Redhawk Caldera damaged

The only thing that Pantaleimon really wanted, in this moment, was for Perry to say that he would help her work on her issues and that they could make it work, somehow -- that he'd help Pan accept the guy inside of her, and that she could learn to feel more like the male that she was. It was perhaps not the most honest answer and solution, but it was what Pan wanted, desperate not to lose everything that she had accumulated here. Besides, it did sound pretty crazy now that they were talking about it. Ironically, it seemed that she was beginning to think it was a more crazy thought than Perry, who still seemed to want to help her accept... well, whatever part of the story she wanted to accept.

Turning off her feelings was perhaps not a real option, but that's why she had to learn. It would take time, surely, but she had pretended her whole life minus the first couple of months... Why did she have to go and make it complicated by stopping now, of all times to choose?

Pantaleimon swallowed dryly while she tried to think of what would make her happy. She didn't even really know, because everything that she really wanted were all things that she could never have. "When I'm with you, it's... It's like it all doesn't matter what I am or what I feel like," Pan muttered. "Like you don't really think of me as Pan the dude, but - but just... y'know... Pan." She just wanted to be a person. She hated it how everybody saw her as a timid, unmasculine guy. All she wanted to be seen as was someone, without all the definitions. Perhaps being seen as a "she" was a bit too far a goal to shoot for, but there wasn't exactly a grey area she could aim for.

Realising she had not really answered Perry's question with her answer, Pan opened her mouth again. She wasn't sure what to say, though, and so she searched for words with an open mouth and thoughtful frown on her face. Everything felt so confusing and tangled right now that it was hard to think about what she really wanted, within the limitations of reality.