Redhawk Caldera damaged

this post feels so awkward with the shift, but it just sort of happened while writing the post. i guess pan is still figuring out things for her-/himself! ^^;

The gesture with which Peregine reached out meant a lot to Pantaleimon, and she smiled and briefly pressed her nose against his cheek while she considered everything they were discussing. Peregrine did the same, although out loud. It was strange, yet amusing, for Pantaleimon to hear him talk that way, because Perry always seemed so sure of what he wanted and needed in life, and he never seemed to doubt everything he did and said like Pan did. The fact that he seemed doubtful now meant that he was putting a lot of thought and effort into this, too.

Peregrine reminded Pan that she was allowed to take up the Redhawk name then, and asked if she wanted to be named Mr or Ms Redhawk. Pan considered it for a moment, because she still wasn't so sure. She felt like a lady most of the time, but perhaps Perry was right: perhaps there was too much emphasis on gender, anyway.

"I dunno if I want to be a mister or miss Redhawk..." Pantaleimon said and she sought eye contact with Perry. A smile broke across Pantaleimon's face as she said: "Maybe for now, I just... Want to be a Redhawk." Life was confusing enough as it was, wasn't it? Pan wasn't sure why she had to go and make it even more confusing for herself. With that, Pantaleimon decided to try out a new chapter in her life; a new chapter in his life. Pan was not sure he wanted to be a male, but then again, he'd never really come to terms with his biological sex either -- had never tried. Maybe it was time to start trying and see what time would teach him. It didn't matter if the result would be that Pantaleimon still felt female, or if he embraced being a -- albeit timid, soft sort of -- male, or if he would never quite feel like a male at all, but neither would want others to see him as female. It was time to find out, and for the first time, Pantaleimon allowed himself to feel these feelings, and realise that it was okay to doubt and figure things out.

After a thoughtful pause, he added: "And your mate -- I mean, uhm --" Pan felt his face heat up as he hastily corrected himself: "-- lover!" Pan akwardly grinned at Perry, not having intended the slip of the tongue. He wasn't sure if there was any difference between being someone's mate and someone's lover -- he'd never had either -- but perhaps Peregrine put his weight differently, and Pan hadn't intended to suggest that he wanted to take Fox' place.