  she could not express to him that she was worried that this was an elaborate trap of some sort, that he would lead her somewhere under the guise of friendship and the redleaf girls would round on her and he would do nothing other than stand back and watch... though, she did not believe that to be the case.

she's just cautious after everything.  she did not know what had caused her to draw the short stick so often in life and she'd become jaded even towards those who resided in the valley's encompassing walls.

she felt the warmth of his tongue draw against her muzzle before he receded, and she appreciated the space he allowed to her to have even though she knew that he desired to touch her, to grip her with white knuckles and gritted teeth lest she slip from his grasp again and succumb to the horrors of the world.

he led her at a pace she could be comfortable with towards the heart of the valley and the further they went in the more she bristled and fret over their visibility.  finally he slowed, and showed her an area that meant nothing to her.

but it seemed to mean something to him, which of course meant that it would come to mean something to her.  catlike, she rubbed herself against the flourishing evergreen as he stood in awe of this hallowed ground, and as he spoke she returned to his side.

his words (though as always, she did not understand them) were full of emotion, choked, and her tongue flit out and brushed his chin until he started to dig.  she watched him for a moment.

she had never really appreciated him from this angle, the rippling muscles beneath his dense alabaster pelage, the slow sway of his tail as he worked.  when she finished looking, she turned her dull claws to the protesting earth and begun to dig mechanically.

So, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

Further encouraged by the lick to his chin, he’d felt a sudden burst of energy, but it had slowly started to dwindle. The ground was still fairly difficult to work with—no longer frozen solid, but still not as soft as it’d be in the spring. He regretted, momentarily, the decision to dig out the old whelping den; the more he dug, the more frustrated he got, arms and chest slowly turning from white to tan and then to brown. It took every ounce of self-control he possessed to not stop, clean himself off, and find a new place for his children to be born. He did pause, however, when he realised that she was digging, too. He hadn’t even noticed her help, having been so incredibly focused on watching his paws slam forward and pull back, over and over and over and over…

Shaking out his coat, he watched her for a few moments longer, happy. His frustration faded away and he was reminded why he’d decided to dig out the whelping den—it was his way of sharing the memory of his mother with not only his unborn children but his friend, too. It was also his way of letting her know that he’d forgiven her; wherever she was, her soul need not be burdened any longer by the weight of his rage.

His mother was free, and he felt as if a weight was lifted from his own heart.

With a few slow wags of his tail, he started digging again, this time mindful of his companion’s presence and careful not to hit her paws with his own. Again, from the corner of his eye, he could’ve sworn he saw something move, only this time it brought a faint, knowing smile to his lips.

***

The digging was done in silence, with several breaks spread out from start to finish. The passage of time went unnoticed and his joy was unhindered when they finally broke through the earth; although some of the den had fallen victim to the storm and collapsed, it seemed as if that could not be said for the entirety of it. Peering into the darkness, he was perfectly still, right before crawling through the opening and into the den, using his body to widen the entryway further. He moved around within there for a few moments, testing the stability, before exiting and stepping to the side of the entrance. With an unspoken expectancy shining in his eyes, he went back and forth with his muzzle, pointing it at Reigi and then to the entrance, trying to encourage her.

Perhaps he was a little more excited that he should be, but he couldn’t contain himself. Would she like it? Would she accept it? His mother had liked the location enough to dig the den originally, so surely it had some sort of positives going for it other than having once housed the young alpha himself.

it was dirty and difficult work, but they managed it together.  her companion's mood seemed to lift considerably and it put her at ease, the methodical digging giving her mind something to focus on other than paranoia.

there was no trap here, no game or ploy.  he cared about her, she realized, although she had yet to discover how deep his affections ran.  her own obsession with the alpha had been crushed during her absence and in its place had stirred something more dangerous and genuine.

she had never seen his pristine coat so dirty before and as their digging came to an end and he pushed himself inside the earth she could not help but laugh.  surely he would want to get cleaned up soon.

he motions at her to come inside the den with him and she succumbs to his will (as she always would), comforted by its close walls.  maybe, for some time, she would make her bed here instead of at the boulder.

she presses a paw against the distending of her abdomen as a cramp ripples through her body — their children were growing larger, her already short fur beginning to thin.  once it has subsided she looks to him again with a breathy smile, and from the deepest recesses of her mind comes two words.  us, she says, motioning between herself and her companion, rewarding his efforts with a peppering of kisses.  she  looks to her abdomen and then back at his dual toned eyes, and with a slow but excited wag of her tail, she breathes we.

The sound of her laughter brought a grin to his lips. Then she entered the den and his tail started wagging a mile per minute, weight shifting from side to side with excitement. She didn’t seem to be bothered by the small space, nor anything else about the den, which made him glad; he wondered what his mother would have thought, had she been there with them now. The way her paw pressed against her abdomen snapped him right out of his thoughts, a combination of concern and interest flickering through his expression. Was she okay? He stepped toward her, head low and muzzle pointed towards her stomach, planning to press his nose against her underbelly—but the sound of her voice stopped him dead in his tracks, frozen right where he stood for a nice, solid few seconds.

Us.

It rang through his thoughts as his head snapped back up and he stared at her, an array of emotions shifting through his eyes as if they were projecting a slide show; concern, joy, surprise, and so many more. He couldn’t move, even as he was littered with kisses. His eyes followed her, looking where she looked, following the to and fro motion of her tail—

We.

His tail began to sway, matching hers, but it wasn’t long before the speed had increased nearly tenfold. “Yeah,” he praised, an uncontrollable grin spread across his lips. “Ours.” Just as the word left his mouth, so did the self-control over his body, and he found himself quickly closing the distance between them. He tried to bury his muzzle in the fur covering the side of her neck, caring not about the potential of teeth meeting his flesh. He was too overjoyed to even think that far ahead, the decision to give her space having flown right out the window. In his mind, she understood it all: what was happening to her, how strongly he cared, how much it all meant to him, and so on. He was too caught up in the moment to think of much more than her and how she was his.

the den was a hallowed place where the dark man could not reach her.  she was swept easily into his joyous embrace, her mouth finding the yielding bulb of his ear.

she did not know where this newfound confidence came from (and she did not know it would later recede; healing is not linear) but she grips it with greedy white knuckles and guards it with flashing teeth, using this bravery to breach a question she wasn't quite sure how to articulate.

she gave her head one vigourous shake, yes, and she tured to him with her eyes glistening, expectant.  us,  she said with a heavy tone, gesturing between herself and her companion.  she did not want to grow close again, she did not want to have to worry her feelings if he did not return them.  she wanted to be able to suffocate them here and now lest she grow more attached to the man who had, so far in her life, offered her everything she knew.

but on the off chance that he did want her, that she would be enough for him.. she wanted to know that, too.

There was something new in her eyes—or perhaps he’d just never taken notice to it before. It wasn’t bad but it did make his stomach twist, suddenly nervous; he didn’t know from where the feeling stemmed, nor how he might ease the growing tensions within his body. But then she spoke—he was getting used to her voice, almost craving it—and everything seemed to click into place, even if, consciously, he was unaware of it. Tentatively, his tail started to sway and he could feel the corners of his lips pulling upwards. It didn’t make sense to him, not perfectly, but he felt a response brewing within the depths of his conscience long before he mimicked her: “Us.”

Should she allow it, Alexander would proceed forward to press his muzzle against her neck. “Mine,” he declared, pulling away just long enough to search for her gaze. She was his friend—she had been his friend. He couldn’t ignore how he felt more for her, how her presence alone excited him, and how he felt he could trust her with anything. He wanted her all to himself, to protect and care for—to love and cherish.

his posessive rumbling excited her.  she grinned, playfully meeting his gaze before she stood on her tiptoes and pressed the top of her crown to his throat, her eyes closing in bliss.

this was a place where THE DARK MAN could never touch her.  this was a place for herself and her friend mate, and their future progeny.

mine, she asserted, her nose grazing his dirty fur.  it was a simple word to many but it meant the world to her — it meant that he was hers and hers alone, and that she committed herself to only alexander.  behind her were her days of promiscuity (and she hoped this meant they would be for him as well).  behind her was running away.  every feeling for him she had forced away came back in full-force — he had given her everything, and now he had given her himself, too.

she ushered him to lay down by flopping on the ground, and so long as he followed she would begin to work down his body as she nestled into his limbs, clearing his pelt of the dirt and grime that had accumulated during their digging.

that was how they finished the evening — together, cleaning each other's pelts and soaking up whatever joy they could hold onto.